Chapter 6
Haley was walking out of her fist period class when she felt her books sweep out of her hands. She quickly looked up, about to give who ever had just taken her things a piece of her mind, when she found Nathan's smirking form looking through her text books.
"What is this junk?"
Haley rolled her eyes before snatching her books back from his hands.
"It's called Medical Terminology Nathan."
He nodded his head before slinging his arm around her shoulders.
"And to me that just means…junk."
He looked down at her to give her a quick charming smile before his smirk took back it's place on his mouth as he looked back up at the crowded hall. She had noticed as her and Nathan began to hang out more often that people tended to stare, a lot. The guys mostly just gave Nathan a quick nod before giving Haley a very quick look over before sending their gaze anywhere but at them. They didn't want Nathan to notice them checking her out, and the girls, well they just didn't like them together. To put into nice terms.
"Why do you do that?"
Haley abruptly stopped walking and Nathan halted his feet and stared down at Haley's confused stare.
"Do what Hales? Call classes junk?"
Haley shook her head and was about to open her mouth as one of Nathan's friends called his name and he quickly snapped his eyes to his friend gave them a quick nod and then looked back at her.
"Do what Hales?"
Haley suddenly felt overwhelmed and as if a million people were now suddenly staring at them.
"Never mind."
She forced a small smile on her lips as she continued walking only to have gained a few steps before Nathan's hand touched her shoulder and he sidestepped in front of her.
"No tell me."
Haley looked around at all the people passing by and let out a small sigh.
"It's just, with me you have this smile, and with everyone else..."
His head titled to the side, as he understood where she was going with this.
"I don't."
"Yeah, I guess I'm just confused."
Nathan's smirk reappeared on his face as he his voice let out a playful Innocence.
"About?"
Haley let out a frustrated sigh.
"Come on Nathan be serious."
He stopped the smile that was tugging at his lips as he placed his hands on her shoulder.
"Look Haley, with you it's just different."
"How?"
It took him a moment before he responded with a shrug and a small smile etched on his lips.
"You make me feel normal, like I can be myself, and I'm not just some big shot basketball player."
Haley pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as she felt her lips moving to meet his smile.
"Well you don't have to every worry about me thinking that."
She took his hands off her shoulders as she began to walk down the hallways. It only took a few moments before she felt his familiar presence by her and his arm back around her shoulders.
"And why's that James."
Haley stopped in front of her class as she patted his cheek in mock affection.
"Because I beat you horribly in basketball Nathan, I would never think you're a big shot."
She gave him a playful smile before entering her class and taking a seat in her desk.
She couldn't help but over hear two girls who walked in a few moments latter.
Gossiping about Nathan Scott standing in front of their class, dumbstruck with a slight smile on his lips.
She had woken up early the next day. It was 3am and yet she had never felt more awake. Haley quietly got out of her bed and stretched her arms over her head. Her feet felt as if they had entered a bucket of ice as they hit the cold wooden floor. She quickly made her way down the hallway and then proceeded down the oversized staircase.
She had never felt so entirely alone. Even after she had found…him, it still didn't hold this type of quietness, this type of stillness. Her mind seemed to be jumbled. Her thoughts were on overdrive ever since her last therapy appointment and her emotions felt as if they were overtaking her, overpowering her ability to think.
Haley made her way through the living room and into the kitchen until she placed her hand on the sliding patio door and opened it to step outside to the humid air. It was 3am and probably 75 degrees outside; august was defiantly the hot month for Tree Hill. Haley made her way down the familiar path of her backyard and entered the white gazebo she had found herself being pulled to. She sat down on the bench and exhaled a deep breath.
No matter how many times she tried to convince herself to let it go, she couldn't. She couldn't shake the nagging feeling of guilt, of pain, of puzzlement. She was so confused by it all because she knew it wasn't what the police said, the newspapers had lied, and the autopsy, well the doctor must have been paid off, because Haley new it wasn't suicide.
Her brother would never take his own life.
The blood splattered across the room might say that he did it; the gun in his hand could be his conviction, and the bullet in the side of his head might be the final proof anyone would need to rule it out as a cracked out kid playing with a gun, but Haley knew better.
She was the one who found him. She was the one who saw the look in his wide-open dead eyes.
He was terrified.
She heard the pebble stones begin to move ahead of her and snapped out of her thoughts to see a disheveled Jake standing in front of her, with basketball pj pants on and a plain white t-shirt.
"What are you doing up this early Hales?"
Haley's mind was still reeling as she let her eyes glance up at her brother.
"I couldn't sleep."
She watched as he took careful steps towards her sitting himself down on the same bench but leaving just enough space between them.
"Well that much is obvious Hales." She heard the light tone in his voice and it brought an involuntary smile to her lips.
"Why couldn't you?"
Her smile immediately dropped and she turned her head away from Jake and faced it forward. She heard the small sigh that left his mouth, and she knew she was killing him. Each moment that she let herself stay caught up in it all, she inflicted pain not only on herself but especially on him.
"Haley-"
"Jake do you ever think that maybe just maybe some things aren't always what they seem?"
"I guess, what exactly are you trying to say Hales?"
Haley's eyes skimmed back up to her brother's and connected with his worried glance.
"It's just sometimes I think about things, and I just wonder what if the story ended differently."
"I'm not really following you Hales."
Haley's eyes tore more into her brother's and her voice started to pick up on her feeling, on her determination to make him understand.
"It's just you see things, and you think you have them figured out, like you know exactly how it happened and then one day you realize that, that's not what happened." Her voice deflated in her emotion and she found it now releasing in a pained whisper. "The answer they give you is really the farthest from the truth."
"Your not making any sense here baby sis."
"But I am Jake, can't you see it!" She grabbed his hands and clutched them tight as Jake's form stiffened in uncertainty.
"Can't you feel it Jake."
Her voice was now whispered as Jake's confused eyes started to clear over in an understanding picture, and that's when she felt the pull of his hands from hers.
"Haley stop, you don't know what your talking about."
His voice was stern, powerful in the sense of danger. Anger even.
"But I do Jake, everything is starting to make sense now."
Jake shook his head as he stood up and started to pace.
"He's dead Haley! How much more clearer do you need it to be!"
"You have to feel it Jake."
He stopped pacing and now looked at his sister with disgust, and it stung. She shattered even more now being scrutinized under her brother's raze.
"Feel what Haley?"
She sucked in a deep breath before standing up and meeting his gaze dead in the eye.
"Feel the lies."
He shook his head and threw his hands up in the air. She knew she was losing him, each second in this moment he became farther and farther away from her, to the point that she felt as if the world was standing in between them. She could feel his anger faltering, leaving him broken before her.
A look she couldn't handle any better.
"What lies Haley?"
She felt the strong gulp go down her throat, and she could feel her heart begin to race. Her eyes narrowed a little and she closed them for just an instance to keep back the tears.
"Tim didn't kill himself Jake."
Jake's form remained stilled as he took in her words. He didn't move, didn't breath, and she felt as if her world had stopped. She watched him for what felt like an eternity until his face faltered and his head hung low before he crossed his arms over his chest, and she knew at this very moment she had lost him. He hadn't believed one word.
"I've dealt with a lot this past year Haley." She watched his eyes glaze the ground until they looked up but away from her. "A lot from dad leaving, from mom's drinking."
Haley pulled in her quivering lip as she listened to her brother.
"I've seen mom break down so hard, I've listened for countless nights as she cried for hours on end, and I…" His voice trailed as his arms uncrossed from his chest and slowly came back to his sides defeated.
"I've always kept hope that she would someday come around." His eyes finally tore back into hers and she could feel her world falling down around her, piece by piece as his broken voice filled the air around them.
"The little boy inside me has always thought that dad would come back, and everyday I look at you and I pray with every fiber in my body that on that day you will look at me again, and that spark in your eyes will just light up, and you'll be you."
His words froze her and she couldn't feel the tears that were now flowing down her rosy cheeks.
"You'll be my little sister again."
Her eyes broke from his as she crossed her arms over her chest trying to hold herself together, telling herself over and over to not break down.
"I've always doubted that those things will never come true though Haley, there's always been that voice in the back of my head that keeps reminding me that those things will never happen."
Haley let out a shaky breath and then felt a rush of air knock out of her as her brother's pained voice now took over in a angered tone.
"But there's one thing I've never doubted Haley."
Haley snapped her eyes to her brother's as she pleaded with him not to say it, to just believe her.
"Tim committed suicide Haley."
Haley rapidly brushed away a fallen tear as she shook her head and took a hurried step towards Jake's hard stoned form.
"He didn't kill himself Jake! Why can't you believe me!"
"Because I saw the pictures Haley! He had the fucking gun in his hand what more proof do you need!"
His face was now angry, his voice livid, and she felt the disgust his body language was now sending her from even standing in the same air as her.
"But his cocaine vile was there-"
"All the more evidence-"
"It was full Jake!"
She felt her chest start to heave up and down and she felt her breathing become more and more erratic.
"You know as well as I do that Tim could never kill himself unless he was on something."
"I don't know that Haley."
His eyes glanced down the ground before coming back up to meet hers.
"In fact now that I think about it I didn't know him at all."
"But you know me Jake!" Her hands came up to his cheeks to stop his leaning head and hold it in place so that he was facing her straight on. "You know me big brother."
She watched as his eyes swiftly went down and she could feel his wall crumpling. She could feel him letting her in, and as his eyes snapped back up to hers and she felt the cold rush fill her body from her contact of her hands on his cheeks, she knew his wall was already rebuilt.
"You've made it pretty clear that I don't."
Haley's hands dropped from his face and she took a small step back.
"Why won't you believe me?"
Her eyes pleaded into his and she was met with nothing. He just stood there, unmoving, uncaring, and lifeless.
"Because I know you think you're the reason he did it, and now your trying to find an excuse so that you can run from your guilt."
She felt her anger begin to boil and she made her voice go into a monotone anger, mirroring his own.
"That's not what this is about-"
"Isn't though?"
Haley licked her bottom lip as her arms folded tighter around her body.
"You told him either he went to rehab or he was out, and not just out of the house, but out of your life Haley."
Haley could feel her anger begin to subside as anguish started to gain control over her fragile body.
"You knew if there was one thing that would push him it was threatening your relationship with him, and I know you blame yourself for the fight you two had. I can still feel the tension that filled that room, when you told him…"
Haley's whispered voice picked up and she felt her body fall down onto the bench.
"I hate you."
She had never meant for those words to come out to him. Tim was never supposed to be the one to hear those words, especially as his last. She loved him with every fiber in her body, and watching him ruin his life with every hit he took was breaking her more and more. She had thought if she told him that, he would go, he would get help. She didn't know that it would…be the send off to his death.
"I never blamed you Haley. Not once did I look at that moment and think you were the reason, even when everyone else in our family was putting the blame on you, I didn't, not once."
Haley's hand came up and ran shakily through her hair, and then her eyes slit into his.
"How dare you."
His eyes looked at her with confusion as she stood up and quickly walked over to him to face him toe to toe.
"How dare you stand there and throw that in my face! Who do you think you are Jake! Here's a little news flash for you though you're not the hero in this story! Don't stand there and try to make yourself look like an angel because at least I stood up to him and tried to get him help!"
Haley's anger began to take over and she found herself pushing her brother in the chest.
"I told the one person I loved more then anything that I hated them, and I swear I felt as if my heart had stopped beating that day! But at least, at least I tried to save him."
She watched as her brother took a step back from her push and looked down at her, still cold, but with more hatred for her shinning through from his eyes.
"All you did was stand there, not uttering one single word!"
Haley whipped away her tears as she shook her head at Jake and then stepped back to sit back down on the bench.
"You were a coward Jake, nothing remotely close to being the hero."
Jake stood there not moving. He just stared at her, as if she had just revealed the biggest secret in the world. She knew it would all be different now. He wouldn't be there for her, hounding her on her feelings, pressuring her to open up, and for a strange reason she didn't feel pain for ruining the relationship with her brother.
She felt relieved.
"If I was the coward, what were you?"
His comment was meant to hurt, and it did. It stung her like knifes through her heart. She watched his body as it retreated to the house, and she couldn't help but notice the way his shoulders were slumped down, in defeat.
Her mind began to jumble again as different thoughts and pictures filled her vision, and then her mind froze on one particular image.
Why she had never noticed it before stunned her.
Here she was a lifetime latter and now just piecing this vital information together.
She was the one who found Tim.
The gun in his right hand.
But the bullet hole on the left side of his head.
-Sarah