Why is the hospital so gloomy? Hawkeye thought to himself as he sat nervously in the waiting room of the maternity ward. As he sat in the plastic chair, once white in its better day but now a faded grey, his eyes darted nervously as he surveyed the blank walls staring emotionlessly back at him. "Isn't this place supposed to be cheery? Shouldn't it at least feel a little bit like the best day of our lives is happening just down the hall from here?" Hawkeye asked the empty room. He couldn't take the silent waiting anymore and jumped from his seat. Pacing the length of the small room, Hawkeye couldn't help but think that this room wasn't all that different from the room they locked him up in after the incident with the bus. Chuckling grimly, Hawkeye thought the irony that he should be sent to a room with faded yellow wallpaper chipping at the corners both time because of a baby. The baby, crying and then it wasn't. The thought hit Hawkeye, forcing him to sit down. He killed that baby so what was keeping him from killing his own? His mind and heart raced as his panicked eyes darted around the room searching something, anything to slow his mind down. Curled on the floor with his arms wrapped tightly around his knees, Hawkeye was screaming "Make it stop! Make it stop!" but no one heard.
Meanwhile, in the brightly lit sterile room a few feet down the hall, Margret's screams mirrored her husbands.
"Margret dear, we need you to quit screaming or it'll hurt the baby." One of the nurses said warmly as a few more nurses and another doctor slipped silently into the room.
Margret was a nurse. She knew that when a nurse said that it usually meant something was wrong with the baby. Every time she had said that, for every delivery she had been part of it was never good. Margret held her breath, panicking.
"Margret honey," Daniel soothed, "nothing is wrong with the baby right now. Just keep breathing. Everything is going to be just fine." He continued with a smile.
Daniel didn't seem too concerned and Margret knew a large part of his career had been spent delivering babies. She trusted him and began to relax a little more.
Shortly thereafter, a shrill cry filled the air and a nurse handed Margret a small baby wrapped in a little pink blanket.
"Congratulations Mrs. Pierce. You have a little girl!" The nurse exclaimed.
Margret smiled as she reached for the baby being handed to her.
"Hi sweetie. It's me. Your mom." Margret cooed. The baby had Hawkeye's eyes and hair. She smiled softly; the baby was as beautiful as her daddy.
Daniel smiled as the mother and child bonded. After a few moments, Daniel excused himself from the room so he could be the first to tell his son the good news. Whistling a show tune, Daniel felt as if his heart couldn't be any fuller.
"Hawk, you'll never believe it! You have a…" Daniel stopped dead in his tracks. His son was huddled completely motionless in the far corner of the room, a haunted look in his eyes. The chairs that had been neatly arranged in a welcoming manner when they first arrived at the hospital were now chaotically strewn about as if a storm had passed through. In all his years being Hawkeye's father, he had never seen him like this, and it worried him even more so than when Hawk had first returned from Korea.
"Hey, Hawkeye. Buddy, it's me, dad." Daniel spoke softly as he gently approached his son. Hawkeye didn't move, his eyes not focusing on anything. "Ben. Talk to me Ben. Please." Daniel pleaded.
Finally, Hawkeye turned, recognizing his father. Reaching for him, Hawkeye choked out an anguished sob. "Dad, I killed him. I killed my son. I couldn't save him. I'm so sorry dad, I didn't mean to, I didn't mean for it to happen." Hawkeye wailed, his shoulders shaking with grief.
"Ben, look at me please." Hawkeye looked into his father own tear laden eyes. "Hawk you didn't kill anybody. You're alright. Everyone is okay. You have a little girl Hawk. A daughter. She looks just like you."
When Hawkeye burst into tears this time, they were tears of joy. His baby was alright. Daniel offered Hawkeye a hand. Pulling his son up from the floor, he wrapped him in a bear hug. "I'm sorry dad." Hawkeye whispered; his voice muffled by his father's shoulder. Daniel gently pulled Hawkeye away from him just far enough so he could look into his eyes. "Don't be sorry, Hawk. You've been through a lot and seen things I can't even imagine. Don't blame yourself for not being perfect all the time." Hawkeye pulled his father back into another tight embrace. "Thanks dad." Hawkeye smiled, feeling much better.
"Come along now, doctor. There's a delightful young lady who is ready to meet her daddy." Daniel chuckled as he led his son down the brightly lit hallway to Margret's room.
Knocking lightly on the door frame, Daniel entered the room. "I see you and the baby are getting along nicely, Mrs. Pierce." Daniel grinned mischievously, "I brought along another doctor to see you, I thought we could use a second opinion in here." Daniel winked as his son entered the room.
"So, Dr. Pierce, what do you say, isn't this the most beautiful mother and child you've ever seen?" Daniel quipped, smirking playfully at his son.
Margret rolled her eyes, laughing at Daniel's joking and Hawkeye's goofy grin. "Hi honey. Isn't she just precious? She has your eyes." Margret studied Hawkeye's face for a moment, noting the tears streaming down his cheeks. "Come here," she shuffled over, patting the bed beside her. Hawkeye walked up to the bed and gingerly sat beside his wife. "Here, you hold her. Just like this. There you go, you've got it. I think she likes you." Margret said as she handed the baby over to Hawkeye. Hawkeye felt a little awkward holding such a small baby. She seemed so fragile, and he was afraid that if he accidently shifted his hands, he would drop her. He stared down at her perfect face and very gently reached out, gently stroking her cheek. As he withdrew his finger, a tiny hand reached up, grasping it firmly.
"Hey, look at that Margret!" Hawkeye beamed. "When I married you, I thought you were the only woman in the world I would ever love again." Hawkeye stated as he turned to face his wife. "Until I met this little lady right here. "
Margret smiled as she rested her head on Hawkeye's shoulder. "She's wonderful, isn't she?"
Margret laughed as she watched Hawkeye carry their daughter ever so gently from the car. His usual brisk pace was replaced with careful, painfully slow steps. It was as if he feared walking normally would break the baby in his arms. Finally, Hawkeye made his way safely into the house.
As the new parents settle enter the living room, a huge banner covering the mantle greets them. "WELCOME HOME MILLICENT BLAKE PIERCE!" Before the Pierce's had returned home, BJ, Peg, Erin, Mildred, and Col. Potter had all worked together to decorate the house in pink balloons and streamers.
"There she is! I've been anxious to meet this little bundle of joy!" Potter exclaimed. Margret embraced Peg as Hawkeye gently handed his daughter over to his former commanding officer.
"Be gentle with her won't you Sherm?" Hawkeye asked nervously.
"Of course, I will son, of course I will." Mildred peered over her shoulder at the little girl and smiled warmly.
"If I didn't know better, I would think she was a porcelain doll. She's absolutely perfect dear." Mildred murmured to Margret.
"I wanna hold her!" Erin pouted stomping her foot.
"Come sit by me darling and ask Auntie Margret if it's alright." Peg instructed.
"Auntie Margret, Pleeeeaaassseeee?" Erin begged, sticking her bottom lip out and making her best puppy dog face. Margret laughed and gave in to her pleas, "Alright, alright. You can hold the baby but only if you let your mommy help you."
Hawkeye and BJ watched from the side as the women passed the baby from Sherm to Mildred to Margret to Peg to Erin.
"It's terrifying isn't it?" BJ whispered so only Hawkeye could hear him.
"What is?" Hawkeye responded, oblivious to how tightly he gripped the arm of his chair as he watched his daughter be passed around the room.
"Seeing all the things that could hurt your little girl. I remember when Erin was born, I was afraid to let her out of my sight for even a minute. As soon as she started crawling, I remember following less than a step behind everywhere she went. I thought for sure she would run into something and get hurt." BJ chuckled at the memory of how ridiculous he must have looked crawling on his hands and knees in every inch of their Mill Valley home looking for things that could hurt his precious baby girl.
"Yeah… something like that." Hawkeye nervously ran his hands through his hair. "You know, what if I'm not fit to be a dad Beej? What if something happens to Millie because of me?" His eyes scanned BJ's face for any indication of agreement. Everyone had to think he wouldn't be a good father, didn't they?
"Look Hawk. You're the most kind and caring person I've ever met. Millie will be lucky to have a father like you. Any kid would. You'll be amazing." BJ hugged his best friend gently. "Besides, with a mother like Margret, any kid of yours would be too stubborn to get hurt."
BJ and Hawkeye broke out in a fit of laughter causing Millie to cry.
"Ah, that's beginning to become my favorite sound." Hawkeye smiled as he scooped his daughter up from Erin's lap. Erin looked startled when the baby began to cry and ran to hug her daddy's legs.
"What's that, Millie? You think it's dinner time?" Hawkeye said, pretending his infant daughter was having a full conversation with him. Turning towards the rest of his friends and family, "Well, you guys heard the young lady. Let's eat!"
Margret stood, reaching to take her daughter from her husband, "Here Hawk, let me have her so I can go feed her."
"Mind if I tag along?" Hawkeye asked mischievously. "I wouldn't mind having what she's having." He added with a wink.
"Well for that comment mister, it sounds like you'll be sleeping on the couch tonight." Margret smirked at the wounded look Hawkeye gave her. Kissing her on the head, Hawkeye handed the baby over to Margret. Kissing his wife quickly on the lips, Hawkeye continued, "In that case, I'll go to the kitchen and grab you and I a plate of dinner. I'll join you two ladies in the nursery in a few minutes."
The Hunnicutts, Potters, and Daniel Pierce enjoyed each other's company in the dining room while Hawkeye politely excused himself to join his wife in the nursery with their dinners.
"If it's all the same to you love ladies and gentlemen, I wouldn't want my wife to starve all alone."
Hawkeye briskly filled two platters and headed for the stairs, mimicking a fancy waiter.
"Madame Pierce, a table for two with only the finest dining in all of Maine." He sang happily as he waltzed into the nursery.
"If I didn't know better," Daniel commented between bites, "I would think that the Hawkeye who just danced his way out of here wasn't the same one I told he was a father down at the hospital."
"How's that?" BJ said spearing a piece of broccoli from Erin's plate. "Daddy, that's mine!" Erin protested happily.
"You should have seen him when I found him in the waiting room after the baby was born, he wasn't doing too hot. I thought for sure I was going to have to rush Sidney just to get him to stand up." Daniel took another bite in between finishing his thought. "I'm really proud of him though. He's doing great. Being a father suits him well."
"When those two crazy lovebirds surprised all of us with the announcement of the little one at the party a few months back," Potter said setting his fork down, "I was nervous for him. I know Hawk's a strong guy, but I thought for sure the baby would bring back memories he would rather forget from Korea."
"Me too." BJ added. "And you are right, fatherhood suits him perfectly."
After dinner, the pierces saw their friends off, thanking them for their visit and welcoming party.
"I don't know about you crazy kids," Daniel yawned, "but I'm exhausted. Don't keep the little miss up too late." He chuckled. "And Millie dear, keep these two out of trouble." He winked as he headed for his room.
"Night Dad. And thank for everything grandpa." Hawkeye laughed, waving Millie's little arm goodbye.
"Well, momma. Should we let princess get some rest and retire for the evening?" Hawkeye asked, looping his arm under Margret's.
"Sure, thing daddy. But first, I think someone needs her diaper changed and if I recall correctly, it's your turn. I'll see you in the bedroom." Margret said as she handed the baby over to Hawkeye.
"First lesson, if you don't want to do something yourself, find a handsome man to do it for you." Hawkeye told Millie as he took her to the nursery.
Margret had fallen asleep shortly after retiring to hers and Hawkeye's room. At about 3 am, Margret rolled over, expecting to find Hawkeye beside her. Instead, the bed was empty. Panicking, Margret quickly jumped out of bed and slipped on her robe. Walking quietly into the nursery, she saw Hawkeye standing over the bassinet watching their daughter as she slept.
"Ben, honey. Is everything okay? You never came to bed and it's getting late." Margret whispered.
"Hey love." Hawkeye said, planting a kiss on the top of Margret's head as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "I was just watching her sleep. She looks so perfect laying there." He continued with a yawn.
"Come on sleepy. Let's go to bed. She'll be fine." Margret said guiding Hawkeye out of the room. As the reached the door, Hawkeye froze, refusing to budge from his position.
"What if something happens while we are asleep? How will we know if she quits breathing? Maybe I should stay here just to make sure." The fear was rising in Hawkeye's voice. If he couldn't watch his daughter breathing and if he couldn't hear her crying, how would he know for sure she was still alive?
"Look at me, Hawk." Margret whispered as she titled Hawkeye's chin towards her. "Millie is fine. She's sleeping. Nothing will happen to her. If she needs something, we will hear here. Even if we both don't wake up, your dad is just down the hall. It'll be okay. Besides, you can't stay awake forever."
"Watch me." Hawkeye retorted as he sleepily rested his head on Margret's. As soon as they made it back to their room, Hawkeye fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.
Hawkeye awoke to the sunlight flooding the room. It was quiet. Hawkeye bolted upright. If it was quiet, that meant something might have happened to the baby. Just as he started to panic, Margret slipped back into the bed cradling their daughter.
"Somebody woke up a couple hours ago and was starving so I decided to go ahead and give Millie her breakfast." Millie reached for Hawkeye as soon as Margret had settled them both under the covers.
"It looks like somebody missed her daddy." Margret laughed as she handed her over.
"What can I say Margret, that daughter of yours has excellent taste in men."
"Yeah, well she better not be dating any anytime soon." Margret added, laughing at the horrified look Hawkeye shot her.
"More like she better not date any ever."
As the days, weeks, and months flew by, Hawkeye easily grew more comfortable with his role as a father. Maybe the war wasn't so bad, Hawkeye thought to himself. Afterall, he met his beautiful wife which got him his perfect baby girl. Before he knew it, it had been two years since everybody was in Korea together. Like clockwork, Klinger sent everyone invitations to the second annual MASH 4077th reunion. As much as Hawkeye had hated the war and desperately wanted to forget everything about it when he first came home, he found himself now bursting with excitement at the prospect of seeing everyone again. He was looking forward to introducing his daughter to everyone this year, and he couldn't wait.