Disclaimer: Final Fantasy belongs to Squaresoft, or Square Enix, or whatever personality they're going through at this point in time.

Warnings: Language, evil Laguna temper, bad writing, and whining on the part of big bad Seifer A. Cool.

8/27/04 . . . fixed formatting

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Okay, after years and years of experience, I think I've found the second worst thing to wake up to in the entire world (after alarm clocks, of course): dog 'kisses', followed by nasty my-loving-Hyne-have -you-never-heard-of-or-used-a-toothbrush doggy-breath. And what could possibly be worse than that? It's five in the fucking morning.

Upon opening my eyes I immediately gag and cover my delicate olfactory regions with my hand, and shove the Beast off of my bed. The stupid mutt then walks to the door, plants his ass down, and whines in that pleading way that just dares you to say 'no'. I try to ignore him, but the endeavor is lost when he turns those big brown puppy eyes on me. I shake my head at him, but give in. Swinging my legs off the side of the bed, I lift my arms towards the ceiling, allowing my spine to cheerfully realign itself with a nice cracking noise. Then I sit there for a moment, staring at the dog. When the beast finally gets the point that I'm not going to move he comes over to me, plops down, and whines in what almost sounds like words. I smirk at him, feeling that I've proved the point of my superiority, then realize that I've declared war on a dog. I sigh at my pathetic excuse of an existence and get up to let the dog out. He bounds to the glass door and whines once again to be let out on the balcony. Normally I would let him think about it for a minute, but I'm feeling generous today. I stumble to the door and undo the catch, although it admittedly takes a couple of tries thanks to my bleary half awake vision. Finally the door swings open and the mutt runs past me and immediately makes himself at home in his....

"Oh Hyne, please tell me that's not a giant litter box..." I cover my face with my hand and shake my head, then drop the position as I realize it's one of Squall's.

"Actually, it is." Speak of the Devil. I turn around to face Squall, who is thankfully not accompanied by the demon bitch from hell, and who more thankfully doesn't look like he just got over a relaxing night of sex. Sometimes I think Hyne for this man's impeccable habits, and this time is no exception. Even with it being five in the morning, the man is already dressed in his typical day clothes, and I wouldn't be surprised if there had been a shower in the mix.

There is the typical scraping sound of litter being thrown over poo, and then the Beast races indoors to greet his master. Squall scratches the dog's ears and then turns to the kitchen. I follow him and promptly fall into a chair, laying my head on the table. I follow the beauty with my eyes as much as my limited range of vision will allow. I can tell from experience almost exactly what's going though his mind. Let's see, now he's doing his dandiest to think of something to say to me... yup, he's doing the eye thing, that means he's thought of something interesting and has decided to pursue it farther... whoops, there goes the sugar. That means he's totally forgotten I exist and is now lost in Squally-Land. I would get up and sweep the sugar, but my muscles feel like lead. I decide on the much more comfortable approach of drooling on the table as I plan out my battle strategy.

So yesterday he told Irvine he was going to visit Laguna (A.K.A. his father... Irvine, you idiot.), which means that I'll have to get down there first and explain the deal so Laguna doesn't immediately go into his typical hysterics and assume that Squall is still Squall. Hn, Laguna... maybe the old man wouldn't mind helping me out a bit on this one. He's the Mayor for a reason, right? So all I need to do is talk with him and he'll help me orchestrate a Master Plan. Yup.. A Master Plan. Great. Now all I need to do is have a bubbling cup of Java to get me motivated, and I'll be all set.

Suddenly there is a bright light from above, and a steaming cup of coffee is stuck in front of my face. For a moment I consider this religious miracle, and then realize that Squall is standing right in front of me. I tilt my head up, and up (damn, he looks tall from this angle....), until get to his expectant face.

"Nng..." I groan intelligently and straighten in the chair, wrapping my freezing hands around the warm company coffee mug. He sits across from me and sips his coffee, obviously holding a conversation with me in his head. I taste my coffee and wait for the opportune moment to join in. Three, two, one... "Yes, I prefer my coffee like this, thank you for asking."

The moment of surprise on his face is worth it, and I mentally thank myself for learning to speak the unique mental language that is Squallese. He regains his composure quickly. "I didn't ask."

I nod wisely. "Maybe not, but you were thinking it, weren't you?" He shrugs an affirmative. I let out a mental evil laugh, along with an eyebrow waggle. On the outside though I only let out a smirk. He frowns at me, but not in a displeased way. More of a thoughtful, Squally type way. He takes another sip of coffee.

"So," he begins, "What were you thinking about?" For a moment I am dumbfounded. Squall- Squall Leonhart, none the less- just voluntarily asked a thought provoking question. Damn, he must have hit his head harder than I thought.

Oh crap, he's waiting for an answer. "Oh, nothing," I say airily, "I was just formulating a Master Plan." He gives me his I-just-mentally-raised-an-eyebrow-in-your-direction stare, and I shrug. "Nothing much. So, what's on the agenda today?"

Shrug. "Nothing much." I take that to mean that I'm free to do whatever the hell I want.

I get up and dump the last drops of my coffee in the sink and put the cup in the dishwater. "Welp," I say to my small audience, "I'm going to take a shower and then head out on town, if that's all right."

Squall nods. "Oh, Seifer. Do you know when the Mayor is open to the public?"

I smirk at the way he phrased the question, but decide not to say anything. Let's see, Laguna allows public and private hearings beginning at seven, so... "Ten. And he may be late, he's not too reliable, as far as public officials go."

He nods and goes back to his coffee, and I breath a sigh of relief. There, now there should be no chance of me and Squall accidentally running into each other. With a spring in my step I step into the small bathroom and perform the basic duties of manhood. A pleasant shower and a quick shave later I'm ready to go. I find Squall on the balcony, cleaning up after the Dog's latest defecation stunt. I stare for a moment at his lovely ass and grin at old memories. They only last for a moment though; I don't think this Squall would be pleased to turn around and find himself face-to-face with my hard on. I quickly turn to less exciting thoughts.

"Sooo, I didn't know dogs were allowed here."

He doesn't even turn. "They're not." He thinks about that for a minute. "That's why Seifer has a litter box. He's not allowed to defecate on the lawn."

Well that explains a lot, although I believe he used the dog's name on purpose. Wonderful, now the great Seifer Almasy is pouting. What-fucking-ever. "Do you need anything while I'm out?"

He shakes his head, hesitates, and then nods reluctantly. "Shampoo?"

I grin. "No prob." He nods, and I finally leave, whistling a jaunty tune as I exit. This shampoo is a perfect step in making him remember, considering I know exactly what his favorite kind is. And it is most definitely not what he is using. Honestly, the Squall I knew wouldn't have been caught dead wearing blueberry scented shampoo like he is now, I can tell you that for sure. Something tells me that Rinoa probably had a say in that. Well Miss Rinoa, sorry to say, but Seifer Almasy is back, large, and soon to be in charge.

The car clock says it's only six forty five, so I stop in at one of those 24 hour drug stores and purchase a bottle of Dr. Odine's Most Marvelous Hair Medicine, a lovely coconut scented concoction that I haven't allowed myself to even think of since it was obvious Squall wasn't coming back. Now denied that restriction, I open the top and take a large heavenly whiff, which earns me a glance from an old lady in the next aisle. The powerful scent fills my lungs, giving me a heady feeling. Oh yeah, that's the stuff. I take my purchase to the check out counter, and the half asleep girl on duty has the audacity to ask if I'm feeling alright. I suppose I can forgive her just this once. "Lady," say's I, "I haven't felt this good since Chickie choked on his hot dog at the last Balamb Independence Day event." Hn, let her puzzle over that one for a while. I flash her my best Seifer Almasy smirk on the way out, just to make up for my odd behavior. My last sight is of her practically swooning. Now to the Old Man's place.

I swear, for someone who doesn't even know his way around the town he's supposed to be in charge of, this man is one lucky bastard. He lives in this huge (understatement) mansion, complete with acres of property and a whole freaking lake in his back yard. At one point he decided that the house was to big for him to live in by his lonesome, so he invited a couple of his advisors to stay there with him (they each have their own separate wings), and he allows the public to hold council meetings there in his ground floor oversized ballroom. His advisors, Kiros and Ward, have been friends with this idiot for years, and only Hyne knows why. They like to make fun of his social status, even going so far as to jokingly rename the beach of Balamb as 'Laguna Beach'. He got them back though by placing whoopie cushions under their seats during a diplomatic press conference. Unfortunately the fool gave himself away by bursting into hysterics when the loud noise echoed throughout the room. So far as I know the two are still planning their revenge.

I am admitted into the mansion by a young looking man in a stuffy looking suit. He seems new, which isn't surprising. Laguna hires practically everyone who comes to him looking for a job. Unfortunately he hasn't realized yet how to fire people, and so personally employs a good percentage of the town. The young man directs me to the foyer, and then bows himself out of the room. Damn, looks like somebody's training these idiots nicely.

I don't have very long to wait before I'm surprised by a big hug from behind. It almost feels like someone's trying to perform the heimlich maneuver on me and, unfortunately, said 'someone' doesn't miss my slight gasp of surprise. Laguna releases me and steps back with a grin. Crap, now the whole time I'm here he'll have silly expression on his face thanks to the fact that he 'got' me. But he is, of course, too mature to admit the fact. He waves me into his grand corner office, which was set aside specifically for work. Unsurprisingly he has a mini golf set in the center of the room and a miniature basketball hoop hanging from the back of the door (the scooter is thankfully hidden in the closet). Seriously, for a man of his age and stature, I'm firmly convinced that Laguna is just 'specially abled' or something. As if to prove my point, he collapses into his favorite bean bag chair and invites me to sit from the one across from him. I do have to admit though, as I sink into the mound of beans, it just can't get much more comfortable than this.

He smiles, amazingly showing every sparkling tooth in his mouth. "So, Seifer, what brings you here? It's only been, what... a year and a half? Two years?"

I picture myself doing one of those anime sweatdrop type things. "Yeah, old man, something like that."

He frowns at me. "Coincidentally, it's been one and a half to two years since I played a good game of Clue."

I groan on the inside. It was just my luck that during one of my earlier visit s here with Squall I happened to mention the fact that I liked the movie 'Clue'. Before I could blink Laguna had the game set up and was challenging me with the usual boast of 'I am sooo totally going to kick your ass at this game'. Needless to say, he lost. As it turns out, it was actually the first time he had ever lost the game against anyone, and so I officially became his Clue opponent. Not a bad waste of fifteen minutes, really, plus I got to wear the plastic 'Winner's Crown' every time I won (which was about seventy percent of the time).

I wave at him with a weak smile. "Sorry old man, but as much as I would like to beat you down at the game, I have bigger news."

At this he leans foreward, and by the expression on his face it's almost possible to see his as the mercenary he was and as the mayor he became. "Squall?"

I nod the affirmative. "Squall."

Laguna immediately jumps up. "Well where the hell is he?" He then proceeds to glare at me suspiciously as if thinking that I had Squall tucked in my back pocket or something.

I breath out. "You might want to sit down, old man. Things are somewhat.. complicated."

Laguna sits slowly back on his bean bag, only slightly easing the hard glare. "Is he dead?" He says it in a dangerous monotone, and I wince.

"Not quite," I say, holding up my hand to stop Laguna from speaking. "Apparently when Squall crashed in that plane his head got pretty fucked up. He's got some kind of Amnesia or something. He doesn't remember who I am, and even some o his mannerisms are totally different."

Laguna frowns. "Amnesia? Don't they have treatments for that? And where the hell is he?"

I shrug. "Apparently not. He's staying at the dorms at Caraway Law; he's one of the junior board members there." I snort. "He's my fucking roommate. How's that for irony. Apparently Caraway's daughter found Squall, so now she and Squall are going together."

Laguna seems to explode. "What?! What do you mean he's staying with fucking Caraway? James Caraway? That idiot can't even tell his ass from his face! How is he supposed to take care of my son, and why didn't he tell me Squall was alive? He knows who the hell he is! And how can Squall be dating that whore of a woman? Doesn't he know that she's slept with every young man in town that would have her? And another thing! Why didn't fucking Caraway tell me he was alive?! I'm going to go there right now and tell that pompous son of a pig's ass exactly what I think of him! Oh ho, just wait until I'm done with that piece of shit!" He rounds on me. "You!"

I scrunch my eyebrows. "Me?"

He nods rapidly. "Why the fuck didn't he tell me Squall was alive?"

"I, uh, I have no idea, Sir."

Laguna let's out an honest to Hyne growl, and I'm forced to duck as his cell phone goes flying where my head was a second ago. I wince as it hits the far wall and breaks into several little plastic pieces. He stalks in front of me and glares up. "Well you fucking should."

I whistle mentally. So this is where Squall gets his temper... damn. I raise my eyebrows in surprise as Laguna picks up a pointy paper weight and glares at it, and then run and grab his hands as I realize it's about to follow the path of the cell phone.

"Laguna!" He thankfully stops and looks up at me.

"Now what the fuck do you want?" I start to answer, when he looks down at my hands on his. "And don't touch me. I'm mad at you right now."

Wow... now that is a line I've heard from Squall more than once. I promptly release the old man for fear that he may also punish the offense as painfully as his son does. Seriously, a knee in the nuts is no laughing matter. I step away and, out of habit from my good old army days, I stand with my back ramrod straight. "Sir, I just wanted to say that Squall would be dropping by later. And sir, if I may venture to say, I don't think he'll want to see this side of you. First impressions and all, sir." Laguna looks up at me, still with a death glare in his eyes, and I perform the basic army salute for lack of anything better to do.

Suddenly he seems to deflate. "I suppose you're right. Thanks, Seifer." He surveys the mess he made and rubs the back of his neck in an embarrassed manner. "And, um, sorry about that."

I shrug, although still half scared out of my mind. I tried to explain one of these episodes to Irvine once, and the cowboy just laughed at me. I assume it's one of those things, where 'you just have to be there'. Unfortunately though, I'm the one that usually is there. "No problem, sir."

He gives me a weak version of his typical smile and then proceeds to start tidying up his room. I raise an eyebrow. "Um, sir, shouldn't you have some of the hired help to clean that up?"

Laguna shrugs from his position on the floor. "I don't want them to think they're my slaves or anything. Besides, it's easy to clean up."

I shake my head at the man while refraining to tell him that he's kind of depriving the lazy ass's of their job. "Well sir, I guess I'll be going now."

He stands with a grunt and shakes my hand firmly. "Thank you Seifer, and stop by again soon, okay? I almost feel like I've lost two son's instead of one."

I smirk at him. "Sure thing, old man. Maybe next time I come over I'll be able to kick your ass in a game of Clue. Hasta." With that I exit the room with a smile, leaving the spluttering Mayor behind me. I think it's time to pay a visit to Selphie, to see if she's up to making dinner tonight. Hn, wonder if she has any recipes for roast dog.

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B.S.: And thus, a sad, sad, sad and pathetic chapter. But hey, at least it's another chapter And hey, we brought in one of my favorite characters (Who happened to be totally OOC, but what gives.). Oh right, I forgot to mention above: Laguna Beach belongs to whoever it belongs to. Out of curiosity, does anybody else ever feel like putting little 'faces' by what characters say? I always want to put little '-.-' or '' after Seifer's comments and then have to go back and erase them all after I realize I accidentally put them in =P

About Seifer, the dog: sigh Redrum, Faery of Fiction... get your heads out of the gutters .- No, Seifer and Seifer will have no 'time' together (or maybe..) laugh Glad people seem to like the stupid mutt though.

Wind chime Bells: (yo!) Yup, Seifer has some severe human characteristics. But to be fair, he is based on a couple of real dogs that I know, so the actions are definitely dog-like. By the way, the scene where Seifer lays on top of the bed, in the center, and then gets under the covers... that's what my sister's dog Maggie does to me every night, and so I figured I might as well use it to piss off Seifer =P

Ruth: Hmm, for some reason I never got the email that says you posted, or I definitely would have gotten back to you sooner! Sorry! Anyways, hope you had fun, and here's another teeny chapter for you! ;

Happy Little Bumble Bee: Thanks for reading Always nice to have an appreciative reader type person who wants more chapters .- laters.