A/N: This story is 1st POV, from Padmé's perspective. I've written the first two chapters, so the next update should come soon. However, after that, expect weekly updates. This first chapter is a mirror of chapter 25 of Unwritten, only from Padmé's pov. This will be the only chapter like that, so don't expect a straight retelling of the same events from Unwritten. As always, thanks for reading!

Chapter One

He won't answer my repeated comms, and I'm trying very hard not to fall apart over that fact. I briefly consider reaching out to his mother in the hope that he's contacted her, at least. But, in the end, I don't bother. If I'm in the dark, then it's very likely Shmi is as well.

When I'd first awakened in the middle of the night to find Anakin's side of the bed cold and empty, I didn't panic right away. Though we've only been lovers for what amounts to a few days, I've already learned that Anakin is a quite restless sleeper and prone to nightmares. My first assumption when I woke alone was that he'd likely had a bad dream and had taken refuge out on the balcony.

Even when I didn't immediately find him there, I hadn't become alarmed because there were still other places in the apartment that I hadn't looked. A more thorough search of his possible hiding spots had yielded nothing, however. It wasn't until I realized that R2 was missing as well that the cold, creeping dread began to seep into my heart.

I comm him once, five times, fifteen times, but none of those attempts are answered at all. To the point where I become frustrated enough to throw the device across the room. With passing minute, my fear and worry grow to exponential heights. I can imagine only one reason why Anakin would sneak away in the middle of the night and take R2 with him.

He's gone after Dooku. It's the only explanation that makes any sense. While I'm infuriated to know it, what I mostly feel is resignation and sadness for Anakin because he hadn't believed there were any other options, because killing and violence are the only sure things he knows.

Recognizing that chilling reality about the man I love should give me pause and, I suppose on some level, it does. But I'm not frightened for myself. I never have been, despite everything Anakin has revealed to me about his past, even though he completely believes he's capable of harming me. That has never been my concern, however. I've been more worried about the damage he's doing to himself. It's evident to me that he's destroying himself in inches and that is the thing that breaks my heart the most.

I've suspected that something has been off with him ever since I lost my motion in the Senate and even before that really. He hasn't been distant or emotionally reserved, but I know that something has been bothering him. His nightmares have been coming frequently the past two nights. He's been masking his noticeable insomnia by filling those periods of sleeplessness with other activities, most notably making love to me.

And that was another curious thing. He has been wildly affectionate in the last two days, free and frequent with his hugs and kisses and unreserved with his declarations of love. Even his lovemaking, which was always insatiably demanding and passionate, had been unusually fierce lately, almost as if he had been trying to brand his body into mine…

But I haven't pressed him for answers because honestly, I've been afraid frightened of potential rejection. While I love Anakin Skywalker with a ferocity that I hadn't even known I was capable of, he is an undeniably complicated and conflicted man. The emotional demons that he battles daily are too numerous to count. He has been fighting them on his own for so long that the idea of allowing anyone to support him now seems foreign to him. He keeps a well-guarded wall around his heart and I've yet to penetrate it.

In contrast though, he has my entire heart. There is nothing I haven't laid bare for him. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him, no line I would not cross…and I'm not sure when that bending of principle and decency had begun for me. It is a frightening thing to realize that I've made myself so vulnerable to him, all the while painfully aware that he hasn't done the same for me. I'm beginning to doubt that he ever will…

I pace the length of my bedroom, trying not to become disheartened by those pervasive thoughts as more time passes without a word from him. I fail miserably in the effort. As dawn begins its creeping approach and Dormé arrives for her usual check in, I'm grateful for her presence and the comfort she provides when I tearfully explain to her what's happened. I allow myself that single moment of unchecked fear, grief, and sorrow before I resolutely shrug from her embrace, stiffen my back, and brush away my tears.

"Do you have any idea where he might have gone, milady?" she asks me once I've finished composing myself.

"I know exactly where he's gone," I states, and the acrimony I hear in my own words causes me to shudder inwardly, "He went to find Count Dooku."

"I don't understand. Why would he do that?" I raise my eyes to her in a wordless reply and Dormé easily reads the answer in my expression. "You don't think he's gone to kill him, do you?" she presses me, aghast.

"I know that he's gone to kill him," I tell her, "Anakin believes this war won't end until Dooku is eliminated first."

"But I thought you said that Master Skywalker was no longer a Jedi."

"He's not."

"So then, is he doing this on his own?"

I confirm that with a grim nod. "Yes. Anakin likes to make up his own rules."

"Then he's very much like you in that regard, milady," Dormé replies with a small, affectionate smile, "It's no wonder you two get along so well." All too quickly, however, the teasing vanishes from her face and is replaced with solemn concern. "I recognize that it's not my place to ask you…"

"…but you want to know what Anakin and I are to one another," I finish for her softly.

"You're not required to tell me, milady."

"I'm sure you already know. It's quite obvious, isn't it?"

"That is speculation and conjecture, milady," Dormé replies, "I don't know what's in your heart. Only you have the truth."

"The truth?" I echo with a short, ironic laugh, "The truth is…I love him, Dormé. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life. I love him so much that sometimes it feels like I can't breathe because my heart is so full…"

"And he loves you the same way?"

I quickly blink back the fresh tears forming in my eyes. "He loves me as much as he's able."

Dormé frowns at my reply. "You don't believe he returns your affection?"

"I don't doubt that Anakin loves me, Dormé. But he doesn't trust me. He doesn't trust anyone."

"I can't imagine that's true at all."

"He left in the middle of the night without a word to me," I reason, drifting over to the window with a forlorn sigh, "What else am I supposed to think?"

We don't talk very much after that though she loyally remains with me while I pace the length of my bedroom like a caged animal. Despite my best efforts to remain positive, my mind inevitably goes to extremely disturbing places when I think of what Anakin might be doing at this moment. I know exactly what he is capable of, and I have no doubts that he will kill without compunction if he believes the situation warrants such action. It is an unsettling awareness and an aspect of his personality that I haven't completely reconciled.

Anakin can be an incredibly thoughtful man, fiercely loyal and unfailingly brave. But there is a hardened, calculating part of him that I don't understand, this unapologetic willingness he has for sacrificing all that he is, even his own sense of morality, for what he believes is the greater good. On some level, his dedication and commitment to achieving his goals is admirable but on another…his lack of ethical boundaries is frightening. It's difficult to know where you stand with a person who has no limits.

I try not to think about that right now, not because I wish to hide from the truth of what he is but because it won't help my current situation. It won't lessen my anger and frustration with him. And I can't allow myself to be angry with him right now, not when he could be lying somewhere injured or worse.

I'm still pacing and bouncing between worry and those intermittent spurts of anger when Dormé's sudden, horrified gasp stops me in my tracks. She's stationed over at my bedroom window, watching as the sun rises over Coruscant's steepled cityscape. Her features are devoid of all color. Cold dread flutters in my heart. The instant I see her expression I know that something awful has happened.

"What is it?"

Not glancing away from whatever sight has her so transfixed, she beckons me closer. "Come see for yourself, milady."

I quickly move to join her at the window. Even from the distance, it is easy to discern the curling tendrils of black smoke rising from the Jedi Temple. I whimper at the sight. Of course, the world would fall apart completely on a day when I have no idea where Anakin is. Acrid tears of frustration and fear rise in my throat. Dormé favors me with a worried, sideways glance.

"What do you think is happening, milady?"

"Nothing good I can assure you," I tell her in a trembling tone.

"We should turn on the Holonet," she suggests, "Maybe there's been some update."

I swiftly do as she asks but scouring the Holonet for news yields very little. Beyond a few uncorroborated reports that General Grievous may have finally been defeated by Republic forces, there is nothing being broadcast about a possible attack on the Jedi Temple. The lack of report doesn't imbue me with confidence. I still don't have a good feeling. I know something terrible has happened even though I can't be sure what that terrible thing is.

"Dormé, I think you should go get Captain Typho now."

After she fairly sprints to obey my order, I begin rooting around the floor desperately in search of my fallen commlink device. When I had thrown it earlier, it had still been dark inside of my bedroom and so I hadn't clearly seen where it had landed though I had a general idea. I'm in the middle of tearing my bedroom apart in search of it when I suddenly hear Anakin's voice. Immediately, I shoot to my feet in a dead run towards the sound, calling out to him wildly as I do.

When I burst out onto the balcony and see him standing there, the relief I feel right then is almost enough to send me to my knees. In that instant, I register one thing. He is standing there, and he is alive! I fly into his waiting arms and hug him so tightly that my arms ache with the pressure of holding him.

I'm only vaguely aware of the tattered state of his clothing and how he smells faintly of smoke and something else I can't quite describe. But I don't dwell on that now. My only real awareness is his proximity and warmth and how incredible it feels to be in his arms. Nothing else matters. Eventually though it becomes impossible to ignore how violently he is trembling, how he is clinging to me as desperately as I am clinging to him.

I rear back slowly in his arms to scan his wan features and note for the first time how anxious and uneasy he appears. "Anakin, do you know what's going on?" I ask, "Something terrible must have happened, but we haven't received any official reports! The Jedi Temple is under attack! We could see the smoke from here!"

Something flickers in his eyes then, something that brings the dread rushing back to my heart with a vengeance. "I know," he replies softly, "The clone troopers are attacking."

The words echo in my ears with ominous connotation as Captain Typho and Dormé react to the news with understandable shock. I hardly hear anything they're saying though. I'm too busy calculating the implications of what Anakin has left unspoken. I have not forgotten the disturbing story he's told me about a future Jedi Purge or the part he had played in it. When he announces to Dormé and Captain Typho that Chancellor Palpatine has declared the Jedi enemies of the Republic, I feel as if my entire world has tilted off its axis. Everything begins to spin.

I sway against him, but I grip the front of his tunic firmly and manage to keep myself upright despite the staggering news. "So, it's begun then?" I determine with an incredible calm that belies the absolute chaos crashing around inside of me right then, "The Jedi Purge is happening…"

Again, it's impossible to miss how he avoids meeting my eyes directly when he answers, and his perpetual fidgeting gradually begins to unsettle me further. There is something else that he is not saying. Something terrible. I can feel it.

"Yes," he confirms grimly, "I don't know how bad it will be…how many clones the Jedi were able to deactivate before the order but…that doesn't matter now." He looks at me then, his blue eyes wild and bright with feverish light as he reaches out to lightly grasp my shoulders. "It's done and we can't stay here, Padmé! We need to leave this place immediately!"

His words send me careening from dread into full-fledged terror. I know that if he's contemplating running away that whatever has happened is far worse than I first imagined. I'm almost afraid to ask him what it means, but I can't stop the words from tumbling forth because I need to know what he's up against right now…what we're up against.

"Are you in danger? You're not a Jedi anymore but… Will the troopers come for you as well?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure what contingency plans Sidious might have had in place for me."

That's not what I want to hear, and the answer leaves me shaken. I take hold of his hand in a death grip. "Anakin, I'm frightened."

He forces a wobbly smile then, but I can easily see that it doesn't reach his eyes and that fact only heightens my anxiety despite the comforting words he speaks. He cups my face in his hands tenderly. His thumbs skim across my cheekbones, as if he means to ground me with his touch. "We'll be fine," he insists in the gentlest of tones, "But we need to get off this planet."

My mind is racing as he begins suddenly barking commands at Dormé and Captain Typho because I suspect that the reasons for his sudden urgency to flee the planet go far beyond Palpatine's order or possible retaliation against him. I can't help but wonder why now…why on this night when hours have passed with his whereabouts unaccounted for? Where had he been all night and what had he been doing? The unanswered questions jostle around in my brain even while I nod numbly at Dormé and Captain Typho, granting them permission to do exactly as Anakin has ordered.

When we're alone, however, I waste no time confronting him with my growing suspicions. "Anakin, what aren't you telling me? Why did you leave last night? Where did you go?"

I almost groan aloud when he turns away from me, a clear indication that I'm probably not going to like what he's about to say next. "The Chancellor is dead, Padmé. It's over."

Strangely, the news isn't shocking. I receive it with relative calm. In truth, I've been expecting to hear it since the moment he'd announced that the Jedi had been declared enemies of the Republic. And yet, I still feel like the wind has been knocked out of me because the way that he phrased it doesn't sound as if Palpatine died of natural causes. More than likely, Anakin helped him along.

For a second, I can't even breathe as the reality settles. The heavy oppressive weight of it, the unshakeable knowledge that everything I know is about to change. And then the anger comes. And then despair. And I want to shake him and slap him and scream at him for being so stupid and impatient, but I want to hug him too because he looks so destroyed right now.

"Oh, Anakin," I sob quietly, "What did you do?"

He begins pacing restlessly then, quick to justify himself even without a direct accusation from me. "He didn't leave me a choice!"

And just like that, I'm back to wanting to smack him senseless because even now when he faced with the prospect of becoming a fugitive and making me one as well, he cannot see how shortsighted and foolish and reckless he's been! I clench my fists at my sides, stamping down the impulse because I know that striking out at him will only make a bad situation worse. I must maintain control of myself because one of us needs to be levelheaded in this situation.

"Is that where you went last night?" I snap at him angrily, "I woke up and you were gone. I comm'd you again and again, but you wouldn't answer me."

"I know. I'm sorry. I knew you would try to dissuade me."

His apology rings hollow because I don't believe for a single second that he regrets his actions at all. Does he regret disappointing me? Perhaps. Lying to me? I'm sure he feels a measure of guilt over that as well. But following through on his plan to assassinate the Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic in cold blood? He isn't the least bit sorry about that. I know that utterly.

Still, I'm frantic to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't want to believe that he would so thoughtlessly and needlessly imperil himself and me along with him, especially without having a discussion with me first. Surely, he would have given some thought to the consequences…

"Did you go only to confront him," I press him, "or…or was it to…to…?"

"To kill him?" he finishes when I can bring myself to complete the sentence, "Yes. I went there to kill him, Padmé."

Any hope that I may have harbored that he had given any thought to me, to us before following through with his destructive course fizzles out in that instant. I slump forward with the realization, too hurt and broken to even feel anger right then. I don't understand how we've come to this place. I can't comprehend how he could have acted so decisively without considering how I might be affected. His capacity for self-centered unawareness astounds me. It makes me wonder if he even truly loves me at all, if he's even capable of it… In this moment, I honestly don't know.

"So, you snuck away in the middle of the night so that you could murder the Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic?"

"Don't make it sound like I did something reprehensible! You know he was no mere politician!"

The fact that he has the audacity to sound indignant after everything he's done has my own fury blazing again and before I realize it, I'm screaming at him. "It doesn't matter! That wasn't the way, Anakin! You know it wasn't!"

"I always told you that I would have to face him, Padmé! I had no choice!"

"There is always a choice! We agreed! You promised me!"

"Did you honestly think he was going to step down if we asked him nicely?" he scoffs at me, "Don't be naive! You were never going to oust him by legal means! He had control of everything!"

His quickness to liken me to an immature, gullible child only adds insult to injury, as if he believes that I can't possibly have a clear understanding of how the Galaxy works simply because I haven't seen and experienced the horrors that he has. The assumption is condescending and arrogant but also grossly presumptuous because I haven't lived the sheltered life that he thinks. This entire time, I've been questioning whether I even truly know him, but now I'm wondering if he knows me. The realization stings, but I'm determined not to betray just how much he's hurt me.

I stiffen my back and glare at him coldly. "When did you decide to do it? Was it after I lost the vote?"

"Yes. It was then."

For a second time, he manages to knock the wind out of me with his flat admission. I can't help but think of these last two days with him and how perfect they had seemed, how I had foolishly believed that we were finally on the same page and that our goals had aligned. But all the while he had been plotting, and I had been oblivious. That supposed understanding between us had been an illusion the entire time.

I shake my head at him in anguished disbelief, tears welling despite my intention to remain aloof. "You let me think you had accepted it. You made love to me that night and the next one when you knew the whole time that you were going to…"

My incensed rant gradually dies off as I recall how fierce and needy he had been in bed, not bent on his own pleasure at all but solely focused on mine. He had eagerly given his body to me again and again without reserve. His kisses and caresses had gone far beyond mere passion. He had made love to me as if he thought each time between us would be the last. Only now do I realize what had driven him. That had been exactly what he believed. He had been telling me good-bye.

"You didn't think you were going to come back, did you?"

Again, he glances away when he answers me. "No."

I dissolve into tears completely then, unable to hold them back any longer. I'm overwhelmed not only by what he's done but the realization that he had fully expected to die…that when he left last night, it had been with the expectation that he would never see me again. It's too much to process all at once. In that moment, it feels as if my tears will never stop, that I will cry until I'm empty while he looks on helplessly, but my choked sobs are abruptly drowned out by a chilling announcement that sounds beyond the balcony.

Attention all citizens. The city is under mandatory lockdown. Please remain in your homes. Violators will be shot on sight. Please be advised. I recognize the implication of the announcement instantly and what that means for Anakin. Only then does it dawn on me how exposed we are out on the balcony. Driven by pure instinct and the need to protect him, I swiftly compose myself and grab hold of his forearm to drag him inside of the apartment and away from any possible witness.

"How are we supposed to make it to the ship?" I cry, my grief momentarily replaced with panic, "You heard the announcement! We can't leave or we'll be executed on sight!"

Anakin's response to that is grim and recalcitrant. "We're going to have to risk it. Staying here isn't an option. It's only a matter of time before they come looking for me!"

"They?" I know who he means, but I need him to say the words out loud. It won't be real until he says it. And yet, when he does, it still feels like my whole world has been vaporized.

"I'll very likely be arrested for the Chancellor's death."

And just like that, my emotions turn again. I'm careening from panic right back to anger again. "Did you really expect a different outcome?" The words pour out of me thoughtlessly, without any regard or care for diplomacy or calm. "Honestly, Anakin! Do you ever stop and think?"

"I guess not!"

"What did you imagine was going to happen? You were going to kill him and then everything would go back to the way it was before the war?"

"I don't know what I expected!" he flings back at me, "I couldn't see anything past destroying him, Padmé! And it's not like I was anticipating that I would even be alive after this! Forgive me for not planning better!"

He throws out that fact so carelessly, as if he's discussing the traffic rather than the fact that he had been absolutely expecting to die. And, if that had happened, if he had died, I would have had no explanation for it, no understanding of what had motivated him at all. Instead, I would have been left with lifelong grief and endless questions over why he had chosen not to confide in me. And Anakin is plainly insensible to all of that. He can't see the damage he's done to me…and to himself. I can only stand there and stare at him in stunned disbelief.

My expression must reflect how thoroughly heartbroken I am because he asks me in a surprisingly subdued tone, "Do you want me to go?"

I nearly tell him yes because I can't imagine that we want the same things at all. Only now do I see that our definitions of what constitutes a relationship are vastly different and I'm not certain if we'll ever agree. But as I meet his insistent blue stare brimming with unshed tears and fear…fear of my rejection, I can't make the words come. As angry and disappointed and saddened as I am, I haven't reached the point where I want to cast him out of my life forever. I can't.

"You heard the announcement. You'll be killed on sight if you leave."

"That's not the point, Padmé. If you want to wash your hands of me now, just say so."

It's not surprising that his first inclination is to push me away. That's his most instinctive response whenever he's faced with something that makes him vulnerable. It's a tiresome response and my weariness with it is evident in my next words to him.

"That's always the most expedient solution for you, isn't it, Anakin?"

"I'm trying to give you an out. I won't hold it against you."

The fact that he imagines he's being magnanimous right now incurs a scornful snort from me. "Well, unfortunately, I don't seem to have the same ease as you do when it comes to walking away from the people I love."

I can tell that he's irritated by my reply, probably because he feels like the accusation is unjustified. So, I'm surprised when he doesn't immediately dismiss what I've said but instead asks me in a plaintive tone, "You really think that walking away from you is easy for me?"

If he expects me to feel guilty for doubting his love and devotion to me, then he's going to have an impossibly long wait. I make that abundantly obvious when I shrug carelessly. "It must be. You do it over and over again, even when you think you'll never see me again."

"All I want is for you to be safe and happy, Padmé. That's why I do everything I do. I don't want you to compromise your principles to be with me."

The irony in that statement is so infuriating that I nearly forget my earlier resolve not to slap him. A bark of mirthless, disbelieving laughter escapes me instead. "Then why do you insist on putting me in positions where I have to?"

"What do you want me to say to that?"

"I don't know that there's anything you can say, Anakin."

"How can I fix this? Tell me. I'll do whatever you ask."

I want to ask him why he didn't consider having this conversation last night before he snuck away to blow his life and mine to tiny bits. But there's little point in assigning blame about that now, especially when he doesn't feel he did anything wrong. The damage is done, and I tell him that. "You can't fix it. It's too late for that. We need to figure out what happens next."

Fortunately, I'm spared from yet another apology I know he doesn't mean with Dormé's quiet arrival. It's easy to discern from the wary, awkward glances she bounces back and forth between Anakin and me that she's overheard the bulk of our conversation. She's shocked and that fact is stamped all over her face. However, she is discreet enough not to address that fact directly.

"Is the plan still to leave?" she asks me, visibly uneasy, "Or are we doing something different now?"

Anakin glances over at me, his expression remote. "That's up to you. If you want me to go, then I will."

"So, now I get a say in what happens?" I retort angrily before I consider the wisdom of devolving into another fight with him with Dormé standing as witness. "We should stay together," I determine once I'm calmer, "I don't want you to be on your own." His resulting shock over my response only serves to irritate me further. I can't understand why my loyalty to him should be called into question when he is the one always leaving me.

"Did you really expect anything else of me, Anakin?" I demand wearily, "I love you! I don't want you to be arrested." In the ensuing silence, we lock eyes in a combative glare of wills.

Because I suspect she's eager to dispel the tension that has suddenly thickened the air, Dormé volunteers, "I know a way that we can get to the landing strip undetected."

"Good," Anakin says, immediately taking charge of the situation, "We should leave now. Grab R2 and let's get out of here. I'm sure the streets will be crawling with troopers before too long."

I catch hold of his tunic when he starts to follow after Dormé, waylaying his intentions. Although, I know the plan is to commandeer a ship and leave Coruscant immediately, I don't know how that is supposed to happen with the entire city on lockdown due to the Chancellor's death. I voice my concern to Anakin in a vibrating undertone once Dormé is out of earshot.

"Even if we manage to get to the ship, how do you propose to fly us out of here?" I ask him tightly, "They're not going to just allow us to leave the planet…not with everything going on."

"Don't worry about it," he replies with the easy arrogance that characterizes everything he does, "Just leave that part to me."