Title: An Awful Thing, Chapter 3

By: Jedishampoo (Jedishampoo at aol dot com)

Rating: PG-13 overall; may get saucier later, but I ain't promising nothin'.

Summary: Howl and Sophie get mixed up in magical and dimensional doings, and Sophie is just mixed up. Humor/Adventure/Romance thingie. Crossover between Howl's Moving Castle and Terry Pratchett's Discworld.

Author's Notes: This is movieverse!Howl and company. I've read the books by Diana Wynne Jones, and so a little bookishness may creep in here and there, but the movie is what made me fall in love with the characters. Comments, constructive criticism eagerly welcomed. Beta by Sharpeslass.

Chapter 3

Howl pushed back the branches of the hedge so that Sophie could step through. The boughs were old and strong, and it required a bit of physical effort that he wasn't used to exerting. And the leaves were a bit thorny. He hoped they wouldn't tear his nice shirt. He didn't dare use extra magic here on the grounds of the palace, however. The concealment spell he'd put on himself and Sophie for the trip here had been risky enough.

Sophie hopped through and gave him a nervous smile. She'd put on all her best clothes and dignity for the coming interview, but had seemed happy all the same when Howl had told her they'd be coming in through the back. This way, they wouldn't have to climb all the steps and be announced by every footman they passed. Howl grinned at her, watching her graceful movements, and admiring how her silvery hair went so well with her dark green dress. His heart gave that delightful little thump again, and he considered giving her a little kiss of appreciation.

But they were here on business, and Madame Suliman was just where he'd known she'd be-- where she always was when she was receiving visitors; sitting in the indoor garden, surrounded by her loyal little matched blond apprentices. Howl had been one of those, once.

Suliman's expression was calm as he and Sophie stepped through the glass door and closed it with a little click.

"Howl. What a pleasant surprise," she said, with her most unreadable little smirk. But she didn't look surprised at all, and Howl was not surprised by her lack of surprise. "And Mrs. Pendragon. How lovely."

Sophie, bless her, was calm and collected and brave as she'd ever been. "My name is Miss Sophie Hatter," she said, with a quick little ironic curtsey.

"Of course," Suliman said, still smirking. She turned her cool gaze from Sophie to Howl. "Where's my dog, Howl?"

"At home in front of the fire, I guess." His voice hardly quavered at all.

"Impertinent as ever," she told him. But she seemed truly amused. "Sitting on the lap of the Witch of the Waste, I suppose? I'm not sure you weren't better off without a heart. Yours is entirely too soft. How you do collect misfits, Howl."

Beside him, Sophie stiffened and sniffed. Howl searched his mind quickly for a suitable rejoinder. Damn Suliman. The woman did love a good verbal sparring match.

"Not at all. They seem to collect me." Howl immediately realized his mistake, but it was too late to retract the statement. He'd meant it as an insult to Suliman, but Sophie not only stiffened some more, she yanked her arm from his and crossed it with her other across her midsection.

Her point won, Suliman's expression took on a more businesslike aspect. "Now, what have you brought me?" she asked, and Howl had no time to explain himself to Sophie. He reached into a pocket and pulled out the little change purse. Suliman's eyes widened the tiniest bit. Then she stretched out a languid hand for it. She stared at it in her palm for a moment, then laughed. "How wonderful!"

She'd needed no explanation, just as Howl had known she wouldn't. He coughed. "Sophie only got it this morning. I bet you could still catch the man who sold it, if you hurry."

Suliman tossed it back at him, and by pure reflex, Howl caught it. Stupid. "Then you'd better start now, Howl," she said.

This was not what he'd planned. He'd been hoping to be rid of it, or that Suliman might take pity upon him out of guilt over that awful war she'd allowed to continue for so long. He should have known better. He tried his hardest not to whine as he said, "don't you think your minions might be better suited to clearing up this little problem?"

"Whether you realize it or not, you are one of my minions, Howl."

Now she was just being nasty. Howl started to get a little angry. "I came here of my own free will. You did not summon me," he told her.

"Oh no? Consider yourself summoned, then. And dismissed."

"Now you wait just a minute--" Howl began, then he felt Sophie grab his arm again, with both hands, hard.

"Fine! We'll take care of this matter, and we don't need your help to do it," Sophie told her in a snippety little voice, goaded once more into defense of Howl by Suliman's amused nastiness. She started pulling on his arm. She yanked so hard that his shirt was now truly in danger. "Let's get out of here, Howl, and let's never come back again! She can summon you all she wants. I will absolutely refuse to let you answer."

"Okay," Howl said, trying to maintain as much dignity as possible while being dragged backwards. He gave Suliman a saucy little wave, and then spun about to follow Sophie. Good for Sophie; she was heading for the front door, refusing to sneak out of here the way they'd come in. No scared little mouse was she. Oh, how he adored her!

But Suliman was not to let him go without a parting shot. "You really should marry that girl, Howl," she said, with a little laugh.

End Chapter 3

Sigh. It's short, but I'm not used to writing in chapters. They're really just POV changes; the rest of it's almost done. But I don't want to get ahead of my beta-reader. :) All comments welcome; thanks for your time!

Disclaimer: HMC characters owned by Diana Wynne Jones and/or Studio Ghibli; Discworld characters owned by Terry Pratchett. I made no money writing this, it is purely for fun.