Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Zone of Proximal Development
There are things we don't need help doing. We know the steps. We mastered them. We can complete them by ourselves. Then there are the things we need others for. Such as things we haven't learned yet or are learning. New skills and knowledge that require support and supervision in order to successfully generalize into our day-to-day use. And then there is the difference between the two. Some might describe this as a distance to be overcome before achieving mastery. Others might describe it as a way to determine what a person's strengths and weaknesses are in certain settings. This difference is known as the zone of proximal development. And it can be a pain in the ass to navigate.
I do not like feeling emotions. Well… most emotions. Anger sometimes makes me productive. And if not for my love for Anzu, I wouldn't have a reason to get up most mornings. But other than that, feelings are inconvenient. And generally create more problems than they solve.
The last few years, spent living amongst awkwardly unexpressive males, made it easy to keep things under the surface (after my initial tantrum when Shibi made himself known). Shino and Shibi knew I had emotions. They knew how my emotions chose to manifest themselves during times when I failed to keep a lid on things. But they never pressed. And otherwise making sure I wasn't about to do something undoubtedly stupid; they were happy to leave me to it and not say a word. It was something I liked about the Aburame. Even before I became one of them… half one of them?
Anzu was different. She had this uncanny ability of looking at me and just know what was going on beneath my skin. Even when I was being the best shinobi-in-training I could be and wasn't projecting. It was an annoying skill she always possessed. One that led her to ask things like, "Do you want to talk about it?" Or, "Sharing will make you feel better".
My answer to both her question and request was always, "no".
I liked Chouji's and Shikamaru's responses to my moodiness the best. Once Shikamaru picked up on whatever emotional turmoil I was swimming through, he usually decided it was time to take a nap and wouldn't wake until I was in control again. Or he'd challenge me to a game of shogi and kindly drag out the game longer than normal so I'd have time to murder my pieces as some sort of coping mechanism.
Chouji's solution, being the soft-hearted foodie he is, was to feed me. Feeling down in the dumps? Here's a hard-boiled egg. Heated enough that you look like a lobster? Let me buy you some ice cream on the way home. Oh, you're stressed about X, Y, and Z? Well, come over for dinner. My mom's making katsu don tonight. Honestly, Chouji is probably the only reason I made it through those last few years at the academy.
But digression aside, feeling things wasn't something I enjoyed. They rarely made linear sense, were a nuisance to sort through, and didn't mean the same thing for different people. Luckily for me, I was in a profession where emotions were frowned upon (unless they were being used to boost loyalty to the village). The shinobi's disregard for emotions was even written in our code. Unlucky for me, I was part of the generation that liked to take that specific part of the code and blow it to smithereens.
And unfortunately… I wasn't an exception.
"Oi, Rion", Shikamaru called from where he was standing on the bottom rungs of a ladder. "Can you hand me the-"
Without looking up from the stack of books I was sorting through, I handed him a green hardbacked book with faded characters on its spine. I was assigned to team ten today. Something, I was mostly pleased with. But tried very hard not to show it when Anko gave me my marching order. Wouldn't want to give her ammunition to use against me later.
Today, one of team ten's missions was to reorganize the local library. Apparently, the last genin squad hired for the task didn't understand the numerical sorting system. Needless to say, this was both a team and a mission that agreed with me.
"-Thanks", Shikamaru grunted; having abandoned his original question. Book in hand, he climbed back up the ladder to put it on the top self.
In my element, there was no question about who would be leading this mission. Knowing the numerical sorting system like one knows the birthmarks on their skin, I dived right into work; already anticipating when we'd finish and the shelves upon shelves of books and scrolls would follow a logical and predictable order.
The boys didn't question it. Chouji got to work pulling books that were out of numerical order when I asked him. Shikamaru re-shelved the books back to their proper places without me having to ask. And we did this all seamlessly as a unit as I worked on jotting down a new inventory. Having no complaint about our system, Asuma willingly left us to it after I kicked him out of the library when he started reaching for a cigarette. One of the worst things is the scent of smoke trapped in the pages of a book.
The only person who wasn't on board; the only person who didn't understand how to work with us, was Ino. "Why are you in charge?" She demanded to know as she dumped a stack of misplaced anthropology texts next to my growing collection of astronomy books. Annoying, since my directions were to only bring astronomy books to me as that was the section Shikamaru and I was currently on. Ino should have taken the anthropology books over to the social sciences section to be sorted when we got there. As Chouji was doing with his non-astronomy misshelved books. Just like I'd asked him to.
But I didn't look up from the books on constellations I was handling. Some of these books were dusty and smelled like an old person's home. A sure sign that they hadn't been open in years. "Anthropology belongs in the three hundred range. This is the five hundred range. Try again". I said, nodding in the direction of the stack of books she just dropped off.
Huffing with annoyance, Ino placed her hands on her hips and made no inclination that she would be moving. Oh, joy. "Don't dodge the question", she demanded.
However, I did ignore her question because I don't care. There was never a question about who would be leading this mission. Chouji knew that. I knew that. Shikamaru knew that. There wasn't any point in discussing it.
"Rion's really good at this sort of thing, Ino", Chouji said as he came up behind Ino. In his arms, he held his own stack of books. The three books on top, he handed to me as Ino scowled at him. All three were respectably labeled 522.1, 523, and 525.5. "She should lead".
"She's not even on our team", Ino expressed with her nose scrunched up.
"I am today", I taunted; looking up long enough to enjoy the venomous frown on the blonde's face. Even if it did earn me a disappointed look from Chouji.
Shikamaru climbed down the ladder. With neither of us talking, I handed him the next set of books. "So…" I said slowly for the sole purpose of poking buttons. "Are you going to move those?" I asked Ino; pointing to the anthropology books.
Furious, like a bristling cat, Ino dropped her hands from hips, curled them into fists, and stomped off… So, unprofessional. She could have at least taken the books with her.
Mournfully, the library mission couldn't last forever. As soon as we finished, Ino just about pushed us out of the building so we could find Asuma and start the day's next task. For team ten, that meant training.
"Let's head to the east training field", Asuma directed. It was needed because Ino marched ahead of him with her hands held into fists and swinging aggressively at her sides without knowing where we were going. Asuma walked behind Ino as the three of us dragged our feet in the back.
"What's training like for your team?" I asked as we took our time to navigate through the busier areas of Konoha's streets. Well… the three of us did. Ino looked like she wanted to race to the training field, while Asuma was in an in-between pace; trying to keep track of all the genin under his wing for the day.
Shikamaru shrugs with his mouth stretched into a yawn and his hands shoved in his pockets. "Combos and chakra control mostly". He answered; sounding just as bored as he did when Iruka-Sensei would review the curriculum right before a test.
"Combos?" I asked as Ino barked a demand from the front that we hurry up. Immediately my mind when to ordering lunch specials. But I knew that couldn't be right.
Chouji, ever the multi-tasker, answered around a mouthful of his favorite chip flavor. "Ino-Shika-Cho", he said; offering me a chip when I looked pleadingly at him. "The formations our clans use. It's how our jutsu work best together, so we have to practice".
"Troublesome", Shikamaru said to express his thoughts on the matter.
At this point, we'd walked far enough that the dirt path changed to grass. Otherwise known as the east training field. "So, if you guys are running combos, that means you don't need me, right?" I asked. My question was meant for the two boys walking on either side of me.
But Ino couldn't help herself. As we approached the middle of the field, she turned around; her long ponytail swishing behind her. "That's right", she answered for my friends. "We don't need you. So, you can just sit back and watch like the extra you are". The corners of her mouth pulled back symmetrically on both sides as she smirked victoriously.
"Ino", Chouji started to say. "That's not very n-"
I didn't let him finish. "Cool, thanks. That sounds good to me. T&I keeps be pretty busy, so I could use a break", I said; masking my own victory as Ino's expression fell. Because the opportunity presented itself, I leaned my weight into Shikamaru's side which he begrudgingly bore. "I think I'll take a nap. Wake me when training is over?"
In response, Shikamaru scowled and grumbled something rude and insulting under his breath. This time I couldn't stop my triumph from showing.
Asuma coughed to draw our attention. I wonder how many of his coughs are forced or genuine? "We're going to be doing something different today since Rion is with us".
"But Sensei!" Ino complained.
At the same time, I vocalized my disappointment with a drawn-out "awwww". It wasn't a sound I typically make. But it just felt right in this situation.
Asuma talked over us like we hadn't made any noise. "We're going to spar in teams. None of you have gotten opportunities to fight as a part of a team since team ten has been working on combos and Rion… is by herself", Asuma explained once he found the right words. Damn, I was really starting to look forward to that nap.
He had four genin looking at him with varying different expressions on their faces. None of our expressions even leaned close to eagerness. But Asuma remained unaffected. Taking his time about it, he packed down the front pockets of his vest (as if he didn't have the contents of his vest and their locations memorized) and pulled out his lighter. Ino crossed her arms and shifted her weight between her feet impatiently as we waited. Meanwhile, Shikamaru made an effort to shrug me off him. But when I didn't budge, he gave up with a forlorn sigh.
Asuma found his cigarettes in a pack in his back pants pocket. Much aware of the energy we were emitting into the training field's atmosphere, he moved like molasses as he pulled out one cigarette and lit it up. Was this revenge from the awkward walk we made him suffer through when we traveled from the library to here?
He didn't address us again until after he released a puff of smoke. "Ino with Chouji", he announced. "And Shikamaru with Rion. I'll give you thirty minutes to collaborate". And that was it. Asuma stood in the center, smoking as he left us to figure things out for ourselves.
Steaming like a train engine, Ino uncrossed her arms and held them stiffly at her sides. "Come on, Chouji", she ordered before turning and stomping to the other side of the training field.
"Uh", Chouji stammered, chip bag still in hand, as he watched Ino's retreating back. His eyes flashed over to Shikamaru and me. "Uh…Is she okay?"
"No", Shikamaru responded without pause.
And since I couldn't resist, "She seems normal to me".
Sitting cross-legged in the grass, Shikamaru yawned for the umpteenth time. His eyes were half-lidded when he asked, "What jutsu do you know?"
Since Chouji and Ino relocated, Shikamaru and I hadn't felt the need to. We sat at Asuma's feet to plan and discuss. It was actually a good arrangement since we could use Asuma to block out the afternoon sun. "Just the academy standard", I answered.
Shikamaru blinked; unimpressed. "That's it?"
"There aren't many jutsu a genin can learn relating to torture", I said; gesturing with my arms in a 'what can you do' sort of fashion. From above us, Asuma snorted. "Oh, but I learned tree walking. I wouldn't call that a jutsu though".
It looked like Shikamaru was squinting. "Your dad didn't teach you anything clan related?"
"How could he?" I countered. Honestly, Shikamaru. You're smarter than these. It's time to wake up and connect the dots. "There are no bugs living inside of me, remember". Although I have my suspicions there are at least one or two beetles living somewhere on my exterior person. Both Shino and Shibi are just too good at finding me when I least expect to see them.
Letting out an irritated huff of air, Shikamaru's shoulder slumped even forth. "Great. So, we the academy standard and my shadows. What supplies do you have on you? Let me see".
Recognizing tactician Shikamaru when he was sitting in front of me, I didn't bother to be annoyed by the bossy tone. Instead, I unattached my hip pouch and handed it over. "I have five kunai too", I said; pointing to the pouch strapped to my right calf.
Grunting to show that he heard, Shikamaru opened my hip pouch. The skin between his eyebrows wrinkled as he dug through its contents. "Shuriken", he muttered. "Ninja wire, smoke bombs, hand sanitizer?" He asked, looking up at the last one.
Again, all I could do was shrug. "Occupational hazard". A big BIG downside to being a T&I agent was having to deal with the bodily fluids of others. Tears, snot, blood, and… other. As I quickly learned from Shinobu, hand sanitizer was essential.
Not wanting to know, Shikamaru moved on. "First aid…" Shikamaru paused again. This time to shot me a mild glare as he found his missing shogi piece in my pouch and placed it into his own pocket for safekeeping. My bad. I forgot that was in there. Moving on, he got to the last item in my pouch. "Why do you have paint pellets?" Shikamaru asked as he dug out the last item I kept in there.
"I stole them from Naruto before he could use them on our landlord". There was a question in Shikamaru's eyes that he made sure I could see. "Our rent is cheap because Naruto is our neighbor, so I can't let him be evicted".
Shikamaru blinked at me. I blinked at him. Standing over us, Asuma was trying to hold back a few snickers. He didn't want to risk his cigarette falling from between his lips, after all. "Right…" Shikamaru drawled slowly as he decided to move on; handing me back my hip pouch. "Here's what we'll do. I'll handle Ino. You will face Chouji. We have a small advantage since they don't know your skill set. While I know what they can do". Shikamaru was in full planning mode now as he thought with one of his hands resting on his chin; his thumb pressing against his bottom lip. "Knowing Ino, she'll probably try to have both of them target you before dealing with me. So, I'll engage Ino and force distance until the only thing you need to worry about is Chouji".
Placing my palms flat on the grass and placing most of my weight on my arms, I leaned back. "Wouldn't it make more sense for me to go after Ino and you Chouji? I mean, you know Chouji better than anyone else".
"No", Shikamaru said with a shake of his head. "Ino can't use her mind-body transfer jutsu unless her target is stationary. Which she needs my shadows for. And when she does use that jutsu, she's left vulnerable. So, she'll be forced to rely on hand-to-hand. I know her better than you do, so I have to be her opponent. Troublesome as it is". Shikamaru sighed as if the thought visibly pained him. "Besides, Chouji is the one person you're always going to be able to beat".
That statement had me frowning for a variety of reasons. 1. Why did it make me sound like a loser? 2…
"Chouji isn't weak", I defended our other friend; feeling slightly off-put that I had to.
Shikamaru snorted in dry humor. "No, he isn't", he agreed. Explaining absolutely nothing at all.
Ino looked like a madwoman as she punched one of her hands and ground her knuckles into her palm. Something menacing glinted in her eyes as she stared at me from across the field. Beside her, Chouji was shifting anxiously; struggling to look at either one of us.
"Damn", I said as Shikamaru and I stood upright in lazy and unready positions. "You were right. Looks like I am target number one for this match".
Although, I'm not surprised. Shikamaru is, annoyingly so, always right.
Rolling his left shoulder, Shikamaru remained completely unmoved by the emotions his teammates were projecting. "Just focus on Chouji. Ino won't get past me". It was left unsaid that Shikamaru wouldn't let her get into a position where she could attack me. But it was a promise just the same. If anyone else made that promise, I wouldn't believe them. I'd probably scoff and prepare myself for a time when the promiser would attack me too. But this was Shikamaru. Him I trusted. Stupidly, him I never doubted. "Oh, and use one of those paint pellets", Shikamaru added. His head turned in my direction; communicating with his eyes. "The red one".
My eyes widened with comprehension. Message received. "Got it", I confirmed; smirking a little.
"If I call the match, you stop", Asuma instructed from where he stood off to the side. "Don't aim for anyone's head. Other than that, there are no rules". As if this was an old western from my last life, the wind whistled between us; Chouji and Ino on one side and me and Shikamaru on the other. All of us waiting for Asuma to cut us loose. His eyes flicked in each of our directions; checking our readiness. Before he nodded and further distanced himself from us. "Begin!"
Predictably, Ino charged first. With a furious cry, she ran directly at me with Chouji reluctantly following. I jumped back as Shikamaru lunged forward; intercepting Ino when it was too late for her to adjust her course. Using her momentum against her, Shikamaru planted his feet and pushed her back by jamming his shoulder into her abdomen.
"Shikamaru!" Ino complained as she staggered back; saving her balance by mere will.
With those two occupied, Chouji was free to run past them; heading for me. I kept jumping back to create more and more distance between us and our respective teammates. Though with each jump, I slowed to allow Chouji to catch up. On the final backward jump, I made I sank into a defensive stance; one hand hover over my hip pouch.
Gulping, Chouji skidded to a stop in front of me. "Rion, I'm sorry we have to do this". He said as he cast a nervous glance over his shoulder to where Shikamaru and Ino were battling it out. Though from him, it just looked like Shikamaru was dodging while Ino worked out some of her aggression on him.
"It's okay, Chouji", I said lightly without leaving my defensive stance. "We're just sparring. We're not going to hurt each other".
Sighing as if resigned, Chouji nodded before falling into a stance himself. What was he going to do? I needed to figure that out fast. Because Chouji was dangerous both as a long-range and a short-range fighter… or at least he was for me. Long-range, he'd have a chance to use his human boulder jutsu. Which would be unfortunate, since I needed to allow Chouji a hit in order for Shikamaru's plan to work. But at a short range, Chouji greatly overpowered me both in size and in muscle. To counter, I needed to rely on agility and flexibility.
Inhaling deeply, Chouji allowed himself a small moment before he initiated. Moving faster than I was used to seeing from him, Chouji formed hand signs. Shit.
My hands twitched at the instinctual sense to get the hell out of the way. But I forced myself to remain in position; not moving beyond bending my knees to be further prepared.
"Ino, I said no head shots", Asuma rebuked from the sidelines and Chouji's whole body grew in size. As if he were a puffer fish. Energy thumbed through him as his legs and arms disappeared from sight. Soon followed by his head, until the only thing about Chouji that was visible was his clothes.
"Human boulder!" Chouji announced; his voice sounding muffled from its hiding place. Then, like a bowling ball that had a mind of its own, Chouji rolled in my direction. Blades of grass flew up into the air in his wake.
My breath stilled for the short wait as I watched Chouji's approach. As soon as he was close enough, I sprang up. Pushing with my legs, I propelled myself into the air. A burst of chakra helped me get the height I needed to go over Chouji; as if I was doing the high jump. As Chouji rolled away, I twisted in the air so I could land with my feet under me and face Chouji at the same time.
"Chouji, I thought we were friends", I teased once on the ground. Still in boulder form, Chouji made a U-turn to try again. With his head covered, he couldn't see me reaching into my hip pouch.
"Shadow possession complete", Shikamaru announced over Ino's loud grumblings.
"You won't be able to hold this for long!" Ino declared. I was only vaguely listening; too focused on bowling ball Chouji to pay attention to what was going on behind me.
"Long enough for this to be over", Shikamaru retorted; sounding bored.
"Shows what you know! Chouji, you better smoosh her like a pancake", Ino cheered Chouji on. Or at least I think that's her version of cheering.
For the second time, I waited for Chouji to get close enough before leaping into the air. Except for this time, I didn't use a burst of chakra. Deliberately, Chouji and I made contact. Hitting at the top part of his rotation, my form was screwed and I tumbled over the top of him; falling face-first toward the ground. It was a rush, but since I didn't need to try to say myself, I had enough time to slip the paint pellet in my mouth and bite done.
I gagged at the same moment my body crashed into the grassy floor. Ugh... it was as thick as cough syrup. The smell of chemicals made my nose burn. And the taste… it was like an acidic, bitter bomb went off in my mouth. Here's hoping I don't swallow any of this. It would be hard to explain if I had to go to the hospital for poisoning myself.
"Way to go, Chouji!" Ino celebrated as I lay on the ground. "Now, come take care of Shikamaru!"
I didn't move until I heard Chouji's unmuffled voice. That was my cue that he no longer resembled a boulder of flesh. "Wait, Ino", he called back to his teammate; his voice strained in worry. "I need to make sure Rion is okay first".
"We're in the middle of a match!", Ino called back indignantly. "Check on her after".
With my mouth slightly open to let the paint spill out of and trickle down from the corners of my lips, I slowly picked myself up. "I thought we weren't aiming for heads", I said with a thematic groan.
Focusing on Chouji, I tried not to feel guilty when the boy paused mid-step and the color drained from his face. "Rion!" Chouji yelled as he rushed forward a moment later. "I'm sorry", he said. As soon as he was at my side, Chouji dropped to his knees. Gentle hands gripped my arms as he helped me sit back on my heels. "Asuma-Sensei! She's bleeding a lot", Chouji yelled over his shoulder. He didn't notice was his teacher made no move to intervene. So jonin can tell the difference between blood and paint a good distance away? Good to know. "Oh, Rion. I'm sorry. Did your teeth get knocked out? Something out of place? You didn't swallow anything did you?"
"Chouji", I gurgled around a mouthful of paint. Talking was too hard, so I had to give myself a moment to spit out a glob of paint onto the grass. It fell out of my mouth with a long tail of saliva; making it look even more like blood. "Chouji", I tried again. "I can't fight anymore". My voice came out nauseated. And this wasn't acting. The longer I had to taste this paint the greater chance I had of vomiting. "Can you stop the match please?" Feigning exhaustion, I slumped into his chest. Burying my face into his shoulder. Hopefully, his mom wouldn't be too mad about me staining his shirt with paint.
Chouji moved his hands from my arms to my shoulder blades; doing everything he could to steady me against him. "Asuma-Sensei, I forfeit", he yelled in a panic. Shikamaru and I would have to treat him to BBQ after this to set things right. Or rather, Shikamaru would have to treat him to BBQ because I can't afford Chouji's appetite on my budget.
Asuma's lazy voice was the next thing I heard. "Okay. That's a match. Shikamaru and Rion win".
That was kind of a lackluster announcement, I thought as Ino argued. "What? But Shikamaru won and Chouji won. That should make it a tie".
"It would", Asuma agreed as I cut the act and sat up under my own power. Chouji's hands hovered anxiously around me; prepared to catch me if the worst were to happen. His eyes never left my face as he guiltily tried to assess my condition. Guilt was something I felt swimming around in my gut as I used my sleeve to wipe paint from my face before turning to the side to spit out as much as I could. Please, don't let Chouji be too mad. "It would be a tie", Asuma continued, "If Rion was actually injured".
"What do you mean actually injured?" Ino demanded to know.
Meanwhile, Chouji was staring at me with something in his eyes I was struggling to decipher. Sheepishly, I held up one of my hands that hadn't escaped from the cascade of gushing red paint. "It's paint", I answered; trying to sound normal and unharmed. Though my voice still came out nauseated. Blah… maybe eating paint would be punishment enough for tricking Chouji. I was going to have to buy a new toothbrush after washing my mouth free of this taste and all these chemicals.
Chouji stilled as Asuma kept going. "Tricking your opponent into giving up isn't conventional, but I did say there were no rules".
"I want a rematch", Ino roared.
"Pipe down", Shikamaru added. "You're too loud".
Despite their squabbling in the background, I kept my attention on my friend kneeling in front of me. "Hey, Chouji. Sorry about that. I know I scared you. I hope didn't-"
My sorry excuse of an apology was cut short when Chouji's arms wrapped around me and pulled me in for a spine-snapping hug. It wasn't quite at a Gai-Sensei level. But it was pretty close. "You're okay", Chouji breathed in relief. "I was worried I broke your jaw or something".
When I understood his words and the sentiment behind them, I relaxed into Chouji's hold. Though, I couldn't build up the nerves to hug him back. I really don't deserve to call this boy a friend.
"Well, that took less time than I was planning", Asuma said even though most of us were ignoring him. "You kids want an early dinner?"
And… suddenly we weren't ignoring him. Chouji released me and together we jumped to our feet. Little left-behind droplets of paint-dyed saliva flew out of my mouth for my efforts. "Yes!" Chouji and I answered at the same time; eagerly turning our whole bodies in Asuma's direction.
In the background, Shikamaru released Ino from his shadow and sighed as if he bore the weight of the world on his shoulders. "It's better than training", he agreed despite his lack of enthusiasm.
As Shikamaru lazily trudged his way toward us, Ino hung back. For the first time today, she was silent as she watched us with a frown. For not the first time today, I felt guilty. Though this time, I did push the feeling away. Just like the good shinobi I rarely pretended to be. After all, emotions are inconvenient.