Chapter 4
When her eyes glazed over his body she felt her muscles twitch. The blood was slowly draining from her face and she knew it was taking on a sickening pale color. Her muscles grew weak, and she felt as if at any moment she was going to collapse. He wasn't supposed to be here.
He was never supposed to come back.
"Haley bear have a seat."
She watched as his hand pointed to the tan recliner across from the darker brown chair he was sitting in and next to the couch were her mother still sat motionless.
She tried to move her legs, but they wouldn't budge. She just stared at him. God how he had changed. His skin was a darker olive complexion, his hair still brown but lighter with a few gray strands sticking out, and his eyes, still brown, still broken in pieces from their past.
But she didn't care how broken he was. She had no sympathy for him.
"Why are you here?"
Her voice came out in a trailed whisper. Haley's throat felt dry, stiff and unmoving. Her head began spinning as Tim's voice reentered filling her brain with mixtures of phrases and images.
She watched as her father's eyes stared straight into hers never faltering or breaking their gaze.
"I wanted to see you." Haley finally broke their heated stare as her eyes lowered to the ground. "I missed you Haley bear."
Haley drew out a jagged sigh as she crossed her arms over her chest. She never thought she would see him again. She figured once he was gone, everything had a chance of falling back into place. Tim would go back to normal and their family would reunite into a solid unit without him. Everything was supposed to be easier when he left. They were supposed to be happier once he was gone.
She never knew how wrong she would become.
"Bull shit."
Her eyes glazed back up to her father's as she watched them rise in shock.
"Pardon me?"
Haley licked her bottom lip and took in a deep breath for courage.
"You heard me dad. I said bull shit!"
She was angry now. Her voice was cracking with emotion, and her eyes were trying to send out daggers while brushing back the tears. She could never keep her emotions in check when it came to her Dad. Just looking at him made her want to break down. Tim had always been the only person she felt strong with when her Dad came into the picture.
Tim was the only person that could protect her from him.
"Hales-"
Her father stood up from his chair and took a step towards her before she cut him off.
"Don't call me that."
Her voice hissed out with venom and it stopped her father in his tracks.
"Why not Hales?"
She could hear her father beginning to taunt her. Breaking her down slowly, just like he always had.
"Stop it."
"Come on Hales tell me why I can't call you that."
He took a step forward as she clenched her fists together.
"Stop it."
He stopped walking and stared at Haley for a moment before a wicked grin took over his face.
"Is it because Tim called you that Hales? Is that the reason?"
"Stop it!"
Haley's chest was heaving and she could feel her blood begin to boil.
"Don't you dare even say his name!"
"I can say what ever I want Haley I'm still your father!"
"That title was gone the day you left us!"
"I didn't have a choice!"
"You always had a choice!"
His face remained emotionless just staring back at her while she was mere inches from having a break down.
"I just wanted to help my son Haley, why can't you understand that?"
"He was never your son."
Haley watched as her father took another step closer bridging their gap and still staring at her challenging her every move.
"Then what was he Hales?"
Haley visibly flinched as the nickname left his mouth again and she didn't miss how her father's face widened in a grin from her reaction.
"You didn't care about him."
Her voice was angry, not yelling, but not calm. It was an eerie whisper.
"You didn't give him the time of day and when he asked for your help you turned your back on him."
Haley's eyes began to water and she could feel her burning tears as they trickled down her cheek.
"Don't stand here and act like your better then this family, or that you helped him because all you did was run."
Her father stood there, not moving or saying a word, but letting her hash out her hidden anger.
Her voice came out in a hissed whisper as she narrowed her eyes into him.
Brown against Brown.
"You destroyed him."
Her Dad nodded his head and they both stood there in silence. Jimmy finally began to shuffle his feet and headed towards the front door. Before he could open it though and walk out he stopped in front of Haley and whispered his next words.
"I'm not the one who killed him though Haley bear."
Haley's eyes shut tight in pain as his words cut through her. He brought his mouth closer to her ear and she felt her body weakening with each moment.
"You took care of that one all by yourself."
He moved his lips down from her ear and gave her a light kiss on the cheek. She could feel it burn as his lips made contact with her skin. She didn't hear the door open and close signaling his departure, and she didn't notice her mother stand up and leave the room to go into the kitchen where she would either drink herself into oblivion, or cry until she passed out.
The only thing she could hear was Tim's muffled voice in her mind, and her heart breaking with each moment. She didn't feel her body hit the floor or the tears as they formed a puddle around her body. She was numb to her world, and the only thing she could understand was the last words Tim said to her.
Promise me you'll never leave.
It was Haley's 15th birthday. Her friends had taken her out earlier to the movies and the mall and she had just gotten home with a few shopping bags in hand. She looked around her abandoned living room and leaned back on the front door while letting out a depressed sigh.
Of course her mom wouldn't be home on her birthday. She was probably out at the local bar, or a strip club wasting money on cheap lap dances from men who probably had STDs.
Haley shook her head before heading up the stairs of their 3-story home. She paused as she reached his room. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth before slowly opening it to see it disheveled. His posters were torn off the wall, his sheets placed every which way across the room, open condom wrappers on the floor, and a bottle of cocaine placed on his nightstand.
A centimeter away from being empty.
He wasn't even trying to hide it anymore.
Haley tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and let her eyes fill with tears.
When did she lose him?
She looked around his room one last time before leaving and then proceeding down the hallway. She saw the light on in his office through the crack. She dropped her shopping bags by the floor and placed her hand on the doorknob. She quickly whipped away her fallen tears and let out a deep breath of air. She slowly turned the knob and entered the room to see her father rummaging through files on his desk.
"Hey Haley bear."
She gave her dad a light smile and then cautiously entered the room.
"Hi Daddy."
Her voice was fragile and soft. She walked towards his desk and took a seat in his client's chair.
"How was your day?"
Haley gave her shoulders a light shrug while tensing in his chair. He had still yet to look up from his files.
"Pretty good I guess."
Haley's father nodded his head before scratching off something on the paper.
"That's nice."
Haley shook her head and forced back the waterfall of tears she knew were threatening to fall from her brown eyes.
He hadn't even told her Happy Birthday.
She sat there staring at him work. This was the third time he had forgotten about her special day. The first time he bought her a pony, the second he gave her a shopping spree, and she was guessing that this time he would just hand over his credit card.
Why waste his time spending it with her.
Haley kept her focus zeroed in on her father until he finally looked up from his stack of papers and caught her longing stare.
"What Haley?"
His voice sounded irritated, and it struck her like knifes through her heart. She wouldn't let that stop her from finally telling him what he needed to hear, she would stay strong on the outside, hoping it would open his eyes to what was happening in their world.
"He needs help Dad."
Her father's eyes immediately darted back down to his file as he picked up his pen and began scratching things off again.
"Not now Haley."
His voice was ruff, angry, and it frustrated Haley to her breaking point.
"Then when Dad! When he overdoses? When the cops call and tell us they found him unconscious in some random alley!"
Haley cut her eyes into her father and watched as he still continued to write things down on his latest case, and not looking up to give her the time of day.
"When will it be enough for you Dad?" Her voice was in a soft pained whisper as she shook her head at her father's now stilled figure.
"When he dies? Will it be enough for you then?"
Her father sat there not moving, not speaking, and not bringing his head up to meet her gaze. He was a coward, and she knew this, but yet she also knew this was her only hope. The only way she could save her big brother. Her heart grew cold as she watched him pick up his pen and continue his work, and that's when she felt her blood begin to boil.
And when all hell broke loose.
"God damn it Dad say something!"
She stood up from the chair and snatched his papers on his desk and through them across the room.
"Stop being such an idiot Dad and open your eyes!"
Her father stood up quickly and snapped his hate filled stare onto his daughter's.
"What do you want me to do Haley! You want me to tell him to stop!"
He shook his head and she watched as his fists clenched together on his desk.
"What will that solve Haley!"
"It will let him know that you love him, instead of just ignoring him like you've been doing since he was born!"
"I don't ignore him."
His voice growled as Haley's face and voice grew cold.
"That's right I forgot, you give him money once a week so he can go buy the heroin and crack, your not ignoring him at all your just trying to get rid of him."
"Don't stand in front of me and pretend that you're innocent in all this Haley because the last time I checked you weren't doing a damn thing to stop him either."
"I might not have stepped up earlier but at least I wasn't funding his problems!"
"Wake up little girl and face the real world! Your brother's a fuck up, a disgrace, so don't blame me for trying to protect this family!"
Haley's eyes widened in shock before she shook her head and looked at her father with disgust.
"Last time I checked he was still your son and apart of this family."
Her father's eyes settled on hers before letting out his next blow to her heart.
"Not by my choice."
Haley's eyes narrowed into his as she swiftly brought her hand up and connected it with his cheek. She watched as his head jerked from the hard contact, and almost smiled at the imprint her hand left on his cheek.
"You bastard."
Haley took a step back and felt her anger starting to subside with anguish and pain now taking over.
"You can't blame me for wanting to save what's left of this family Haley."
Haley nodded her head as she let her eyes finally waver from the man she now despised.
"Your right Jimmy I can't."
She watched her father flinch when she called him by his name and it brought a sick empowering feeling to her. She slowly turned around and walked a few steps reaching his door. She placed her hand on the doorknob but turning to face him one more time.
"But I will blame you when he dies."
She watched as her father's eyes immediately darted to the ground at her words.
"I pray to god that his memories haunt you until the day I have the pleasure of burying you 6 feet under the ground."
She licked her bottom lip and felt the tears finally begin to trickle down her cheeks.
"Rot in hell, murder."
She knew her final words had hit him hard as his body fell into his chair and she watched as he clutched his hair with his hand and a sob left his throat. She didn't care though. He had already destroyed every part of her that felt sorry for him. She left the office and entered her room where she dropped down to the floor and finally collapsed in agony.
Her father left that night, abandoning her and the only answer she could find to her problem.
All Tim had ever wanted was for their father to notice him, maybe not even love him, but just to acknowledge that he was alive. He did things to try and stand out, make him see him, but her father never cared. He was just there to bail him out of jail and throw more money in his face.
Haley figured if her father cornered Tim and told him to go and get help that he would because that's all Tim had ever wanted from his life, a father he could love. All Tim wanted was to know that their father had faith in him.
She heard the front door open and close and she slowly made her way to her windowsill to see what was going on outside.
She watched as her father packed away suitcase after suitcase in his new silver Bentley. She felt a nauseating feeling hit her stomach as her father looked up and connected his eyes with Haley one last time, and then he abruptly looked away, got into his car, and drove off, and Haley knew that he was gone. He left them.
Not even bothering to say Happy Birthday.
Or even goodbye.
Her breathing finally calmed a few minutes latter and her tears were now beginning to slow down. Her head started to ache as her father's words came rushing back to her and the memory seemed to be replaying in her thoughts scene by scene as she sat there in her living room unmoving. Her hand swiftly rose to her cheek and she could still feel a stinging sensation from where her father's lips had planted only hour's prior.
The only thing her body could function to do was run.
Run out of the house and out of that moment.
Her body began to shake from exhaustion and she finally planted her self down on the wooden docks. The place she found herself running to.
She stayed there in the dark for a long few moments, just listening to the quit chips of the grasshoppers.
She didn't here his shuffled feet or sense the presence of another body sitting next to her; all she could feel was emptiness.
"I was hoping I'd run into you."
Haley finally snapped out of her haze to see his crystal blue eyes staring at her with an honest intensity.
She nodded her head and then turned it back to look at the water.
"I just wanted to say that what happened back there was…"
"The truth."
She didn't mean to sound defensive but she couldn't help but let the words slip from her mouth.
"Haley look if I could take back my past I would-"
"But you can't."
She turned her head and let her brown eyes finally connect back to his, and for once she realized she could sympathize with Nathan Scott.
He wanted to erase his past and she longed to be able to take hers back.
She had no room to judge what she too prayed would happen.
"I'm sorry Haley."
"For what Nathan? I'm the one who overreacted."
He looked at her confused as she gave him a small smile.
"I should have stayed and let you explain but instead I just ran."
Haley shook her head as her smile dropped and her father's memory came haunting back to her.
"Something I've been getting rather good at these days."
Her voice was bitter, and he sensed it.
"I just don't want you to think that I'm just one of those guys."
Haley shook her head as she placed her hand over his and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"I don't."
His face suddenly broke from its depressed frown into a glowing smile.
"It's just you said you thought-"
"You were who you were Nathan and I have no room to judge you on that."
His smile dropped a little and his eyes looked at her questioningly.
"Look Haley I'm not trying to sound rude here but why are you so understanding all of a sudden, it's not like I mind, because hey I'm beyond grateful that you are it's just a few hours ago…"
"A few hours ago I was pretending to forget things about my own past."
She let out a small sigh before turning her eyes back onto the water.
I just don't want you to be mad at me."
She shrugged her shoulders as she let out a small sigh.
"How could I be mad Nathan, this is who you are."
She waved a hand around the house motioning to the drunken teens barley making it up the white stairs.
Her eyes finally came back to rest on his and she could see the regret and hope splashed all over his features.
"It's my fault for thinking you were something else."
Her voice trailed off in a whisper as she thought back to what she said to Nathan earlier on that night.
"But tonight I was reminded of who I am, and that I was the one pretending to be something else."
She let out a small sigh as she shook her head.
"I just understand now that you can't take away the things that happened in your past."
She felt a gulp go down her throat and Tim's voice started whispering in her ear again.
"No matter how hard you try."
She forgot that her hand was placed on Nathan's but soon came back to realize it when she felt his fingers interlock with hers and then brought them up to give her hand a small kiss.
Things with Nathan would be different now.
Their relationship would lead to his questions, and his questions would lead to either her lies or her memories.
She didn't know which was better to choose from.
She could only hear Tim's words echoing.
Promise me you'll never leave.
She looked down to her interlocked fingers with Nathan and brought her eyes up to his face and the small genuine smile that curled on his lips.
Maybe Tim was sending her a sign with his words.
And maybe it was a warning.
-Sarah