A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I have much more than I expected to at the beginning of this story.
Warnings: Shounen-ai (boyxboy love) het and first attempt at humor. Not to mention OOCness and swearing.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Summary: Sasuke and Naruto recall some of the previous double dates they have shared with their friends. The dates were, as you should all know, quite humorus.
Pairings: (X)SasukexNaruto
ShikamaruxTemari
(X)LeexGaara
(X)KibaxHinata
(X)NejixNaruto (one-sided)
KakashixIruka
Please don't hate me (or flame me) if you don't like the pairings.
Chapter 10: Double Dates Part 2
"Ah, Naruto? Remember our date with Kiba and Hinata...?" Sasuke asked slyly.
"Ugh...Don't remind me..." Naruto said, putting his head down in despair.
"Hn...no? I remember it like it was yesterday..."
/Double Date with Kiba and Hinata/
"Wow! What a great restaurant selection, you guys!" the blond looked around in astonishment.
"Thanks Naruto! Hinata picked it out." Kiba stated, nodding proudly.
"Looks really expensive..." the young boy whispered in awe.
"Yeah," Kiba nudged Naruto and whispered in his ear, "so lucky we have some loaded companions, eh?" He laughed nodding to the Hyuuga heiress and the last Uchiha heir.
"Hehe..." Naruto chuckled and gave the inu-lover a thumbs up sign. "Score!"
There victory was short lived when they reached the desk to confirm their reservations. A tall lady with a thin-lipped smile, dark hair tied into a tight bun, and skinny wire-rimmed glasses greeted them.
"Hello. I am the manager of this restaurant, Golden Coast. My name is Izanami Suzuki (1). When I heard of our special guests that were arriving this evening," she smiled at the group, "I made sure I picked out the best just for you. I hope you will enjoy our beautiful window view and our utmost satisfactory dishes. Only the best for the last Uchiha heir, the beautiful Hyuuga heiress, and the powerful Inuzuka clan member." she smiled.
Naruto, feeling left out, decided to cough into his hand to get her attention. Maybe she skipped him because he was so short she could barely see his blond mop of hair over the desk.
But she looked down upon him, forced a smile, and continued with her speech.
"Now please tell me if there is anyth-" she stopped when she received a cold glare from the Uchiha because of her lack of acknowledgment towards his boyfriend. She seemed flustered a bit but quickly responded, "And oh d-dear- how c-could I forget Naruto U-Uzamaki the future Ho-Hokage of the Leaf v-village." she said blushing and reciting the blond's common speech of his future goal of being the Leaf's future Kage. She looked at the Uchiha for approval.
He nodded curtly.
Naruto beamed. He knew she wasn't ignoring him! "Yup, that's me! Naruto Uzamaki! The next Hokage!"
"Right..." she sighed and showed them to their table.
The view was beautiful, the food delicious, and the conversation was actually going quite well, until...
"Oooh...I don't feel so good. I'll go to the bathroom and catch up with you three later." Kiba stated rubbing his stomach.
Hinata looked worried. "O-okay Kiba. B-Be careful."
"Hinata. It's just the bathroom." Kiba said exasperated with her constant worrying.
"I-I k-k-know, but..."
"Hahaha!" Naruto burst out laughing then began singing, "Diiiii-arrhea! Diarrhea! Diarrhea! Diarrheaaaaaa-ouch!" Naruto rubbed the back of his head from where Sasuke previously smacked him.
"Usuratonkatchi."
"Stupid teme."
So the three waited in silence for there tummy-bothered friend to return from the restroom.
---30 minutes later---
"Ah..." Kiba sighed. "I feel much better now."
He washed his hands thoroughly and took one last look at the bathroom.
OH. MY. GOD!
Oh no! They're going to make me pay for repairs, though I shouldn't have to! It's their food and their crappy chefs that started all this in the first place!
I need to leave before someone walks in...better yet, I need to find...
A patsy. (2)
----
The three shinobi finished their meals and waited patiently for Kiba to return...well, all except one.
"Diiiii-arrhea... Diarrhea... Diarrhea... Diarrheaaaaaa..." Naruto sang unenthusiastically, playing a ninja battle with his eating utensils.
"Fork vs. Knife! Who will win and be titled: The All-Supreme Silver Eating Utensil!" Naruto stated in a deep announcer voice while clashing the silver objects together.
"Shut up, Naruto." Sasuke said curtly.
"Hmph." Naruto turned his head the other way and pouted.
Just as Sasuke began his naughty train of thoughts about the blond, the dog lover came running back to the table.
Hmph...'bout time dog-breath...Naruto thought, glaring at the panting brunette.
"Who wants to make 600¥ (3)?"
"Eh? What are you talking abo-wait! 600¥? How?" Naruto asked, suddenly interested.
"I need someone to take the fall..." Kiba said, looking hopefully around at all his friends, panic evident in his voice.
"Oh my god..."
The four shinobi looked towards the bathroom to hear Izanami Suzuki's astonished voice.
The three companions gave Kiba a 'What the fuck ?' look.
"What did you do?" Sasuke asked cautiously.
"I can't tell you. Yes or no. No questions asked." Kiba said firmly.
"Oh! My! God!"
Suzuki's voice again, this time it lost all it's professional tone as she screamed in distress and anger. Customers turned their attention to the bathroom, looking curiously but afraid to go near the confinements, in fear of the manager's wrath.
Hinata looked horrified. Sasuke looked disgusted. And Naruto...well, he looked downright curious.
"Make it 1,200 (4)." Naruto stated, scared yet at the same time oh-so curious to see what Kiba did. He was already on the I Hate You list of the villagers. One more prank couldn't hurt.
If only he knew how wrong he was...
"Done." Kiba stated quickly and turned towards the bathroom.
"Ohhhhhhh! Myyyyyy! Godddddddddd!"
Suzuki screeched, sounding as if she was thrown into the pits of hell.
Just as Naruto was about to draw back and reconsider his situation (like a normal person would)...
Kiba put his hands on Naruto's shoulders and looked him in the eye. "You're a good friend."
He then lifted Naruto by the collar of his shirt and hauled him towards the bathroom, shouting, "I got him! I got him, Izanami-san! Izanami-san! But go easy on the poor boy would ya? Bye!"
And after dropping Naruto off at the demolished bathroom and quickly slipping a 1,200¥ into the blond's back pocket, he quickly ran back to the table, grabbed Hinata's hand, and left the restaurant without glancing back.
"So. Not. Worth. It." Naruto said blankly. But his words went unnoticed to the currently laughing-his-ass-off-Uchiha.
"But Neji's date was quite...strange..."
At the name of the white-eyed boy, Sasuke immediatley stopped giggling and began to growl as he recalled the 'double date.'
"Hn...I rememeber that 'date'. Fairly short." Sasuke sneered.
/Kinda-Sorta Double Date With Neji Hyuuga/
"Hey Neji!" Naruto called out, waving to the Hyuuga. "Where's your date?" he asked inquisitively.
"Date? Oh um...she..um..er...died!" Neji smiled. "Yeah, she was accidently killed on her way here. Poor thing..."
Sasuke gave Neji his famous 'WTF?' glare. That has to be the shittiest lie he ever heard-
"Oh my gosh, Neji! I'm so sorry!" Nauto went up to the Hyuuga and gave him a tight hug. "How tragic. And through it all you still decided to come. You're so brave Ne-chan!" Neji was blushing twenty shades of red and hit a new world-record of crimson with the new name his blond had jut given him.
He saw the Uchiha glaring at him heatedly.
"Yeah. But y'know I think it would be appropriate to mourn over her death...over ramen...at my house." (5)
"Come on, Naruto!" Sasuke yelled and dragged a kicking and screaming Kyuubi-vessel back to the Uchiha Manor.
Sasuke was glaring heatedly at a coffee mug on the table. Naruto could have sworn on his life that he saw the poor cup tremble.
To distract his lover from his murderous thoughts on the Hyuuga, Naruto quirked, "Remember our date with Fuzzy Brows and No Brows?" Naruto giggled.
"Yeah...that one was...bloody." Sasuke shuddered.
"Tell me about it. Remind me to never joke with the Kazekage again..."
/Double Date with Rock Lee and Sabaku No Gaara/
"Hey Bushy Brows! What's up Gaara-sama!" Naruto greeted the two, stressing the suffix on the Kazekage's name just to annoy him.
Gaara gave a nod to both Naruto and Sasuke, glaring slightly yet playfully at the blond.
Naruto grinned and Sasuke returned the polite nod when Lee burst out.
"Oh! What a great idea it was of my youthful mind to have such a wondrous picnic to celebrate our youth! Do you not think so Gaara-koi?"
"Yeah...sure..." Gaara muttered taking in the sickly sweet atmosphere of sunshine, sakura petals, green dewy grass, and the rainbow glittering in the cloudless sky.
"Why a picnic?" Sasuke asked, seeming as unnerved as Gaara in the all-too-happy situation.
"Why Sasuke-san? Because the green grass reminds me of the unlimited power of youth and the air is fresh with all that is young and carefree! The sakura petals bloom with love and the butterflies dance to--"
"Okay, can we eat?" Naruto asked annoyed and impatient. The others nodded their agreement.
"Why of course, Naruto-san!" Lee cheered and set the straw basket down as well as the blanket and began to pull out the food.
"Ah...cheese, croissants, ham, crackers, mayonnaise, chicken, ketchup, soda, ramen (for Naruto-san), and sa- uh oh."
"What do you mean 'uh oh'?" Gaara questioned, glaring lightly at his lover.
"Ah hehe...I forgot the salami..."
"So? Let's eat!" Naruto chirped.
Sasuke agreed and the couple reached for the food when Lee with his super-quick speed slapped their hands away.
"What do you mean 'So?' Naruto-san? Everyone knows a Picnic of Youth is not a Picnic of Youth until The Salami of Eternal Youth is served!"
"The Salami of Eternal Youth?" the three questioned.
"Of course. Gaara would you mind...-"
"No."
"But Gaara...-"
"No."
"Gaara!"
"No."
"Kazekage-sama!"
"No."
"Please."
"No."
"You're not letting me finish tal-"
"No."
"Damnit Gaara! We need the Salami of Eternal Youth! Please go to the store that is only one block away and get the freakin' Salami of EternalYouth!"
"Umm...No."
"Rawwr!"
Sasuke and Naruto watched in mute fascination as the one-sided fight between Gaara and Lee continued.
"Fine!" Gaara shouted.
"Thank you, Gaara-sama! Once you taste it, it will definitely be worth it!"
"Hn."
Gaara walked away muttering about 'stupid Salami of Youth' and 'how he better be getting nookie tonight...'
The three men sighed and conversed as they waited for the red-headed Suna Kage to return.
--------
Gaara walked out of the market, a bag of salami in hand. The streets were empty and as thoughts of salami and eyebrows plagued his mind, he didn't notice where he was going and tripped flat on his face.
Blushing vividly, he quickly got up, brushed off his clothes and checked to see if anyone noticed his momentary lapse of gracefulness.
There in the alley were five men, roughly in their mid-twenties laughing their asses off at the Kazekage who tripped on his face. Save one teenage boy, probably only sixteen years old, looked scared shitless and didn't utter a peep. Wise one, he was.
Gaara sharply turned into the alleyway giving the men a glare that promised death. Compared to this glare, Sasuke's famous Uchiha death glare seemed like a teary pout.
Even though the men probably pissed themselves out of fear, they couldn't stop laughing.
Gaara decided to take care of them now before word spread around. He couldn't very well have news of his clumsiness getting out, now could he?
--------
"Hm...do any of you know what could be taking Gaara so long?" Lee asked.
Sasuke shook his head and Naruto shrugged his shoulders and glared at Lee when his stomach gave yet another painful lurch and loud grumble.
"Dammit Lee! I'm hungry! Let's eat! I don't need salami, much less The Salami of Eternal Youth!" Naruto shouted.
"Who told you of such a thing as The Salami of Youth, anyway?" Sasuke wondered.
"Why Gai-sensei, of course." Lee beamed.
"Why salami?" Naruto wondered.
"Because it is the food of youth of course." Lee gave the couple a 'Nice Guy' pose.
"Hm...I would've thought it would have been broccoli or something...green." Sasuke shuddered.
"No! The youth do not like vegetables! It's only common knowledge.! One must eat meat to be strong! Vegetables are just conspiracies by the general public to force the youth to eat vegetables so the elderly and aliens shall be spared!"
Blink. Blink.
Blink. Blink.
"Riiiight..." the lovers muttered.
"Well, let's go look for Gaara-koi shall we?" Lee suggested, and the three were off in search of the sand-manipulating nin.
--------
Gaara wiped his hands free of the crimson blood. He didn't kill the men, for fear of starting a war, but they're pretty bruised up if moans of pain and if their praying for death was any indication.
The Kage turned to the unscathed yet scared for life sixteen year old boy.
"What's your name, kid?" Gaara asked gruffly, still unsuccessfully trying to remove the crimson from his expensive clothes.
"H-H-Hisao (6), sir..." the boy whispered fearfully, trembling with fear.
"Oh, Hisao. Hello. Well, I'm glad you aren't as dim-witted as your friends over here," he gestured to the pile of heavily-wounded men, "you're wise and cowardly. I like you."
Hisao looked at the red-head in shock.
"Here ya go, Hisao..." Gaara fumbled through his pockets yet pulled out a silver rectangle. "Do you want some gum? It's Winterfresh and sugar-free!" He gestured the token of kindness to the boy.
If you see a blood-splattered, eyebrow-less, heavy mascara-wearing, psycho-on-crack looking teen offering you a stick of gum after demolishing five men, one of them being your elder brother, without hesitance or remorse, you'd be scarred for life too.
Hisao hesitantly took the offered gum with violently trembling fingers and nodded a thank you.
Gaara patted the boy on the head and began to walk out of the alley, when he suddenly turned around, a mad gleam in his eye. He faced the boy, sand swirling dementedly behind him.
"But y'know," Gaara began, "you didn't say 'bless you' when I sneezed..."
As the sand slowly wrapped themselves around Hisao, ready to perform Desert Coffin, Gaara's concentration was cut short but cries of his name.
"Gaara! Gaara! Gaara-koi, did you get the salami?"
The aforementioned man, dropped his prey and turned towards him again.
"You are so lucky. So lucky." he hissed at the young boy with very wet pants.
Lee, Sasuke and Naruto gaped at the scene in front of them when they reached the alleyway. Well probably not Lee, as he passed the wounded men and frightened boy as well as Gaara. He picked up the grocery bag to which contained the oh-so precious Salami of Eternal Youth, pulled out the lodge of meat and frowned.
"Gaaaaaraaaa!" Lee whined.
"What?" the gourd-wielder asked in obvious annoyance.
"You were supposed to get the Smoked Meat Salami of Eternal Youth not the Pepperoni Salami of Eternal Youth!" Lee stated matter-of-factly as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"GRRRRRRR!"
"Poor Gaara..." Naruto muttered.
"Poor him! Poor me! I didn't get to eat and at least sand-boy got to take his anger out on someone!" Sasuke complained.
"D'ya wanna cwuudle Swasuke-swama?" Naruto added the superior suffix to his lover's name using his famous 'undeniable uke pout' for emphasis.
"Ywes Pwease..." Sasuke pulled the kitsune closer to himself and sighed.
Moments like these made it all worthwhile.
(1) Izanami is the Japanese myth name of the wife of Izanagi meaning "female who invites," I have no idea what Suzuki means.
(2) A patsy is someone who takes the blame.
(3) 600¥ is roughly equivalent to $5.00
(4)1,200¥ is roughly equivalent to $10.00
(5) If you don't know the ramen I'm talking about, refer back to Chapter 9: Aphrodisiac. Yes my friends, that ramen.
(6) Hisao is the Japanese name meaning for "long-lived man." Hehe...I'm good with the irony. xD
And because I love you all...
I'm hearing that those 'rulers' in the document section aren't working, and for those who haven't figured it out yet - you can copy a ruler from a previous story and paste it to your documents section. A lot of stories have been missing the rulers and complaining about them so I wanted to help out to all those who might read this...
A/N: Eleven pages! A nice way to end the series, eh?
Waaaan! It's over! T.T
I'm going to miss all my reviewers! I love you! -glomps-
If you didn't review any of the other chapters, this is your last chance. C'mon, please? I really want to know what you think!
I hoped you all enjoyed the series. Till another story...
-mik