House of Black

It had been a couple of weeks since the Prophet published the article about her and Oscar's promise to ask around about Regulus' whereabouts, and the new security arrangements were just beginning to get to Claudia. She missed her old life. Whenever her head needed clearing, she used to go out for a walk with Sirius and end up in a pub somewhere, have a beer, share some chips. But all of that was gone. Instead, they had a hundred protection charms around their house and strict order not to wonder around. Instead, she had a boyfriend who too was going stir-crazy.

"I've got to go to work," she mumbled as she popped her head into the garage one morning. "What are you doing to that bike? I thought it was done!" she added when she saw what he was up to.

"I'm trying to make it fly?"

"Why?" she gasped.

"I figured you might be less scared if it's in the air," Sirius smirked but quickly returned to fiddling with the engine. "It might feel more like a broom."

"Is that even legal?"

"Probably not."

"That's just great," she uttered. "First, an unregistered animagus and now, meddling with muggle technology. You're going to get us both arrested…"

"I'd hope the Ministry has bigger problems to worry about."

"They sure do," Claudia sighed, remembering the ever-growing pile of unsolved cases. "I'll see you tonight."

"Sure." Sirius did not even turn back. There was no hug, no kiss, not 'stay safe'.

Claudia was distracted from her work all morning, and counted down the minutes until she could get out of her office and buy some lunch. Sirius' demeanour in the garage earlier was bothering her. He had not been this cold since the last time he tried hiding things from her, before Remus finally came clean about his secret.

"Miss Avery!" she heard as she was crossing the atrium with her stomach full of sandwiches and tea.

Before Claudia could identify who it was that called on her, she was shoved towards the wall by a short, blond woman that she instantly recognised as Miss Skeeter, that sharp-tongued Daily Prophet journalist that busted her when she was trying to blab her way to some information in her office back at school.

"I thought it was you," Miss Skeeter said with a falsely sweet smile. "I knew you were trouble the first time I saw you."

"Miss Skeeter, I don't know-"

"Oh please, dear." Miss Skeeter continued. "Call me Rita."

"Rita?" Claudia hissed, remembering what Fabian said when he came to tell her about the Prophet exposé being published. He said that Rita never revealed her sources. "You're Rita? You're the one who published that garbage about me?"

"Do you have any comment about what your father said?" the journalist asked, completely unfazed.

"Who told you it was me?"

"Never reveal your sources, honey," Skeeter said with a wink.

"Coward. You're jeopardising an investigation."

"Blah, blah, blah…" Skeeter rolled her eyes. "You sound just like Moody. You aurors need to be held accountable, not just going around murdering people."

Claudia could yet again feel fer fingernails piercing the skin on her palms. "Lucky for you, we don't just go around murdering people," she said through gritted teeth.

"I'd be happy for you to try," Skeeter smirked.

But before Claudia could react either with worlds or a hex, Oscar pushed Rita Skeeter to the side, put his arm around Claudia's shoulder and walked her towards the Ministry exit.

"You know how you're supposed to keep a low profile," he whispered when they were out of earshot. "Threatening a journalist in the Ministry's atrium isn't what Moody had in mind."

"Yes, yes. I know," Claudia sighed. "I'll get back to the office like the obedient trainee I am."

"Right," Oscar laughed. "Come with me, obedient trainee. I'm meeting one of my informants."

"Who?"

"Some low-level Death Eater. He isn't in it because he believes in it, just for the money. Gets money from the Death Eaters for running their errands, and from us for information…"

"Charming."

"He's many things but he isn't that."

They travelled to a very shoddy pub in East London. Claudia was half-expecting to meet Mundungus in there.

"You aren't to mention your real name to him, understand? Would spook the shit out of him…" Oscar whispered as he made his way through the empty pub. "What's your middle name?"

"Lavinia."

"For fuck's sake." Oscar rolled his eyes. "Could you be any posher? You're Glennie Twigs for today."

"Glennie? How did you come up with Glennie?"

But Oscar did not reply. Instead, he approached a small table on the back wall of the pub where a solitary figure wrapped in a black coat and wearing a very out of date flat cap was sitting.

"Who is she?" he barked.

"My colleague, Glennie." Oscar replied and said down. "What do you have?"

"I'm not talking in front of her," the Death Eater smirked.

"Yes, you are," Claudia hissed, her adrenaline still high following the encounter with Rita Skeeter earlier.

The Death Eater's eyes travelled to Oscar, who was unyielding. "Fine," he said after a while. "I know you're looking for Mulciber. I heard he's up in Scotland, hiding among muggles."

"That's not very specific," Claudia said and folded her arms across her chest.

"It's the best I have right now."

"It's useless." Claudia stood up from the table.

"Hold your horses, young lady," the Death Eater said. "I'll get you more specifics-" he turned to Oscar. "For the right price."

"Get more specific and we'll talk," Oscar said. Claudia stayed quiet, her blood still boiling from being called a 'young lady'.

"I need time."

"You know when to find me," Oscar said and got up from the table. "Come on Glennie, time to go." They just about turned and took a step or two away from the table when the Death Eater spoke again.

"You wanted to know about the Black kid."

Claudia's eyes darted to Oscar, who put his hand across her back and prevented her from turning around. "Patience," he mouthed.

"And?" he asked as he slowly turned around. Claudia was too anxious to play along, so allowed Oscar to take the lead.

"It's going to cost you…"

"How much?"

"Twenty galleon."

Oscar laughed and turned away again.

"I really want to know. I can pay," Claudia whispered, still rooted to the spot.

"It's part of the dance, just follow my lead," Oscar whispered back and nudged her out of the pub.

And as sure as day, the Death Eater's voice followed them. "Fine, fifteen!"

Oscar looked over his shoulder. "Five."

"Twelve."

"Eight."

"Ten."

Oscar smirked and slowly walked over to the table. "Deal. Now, tell me what you know."

"Money first."

Oscar reached into his pocket and handed over five galleons. "Half now, half after."

The Death Eater reached across the table, grabbed the money and safely tucked it into his pocket. "The kid's dead."

"What?" Claudia barked. "Dead? How do you know?"

"He wanted to make an example made of out him. I heard this from my handler. He said Black was a traitor, and that whoever brough the Dark Lord his head would earn a place in the inner circle."

"That doesn't mean he's dead." Oscar said.

"It does," the Death Eater replied. "Few days later, the Dark Lord was apparently boasting the mission has been completed, making an example out of Black. As a deterrent to the rest of us."

Claudia stood as if she was frozen. It was as if all the sounds of the pub died down, and everyone's movements became painfully slow. Part of her wanted to run out of the pub and scream. But a bigger part of her did not want to show this Death Eater how much she cared.

Without a word, Oscar reached into his pocket and slid five galleons across the table. The sound of the golden coins screeching against the wooden table woke Claudia up from her trance. She took a deep breath, and walked out of the pub with as much composure as she could muster.

"I'm so sorry," Oscar mumbled once they were out of the pub. It was now dark and pouring with cold October rain.

"I have to go home," Claudia whispered without even looking at him. "I'll see you tomorrow-" she paused to wipe the rain off her brows. "And thanks." She gripped her wand and apparated home.

As she walked down Gower Mews in the rain, she saw a light coming out of Sirius' garage. There were also the barely audible sounds of muggle rock music complemented by the tapping of his tools.

Twelve, thirteen, fourteen… She counted the steps until she was by the door of the garage. Then, she took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Want to take it for a test run?" he asked without really raising his head. "I think I've cracked the flying thing."

Claudia swallowed dry. "I need to talk to you."

Her voice shook enough for Sirius to stop tightening the screws in his engine and turn around abruptly. "What happened?"

She bit her lip. There was no point delaying it or sugar-coating it. Whatever she said, the reality would still be the same. "Regulus is dead."

Sirius' face did not change. There was no emotion. He looked like a statue. Then, he turned back and continued to poke around in the engine. Claudia watched him, unsure what to do next. Surely, this could not have been it.

"Fuck!" he screamed after a few seconds and the screwdriver came clattering to the concrete floor.

Claudia took few quick steps towards Sirius and saw him holding onto his left palm, blood streaming from between his fingers.

"My hand slipped," he uttered through gritted teeth. "Stabbed myself with a fucking screwdriver."

Claudia took out her wand, crouched next to him and aimed at the fresh wound. "Hold still," she whispered. "I can close a simple wound," she added when a shadow of scepticism crossed Sirius' face.

They sat on the floor of the garage, their hands covered in blood, while Claudia muttered healing spells to stop the bleeding. Whenever she glanced up at Sirius, he looked away.

"There," she said when she was done and put her wand away. "About Reg…"

"Serves him right," Sirius growled and freed his hand from Claudia's grip.

"Sirius…"

"What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry?" he barked and stood up. "Well, I'm not. I'm going to the shower." And he was gone before Claudia managed to say anything else.

She sat on the floor of the garage, wondering what she could have said to stop Sirius from hurting himself or storming out. She remembered the very first conversation they ever had about Regulus. Regulus – who was in his third year then - just wanted to be Sirius' friend, but Sirius could not do it, and they grew apart.

She collected herself and went upstairs. She washed her hands, changed into some dry clothes and went to sit on the bed, watching the door to the bathroom, waiting for Sirius to come out.

Every time they discussed Regulus since that first time, Sirius lost his temper. There were plenty of people Siris disliked, his parents, Snape, and yet, he never lost his cool when talking about them. He mocked them. But not Regulus, there was something different about him.

Claudia's train of thoughts got interrupted by a crash from the bathroom, swiftly followed by a loud scream. She was on her feet and way to the bathroom before she realised. She barged through the door and saw Sirius sitting on the floor in his underwear, surrounded by hundreds of little pieces of shattered glass.

"I dropped-" he sobbed and wiped his eyes. "I dropped my cologne."

"Reparo," Claudia whispered, and the little shards of glass flew towards her hand and re-arranged themselves into the flask just before they reached her palm. She gripped it firmly between her fingers.

Then, she dropped to her knees next to Sirius and pulled him into a tight hug. He was completely rigid. "Come on," she whispered after a minute or so. A minute that they spent in silence, bar Sirius' desperate effort to supress his tears. "The smell cannot be making you feel any better."

Sirius went to get dressed and Claudia went to make him some tea. She knew he was always going to crack and allow himself to grieve for Regulus at some point but did not think it was going to be quite so soon.

But the moment she stepped back to the living room, she knew she read him wrong. Only few minutes had passed since she left him alone, but he was a completely different man again. He was sitting in an armchair staring into a fire he had just lit. His frown was back.

"Still don't want to talk about it," he mumbled the moment Claudia passed him the tea.

"Fine," Claudia sighed, suppressing the urge to yell at him. It was taking all the resolve she had. "I've got work to do."

She sat on the sofa, facing Sirius and reached into her bag to take out some reports she promised Barraclough she would read by tomorrow morning. It took her forever. She kept glancing at Sirius, who was still staring into the fire, or thinking about Regulus. The time they played Quidditch in his parents' garden, and Claudia crashed into the gazebo. Or their first game on the Quidditch team together. It seemed like a world away. She threw the report on the floor and lowered herself on the sofa. If she was only to close her eyes for one minute, she would be able to concentrate better.

When she opened her eyes again, the fire was out. She must have fallen asleep. She glanced towards the chair where Sirius was sitting earlier, and found it empty.

Claudia climbed over the sofa to scan the rest of the living room; he was not there either. Now in a slight panic, she turned.

"Shit-" she gasped. "You scared me."

Sirius was standing in the dark by the kitchen window, staring into the street. "Sorry," he mumbled.

Claudia got up and crossed the apartment. She took the glass our of Sirius' hand, filled it from the nearly empty whiskey glass on the kitchen table and sat down.

Slowly, she brought the glass to her lips.

As she put it down, Sirius sat down to join her.

Finally, she managed to catch the sight of his face in the light of the streetlamp. His eyes were red, and fresh tears were still visible on his cheeks.

"How did he die?" he whispered and reached for the glass Claudia was gripping in her fingers.

Seeing the tears on Sirius' face brought some to Claudia's eyes too. "I don't really know," she replied, watching him take a sip before getting her glass back. "Oscar and I met with this low-level Death Eater. He said Voldemort made an example out of him. For trying to defect."

Sirius sighed and blew his nose on one of the few tissues scattered around their dining table. "I want to hate him so bad for what he did to you."

"I don't want you to. He made a mistake. He said so."

"It's all my fault," Sirius uttered, looking into the street again. "I should've kept a better eye on him when he came to Hogwarts, I shouldn't have run away from home. None of this would've happened. He wouldn't have been dead, and you wouldn't have the scars…"

The guilt. This is why Regulus was different from the others. "Look at me," Claudia whispered, her tears now falling down her cheeks, and her chest physically hurting from the sight of the person she loved the most in the world torturing himself like this. "He didn't want to kill me, Marcus did. Regulus was just a pawn."

"Regulus has always been just a pawn. For my mother, for the Death Eaters… I should've been there for him. I shouldn't have left-" Sirius could not even finish that sentence. Instead, he picked up another tissue.

"Do you think you would've been able to help him if you stayed at home? You'd be a wreck. Or your mother would've killed you."

Sirius filled up the glass again and drained half of it. "Then, I should've taken him with me when I run away."

"You'd have to kidnap him."

"Then, I should've kidnapped him." He took another sip of fire-whiskey. The glass was now empty.

Claudia glanced at the bottle. It was a lot fuller the last time she remembered them drinking from it. "Let's go for a walk."

"You aren't supposed to." Sirius glanced at the clock. "And it's three in the morning."

"I'm not going to stay indoors for the rest of my life. Let's go."

They threw on their coats, tucked their wands in their sleeves and set off. They walked towards Regent's Park, only stopping to buy a pack of cigarettes on the way from a twenty-four hour off-licence.

Neither of them could find the words to describe what they were feeling at that moment. So, they smoked and walked hand-in-hand through the park and up Primrose Hill until Claudia abruptly stopped and stared at the bushes on the top of the hill. The same bushes where…

"This is where I saw him last," she whispered and pointed in their direction. "Right there. Right before he run off who knows where-"

Sirius took a long drag of the cigarette and blew the smoke high in the night sky. "I've spent weeks looking for him. It's like the ground had swallowed him."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't even know," Sirius sighed and dropped on the bench they were standing next to. Claudia joined him. The wood was freezing cold and she shivered for a second or two. "Shame I suppose," he mumbled and kept looking at the spot Claudia pointed out earlier.

Sirius lit another cigarette and put his arm around his girlfriend's shoulders.

"Would you grieve if Marcus died?" he whispered after a while.

"Regulus isn't-" Claudia paused. "Wasn't Marcus."

"Right…"

"Marcus is just vile," she explained. "Regulus was-" Claudia stopped abruptly. She was going to say he was just a good kid with a dark side. Just like couple other people she knew. Couple of people who were sitting on that bench.

Claudia put her own cigarette to her mouth, hoping it would warm her up and give her the time to find another second to compose a coherent sentence. Sirius stared at her, waiting for her lips to move again.

"Regulus did have a good side too," she finally mumbled.

Sirius sighed. "It could've easily been me. He's always been kinder than me."

Claudia remembered the conversation she had with Lily about Snape. "I worry about that too…"

"That I would have turned out to be a Death Eater?" Sirius snapped. "Thanks for that."

"No, you muppet," she grabbed his face and slowly drew it towards her to plant the most gentle and fleeting kiss on his lips. "That I would've turned out to be one."

Sirius pulls her close to him, and for a minute, they both smoked in silence.

"No one is good all the time," Claudia continued. "We all got light and dark inside of us."

Sirius raised a corner of his mouth. "I guess-" he paused. "I guess it's what you choose to act on. That's who we really are."

"Yeah," Claudia mumbled as her mind travelled back to Rosier. Was that who she really was? A murderer who acted on her dark side? Rita Skeeter clearly thought so. But she forced herself to stop the self-pity and looked at Sirius, who was in tears again. "Let's go home."

"I don't want to," Sirius whispered and buried his face in Claudia's hair.

She had to laugh. "That's exactly what you said the first time we were sitting on the top of a hill in the middle of the night."

"Don't remind me…" Sirius sighed. "If Regulus haven't told my mother about us that night…"

"All seems bit silly now, doesn't it?"

"There are a lot of things I wish I handled differently…"

"Promise me you won't blame yourself."

Sirius let out sort of a growl that Claudia chose to believe constituted a half-hearted promise. It was the best she could have hope for.

"Let's get home," she said. "It's late, and I don't particularly want to be here when the early-morning dog walkers turn up."

They apparated home and slipped under the duvet to hide from the elements. Between the whiskey and middle of the night hike up Primrose Hill, it did not take Claudia long to fall asleep.

In a few hours, she woke up snuggled up against Sirius back. The alarm was beeping like it was the end of the world before she stopped it. She perched herself up on her elbow and leaned over him to see he was already awake.

"Are you going to be ok today?" she asked with a yawn. "I could take a half-day off or something."

Sirius turned over to face her and wrapped her in his arms. "I'm fine. Besides, I'm meeting James later."

"Do you want me to wait until he's here?"

"Claude?"

"Sorry, sorry," she mumbled and brushed his hair "You're fine."

"Exactly," he said with a smile and kissed her.

Claudia managed to make it to work on time but for most of the morning kept nervously glancing at her notebook to see if Sirius wrote to her. At ten, he finally did.

"James is taking me on a mission. I'll be home late."

Claudia exhaled through the corner of her mouth. She was not sure how to feel about that. It was good to take his mind of things, but he was bound to be distracted by what happened yesterday, which could put both him and James in danger.

"Is it one of those mission where you get to sit around all day and talk?"

"Hope not."

Claudia closed her eyes and bit her lip. He needed time. Yelling would not help the situation.

"Take it easy, alright?"

There was nothing further from Sirius for the rest of the day, and Claudia found herself checking her tattoo more often that she would have liked. But Sirius seemed to be alive at least, so she managed to get through her workday without losing her mind.

Once she got home, she did not have to wait for long to hear what happened on that mission. James and Sirius burst through the door barely twenty minutes after she did.

"Can you take this seriously for one second?" James barked. "First, we got chased by the muggle police and then by some Death Eaters."

Claudia's stomach turned. This was exactly what she did not want to hear.

"Relax," Sirius laughed. "At least we know the motorbike flies."

"Yeah," James grimaced. "And so does the muggle police."

"No one will believe them. It was dark." Sirius threw his jacket off. "I'm going to the shower."

"Wait!"

But Claudia grabbed James' arm and pulled him back. "It's his favourite new excuse to avoid talking about things."

"What's wrong with him?" James snarled. "I've grown to expect certain amount of crazy from him, but this? This was reckless even for him."

"Wait…" Claudia paused, and her eyes narrowed. "He didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"Regulus is dead. We found out yesterday."

James closed his eyes and exhaled. "Bloody hell. No, he didn't tell me."

"I found out at work. Voldemort's made an example of him."

"Do you want me to stay?"

Claudia forced out a smile and squeezed James' shoulder. "He's going to be alright. Just needs to process it all."

"Alright," James mumbled. "Let me know if you want some company though."

"I will." Claudia gave him a hug.

"I mean this, Claudia." James slowly released her. "I know you have each other, but we're all here for you, alright? I know it hasn't been easy with Rosier, then the Prophet and now this."

"He'll be ok," Claudia repeated. Maybe if she said out loud often enough, she would believe it herself.

"Alright then," James mumbled. "I'll see you at the Order meeting on Saturday."

Claudia walked him to the door and gave him another hug. In a way she was glad he was gone. His mention of Rosier and the Prophet made her thin James thought she was the one struggling. And she did not need him to patronise her. Not tonight.

Few minutes later, Sirius emerged from out of the shower, towel around his waist and his hair dripping with water. "James still around?"

"Gone home."

He pulled the towel down and run it through his hair, as he slowly walked towards Claudia. The slightest of grins was flashing across his face.

"You seem happier."

"My motorbike is flying, I've got you." He pulled her close to him. "Why wouldn't I be happy?" Sirius' hand wondered down Claudia's body and under her t-shirt.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"I think it's a fantastic idea," he whispered, pulled her t-shirt off, and kissed her.

There was only as long as Claudia could be sensible under these circumstances. Whenever they were intimate together, it always felt very raw. Like they could not hide anything from each other. Like all their emotions were for once up on the surface. Maybe this was going to be good for them both.

She kissed Sirius back and helped him get her clothes off her.

Twenty minutes later, as their bodies were contorted with pleasure, she definitely agreed with Sirius. This was a fantastic idea.

But then, she realised something was off. Normally just after they finished, Sirius would sort of grin at Claudia then bit either his lip or hers when he kissed her. Then, he would drop his head on Claudia's shoulder or forehead, and kept grinning and breathing heavily. Often, he would say something silly that either made her laugh, or pinch him.

But today, it felt different.

Sirius shut his eyes and gripped Claudia's so tight in his arms she could barely breathe. And instead of a dumb joke, his breath was quivering.

"You're going to squeeze the life out of me," she whispered.

His eyes still shut, Sirius loosened his grip a little and dropped onto the mattress. "Sorry."

Claudia turned towards him and could swear there were tears in his eyes. She buried her fingers in his hair and pulled his head against her chest.

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

"You didn't squeeze me that hard."

Sirius let out a brief laugh, but that only seemed to free some of the tears. "You know what I mean."

Claudia kissed the top of Sirius' head. "You have nothing to be sorry about."

"That's nice of you to say, but you know that's not true."

There was no point telling Sirius he should not blame himself for what happened to Regulus. Claudia knew he would, for the rest of his life. They just needed to figure out how to live with that.

"I love you," she whispered instead.

"I love you too."