Awa spent the night in the infirmary, shaking in the aftershocks of the pain she felt during the linking. Grace and the other technicians there had rushed her to the doctors after she stopped throwing up and the worst of her seizures stopped. The doctor had no explanation for why she got the pain, any reasons to do with her of course. Awa was very vocal about her concern for her Avatar body though she knew it was mostly fine, the Na'vi was taking care of it, but she couldn't very well tell the doctors there that she knew it wasn't the Avatar body's fault.
Grace had marched in early the next morning with her bright white lab coat with a plethora of stains varying in size and color.
"Are you ready to try again?" Grace asked with a lit cigarette placed between her thin lips and her eyes displaying the worry she felt. "It was probably just a bug." She continued but Awa knew that's not what bugs did to you.
"Sure" She replied with a tired nod. Even though she was tired she was eager to prove to the people on Hell's Gate that she was strong and she hadn't destroyed her body in a fight they didn't know about. Come to think of it, no one knew exactly where her body was, except for her. "Can you help me stand?"
Grace nodded after taking a deep inhale of the cancer stick that was held loosely between two fingers. "Of course"
The older woman reached down and grabbed Awa's outstretched hands and pulled Awa into a sitting position with a low groan and then a sigh. "Do you need help standing or can you make it from here?"
"I need the help" Awa sheepishly admitted with a small blush that almost went unnoticed grew on her cheeks. She was ashamed to need help standing up but her pride wouldn't allowed her to stand up and fall down again. Sometimes there is strength in asking for help.
"Okay" Grace nodded and grabbed Awa by the hands again, this time with a firmer grip and a concentrated face. "Up you go" She said and gave a strong pull that shakily brought Awa to her feet. After making sure Awa was steady Grace dropped her hands and fell back on the bed, taking a new inhale of her cigarette and then a heavy exhale that painted the air in a thin veil of grey smoke.
"Thanks." Awa thanked the dramatic woman and then turned towards the open door. "Shall we?"
The doctor rolled off the bed with a dramatic groan and then stood on her feet. "We shall"
...
"Are you worried?" Grace asked Awa after strapping the younger woman in the linking unit. "It was probably just a glitch and this time it'll be a fast travel."
"I'd be the biggest liar ever if I said no" Awa chuckled but the sound came out shaky and nervous. "What if it wasn't a glitch and there's really something wrong with my body"
Grace waved off her concerns with a snort. "Don't worry so much, Awa, glitches happen. Now clear your mind of everything, we've given you the least glitchy one."
Awa nodded and tried to force a smile to her lips but what was supposed to be a sign of happiness came out as a grimace of discomfort and worry. She whispered a "sure" before laying her head back on the soft jelly like filling with shut closed eyes. 'You can do this' she thought to herself and then after a few tries she finally managed to clear her mind of everything.
When she opened her eyes again she was in her Avatar body and by Eywa did her body hurt. Her head pulsed with a sort of aching pain while the rest of her body sent flashes of pain that made her back arch and her toes curl through her veins and bones. She let out a throaty groan as she sat up with her hands grabbing the ends of the table so hard she could feel it breaking.
"Good morning" A voice greeted her from the side in a cheery tone. "Mom was getting worried that something's wrong with you"
Awa turned her head to the side and she did a double take, it was a child? The Na'vi came up to just over the tall table Awa was sitting on and her short hair was braided in into small braids and her bangs had small braids, the back of her hair had a little feather sticking out.
"Hi there" Awa whispered in a hoarse voice that cracked pitfully at the end. "Who are you?"
"I'm Sawari te Wana Atxaitan" The little girl answered in the same loud voice she used before. "Are you Awa?"
"Yes" Awa nodded with a smile growing on her face from the girl's enthusiasm. She hadn't ever had someone be so happy to see her before. "Sawari is a beautiful name"
"Thank you, but yours is better. Awa sounds like Eywa" Sawari announced and jumped on the table in one jump. "Mom told me to tell you to not 'beat yourself up about it' and go see dad, he's got a surprise. " She continued, making little finger quotation marks and by the weird look in her eyes she had no idea what she was saying.
"And where is your dad?" Awa asked with a curious look on her face, she didn't want to tell the little girl that she had no idea who her dad was, or her mom for that part. She figured she'd just go meet whoever wanted to meet her and that would be that.
"He's waiting by the ikrans" Sawari informed Awa in a tone that screamed 'duh'.
"Thanks" Awa told the little Na'vi and with a slight wave goodbye she walked out the small healing room her injured body previously slept in. Now her next problem was that she had no idea where the ikrans where.
She walked around the hometree for a bit until she admitted defeat and walked up to one of the Na'vi women sitting by a window next to a woven basket filled with green leafs. "Excuse me, do you know where the ikrans are?"
The Na'vi woman looked up at her, nodded but then looked down at her hands. More specifically her fingers and Awa quickly hid them behind her back when she saw the glare the Na'vi gave her, it was a glare filled with hate and suppressed anger. The Na'vi spat at her feet and then walked off with long strides and not looking back at a confused Awa.
"I guess not then" Awa muttered a bit weirded out by what just happened. Did she say anything bad? Maybe she accidentally pronounced something wrong and said something entirely different.
"Excuse me" She called out again, this time to another Na'vi sitting around the corner from where she was standing. This one was male and was doing something Awa didn't know. "Do you know where the ikrans are?"
"Fuck off" He snarled out without looking at her. "We don't want your kind here. Go back to the others of your sort."
"I-" Awa stuttered with tears building in her eyes. "I'm sorry"
"I'm sorry you exist too, now leave me alone" The Na'vi barked at her before turning tail and walking away from the stunned woman. Why were they so rude to her? She hadn't done anything to deserve this and yet they hated her. Maybe this is a bad idea, maybe Tsu'tey was right all along.
"The ikrans are at the top" A kind voice told her but it had a bit of a cold tone to it. "It's not personal, what they're saying, that is."
"What do you mean?" Awa asked, a single tear running down her cheek, leaving behind a wet trail. "How can that not be personal."
"You call yourself different from the humans, right?" The voice continued somewhere behind her. Awa didn't want to turn around and see who it was in fear of getting attacked again.
"Yes, I'm not like them" Awa confirmed, she was a bit confused at where this was going.
"They don't know that. You haven't proved to them that you're different, or that you're not trying to hurt them. "Awa could hear the smirk in the Na'vi's voice. "Why do you expect them to accept you and love you when you've not even been here twice, and you've done nothing to prove yourself to them. To them you're just like one of those humans."
That hit her like a kick in the shin, she kept forgetting that they didn't know how she felt and that the only they had seen of her was a dreamwalker picking a fight with one of their honored warriors. They didn't know that she wasn't out to hurt them, or that she was trying to find herself in her new life and body. Awa, despite the talk with Ngeha, had forgotten about how her people had hurt the Na'vi and acted ignorant. Of course they would act like this, but it didn't make it hurt any less.
Awa nodded and felt her face heat up in shame. "Can you show me to the ikrans?"
"No" The voice told her in a clear voice. "You have to find it on your own, it's at the top of the tree"
"Thank you" Awa muttered, she was a bit disappointed that her mysterious helper couldn't help her this last part. She turned around, hoping to catch a glimpse of her helper but when she spun around she was met with only thin air and no sign of anyone being there.
...
Awa was panting by the time she reached the upper part of the tree and she was met by the incredible view of Pandora. The tree was rustling in tune with the wind and the soft chirping and growling of the ikran comforted here as she walked towards where her trainer stood at the end of one of the branches leading off the main one.
"Do you know how much trouble I had getting up here? First I get spat on by your clan members and then I got lost five times before finally coming here" Awa complained with a sigh and placed her hands on her knees. "I'm so tired already"
"Shh" Atxa silenced her and pointed to the main branch where another figure stood.
Awa squinted her eyes but they widened after realising who it was. It was Tsu'tey! His back was turned to them but she recognised his strong form, braided hair, clothing and signature necklace. Her heart skipped a beat and an involuntary grin formed on her lips that she forced down when she saw Atxa looking at her with a grin of his own. Her attention was brought back to Tsu'tey who chirped softly and made a sort of clicking sound towards something hiding in the leaves.
Out of the leaves climbed an ikran. It was beautiful, Awa noted as she looked at the many different colors on the magnificent creature. It chirped back and pushed its head under Tsu'tey's outstretched hand, paying Awa and Atxa no mind. The ikran was mostly blue but with some stripes of green and blotches of purple lining the powerful wings. Awa watched with avid fascination as Tsu'tey threw up a piece of meat that his ikran easily captured in its mouth and then swallowed, he then jumped up at the back of the bird like creature and in one fluid, effortless movement made tsaheylu with his ikran.
She stood straighter but still had her hands on her knees, she was in awe of how handsome he looked, how majestic and how angel like he looked as he sat on his ikran and then launched off the branch they previously occupied, only to fly upwards at an incredible speed. It felt like time stopped when she met his eyes, her eyes wide with awe and his filled with flaming anger, obvious smugness and a hint of something she didn't know. The movement was over as soon as it happened and her eyes snapped back into focus after the trance broke when he flew off.
"Ngeha was right. He's really got your interest" Atxa noted and she jumped out of her skin from the surprise of him talking, and then slumped slightly in mortification at being so open about her interest in Tsu'tey.
"I would be lying if I said he didn't, it's not something I can help." Awa sighed and pulled a hand through her sloppy braids. "The feeling isn't mutual though, he hates me"
"He doesn't hate you, he hates humans. It's nothing personal." Atxa told her with an emphasizing on 'you' and 'humans'. "His feelings will change towards you with time, just like you've done to Ngeha and I"
"Ngeha hated me?" Awa asked shock. "But-"
"But what? I convinced her to give you a chance, you've started to change her mind about you. Belive me she would never help you otherwise. I believe she told you that these things takes time, and she was right. Tsu'tey won't hate you forever, he's hating you because you're human. You can't blame him for that, and I have a feeling you don't"
"No, I don't" She sighed and look away. "I've had too many deep conversations lately."
"You've needed them" Atxa pointed out.
"Yes" She whispered. "I have. It's hard not to take it personally and to remember that they don't know me yet."
"You're doing fine, I wouldn't have offered to train you if I didn't think you were capable of this." Atxa reassured her and placed his hands on her shoulders to look inside her eyes. "This is where you belong, you only need to prove it to them too"