Summary: Love can be deceiving, and can also cause one to do irrational things. Raven learns the hard way. RaexRedX

Disclaimer: One of these days we WILL own the Teen Titans, but until then we have our comic books to keep us company :)

Sorry Won't Do

So Why Say It?

I had been crying. It didn't matter how long but, from the feel of my pillow, I knew it was soaked. Yes, soaked. Not just a couple of tears dried up here and there, soaked. I couldn't believe one talk could lead to this. I rubbed my big, puffy red eyes. It wouldn't help and I knew it.

Robin, my boyfriend, well, ex-boyfriend, decided it was the perfect time to break up with me. That was three weeks ago. From then on I despised getting up, getting out of my room. Herbal Tea was of the past, and meditation was of the past. Time wasn't of importance, nothing was, at the moment.

I struggled to my bathroom throwing my guts up, still in utter shock. My mind started to work, started to click. I needed to get everything off my chest, all the events that would take place. I needed to do this quickly. A diary perhaps? No. A letter. To him.

Stumbling to my desk, I retrieved a piece of parchment and a quill pen. I needed to make it fancy, make it look noticeable. Then my eyes, the insights overcame, and I began to write with such passion, such truth, such hatred, such love . . .

Robin, sometimes I wonder why you hide behind the mask,

Boy Blunder, sometimes I wonder if you're capable of being the team's leader.

Dick, sometimes I wonder if you lie to me,

Grayson, sometimes I wonder if you'd die for me.

Richard sometimes I wonder if you truly love you,

Robin, I always wonder if I truly love you.

See, for the past few months we've been dating, I noticed a change that I, myself, loathed. A change I really didn't want to admit. We birds grew distant, so far from each other. Your behavior subsided differently as well. Your laugh, your smile became phony. It turned so dramatically forced, so hurtfully fake. Oh yes I noticed. Especially when you started going with her to the mall. Who could miss that? Who could miss that caring, affectionate look you gave her? Who could miss the obvious? I did, I saw.

I thought we were meant to be. The two of us did have a strong bond; we did have a powerful connection. As the saying goes love does have its cons, and is deceiving after all. Too bad me, the dark enchantress learned the hard way.

The memory still hasn't deserted my mind, remembering that dreadful day when it happened; when our relationship crashed, when it split in half. Never did I expect those two simple words to come out of your mouth. "It's. Over." Feeling upset, angry, distraught, and sad, I just didn't know what to do, thinking my life was hopeless.

What made me most hurt was the way you of all people said it. So easily and carefree like it was nothing and meant nothing. Surely my ears were playing tricks on me? Surely I''m trying to reassure myself.

After that ''incident'' a certain Azarathian stayed in her room for days and days till they escalated into weeks. Not only did you ignore my absence only to watch but immediately you asked Starfire to be your girlfriend. Cyborg gently calmed me down. At least he, my big brother, watched out for me.

It's unbelievable how much of an arrogant jerk you can be. What happened to the sweet, kind person I knew? Did you expect me to get over you so soon? How could I if I you shattered my heart into a million pieces?

Only when Cyborg confronted you did you actually do something about this. Nothing big, no apologies. Just a plate of food slipped under my door three times a day, and demands to get out of my ''creepy'' room. Typical, huh?

Amazingly, Beastboy got me to come out. Never did I suspect he could pull it off but just like he did with Malchior, he found a way. Funny how on both occasions you were never helpful one bit. I suppose I was left various signs. I suppose I ignored them all.

Finally, I stepped into the rec. room with lavender hair a mess with a tired look on my face. Everyone was both pitiful but happy I was back, except you. Starfire was confused as ever why I was in the shape I was in. I wouldn't blame her, I couldn't blame her. It wasn't her fault. She's my best friend after all. Such a naive, innocent, alien teenage girl.

All I ask is why you picked her over me. Is it because I'm not good enough? Was it because of my demon background? Please, tell me. I know Starfire's perfect, something I'm not. I envied her you know. She's miss prom queen and I'm the Goth chick isolated in a corner. Sometimes I feel like changing everything about me. Sometimes I consider if being a superhero is worth all I give. Being a villain is so tempting . . .

My feelings are dead, they've gone missing long ago. Traffic-light, you caused them to die. Just when I was freed from Trigon, able to show emotion, you had to destroy it all. I've meditated in the past three days more than I should to the point where it's unhealthy. This depressing state is so bad that I've done things I regret, like cutting myself. My arm is scarless, I've healed every time. I have to say the blade felt nice up against my skin. The crimson slowly seeping out . . . I did it every night, missing you, waiting to wake up from this nightmare but it never comes cause it slowly dawns on me that it's real.

I hate you immensely. Oh I've dealt with a broken heart before, plenty of times even before Malchior but for some reason this is different. So hauntingly different.

I'm filth in my eyes and I chose to take the easy way out. Suicide seemed nice and that's what I chose. A trip to the roof of Titan's Tower would end my suffering . . .

My plan was perfect. Leave this damned letter on the ground; stand on the edge; step to my death with those sharp rocks awaiting my fall.

It was night, no one would notice or so I thought. I was just about to step to my death ready to plunge down below but someone didn't want me to leave the Earth. At least, not quite yet.

A piercing yell caught my ear. I couldn't figure who it was. Definitely not you, never was it you.

A man, possibly a teenage boy lurking in the shadows reappeared to catch me, holding on so I wouldn't attempt again. Still, his face was kept hidden. The nameless guy was smart enough to bind me down. I certainly wouldn't try again. We stood there silent until I spoke words.

"Tomorrow I''ll do it again" I said. Ten minutes passed until he steadily replied -

"I will return, stay here until you siege to try once more. I''ll never go away, away like Robin did" and with that I felt his presence gone.

I whispered "How did you know?" as a light breeze blew. Quietly I made my way back to my room with my head full of curious thought. I felt so tired and stifling a yawn I got into bed not noticing the note tucked under my mirror. Saturday came and I finally acknowledged it. I opened it and began to read.

Dear Rae,

I am shocked and hurt by your actions. Yes it's the person from last night. I can help you get through this if you desire help. Meet me on the roof at 10:00 sharp if you wish. Any day is fine, I reside there each evening. I can''t bear to see you buried, I don''t want to see you die. I hope to see you soon.

Anonymously Yours,

A Friend

Trust was the key, and I felt I could trust him, but if I trusted you right away why should I trust the newcomer? I was lost, confused, and hopeful. What an awful combination it is. I feared rejection, I feared abandonment. I couldn't go through this again, I wouldn't go through this again. I'm still trying to remove the memories. I want to be myself again. I took you for granted is the truth. You were never with me, I was always alone. Never have I discovered the meaning here. Don't ever try to fix me cause I think I'll take that guy's help . . .

I met up with him one day. He taught me everything there is to know. How to block things out, that people cared for me and they'd be so sad if I left. Every meeting I learned something new, our bond slowly became stronger. We discussed our live and background.

When the sun went down I grew excited to see him once more. These feelings, oh what were they? I wanted to burn them, get rid of them but it was too late. Could I be in love? Possibly but I didn't know his name, identity, or even what he looked like. Maybe tonight would change it all.

I walked on the concrete ready to meet up with the unknown. The midnight sky another shade of blue with the twinkling stars dancing in motion. I saw a figure hunched out back. I knew who it was, I knew he was waiting. I wasn't prepared for what I was about to hear . . .

"Raven, we've been through so much and I want you to know back then when I saved you I did it because I love you. Even if we can never be together, I never want you to die. I'll save you every time, every try, and kill every guy that messes with you. Tonight's special, isn't it? The view is beautiful. You're beautiful. I'm ready, ready to tell you. My name's Jason Kliender or better known as RedX. I'm sorry I never told you. I figured you'd hate me . . . "

His mask was now off and he stepped into the moonlight where his face was visible. Tan skin, shaggy black hair, and light blue eyes greeted me. I was speechless by his words, his look, everything. So familiar though . . . and I liked it. I did manage to say my view on things.

"I don't hate you. How could I ever? I love you even if you're a villain. The kind of person you are is what counts the most. In my eyes you're a hero."

"Really?" he suspiciously asked.

"Yes" I breathed.

"I was hoping you'd say that. Rae, not to put any pressure on you but I'm leaving. Jump tomorrow night and I want you to come with me. I want us to run away. We could leave the bad behind, all we need now is each other . . . "

I was deep in thought before I came up with the verdict.

"You know, I think you're right. There's nothing left to offer. My so called 'friends' would get over my loss quickly. I will go with you. There's some business I have to take care of first though okay?"

They wouldn't miss me? Lies. I was telling him lies.

"No problem. So tomorrow night be ready. Thanks for choosing this path. I'll see you later."

He kissed me lightly. Before I officially depart, I would make a lasting impression so they'd remember. So you'd remember, Robin. Maybe I could show you.

My head was going crazy, all the pain and confusion showing itself. I'm not an ordinary person, I'm a freak and I know it. No one understands me and no one will ever get a chance. This is getting out of hand. I am getting out of hand . . .

My eyes. Why is everything red? What's going on? Oh Azar I'm losing control! I-I can't save myself even with my measly chant now. This increasing headache never dying down, this supernatural epidemic showing its frown.

I... I see white walls drowning in red. My teeth become fangs as my black polished nails morph into claws. This all is scaring me, I'm capable of doing anything in this condition. I'm able to kill what I please. Even if it's an alien princess. Even if it's a teammate. Even if it's a human boy. Even if it's my team leader . . .

Robin, we might as well end you and your love life. I've grown so attached that I can't bear to see you two cuddle any longer. I know how selfish I sound but I'd rather you do it somewhere else, out of my sight, like a place called heaven. Starfire will be there alongside.

I want to be with you even if RedX has my heart. I find myself asking why me?

Robin she's waiting for you. Starfire's waiting for you in bed with the sheets red. It all happened so fast. Robin, why am I holding a knife? Why is blood dripping down? Robin, I'm panicking! I... I killed my best friend. I KILLED STARFIRE!

Robin, what do I do! I didn't mean for this. I was just joking before but now Star's dead because of me. If you don't believe me then go to her room. She's lying in a pool of blood in her bed, motionless.

You know what? You're going to join her. Yeah, you heard me. Robin, I'm right behind you with my knife raised. Robin, I want you to know I love you, and will always love you. 'Bye, Richard Grayson. 'Bye Robin, the guy who couldn't be mine.

If you're still alive, if you're still breathing let me get a few last words in while you're still awake. Isn't it amazing how jealousy works? Rest in peace as I live with your other side, RedX. That's just how life is . . . But maybe I've misunderstood you . . .

So here I am, wanted for murder. A villain. And I get up and leave, leave it all away . . . for my ex-friends to pick up the pieces and this letter. The letter that brought sorrow. And I go in RedX's arms ready to hit the road. Ready to get over him . . . If that's possible.

Oh I''m 100 sure that sorry won't do. Sorry can't do. So why should I say it?

Soon I was finished with my work, admiring the texture, the depth it brought. I tiptoed to Starfire's room and tucked it under a fashion magazine. Oh no, the events in the letter didn't happen yet but surely it would. The flashbacks? No. An insight on my future. And it would be tonight. Tonight I would leave this tower, my home. It didn't seem like one now that he was hers. Now that two titans would be put to their death.

Suddenly light shone into the window. I closed the curtains, all there was, was darkness. And there I smiled. Not of happiness, but evil, revenge, my hate spawned.

Ah, yes, sorry can't possibly do. So why should YOU say it?