As the plane lazily approached California, Hawkeye rested his head wearily on the seat in front of him. No one would have ever thought being on a crowded plane could make you feel so alone. All these strangers, heading home from relaxing vacations, business trips, or conferences in Japan, had no way of knowing that he had just spent the last three years of his life in hell. No one could have guessed it just by looking at him. Of course, he looked exhausted, a little thin, and far greyer in his hair than most people his age, but overall, Hawkeye didn't exactly look like he just walked out of hell and boarded a flight headed stateside. For the first time in three years, it was quiet. Relief washed over Hawkeye when he closed his eyes and heard nothing except the quiet chatter of the other passengers. There was no shelling, no choppers, no announcement of incoming wounded, there was just silence. As he began to briefly dose off, he heard it. In the back of the plane, a baby was crying. Hawkeye felt himself tense, refusing to open his eyes. What if this was a dream? What if he wasn't really headed home on a plane, where crying babies should be? What if he was still on that bus? His eyes flew open and he bolted upright, surveying his surroundings. The baby had quit crying by this point. Finally, his eyes landed on the young woman two rows from the back nursing her infant. Relieved, Hawkeye sunk back into his seat refusing to close his eyes again. Just in case going home was a dream, he didn't want to sleep through any of it.
Before he left, BJ offered to have Peg and Erin meet him at the airport to pass the time before his connecting flight. Joking that he wasn't sure he would be able to resist taking Peg home with him if she was really as wonderful as BJ had described her, Hawkeye declined his offer. Instead, Radar, who was spending some time in California with his mother, would meet Hawkeye when he landed. Secretly, Hawkeye couldn't tell Beej that he didn't want Peg and Erin to meet him because he didn't think he could handle being around Erin. Hawkeye knew BJ wanted him to meet his family, but Hawkeye was scared. Of all the things the war had taken from him, he was terrified that he would never even be able to look at any kid, including Erin Hunnicutt, without being haunted by that baby. Hawkeye chuckled to himself. He had never been one to give much thought to marriage or to being a father himself, but he'd never truly opposed the idea, he had just been putting it off. But now, he would never have what BJ had, the war took that from him. Of all the lives lost in the war, a baby took away any hope for a stereotypical American family he had had. Worst of all, Hawkeye didn't blame the war for any of this. Sure, that baby and its mother wouldn't have been on that bus had it not been for the war, but it wasn't the war's fault that Hawkeye let that baby die. Deep down, no matter what Sidney said, Hawkeye knew he could have done something more. He could have taken the baby and calmed it himself. As the sun dipped below the ocean, Hawkeye leaned his head against the rigid cold window, feeling exhausted from all the what ifs.
As the plane landed, Hawkeye finally realized how tired he was. He was tired of sitting in the same uncomfortable plane seat next to strangers. He was tired of uneasy sleep, interrupted by panic inducing nightmares. He was tired of wounded and meatball surgery. Even though the war was over, Hawkeye was especially tired of the army. He was never a fan of the army in the first place, but now he was just tired. He didn't really care much either way if he was in the army or not anymore, he just wanted to go home and sleep. As he stepped down from the steps descending from the plane to the tarmac below, Hawkeye caught a glimpse of Radar in his Class A's waving. Hawkeye chuckled dryly. Surely even Radar must be tired of him and all the army made them do. Without much more than a nod of acknowledgement, Hawkeye grabbed his luggage and headed over to where Radar stood. Even the army luggage was tired he thought to himself. He tried to smile and crack a joke once he was within ear shot of Radar, but he knew his jokes were tired and his smile looked more pained than anything. There was nothing he could do but feel tired.
Radar had spent the last few days of his vacation in California telling his mom how great Hawkeye was. Mrs. O'reilly laughed as her boy told her for the fifteenth time how much of a great doctor this Hawkeye character was, and she was sure she would be able to recognize the charismatic man her son raved about from a mile away. The man approaching her, and Radar looked and acted nothing like than man she expected. This man looked worn out and miserable, like he was haunted by something. When he was close enough, he tried to act like the man her son told her about, but any mother could see through his charade. Before Radar even had the chance to introduce them, Mrs. O'reilly wrapped Hawkeye in a hug, wordlessly telling him that he was finally home.
At her unexpected embrace, Hawkeye briefly stiffened, surprised to be hugged by someone he only knew from stories Radar used to tell, and a little afraid that he was still dreaming. Finally, Hawkeye returned her embrace. Smiling, he broke away to finally face Radar
"Say Radar, I might just have to marry your ma here. She's wonderful and you would make a fantastic son."
Hawkeye cringed. He knew he would never be able to be a father, so why was he joking about it now?
Mrs. O'Reilly's eyes crinkled with laughter as she looked at her flustered son as he tried to respond to Hawkeye
"But Hawk! She's my ma! You can't marry her sir!"
Hawkeye laughed as he embraced Radar.
"I know, I know. She's all yours. Tell me, how has Iowa been treating you? I'm starved. Why don't you tell me all about the farm over lunch? Shall we?"
Hawkeye rambled grabbing his bags and heading towards the food court. He knew Radar and his mom were telling him everything that had been happening in their lives for the past several months. He nodded, smiled, laughed and asked questions when necessary, but mostly Hawkeye thought about how tired he was. Eventually, his thoughts drifted from the story about Radar's newborn calf back to that baby. As they were eating, he spotted a baby sitting on its mother's lap a few tables away from them. Its eyes seemed to plead with him, "Why couldn't you save me? Why didn't you do something?"
"Captain Pierce? Are you alright?" Mrs. O'Rielly asked worriedly.
"Oh? Yes, sorry. There's a very pretty baby over there." Hawkeye smiled and waved at the baby, instantly cringing at the effort it took him to do so.
Mrs. O'rielly chuckled worriedly, sensing that Hawkeye wasn't actually all there with them. "Oh, I totally get that babies are wonderful. Radar was telling me you are headed home to Crabapple Cove. Do you have a wife and baby waiting for you there?" When she saw him stiffen at the mention of a baby, Mrs. O'reilly hoped that she hadn't said something she shouldn't have. Maybe his wife and child had left him during the war, Radar hadn't said anything so she wouldn't have known either way.
Before Hawkeye could answer, Radar spoke up "Ma, I told you Hawk wasn't married. Not that he couldn't be if he wanted to be, but he's not yet. He's the one who taught me everything I know about women." Radar winked at Hawkeye earning himself a chuckle as his mom blushed.
"Don't worry, I only taught your son how to be a proper gentleman with the ladies." Not wanting to continue the subject further, Hawkeye glanced down at his watch and reasoned that it would be appropriate to head to his next flight.
"Mrs. O'reilly, Radar, it has been lovely dining with you both, but I'm afraid I must be going. Crabapple Cove is waiting, and I mustn't miss my flight." Hawkeye rose from his chair shaking the hands of both of his companions.
"Hey Hawk, it was good to see you again." Radar said, returning his handshake enthusiastically "You'll have to visit us sometime. Stay in touch, won't you?"
"Oh, I don't know if I'll ever leave Maine ever again" Hawkeye laughed "but I'll keep in touch. If you are ever in Crabapple Cove, stop by. Dad makes the best lobster you'll ever eat."
With a final hug, Hawkeye grabbed his bags and headed for his terminal. He was alone again, and he felt less lonely than he had visiting the old company clerk and his mother. Hawkeye boarded his plane headed for Portland, Maine, and he waited. Even though he was excited to see his dad again, Hawkeye was sick of all the waiting he had been doing. Ever since he got to Korea, he had been waiting to be sent home but now that he was headed there, he found himself waiting to forget Korea. He wasn't sure which was worse, the waiting, the exhaustion, or the loneliness. All three combined was almost more than Hawkeye could take. What was he even waiting for anymore? The next war to start and take him away from his home? The next kid he could've saved to die.
"Stop it. Just stop it." Hawkeye thought to himself. Why did it always have to go back to that stupid baby. Why were babies everywhere? Hawkeye didn't know so he decided to lean back and try to close his eyes for a few hours. Eventually, he must have fallen asleep. Before he knew it, he was waking up to the warm Maine sun washing through the cabin. As soon as the plane landed, Hawkeye grabbed his bags, nervous for the first time that his dad might have changed while he was gone. Walking through the crowded airport, Hawkeye finally caught a glimpse of his dad reading a newspaper. Since he saw his dad first, Hawkeye decided to play a small joke on him. Keeping an eye on him for any sign of movement, Hawkeye briskly walked to the information booth.
"Good morning sweetheart. Say, could you do a favor for me ma'am?"
"Good morning sir. Sure, I can try to be of assistance, what could I do for you?"
"I was wondering if you would mind allowing me to hide behind that desk with you for a moment while you make this quick announcement" Hawkeye asked as he scribbled a quick note on the pad of paper laying on the desk in front of him. Reading the note, he slid to her, the desk attendant laughed and quickly gestured for Hawkeye to crouch behind her.
"Dr. Daniel Pierce, there's a medical emergency. Please report to the information desk. Thank you"
The desk attendant tried to stifle he laughter as the man behind her grinned from ear to ear as an older version of the grinning man threw down his newspaper startled that he was being paged. Quickly, Dr. Pierce ran to the desk, believing that there was a medical emergency he would be assisting with.
"I'm Dr. Daniel Pierce" the older man introduced himself "there was an announcement that I was needed for a medical emergency over here?" He asked quizzically.
Suddenly, Hawkeye unfolded himself from under the desk.
"Yes sir. It appears this woman here has stolen my heart" Hawkeye laughed as his father hugged him.
"Oh, Hawkeye! It's really you, you're finally home!" Turning to the attendant, he continued rambling "I'm so sorry miss. He really shouldn't have bothered you like this. You must be terribly busy."
Laughing the attendant brushed him off "It's no bother sir. In fact, nothing this exciting ever happens while I'm here."
Finally, Daniel released his sone from his embrace and helped grab his bags, excited to finally be bringing his son home again. Hawkeye seemed hesitant to follow his father to the family car, but Daniel chalked that up to general exhaustion from being away so long. The ride home was uncharacteristically silent for Hawkeye, even if he was tired. As they turned onto their street, Daniel decided to say something.
"So, son. How are you holding up?" Hawkeye didn't answer and Daniel might've thought he had fallen asleep except he could see the tears streaming down his son's cheeks.
"Son? Is everything alright?" Daniel was starting to become worried; it wasn't like his boy to cry for anything.
Hawkeye finally looked over at his father and saw the worry in his eyes.
"Yeah dad, everything's fine. I just missed you and this old town. It's nothing to worry about." Hawkeye reassured his dad with a smile, hoping he bought it.
Even though he had been home for six months now, Hawkeye wouldn't say anything more than simple small talk. If a question couldn't be answered with yes, no, or a series of medical opinions, Hawkeye didn't answer. He knew it was breaking his father's heart to see him like this, but he didn't know what else to do. No one else had seen what he had seen or done what he had done. He was alone even in a crowded room and there wasn't much he could do about it. Even those who went through what he went through couldn't understand. BJ had his family to go home to, Col. Potter had Mildred and all his grandkids to look forward to, even Charles had somewhere waiting for him. All Hawkeye had was his father and his father didn't really need him it turned out. With Hawkeye in Korea, Daniel Pierce had taken over everything his son used to take care of for him. Not only was Hawkeye utterly alone and useless in Crabapple Cove, but he also couldn't stand being a doctor anymore. Not even a month after returning home and starting at his father's practice, Hawkeye had to watch another child die. Neither of the parents knew their son was allergic to peanuts, and neither knew what was happening when the baby started choking. They rushed him in to see a doctor as soon as possible, but it was already too late. Hawkeye did everything he could, but he couldn't save the little boy. He knew this boy's death wasn't his fault either, but that didn't stop the nightmares from happening again.
After that incident, Hawkeye quit returning calls and letters from anyone at the 4077th, he couldn't do it anymore. Maybe if he pushed Korea as far away as possible, he thought, then maybe he could forget everything. Daniel had Hawkeye take some time off from their family practice. He was concerned that maybe he had pushed his son to try and return to normal too fast. After two months of listening to his son sob every night, inevitably waking up screaming, Daniel decided to find someone who could help. It broke his heart to see his son that way, and nothing he knew how to do could fix it. After going through Hawkeye's things one day when he had finally fallen asleep for the first time in weeks, Daniel found what he was looking for, Col. Potter's address.
Daniel quietly sent a letter telling Potter all that was happening with Hawk. He knew Hawkeye would be mortified if his old commanding officer knew he was falling apart now that he was home, and Daniel told him so. He also told him that he was a loss, his son was destroyed by the war and he needed help. A few weeks later, Col. Potter finally put Daniel in contact with someone who he believed could help.
Smiling as he rifled through the letters he brought in after his afternoon of horseback riding, Sherman Potter was glad to see that Hawkeye Pierce had finally returned the letters he had sent him months ago. Potter remembered how passionate Hawkeye had been about returning home to make all of Crabapple Cove say "Ah", and he figure Hawkeye had just been busy doing just that. When Col. Potter opened the letter, his heart sank. It was Hawkeye's father who had written him and not Hawkeye:
"Dear Col. Potter,
I know we have never formally met, but I feel like I have known you for years from all of Hawk's letters to me from Korea. I've tried to encourage him to return your letters or give you a call sometime, but he won't. Something's been eating at my son ever since he came back, and I'm not sure how to help him. I don't know why I'm writing you, but he looks up to you, and you were in Korea with him so I was maybe hoping you would know how to help.
I thought he might've just needed to jump back into civilian life as quickly as possible, and he seemed to be doing really well for his first month or so home. I even thought he was back to the same old Hawkeye I sent over to Korea, but after he lost a patient, a young boy, not more than two years old, he fell completely apart. As I write this, this is the first time he's slept that I can recall in the past week. It breaks my heart to see him like this.
If there's anything you can think of to help him or anyone I could call, please let me know. Even if you can't, I want to formally thank you for taking care of my boy for his last few years in Korea, I know you mean the world to him.
With regards,
Dr. Daniel Pierce"
Sherman slowly took off his glasses and leaned back in his chair. He knew everyone had a breaking point, but he also knew Hawkeye wouldn't let anyone know when he had reached his. It wasn't fair what happened to that baby on the bus, but it was even more unfair that Hawkeye had to experience that twice.
"Mildred, would you bring me that letter from Sidney Freedman I got last week, dear?"
"Sure, thing honey. Let me finish putting dinner in the oven and I'll bring it out. Is everything alright dear?"
"Everything is swell, love. I've just finally thought of a reply. Thank you, sweetheart."
Potter opened the letter from Sidney and scanned the pages to make sure he was making the right decision:
"Dear Sherm,
How is civilian life treating you? My boy has grown up to be quite the young man while we were all away. I'm sure your grandson is a handsome lad as well. I know it can be hard for quite a few vets transitioning back to civilian life, so I just wanted to reach out to all my old friend from the 4077th to see how everyone was getting along.
I've sent letters to all the Swamp Rats, Fr. Mulcahy, and yourself. I was going to write to Margret as well, however, she decided to retire from the army life and has been working as a civilian nurse at the psychiatric hospital with me. She decided she was sick of wars and wanted to do something to help all those soldiers that came home and were struggling.
I decided I wanted to live a quieter life, so my wife and I decided to move to New Hampshire where I ran into Margret again. I imagine we now live only an hour or two at most from Hawkeye's beloved Crabapple Cove. Maybe we will get around to visiting him one of these days.
Keep in touch, I would love to hear how Hannibal Missouri has been treating you these days.
Kindly,
Sidney Freedman."
Col. Potter flipped the letter over locating Sidney's new address and home telephone number. Potter picked up the phone, told the operator where to place his call and waited.
"You've reached the Freedman home. This is Sidney speaking"
"Hi Sidney! How've you been? This is Sherm Potter from the good old 4077th calling from Hannibal Missouri."
"Sherm! I was not expecting to hear from you today, what a pleasant surprise! How are you doing? My family and I are doing wonderful, I have a second child due in just a couple of months. How wonderful is that!"
"Sidney, that's amazing! Congratulations! Mildred and I are doing well, retirement suit me well."
"Wonderful, wonderful. So Sherm, was there something on your mind or were you just calling to shoot the breeze?"
"Actually, Sidney, I'm worried about Hawkeye. His father wrote me earlier today. He's having a hard time."
"Ah. That's understandable, there's a fair amount of readjustment a lot of veterans have been having these days."
"Yeah, yeah. But with Hawkeye, I think it's a bit more than the usual. He lost a patient at his practice a few months back. It was another child. His dad said it worked up some horrible memories for him again."
"I see. I'll tell you what. Since Margret and I live so close to him, I'll send her to stop by and check in on him. She's brilliant at psychiatry. I think it'll do him some good to talk to her. Oh, and Sherm?"
"Yeah, Sid?"
"Would you mind giving Hawkeye's father a jingle and let him know help is on the way?"
"Sure thing. Thanks a million."
"It's no problem. That's what they pay me for"
Col. Potter hung up the phone with Sidney and promptly placed a call to Daniel Pierce letting him know to expect a visit from Margret soon.
Margret was shocked to say the least when Sidney had pulled her into his office after her shift that Friday night.
"Margret, dear. Do you have a moment to chat?"
"Sure Sidney. I was just heading home; I don't have plans this weekend. Would you like me to babysit that adorable son of yours again tomorrow?"
"No, no, that's quite alright. Actually, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind making a trip to Crabapple Cove on my behalf tomorrow?"
"Crabapple Cove? Is Hawkeye okay? Did something happen?"
"Margret, you are getting better than me at my job. Hawkeye lost a young boy at his practice a while back and his father wrote Col. Potter who called me. I thought that maybe, since the two of you had gotten pretty close, it might be best if you stopped by for me. How does that sound?"
"Of course, I'll go! It'll be good to see an old friend, I'm sure I could use the visit just as much as Hawk could. Yes, I'll go"
"Thank Margret. His father will be waiting for you."
The whole drive from her tiny apartment seemed to fly by. Before she knew it, Margret was parking her car in front of the large white farmhouse tucked behind a cluster of pine trees. Grabbing her suitcase from the back, Margret made her way to the front door. Knocking quickly, she stepped back and waited on a reply. She felt her breath catch as she saw a shadowy outline of a man about Hawkeye's height approach the door. When the door opened, an aged and wiser looking version of her friend greeted her with tired smiling eyes. "Ben, someone is here to see you!" The man called over his shoulder.
"He'll be right down, and Margret, thank you for coming." Daniel said wrapping Margret in a quick embrace before stepping back in the house to go find Hawkeye.
A few moments later, the door reopened, and Margret found herself staring at Hawkeye. He looked much the same way he did when she last saw him except for his eyes. His eyes were empty, and he looked around franticly, trying not to really focus on anything. Margret didn't know if she should expect him to be angry, sad, or happy about her being there, so she waited for him to recognize her before saying anything.
Hawkeye stared at her for a few minutes. As much as he tried to forget the war, somehow, she turned up on his doorstep. Besides BJ, Margret was his best friend, and one of the greatest people he had ever met. If it hadn't been for the stupid war, Hawkeye imagined that he would have like to marry her. Finally, a grin spread across his face and his eyes lit up with a hint of joy as he embraced his dear friend.
"Why Margret, it's really a dream come true! You showing up at my door! I must have died and gone to heaven now that I'm home from hell." Hawkeye joked
"Hi Hawk, it's good to see you too. Do you mind if I come in? I thought I could use a vacation for a few days and decided to visit the infamous Crabapple Cove. Since I was here, I decided I would see if you were still around before I head over to find a place to crash for the night."
"Margret, Margret. There's no need for you to find a place to crash. Dad's been cleaning out the old guest room recently and he won't mind having someone far more interesting to talk to than me around the house for a few days. Dad makes the best lobster you'll ever taste. Oh! We will have to go down to the beach and watch the sunset, it's absolutely gorgeous this time of year, and I think you'll love it. Am I rambling? Stop me if I am. Margret, you look wonderful! You have to tell me all about what life as a civilian has been like for you."
"Margret dear, this is the most I've heard that son of mine speak in a long time" Daniel chuckled
Suddenly, Hawkeye stopped walking Margret around the house. His shoulder slumped and he looked a bit like a wounded puppy.
"I'm sorry dad. I know I've not been very good company lately. I'm sorry."
"It's okay son, I know you don't mean to be. Why don't I leave you two alone to catch up? Afterall, I believe I did hear you promise this lovely young lady a taste of my apparently famous lobster for dinner."
"Thanks dad, I appreciate it." Hawkeye said turning back to Margret "so Margret, what have you been up to these past few months since we left Korea? I was working at my father's practice for a while, but I've been taking some time off you know, just trying to get back into the groove of being a civilian again" Hawkeye asked, his face clouding slightly as he mentioned taking time off.
Margret took a seat on the sofa and motioned for Hawkeye to sit next to her. Resting her head on his shoulder, Margret told Hawkeye about her move to New Hampshire where she ran into Sidney again and decided to work with him at the local veteran's psychiatric hospital. Not wanting to lie to him, Margret decided to tell Hawkeye they were all worried about him and she wanted to check on him
"I decided you couldn't turn me away if I showed up at your house, so I took a few days' vacation. Besides, Crabapple Cove really is beautiful." She laughed hoping she hadn't upset him.
Had it been anyone other than Margret, Hawkeye was certain that he would have been angry that they just showed up at his doorstep because they thought he was crazy. But with Margret, everything was different. He could be open and vulnerable with her. She understood him and for the first time since leaving Korea, Hawkeye didn't feel so alone anymore.
During dinner later that week, Daniel was shocked that not only was Hawkeye participating in the conversation, but he was eating as well. There was something about Margret that allowed Hawkeye to forget about all the horrible things from the war. After Hawkeye had retired to his room for the evening, Daniel offered Margret a cup of coffee.
"Margret, I don't know what it is, but your being here has done a world of good for that son of mine. I haven't seen him eat a full meal since he's been back. Thank you, Margret."
Margret just smiled as she sipped her coffee. She was concerned about Hawkeye, and she was ashamed to admit that she would be in the same boat had she not wound up working with Sidney. It worried her that Hawkeye had given up his doctoring days, being a doctor was all he had ever wanted to be, and she couldn't imagine him doing anything else.
As she finished her coffee while listening to Daniel tell tales from Hawkeye's childhood, she decided to bring up the elephant in the room: "So Daniel, you and I both know I have to return to New Hampshire tomorrow. I'm glad Hawkeye has been doing better since I got here, but I am worried about what will happen when I leave again."
Daniel didn't want to admit to his son's friend that he was also worried about what would happen when she had to go home.
"I don't know Margret. I just don't know. If there was some way to keep you here or to get Hawk back into working at the hospital, I think he would be okay. You'll call, won't you?" Daniel pleaded.
"Of course, of course. I'll call and write as often as I can." Margret promised. "Besides, my apartment is only about an hour drive away. I'll be able to visit on my days off. I'll keep in touch."
Daniel smiled and patted Margret gently on the arm. "Thank you dear. You mean so much to my son. I am glad you are here. We will visit you as soon as we can. But for now, young lady, you must be heading to bed, I don't want you falling asleep on the drive home tomorrow."
Margret embraced Daniel as she finally gave into the sleepiness she felt. "Goodnight Dr. Pierce. It's done me a world of good to be here as well. Take care of him for me."
"Please Margret, call me Daniel." Daniel chuckled "goodnight, sleep well" And with that, Margret retired to the guest room.
Even though she no longer had nightmares from Korea, Margret still struggled to fall asleep most nights, especially when she needed to wake early the next morning. Like most nights when she couldn't sleep, Margret decided to quietly creep downstairs to the study Daniel had shown her when she first arrived at the Pierce home. She found the room peaceful. The floor to ceiling bookshelves enveloped the overstuffed and aging armchair in a cozy warmth perfect for watching the waves crashing on the beach from the large picture window. As her hand gently opened the door, Margret was surprised to find Hawkeye standing in front of the window just staring straight ahead. Margret quietly settled into the armchair, desperately hoping not to startle him. After carefully watching his motionless figure for several minutes, Margret finally spoke.
"Tell me Ben, what are you seeing?" Hawkeye turned around, startled to see that Margret was there and that she had called him by his true name.
"Why hello Margret! I thought you were sleeping. "Hawkeye tried to avoid her question with his usual charm, but Margret just waited for him to answer. Eventually, Hawkeye's shoulders slumped, and he turned back to the window, not wanting to face Margret when he answered her.
"I can still see them Margret. I see all those boys we couldn't heal. I see all those boys with bellies full of shrapnel and I see myself, elbows deep in their bowels unable to save them. I can't do this Margret. I can't forget them and move on. I'm not as strong as you."
Margret slowly unfolded herself from the chair, shuffling over to stand behind Hawkeye, gently wrapping her arms around his waist. Hawkeye instinctively guided Margret around so that she was facing him. Resting her head on his chest Margret whispered "Oh, Hawkeye. I'm so sorry. I see them too; I haven't forgotten any of the casualties from Korea. It'll be okay Hawk. You are just as strong if not stronger than me. We'll be okay."
Hawkeye looked down at the woman in his arms with tears in his eyes. "I can't stand being around children anymore. Korea took that from me. I didn't want a family until I couldn't stand the thought of kids anymore." Hawkeye quietly sobbed. Margret found herself instinctively pulling him closer into a tighter hug.
"Shhh. It's okay, Hawk. You'll get there. Just give yourself time to heal. It'll be okay. I'll help you." Margret soothed.
Hawkeye brushed the hair from Margret's forehead and gently planted a kiss on top of her head. "Thank you, Margret. Thank you."
Margret smiled up at Hawkeye, pulled his face down to kiss him on the cheek, and then, taking his hand, led him to the guest room with her. Climbing into the bed, Margret gestured for Hawkeye to join her. Hawkeye hesitated before climbing under the covers, allowing Margret to curl up behind him with her arms wrapped around his chest.
"Goodnight Hawkeye, try to sleep" With that, both Margret and Hawkeye closed their eyes and fell asleep. For the first time in several months, Hawkeye slept peacefully.
It had been three months since Margret had first dropped by the Pierce household. She wrote Hawkeye every week and they called each other almost every night. Most weekends when she wasn't covering shifts with Sidney, Margret would spend time with the Pierces in Crabapple Cove. Though she refused to admit it, Margret couldn't deny that she had fallen in love with Hawkeye. She knew she had feelings for the man before they both left Korea, but figuring that she would never see him again, Margret tried to ignore those feelings. Sidney had naturally noticed how Margret's eyes lit up every time she spoke about her latest letter from or visit with Hawkeye. He had been worried about Margret as much as he had worried about Hawkeye. Even though she was excellent at her job, Margret had seemed like she was just following textbook directions and going through the motions of living before Sidney had sent her to check on their friend. Even though Margret was wonderful working with the Veteran's Sidney noticed how passionate she was whenever she had the rare opportunity to work with any kids that came through their doors. Subtly, Sidney put in a call to his old friend from before the war who was the director of the children's hospital in Portland Maine.
"Dr. Morgan's office, may I take a message?" The young secretary answered the phone.
"Hi Diane. It's Sidney. Say, is John in this afternoon?"
"Oh, Sidney! It's you! Yes of course, I'll transfer your call right away sir!"
"Thanks, dear." Sidney waited for the line to connect to his old friend's extension.
"Dr. Morgan speaking" the older man answered the phone, annoyed that his loyal secretary had interrupted his lunch with a silly phone call, although she had seemed rather excited about whoever was calling so it couldn't have been that serious, he thought.
"Why hello John! It's been too long. How are your boys doing? My son is growing up too quickly and my little girl should be born any day now. Is it too late to schedule her to be your patient too?"
"Sidney, you crazy devil! How've you been? Debbie and I are being driven crazy by those rascals. If the three of them keep it up, you'll have to save a seat for me on your couch. What can I do for you old pal?"
"John, I am fantastic head nurse working for me. She was in Korea with me, and now she's been working with me here in New Hampshire. If you are still looking for a new head nurse over at the children's hospital, I'd love for you to give her a chance, what'd ya say? I'll even save you that seat on my couch if things get too crazy for you" Sidney joked.
"I don't know how you do it, Sid, but you always seem to ask these things at the exact right time. Send her my way and she'll have a job. You'll have to tell your wife to set a couple extra places for a bridge tournament this weekend though, I want to take you up on that couch offer" Dr. Morgan laughed.
"I'll do that. Thank you, John. I'll have her fill out the transfer papers as soon as she finishes her rounds this evening." Sidney ended the call smiling to himself. If he didn't know better, he would've thought he was too good at his job.
Margret was ecstatic when Sidney told her about the offer to transfer to the children's hospital in Portland. Without thinking twice, Margret accepted the offer and excited called Hawkeye.
"Pierce residence, Is your nose clean?" Hawkeye answered the phone, feeling strangely more relaxed and jovial than he had become used to.
"Hawk, it's me Margret. Guess what? I got some exciting news today~" Margret giggled excitedly.
"Oh my gosh Margret! Did you find out Frank was actually a real ferret this whole time?" Hawkeye laughed at his own joke.
"No, silly! Sidney's old buddy at the children's hospital in Portland Maine offered me a job as head nurse! I'm going to be moving even closer to you than I already am!" Margret exclaimed.
Hawkeye hadn't thought he had heard her right. Margret was going to move closer to him. He was ecstatic. "Margret, that's wonderful! Portland is only a short drive from Dad's house here in Crabapple Cove. Why don't I ask him if we can convert the guest room permanently into your room? Or even better, you could share my room" Hawkeye added slyly.
"Hahaha. Hawkeye, you silly romantic. I would love to stay in the guest room. Your father is a delightful man." Margret retorted.
Laughing some more and finalizing a few plans, Margret finally got off the phone and began packing. Even though she had her own apartment, she hadn't bothered to add any more furnishings than what was already there, and she hadn't had many more belongings than what she had left Korea with so packing didn't take her long at all. Normally, she would have stayed the final two weeks working with Sidney, but he had already arranged for her to start at the children's hospital immediately. By the end of the night, Margret was completely packed and ready for the move to Crabapple Cove in the morning.
Moving in with the Pierces had felt strangely normal to Margret. It was almost as if she had belonged in their home her whole life. Transitioning into her new role at the children's hospital had been just as easy. After her first month there, Margret had earned a reputation amongst the other nurses as a fair but serious boss who wasn't afraid to crack a few jokes here and there. Dr. Morgan had heard of her reputation in Korea from Sidney and he was more than impressed with her performance on his staff. Sidney had mentioned that she was living with Dr. Benjamin Franklin Pierce, a man whose surgical reputation was well known to all the hospitals in the area. Dr. Morgan had heard from some of his other nurses that Dr. Pierce had been taking some time off from practicing medicine since he got back from the war, but the children's hospital was in desperate need of another pediatric surgeon. He had heard a rumor that the real reason Dr. Pierce wasn't employed was because of something that had happened that resulted in the death of a baby, but Dr. Morgan figured it couldn't hurt to ask Margret her thoughts on the matter.
As she was finishing her rounds for the evening, Dr. Morgan invited Margret into his office for a quick chat and cup of coffee.
"I have to say Margret, you have far exceeded all the wonderful things Sidney told me about you. As far as I am concerned, you are the best nurse I've ever had on my staff and I don't say that to just anyone."
"Why thank you doctor. I thoroughly enjoy working with all the other nurses and the patients here are just delightful."
"Correct me if I am wrong, but I've heard you've been staying at the Pierce residence. That wouldn't happen to be the home of Dr. Hawkeye Pierce would it?" Dr. Morgan asked, tentatively trying to gauge Margret's reaction before he asked her opinion on extending a job offer to Dr. Pierce.
"Guilty as charged" Margret laughed "I've been staying with the Pierces since I arrived here. I met Hawkeye when we were both stationed at the same MASH unit in Korea. He's a terrific doctor. Don't let the other nurses know, but he and I have been dating for a few weeks now. I know a few of my nurses would be heartbroken if they found out he wasn't still the most eligible bachelor on the east coast."
Dr. Morgan broke into a small fit of laughter imagining all of the nurses going on strike because Dr. Pierce was dating someone.
"Don't worry Margret your secret is safe with me." Dr. Morgan said sincerely "Speaking of Dr. Pierce, I know the rumor has it he usually avoids working with children, but I've also heard he's one of the best surgeons around and I would love to have him on my staff. Do you think you would mind asking him on my behalf?"
Margret hesitated briefly before responding. Of course, Hawkeye hadn't forgotten about that baby on the bus and it hurt him to think that there would be a chance when another baby would die because he couldn't save it. But on the other hand, Hawkeye had improved tremendously since Margret had first reunited with him just a few months earlier. In fact, Hawkeye had even been able to hold Erin Hunnicutt when BJ, Peg, and her had dropped by the house for an unexpected visit. Margret wasn't sure that Hawkeye would agree just yet, but she figured it couldn't hurt to mention it to him when she got home.
"Of course, Dr. Morgan. I'll ask him tonight. If I were you however, I wouldn't expect an immediate reply, he may need some time."
"Of course, of course. My offer stands as long as I am in charge around here. We could always use a skillful surgeon and I would love to have him on my staff. Tell him to take as long as he needs, and he is always welcomed to change his mind. Enjoy your weekend Margret!" Dr. Morgan was relieved that Margret hadn't told him no immediately. He had known Daniel Pierce when they attend med school together and if his son was anything like him, Hawkeye would be the most amazing doctor to ever work on his staff.
As Margret drove home that evening, she was nervous about what she would say to Hawkeye. She knew he might not be too keen on the idea of being a surgeon again, especially in a children's hospital of all places, but she also knew that when he was ready, this would be an amazing opportunity for him to get back into what he loved. As Margret walked up the steps to the old farmhouse, she was surprised when the door swung open and a little girl, no more than four ran outside giggling. She was even more surprised when she saw Hawkeye chasing the little girl laughing about how the tickle monster was going to get her if she didn't watch out. As soon as he saw Margret staring at him in shock, Hawkeye jogged over to her.
"Why hello there beautiful. You look like you've seen a ghost. Or a very handsome man. Which am I?" Hawkeye laughed kissing Margret on the lips.
"Hawkeye, you're playing with a child!" Margret gasped.
"Yes, of course I am sweetheart. She had no interest in learning about bowel resections, so we went with what she wanted to do which is play tag. Mrs. Johnson went into labor earlier this morning and asked if I could watch Katie for a little while since Dad was busy delivering her baby."
"Hawkeye, I'm so proud of you!" Margret threw her arms around Hawkeye's neck, relieved that he hadn't panicked while taking care of a child.
"I'm proud of me-too honey. I didn't think it would be possible, but I'm not having such a hard time interacting with her. I think I'm getting better. In fact, "Hawkeye tilted Margret's chin so he could look into her eyes as he whispered, "I think I want to go back to being a doctor, and I think I want to work with you at the children's hospital."
At that statement, Margret burst into peals of laughter. Confused Hawkeye demanded "What's so funny? Don't you think I could work there? I am a doctor you know." Hawkeye pouted.
"No, no silly. It isn't anything like that." Margret wheezed trying to catch her breath between fits of laughter "Dr. Morgan is the director of the children's hospital and he just asked me before I left if I would mind offering you a job when I got home tonight. They are looking for a new chief of pediatric surgery and he told me to ask you before he asked someone else. I just think it's hilarious that you both were on the same track tonight." Margret squealed as Hawkeye lifted her off the ground in a huge bear hug.
"Of course, I'll take the job." Hawkeye smiled coyly "Besides, I'll have the prettiest and best nurse in all of Maine working with me." He winked as Margret swatted him playfully. As the continued laughing together, Daniel pulled up to the house ready to take Katie back home.
"I'm glad to see you two are staying out of trouble." He chuckled as both Hawkeye and Margret gave him a quick embrace.
"Hi dad. How is Mrs. Johnson and the new baby? Was it a boy or a girl this time?" Hawkeye asked.
"Mom and baby boy are doing wonderful. They are ready for big sister to come home and visit them both. Katie, are you ready to go meet your baby brother?" Daniel turned away briefly to scoop up the little girl running around the front yard. Turning back and winking at Hawkeye Daniel continued "Hawk, the dinner reservations you asked me to make down by the beach are for eight o'clock. If you two don't hurry and get dressed, you'll be late." Margret turned from Daniel to Hawkeye with one eyebrow raised and a questioning look on her face. Hawkeye just laughed, wished his father well, and guided Margret into the front room of the house.
"I know you aren't one for fancy things sweetheart, but I thought you would look absolutely ravishing in this dress I saw when Katie and I went to lunch this afternoon." Hawkeye said holding up an elegant navy-blue tea length pleated dress.
Margret gasped, "Hawk, it's beautiful. Shall I wear it this evening for the mystery dinner dad mentioned?"
"Margret dear, if you do, I'll be the luckiest man ever." Hawkeye winked as he left to dress in the tux, he had brought back with him from Korea.
Just before eight, Margret and Hawkeye joined Daniel out front in the Pierce family car.
"Margret, you look absolutely stunning in that dress. I wasn't sure navy would be your color when Ben showed it to me on his way home from the store, but that color is amazing on you" Daniel said.
"Thank you, dad." Margret blushed. Then, turning to face Hawkeye, she continued "Am I the only one who has no idea what is going on here? A fancy new dress and an apparently fancy dinner? Are we celebrating your new job at the children's hospital or am I missing something?"
"You'll just have to wait and see." Hawkeye stated smugly.
After they had finished their dinner, Hawkeye excused himself, claiming he need to use the restroom before desert. Only moments after he had left, a chorus of waiters brought a gorgeous slice of cake decorated in intricate chocolate flowers and strawberries over to Margret's seat. As soon as the cake was placed, the waiters stepped to the side revealing Hawkeye propped on one knee just in front of Margret's seat. As soon as she saw him, all the pieces clicked together. Margret couldn't contain the tears streaming down her face and could only manage to nod yes when Hawkeye asked his question. The two embraced as Hawkeye slid the ring on her finger.
"I hope you don't mind the ring," he whispered in her ear so only she could hear him, "it was mom's. I had dad stop by the jewelers on his way back from delivering Mrs. Johnson's baby this afternoon to have it polished for you. He was beside himself with excitement when I asked him if he would let me have the ring for you."
Margret smiled. "I love it. It's beautiful." She said as she kissed the man she loved. "I love you Hawkeye Pierce. I love you more than words can describe."
Only a few short months after their engagement, Margret was surprised to receive a letter from Klinger in that evening's mail.
"Dear Major,
It seems strange writing your letter to the same address as Hawkeye, but I guess things can't get any weirder than the fact that I willingly chose to stay in Korea after the cease fire was called. About seven months after cease fire, Soon-Lee and I were finally able to locate her parents. To say they were excited to see their daughter was an understatement. It took us about three more months to jump through all of the army's red tape, but all four of us were able to make it back to Toledo.
Since we've been home for two months, and since it's been a year since we were all last at the good old 4077, I had BJ help me set up a little reunion for everyone, much like what we all did with our parents a few years back.
The invitation to the reunion is included with this letter. I hope you and the Pierces will be able to join us.
Take Care,
Maxwell Q. Klinger, Section 8"
Margret laughed and ran inside to show Hawkeye the letter and invitation.
"Well, I'll be darned! I never thought Klinger would leave Korea after all the trouble he went through trying to get out." Hawkeye laughed. "Of course, we will go, I haven't seen Charles or Potter in ages it seems like."
"I just have one tiny request before we go dear" Margret smiled.
"Anything for you my love. Say it and it's yours." Hawkeye beamed.
"I want to get married." Margret stated. Hawkeye spit out his tea, surprised at her sudden request.
"You want to get married? Before the reunion? We only have four months to plan the wedding." Hawkeye's mind was reeling. He knew they had talked about a huge summer wedding someday, but he hadn't imagined she would want to be married so soon.
"I know it's soon, but I was thinking maybe we could get married on the beach next weekend. We really just need your dad, my parents, a few of our friends from the hospital, and of course Sidney and his family to be there. I already have a dress I can wear so there's not much left we need to get ready."
"But honey, I thought you wanted a big wedding. Why do you want to get married all of the sudden, and why so soon?"
"Well silly, I want my baby's parents to be married."
"I mean come on Margret. This weekend is in three days! I haven't even had time to dry clean my… wait a minute. Did you say, 'your baby'?" Hawkeye froze. Had he heard her correctly?
"Yes. My baby. Our baby. You are going to be a daddy!" Margret wasn't sure how Hawkeye would take the news. He had been doing wonderful with children lately since taking over as chief surgeon at the children's hospital, but that wasn't the same as having a child of his own to look after.
Hawkeye just stared at her for a few moments. He had heard her correctly. She was pregnant! He was ecstatic. He wasn't sure how being a dad would affect him, but with Margret, he was certain he could handle whatever happened along the way.
"Margret, that's wonderful! Let's get married tonight! We don't need to wait any longer. How far along are you? Is it a boy or a girl? I'm sure you wouldn't know. But a baby, Margret! We are going to have a baby!" Margret laughed at Hawkeye's excitement.
"It's only been about six weeks or so, and no, I don't know if it's a boy or a girl. Why don't we wait until this weekend? I've already arranged things so my parents can be here, and your dad has taken care of getting everything else arranged for us. Imagine how surprised everyone at the reunion will be to see that we are not only married, but also going to be parents" Margret laughed and Hawkeye swept her up in a huge embrace.
Hawkeye and Margret had had a small but elegant wedding. It was the happiest day of both of their lives. The next day, Hawkeye couldn't hold back the good news any longer, so he decided to tell both of their parents. Margret's father was a little disappointed that his daughter hadn't married a general, but he was excited at the prospect of a little major or major-ette joining the family soon. Daniel Pierce cried tears of joy when Hawkeye finally told him that his first grandchild was on its way. Before the end of the week, half of Crabapple Cove, all patients of Daniel's, knew about the baby and were constantly calling to offer their congratulations.
Due to the weather and a few scheduling conflicts for some guests, the MASH reunion had been pushed back three more months. Instead of being able to hide, it would now be obvious to everyone at the party that Margret was expecting. She was a little self-conscious about her appearance, but Hawkeye reassured her that she had the cutest pregnant belly he had ever seen, and he had seen many. That last little comment earned him a slap and kiss from his wife. Hawkeye and BJ had arranged for both of their families to arrive a few days before everyone else so they could catch up themselves and make sure everything was in order for the party. Out of everyone from the 4077th, BJ was the only one who Margret and Hawkeye had told about their wedding and the baby. Margret thought they should tell everyone ahead of time, but Hawkeye managed to convince her that this would be the greatest joke ever if they didn't say anything for as long as possible. Not knowing what her husband had up his sleeve, Margret reluctantly agreed with a laugh.