December 25, 2004

The first thing Leon felt was the dull throbbing in his head.

With a groan of pained effort, he managed to sit up on the couch, rubbing his forehead before running his fingers through his scruffy blond hair. This wasn't the best start to his Christmas Day by any stretch of the imagination.

Then again, nothing that led up to it was any good either. The worst part of it was, Leon didn't want to admit it was his own fault.

He shook his head to clear out the mental cobwebs, smacking his lips to soothe the dryness in his mouth, hardly feeling the sleep he'd had last night. At this rate, he'd have been surprised to feel anything aside from the crap he had right then.

That damn Dear John letter...

Still, Leon knew that dwelling on it for too long wouldn't do him any good. He had to find a way to make something good out of this.

He took in a deep breath, picking up the smell of coffee coming from his kitchen. Just what he needed.

Gingerly, Leon hefted himself from the couch, pressing his fingers to his temples to stave off the throbbing headache. Instead, dizziness came to make it worse, and Leon only slightly kept it at bay by focusing on the coffee in front of him. Trembling and slow, Leon strolled over to his coffee maker, mildly surprised at the full mug of caffeinated beverage he saw in its hutch. He grabbed the mug and took a slow, gentle sip, letting the caffeine start to flow through his system, ironically feeling much calmer that he'd had it.

Even Leon knew it wouldn't do much to stave off the hangover completely, but it was at least a decent start.

"Well, there's one good thing that's happened today", Leon grumbled between sips.

He carefully managed them as he moved back to his bathroom to grab a couple of aspirin from the cabinet. As he did, he got a good look at himself in the mirror - his blonde curtains unkempt, his face scruffy, his blazing blue eyes almost bloodshot from crying into his drink last night. Leon didn't think he had that sort of temper in him, yet nothing seemed to hurt worse than heartbreak.

He then realized on top of that, he still had a couple of other messes to clean up - the shattered picture frame and his broken phone.

"Oh, fuck", Leon groaned, at the realization as much at his appearance, before turning away to walk back to the living room.

Once he got there, he noticed something else. Something…off.

Running his free hand through his hair, Leon furrowed his brow at his coffee maker. A nagging feeling told him that there shouldn't even be any coffee ready for it - he didn't recall setting up the coffee maker at all.

Had he done it while he was...?

Drunk.

Thinking that made Leon's brain start working, and the disjointed memories of last night started coming back.

After he'd read the letter from Alice - his now-ex-girlfriend - he'd crumpled it up and tossed it aside in frustration and anger, before doing the same with his cell phone, right into the framed picture of him and Alice. The outburst resulted in both the frame's glass and plastic of his phone screen shattering.

Leon, tears of frustrated sadness flooding from his eyes, had then gone into the kitchen for the bottle of bourbon he kept atop the fridge, forgoing the glass in favor of taking swigs straight from the bottle. It hadn't been enough to knock him out right away, but it was enough to drown his sorrows before he fell asleep of his own accord.

He vaguely remembered the nightmare he had - Saddler kidnapping Ashley, he telling him to leave her alone, chasing after them - and then...

...Ada? Her concerned face? Her fingers through his hair? Was that even part of the dream he had?

Leon double-checked his apartment, now noticing the little out-of-place details - the previously crumpled letter was laid near-flat on the coffee table, next to the now upright picture. The broken phone was next to it, though shards of plastic and glass were still askew on the floor.

The bourbon bottle was gone.

It was then that Leon finally remembered something else - he hadn't even touched his coffeemaker since before he'd left for Spain; Alice had never been a fan of the stuff, and was even trying to help him kick the habit.

Leon could also perfectly remember the moment in his dream that Ada appeared. He usually never remembered anything from his dreams. At least, not this clearly...

"Ada!"

"Shhh...it's alright. You were having a bad dream, Leon. Close your eyes and go back to sleep."

"You're...you're here...but I—"

"No, Leon. I won't talk to you when you're drunk like this. I deserve better than that...and so do you. Right now, you need to sleep this off."

"But—"

"No!"

Her finger crossing his lips to hush him, before all of her digits trailed calmly over his closing eyelids and blond bangs.

Her voice, calm and soothing again. "Go on. I'll sit with you for a bit."

A smile spreading across his face as he drifted off...

Leon pinched at his temple, feeling another wave of pain wash through his head when he finally noticed it by the coffeemaker- another letter, one written in flowing cursive handwriting, a red stain of lipstick in the corner.

"The hell?"

He wouldn't have noticed the letter at first glance, but with the sunlight beginning to spill through his front window, it was impossible to miss now. The writing was slanted, neat cursive, left by a woman - as if the lipstick mark wasn't an obvious hint of that. There could only have been one person who left it.

Leon, taking a deep breath into the bottoms of his lungs before letting it out, went over to where the letter lay and started to read.

Dear Leon,

I know I should be telling you all of this face to face. Under different circumstances, I would. No matter what I've done to you in the past, I know I owe you that much.

But I can't be leaving any more tracks behind. Not now.

I've found that Wesker's been sending out men to hunt you down and kill you, two of whom I ran across last night. Thankfully, you don't need to worry about them anymore, and I don't think he'll send any more killers your way.

I know you must be wondering why I've done that. And I imagine you're still upset with me over how our last encounter in Spain ended. For that, I can only apologize. You were right about me working with Wesker - he even explicitly ordered me to kill you at the time. But I couldn't bring myself to do so.

All I wanted to do was keep you safe any way I could. Sometimes, leaving you alone felt like the best way I could do that - if I wasn't seen with you, I had no reason to follow those orders. As for how I left you at the end, I have no excuse other than the job I was sent there for. Again, I'm sorry.

There's so much I have to apologize and make up for - leaving you behind in Raccoon City, leaving you behind and leading you on in Spain, holding that gun to your head...the list goes on.

But most importantly, I need to apologize for not being honest with you. I know I've deceived you a lot over the years, and you of all people don't deserve to have that done to them. Maybe it'd be easier if I did just leave your life altogether. But I do still care about you, Leon - more than you could possibly know. And hard as that may be to believe, I hope the day comes that I'll be able to earn your forgiveness and show you just how much I care.

Hopefully, you could consider me taking Wesker's men out as a first step toward earning your forgiveness. I hope you'll at least appreciate that, even with all that's happened between us lately.

The worst part is, I didn't even realize just how bad I've been hurting you until last night. The way I saw you, drunk and miserable - that was heartbreaking by itself. Then I also found out why.

I found that letter from your ex, and why your relationship with her ended.

Because of me and my behavior, and because of your feelings toward me.

I know I shouldn't have been snooping in your business, but I wanted to make sure you were taking care of yourself.

That's why I hope you don't keep trying to drown your sorrows like you did last night. It won't help you confront them - I know that from experience - and you would've been putting yourself in even more danger, especially last night.

Leon, please don't beat yourself up too much about what happened. It's not all your fault. While you may have been looking for me where you couldn't find ME, if your ex couldn't bear to tell you face to face why she's leaving, that's on her. All you can do is confront your own problems, learn from them, and focus on making yourself better.

Like I'm planning to do.

And I know you can do that too - you have the drive for it. If you can survive something like Raccoon City or Spain and still manage to help people you've saved, I know you can help yourself too.

It'll take a long time, and much hard work, but it will be better for the both of us. This I know from experience as well.

And I hope that when we meet again, we will be better for each other.

For now, take care of yourself, Leon. Merry Christmas.

Love, Ada.

PS - You're welcome.

On the corner of the letter was her signature - the red lipstick mark of her kiss just beside her cheeky postscript.

Leon read through the letter again, trying to make sense of the emotions storming through his aching head - the fright at knowing there were people after him, indignation at having that breakup letter found by Ada, anger at her leaving him as he slept...

Yet, strangely, they passed like flowing water and were replaced with more pleasant emotions - relief that he was safe from his would-be killers, comfort that Ada hadn't judged him even in his drunken state, and acceptance that she was right when she wouldn't let him be with her longer.

She was just right about everything else she told him not to do. Drowning his sorrows was no way to confront them and make some sense on them.

If anything, all it did was make them hurt worse when they rose up.

Leon let out a wry chuckle as the last thought hit him, his gaze traveling to the kiss left for him at the end of the letter. As he pondered over Ada's beautifully written words, his mind then flashed back to another night, much longer ago.

That night in Raccoon City, after she'd saved him from the hulking monstrosity that was the Tyrant, after it'd thrown her against that control console.

He'd held her close, thinking she would die.

Her last words in particular echoed through his mind again...

"I'm just a woman who fell in love with you...nothing more."

He'd believed her then. It had been a long night for them both, yet Leon had seen who Ada really was beneath her facade.

Hopefully he'd be able to see the day when Ada would finally be able to tell him those words again.

For now, though, Leon had her letter scrawled with even more painfully beautiful words. And he knew, as a soft smile crawled across his face, they were definitely true, even as Ada left them at the risk of her own life.

For him.

With a sigh, Leon raised his coffee mug in a toast, and said, "Merry Christmas, Ada. Be safe." Then he took another sip of the black coffee before walking to the window, watching the snow peacefully swirl outside in the gentle winter sun, the smile still on his face.