Chapter 11.

Dean wished that Anael hadn't worked out how he felt about the final car, because she barely took an interest in the third one, apart from saying it had an unpleasant smell. It did. It was mildly musty, but that could be fixed with a good clean and it wasn't a bad car, it just wasn't the best.

He was beginning to get irritated. She reminded him of Cas, trying to guess the right opinion to have, to win his approval. He was sick of angels looking to him for guidance and she wanted to be human and humans didn't do that.

Except they did, all the time. Sam had tried to win his approval, he had tried to win his father's and maybe he hated that more, seeing their youthful insecurities mirrored in this angel, remembering how it felt to be constantly afraid of failing a test the answers to which they would never know.

It was more than that. It was the way angels latched onto him, making him some kind of teacher, some kind of leader, when he felt unable and unworthy to lead anyone anywhere. Cas had called him an expert on humanity. Sometimes, he barely felt he qualified.

He checked the time and realised he would have to go to his appointment before they looked at car number four. As they drove into Newton, he said, "I have to go conduct a little business. I'm meeting someone at three."

"You never mentioned this before." she said.

"I don't actually have to tell Sam where I'm going every second of the day. He's not my Mom."

"What business are you conducting?" she said.

"You're also not my Mom. It's personal, okay?" There was a parking lot next to the offices he needed to go to. He parked there. He fumbled in his pocket and gave her a handful of money. "You see that coffee shop over there? Go in there. Get yourself some coffee and some pie or something and wait for me."

"What if we have to miss seeing the car?" she said.

"We won't. Look, this shouldn't take long at all. It's just some boring paperwork. Just something I need to do for the future."

"Whose future?" she said. She looked at the sign on the door of the office building "Those all seem to be lawyers."

"Not all of them." he said, "Some are accountants and one is a literary agent."

"Well, I don't see you as a budding novelist, so are you writing a will?"

"When I said personal, was that confusing to you at all?"

"Answer the question." she said.

"It's nothing like that." he said.

"Are you sure? Because, if Sam thinks I knew that and didn't tell him, he'll hate me more than you did."

"I told you, I never hated you."

"Fine, more than you seemed to and that's a lot, BT dubs."

"You may be spending too much time around Charlie." he said. That failed to change the subject. She was giving him the implacable angel look that he had hated since he first encountered her kind. "It's not a will." he said, "My will is written on the back of an envelope under my bed. Hunters don't get too formal with this stuff. People tend to want proof of death and all that malarkey."

"So it's not something that would worry Sam, if he knew?"

"No. It's actually a college fund for the kid."

Her eyes were fixed on his, searching for signs of deception. He felt he was under some hefty surveillance. Was she really that worried about Sam hating her? Because as far as he had seen, Sam was pretty fond of her. He had a lot of affection for anyone who loved his wife and Anael had been a good friend to Eileen so far.

"So why didn't you tell Sam?" she said.

"Because I want to tell him when it's all set up, so we don't start discussing why hunters can't go to college."

"Sam doesn't think that."

"I hope not, but all kinds of things boil around that big head of his and he doesn't always let them out for an airing."

"You mean he's unnecessarily secretive?"

"Exactly."

"Which is why we're not telling him anything he doesnt need to know."

"Precisely."

"And that doesn't seem a little ironic to you?"

"Shut up." he said.

"I have a question."

"You have too many questions." he said.

"What happens if Sam's child decides not to be a hunter?"

He felt a degree of relief. That was an easy question. "That's the whole point of the college fund." he said, "Sam never really had a choice. His kid will. Obviously, all his children will have to be taught how to deal with the supernatural, because it could come for them at any time ... "

"I thought you trusted Jack." she said.

"I do, but we know better than most, even gods can be overthrown. We can't afford to assume we're all safe forever. Plus, Jack is not gonna watch over us constantly and protect us from all harm and we wouldn't want him to."

"So you'll teach his kids what's out there and let them decide whether they want to go after it or just protect themselves against it?"

"Yeah. They get the choice we never had."

"But you hope they'll choose hunting."

"No, I honestly hope they don't."

"If nobody does, isn't the world screwed as soon as Jack is overthrown?"

Cas will always be around." he said, "Besides, they're Winchesters. One of them will be dumb enough to think this is a good career path."

"Do you think that?" she said.

"For me, it was always the only game in town." he said.

"If you could have been anything ... "

"I never had that choice."

"But would you have ... "

"It doesn't matter. I've lived my life. I've made mistakes. I accept the consequences."

"You're talking like it's all over." she said. She looked worried.

"You need to be less concerned about random hunters." he said, "We're all pessimistic sons of bitches."

"Garth isn't."

"Okay, all except Garth. My point is, I talk like it's all gonna end soon in a hail of bullets, but I think I have a good chance now of getting old. There's something in me that just won't give in and I wanna see Sam's kid grow up. I wanna hand that kid the keys to my Baby personally."

"There's no way you'd give her up while you're still breathing."

"Wait and see." he said, "There's nothing I won't give that kid."

She regarded him with a strange little smile. After a while, he said, "What?"

"I used to think you were a heartless dick."

"I can be." he said, but her use of the past tense made him feel oddly validated.

"I'm starting to see why you are so loved." she said.

That was more than he had expected. He didn't know how to respond. He checked his watch. "Gotta go. You go grab yourself a coffee. Have some pie. Enjoy some time away from annoying hunters. I'll come find you when I'm done."

"Okay. I hope it all goes well."

"Now, one thing, you're not gonna call Sam and tell him about this, are you? I wanna tell him myself."

She smiled sadly. "You still don't trust me."

"I kinda do, but I know you worry too much and I know you and Sam are friends."

"You and I are friends. You said so. I know I betrayed your trust before, but I won't do it again."

"Because you regret it?" he said.

"Because I know it was a mistake." she said.

"That doesn't sound like the same thing." he said.

"I'm trying to be honest with you." she said.

He got out of the car and ducked back in to say, "I appreciate the attempt."