Happy Birthday
The Saturday's Order meeting was now in full swing, and some Ministry official, whose name Claudia could not quite remember, was talking about rank-and-file Death Eaters. She was barely paying any attention.
"Their morale is as strong as ever," he finished and shook his head. "We were hoping that by this point, people will start deserting him, but they seem to be holding up just fine-"
"That's not true," Sirius mumbled and slowly raised his head. "I know someone who just got murdered for trying to defect."
Claudia glanced at James, who was staring at her. And so were Lily, Remus and Peter. They were all clearly thinking about the same thing. Sirius talking about Regulus in front of the whole Order was a recipe for disaster.
"Well, we had intelligence-" the Ministry official continued.
"Wasn't very good intelligence then." Sirius barked.
"Gentlemen," Dumbledore jumped in, his voice carrying a gentle yet insistent tone. "Let's put a pin in that. Maybe wait until the situation has settled before we decide on whether we need to take any action."
"But," Sirius jumped in again. "If the morale is really crumbling-"
"It's not crumbling!" the Ministry man yelled.
"Gentlemen," Dumbledore intervened again, this time even more forcefully. "Alice, please. You had something to raise."
"Thank you." Alice said and shuffled on her chair to straighten her posture. "There is a prisoner being held in one of the Death Eater hideouts. He's just a low-level Ministry-official, so the security isn't great. But we need to get him out."
"Why can't the aurors do it?" James asked.
"We suspect he was under the Imperius Curse and committed some crimes at the Ministry," Alice explained. "We suspect it was mostly leaks, but worry that if we went in with the aurors, he'd end up in Azkaban. But if we rescue him and protect him, we can get more information out of him about what the Death Eaters made him do."
"How do we know where he is?"
"Auror intelligence."
Sirius scoffed. "Hope it's better than his intelligence," he said and gestured towards the man he argued with beforehand.
"Alice," Dumbledore ignored him. "I presume you'll take the lead on this. Who else is in? James? Lily?"
James shook his head. "Remus and I are still on that guard duty."
"I'll go," Lily said.
"I'll come too," Sirius growled. Everyone looked at him again, Claudia included. She was not sure this was such a good idea. Between the broken cologne glass, his recklessness, and the arguments at the Order meeting, she was not entirely sure he was in the right frame of mind.
Dumbledore took a moment, but eventually he nodded. "Very well-"
"Avery," Moody barked from the other side of the room. "You go with them."
"Really?" she asked. "Finally letting me go on a proper mission?"
"Do you want me to change my mind?" her inspector growled.
Claudia did not and kept her mouth shut. Dumbledore brought the meeting to a close, and they all started to collect their things.
"What did you tell Moody?" Sirius barked at Claudia.
"Nothing."
"So why doesn't he trust me? Couldn't be more obvious he's sending you to babysit."
"Might have something to do with your outburst earlier."
"The guy was talking bullshit. That's nothing to do with me."
Claudia sighed. She did not want to ask this. "Are you sure you should be going on that mission?"
"Don't you start."
"Sirius-"
"I'm heading home. It's not far, I'll walk."
"I'll walk with you."
"No, you apparate. It's safer for you that way." Sirius said those last words over his shoulder. Before Claudia could find her bearings, he was gone.
It was only after Sirius had left that Claudia had realised all their friends were staring at her. "He's fine," she mumbled before any of them spoke. "It's just a lot."
"Claudia, do you want to come to ours?" Lily asked with a soft smile. "Talk?"
"No, I'm going to get some sleep. Where should we meet for the mission?"
"Let's meet at ours," Lily said. "It's almost walking distance. At noon?"
"Alright." Claudia gave Lily a slight nod and left the meeting venue to apparate home.
As she cut up the vegetables for a simple soup, she could not help but worry about Sirius. She knew she needed to give him time, that what he went through was traumatic. But part of her just wanted to yell at him. For bottling up his emotions, for blaming himself for Regulus' death, for volunteering for that stupid mission he was not ready for.
"Stupid onions," Claudia mumbled as she wiped her eyes. "Making me cry like a moron."
Once the soup was safely simmering, Claudia heard the door creak open.
"Nice walk?" she asked more sharply than she intended to.
"I'm sorry," Sirius whispered. "I shouldn't have snapped at you. You're the only one who isn't treating me like a basket case." He crossed the living room to the kitchen and hugged Claudia.
"Soup?" she mumbled.
"Soup."
They sat down and the dinner table over couple of steaming bowls.
Just before Claudia tucked in, she took a deep breath. "I just want you to know that no one is going to blame you or think less of you if you sit this mission out."
"And if something happens to you? Or Lily? Or Alice? Do you think I can cope with loosing anyone else?"
"You know we can't always be there for each other. Not if you're off with the Order all the time, and I'm at work."
"I know." Sirius sighed. "That doesn't mean I like it." An innocent smile appeared on his face.
"Eat your soup." Claudia chuckled. "We've got an early start tomorrow."
They slept in and left for James' and Lily's house before the clock struck half eleven. They had some coffee, waited for Alice to turn up and then set off. Lily showed them a little hill in the distance to which they all apparated. It was a two hour walk through a forest from there.
They walked largely in silence, with Sirius few yards in front of everyone else.
"How's your dad?" Claudia asked Alice in an attempt to talk about anything but her moody boyfriend. "I haven't seen him around the auror office much lately."
"There've been a lot of meetings overseas, so he's been travelling and heading up the protection teams."
"That sounds quite exciting. Better than reading intelligence reports all day and getting growled at by Moody."
"You love it," Alice raised a corner of her mouth. "Admit it."
"Maybe," Claudia smirked.
But Alice did not reciprocate, she looked away and let out a barely noticeable sigh.
"What's up?" Claudia asked, mentally preparing for more questions about Sirius. But it was not to be.
"My mum is struggling with it all," Alice mumbled. "She hasn't been well for months now. I think she always found dad's job, being an auror's wife, stressful. And me and Frank being aurors too, it got too much.
"What do you mean?"
"She keeps having nightmares," Alice explained. "She came to work to check on me in the middle of the night, the slightest thing startles her."
"You worry about her." Claudia tentatively put her hand on Alice's shoulder. "And that's alright."
Alice sighed again and pointed discreetly towards Sirius. "Like you worry about him…" Then she paused for a moment and gave Claudia an inquisitive look. "Are you two alright? I haven't seen you bicker for ages. And after that meeting-" she trailed off. There was no need to explain.
"I don't know. It's been over a year since we left school and we've been so good this whole time. I know there is a war on an all, but somehow it didn't affect us. It was bound to, right? At some point?"
"You'll get through it." Alice just about had time to say before Lily slowed down and dropped back to join them.
"Is Sirius alright enough to be here?" Lily whispered.
"Yeah, he's fine." Claudia replied, catching an uncertain look from Alice in the corner of her eye. A wave of anger washed over her. Neither of them had the right to doubt him. Neither of them had any idea what he was going through. But then, she took a deep breath. They just wanted him to be alright, and who could blame them. Claudia wanted him to be alright too.
"There is the manor!" Sirius shouted from the front of the group. "Let's wait for it to get dark."
Calling it the manor was a bit of an understatement. What was in front of them was a long-forgotten country house, no bigger than five or six bedrooms. The windows were boarded up and half the roof had collapsed on itself.
"Nice hide out," Sirius smirked. "I thought the Death Eaters were supposed to be rich."
"I can't see them wasting money on prisoners though." Claudia replied.
"Do you see that window on the first floor?" Lily pointed towards the side of the house. "I bet we can climb up that fallen beam and get in through there."
They waited for the moon to be covered by a thick cloud and then run as quickly as they could towards the foot of the house. One by one, they climbed up the beam and in through the window.
"I think the dungeon is our best bet," Alice whispered and set off first.
"Is it just me," Claudia asked as quietly as she could. "Or is the lack of any protective charms really unusual for a prison?"
"This is not the time," Alice hissed and continued down the stairs.
Once in the dungeon, they peeked into every cupboard and pantry, until they came to a large door with a sliver of light shining through the gap between the door and the stone floor. No sounds were coming out of there, however.
"There is probably a silencing charm on it," Sirius whispered. "To keep the prisoners quiet."
"Wands up," Alice said and slowly opened the door.
But there were no prisoners.
Instead, Claudia found herself staring at four figures in black hoods sitting around a small table. The figure facing the door stood up so abruptly their hood fell off to reveal an ageing but handsome face.
"Get them!" he barked.
Claudia shivered. "Fuck." She knew that voice. And instantly, she knew where from. From when she was fifteen, hiding in her room and watching her father's mysterious visitor through a keyhole. "Let's get out of here, now!" she yelled and kicked the door shut.
She gripped her wand and focused on that hill they apparated to. Nothing.
She tried again, and again. Still nothing.
"There is an anti-apparition jinx on this place," Alice shouted what they were all thinking, and started running down the corridor.
Just as they turned the corner, Claudia heard a blast from behind them and sounds of running feet.
It was not long before spells started to crash into the walls around them. But they were almost up on the first floor.
Sirius stopped in his tracks on the top of the stairs and turned around. "You go ahead," he yelled. "I'll hold them off."
Lily stopped too. "No! We're all getting out of here."
"Lily, go!" Claudia nudged her long. "The window is just there." She gestured towards the end of the corridor. "We'll cover for you and follow in a minute."
"Claudia-"
"Please!" Claudia shouted in desperation. She was not sure if any of the others recognised the man in the basement.
"Claude, you-" Sirius began to protest as he nonchalantly blocked another spell fired at them.
"Shut up and focus," she hissed and threw a powerful stunning spell at the Death Eaters pursuing them.
They were in a good position, having the high ground on the stairs, and could easily hide behind a wall if she saw a green jet of lightening.
"What's the plan?" Sirius yelled and ducked. A spell took out a huge piece of plaster next to him.
"How should I know?"
"Watch out!" Sirius yanked on Claudia's arm. Soon, she understood why as half the arch they were standing under collapsed right where she was standing seconds ago.
They looked at each other and both nodded. Here it was, the plan.
Claudia raised her wand and pointed it at the ceiling. "Bombarda Maxima!"
Dust and overwhelming noise filled the corridor.
Sirius grabbed Claudia's hand and they started to run.
It was ten yards to the window.
Then five.
They were nearly there when the window exploded right in front of them. Before Claudia found her bearings, a jet of red light crashed into the wall next to them. The window frame collapsed and there was now a giant hole in the wall. She turned and saw the Death Eaters emerging from the dust cloud.
The one at the front raised his wand, and she immediately recognised the hand movement. There was no blocking this spell, and there had nowhere to hide. All she could do was to jump out of the way and wait for a miracle.
But she did not get the chance, as Sirius stepped right in front of her.
"No!" she yelled and threw all her body weight at him to topple him over.
She did not know whether he was alive of dead when they landed on the ground.
"Sirius!" she yelled out and shook his head, but he was not responsive. It could not have hit him. It just could not have.
"Protego!" she cast a spell at the Death Eaters. "Stupefy!" "Avada-"
Claudia looked at her hand. It was covered in blood. She looked at Sirius again and saw a crimson streak running down the side of his face. His head was against some rocks. Maybe he was just knocked out.
"Stupefy! Bombarda Maxima!"
She managed to hit a couple of the Death Eaters, but that bought her just a few seconds. More were coming and she needed to get herself and Sirius out of there.
Claudia glanced at the window, or rather the large hole in the wall that the window had turned into. For a split second, she wondered how far the anti-apparition jinx extended. But there was no point wondering, it was the only shot they had.
She crouched to the ground, slid her hands under Sirius armpits and lifted his torso of the floor. She was near the edge. Once step and they would both be tumbling down for a great height.
"I hope this works," she mumbled, closed her eyes and jumped.
They could not have been in the air for more than half a second. She gripped her wand and focused on James' and Lily's garden. Her insides turned over and almost instantly, she felt impact.
Her fist realisation was that she was wet.
Her second realisation was that Sirius' eyes were starting to open. "I'm in pain," he whispered hoarsely.
"And you'll be in lot more pain when I'm done with you," she barked at him. "What were you thinking?"
Sirius was saved by Lily and Alice running towards them from the back of the house.
"We saw you fall out of the window," Alice cried out. "Thank God you're alright."
"Sirius, you're splinched." Lily gasped, as white as a sheet. "Let me get you inside."
Lily and Alice got Sirius into the house and put him on the sofa. Lily took out her wand and began to heal his injuries.
Claudia stood in the middle of the living room, soaking wet with water from the fishpond. Her fingernails were digging into the centre of her palms. What was he thinking? Jumping in front of the killing spell like that? She had it under control!
"Alice," Lily said quietly. "Can you go to my bathroom and bring me my healer's kit? It's under the sink."
Claudia admired Lily's composure right now, as she was very close to losing it. The pain from her fingernails was not doing it anymore, so she started to pace around.
"Is this better?" Lily whispered at Sirius, who smiled at her and nodded.
That was it. Claudia was not going to be able to hold this in for any longer. "Why would you do something like that? I was fine."
Sirius looked somewhat taken aback. "Right, like I was going to let them kill you," he mumbled.
"So you thought that rather than help me get out of there, you'd get yourself killed," she barked.
Sirius turned away and groaned in frustration.
"I can't do this right now," she hissed.
"Thank you might be-"
"You want a thank you?"
Lily abruptly stood up. "Hey, both of you," she interrupted the fighting. "You need to lie still," she said pointing at Sirius. "And you go to the shower."
"I have to go to find Moody," Claudia sighed. "Warn him the intelligence was bad, in case they were planning to act on it again."
"I'll go tell him," Alice said just as she came back to the living room. "It's not great but it's not a disaster. So, we found a couple of random Death Eaters instead."
"Those were no random Death Eaters," Claudia sighed and looked around the faces of her friends. They all looked at her, completely still. Even Sirius stopped scowling. "The one whose hood dropped off in the basement was Voldemort."
"Fuck," Sirius whispered.
Lily gasped. "How do you know?"
"I saw him in my parents' house once. Don't ask-" Claudia was in no mood to reprise the events of her childhood.
Alice closed her eyes. "I'm going to find Moody now."
"I'll come with you," Claudia said but before she could follow her best friend, Sirius had gripped her wrist.
"Ouch," he whimpered instantly and collapsed back into the cushions. "Please don't go."
"I'll leave you two," Lily mumbled. "I need to prepare the healing solution anyway."
Claudia finally had a chance to look at him properly. Skin on most of his thigh was missing from the apparition and blood was still streaming from his head. It was a miracle he was still conscious, or not screaming in agony. Whatever Lily was doing must have been working.
"That's a lot of splinching," she whispered awkwardly. There was no way she could have been angry at him anymore. "But Lily looks like she knows what she's doing."
Sirius reached out for Claudia's hand again. "How did you get me out of there?"
"Jumped out of the window and apparated. Got lucky the anti-apparition jinx did not extend past the walls," she replied, then paused and sat on her heels. "Sirius, you could've gotten yourself killed," she whispered.
"Rather me than you…"
"Please don't say crap like this." Claudia took a deep breath. "There was a moment there I thought you were gone. You have no-" She wanted to say he had no idea how much it would hurt if she lost him. How she felt in the moment when she thought she did.
"I have no idea?" Sirius scoffed, interrupting her. "Of course, I have an idea… I was there when you-"
Claudia shut her eyes. She forgot what happened in their sixth year, when the tables were turned.
She felt Sirius' hand on the back of her neck, as he pulled her head closer to him. "And I never ever want to be in that situation again," he whispered. "I'm not going to let you down again, or anyone else…"
Claudia slowly opened her eyes. Of course, this is what it was about. "You aren't going to make up for your brother dying by killing yourself too."
Sirius shifted and looked away. "This is not what this is about."
"You sure?"
"The pain's coming back," Sirius said. "Can you ask Lily to finish dealing my leg?"
"Sirius, you have nothing to feel guilty about."
"Can I have some tea too?"
Claudia sighed and stood up. "Sure. I'll get Lily."
Slowly, she walked over to the kitchen, where Lily had her cauldron running.
"Almost there," Lily said and poured few drops from a vial into the cauldron.
"Thank you," Claudia mumbled.
Lily stopped mixing her potion and looked intently at Claudia. "Everything ok?"
Claudia nodded. "It's just been a lot lately."
"You can always talk to me. If it's hard."
"It's ok," Claudia sighed and took a few steps towards the stove. "Do you want some tea? Sirius asked from some…"
"Please," Lily said and hesitated for a moment, as if she was trying to decide what to say next. "What do you think happened back there?"
Claudia shrugged. "I have no idea. Either someone fucked up really really badly, or it was a trap."
"Trap? Why would they want to trap us?"
"Maybe they thought someone more important was coming?" Claudia paused and filled up the kettle with water. "But it did not look like he was expecting us. He looked genuinely startled."
Lily snorted.
"What's so funny?"
Lily recovered her composure a little. "The idea we startled Voldemort, just walking into his secret meeting."
"I know." Claudia chuckled and pointed at the kettle to boil it.
"One to tell the grandkids." Lily was now done with the potion. "I'm going to repair his leg and then give him some sleeping draught.
"Thank you," Claudia attempted a smile. "Genuinely."
"Don't mention it."
Claudia spent the rest of the afternoon drinking tea and watching Sirius sleep. Before he woke up, Alice was back with Moody in tow.
"Sorry about all this again," Alice began with a sigh. "It was an intelligence mix up. Winchmore Hall was where the prisoner was being kept. Not Wycombe Hall…"
Moody grumbled at the mention of a mix up.
"You disagree?" Claudia asked her boss.
"I don't believe in coincidences," he replied. "In any case, we sent another team to Winchmore Hall once Alice told me and we got the prisoner."
"Was he useful?" Claudia said. "I hope all this was not for nothing."
Moody shook his head. "He isn't in a state to be useful, yet…"
"Do you want me to look after him?" Lily, who was coming from the kitchen again, a re-filled potions tray in her hands, asked.
"Gideon is healing him, and Fabian is with them too." Moody mumbled. Then, he turned to Claudia. "Avery, a word…"
He gestured towards the hallway and Claudia followed him.
"Don't worry, I didn't kill anyone this time," she mumbled. "I think…"
"Not what I wanted to talk to you about." There was a hint of amusement on Moody's face, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. "The reason why we wanted to get him out-" Moody stopped and drew in a deep breath. "He used to be one of the Azkaban guards. We didn't want him helping Voldemort to access it to recruit…"
Claudia tried to understand where he was going with this but could not. "And?"
"He was the one who checked out Linda when I went to pick her up."
And then, it clicked. "Why didn't you tell me?" Claudia hissed. Linda was as much of her case as Moody's, if not more.
"Because I didn't know until I saw his face an hour ago."
"Do you think he told them? That she's free?"
"I don't know."
Claudia swallowed dry. "What do we do?"
"Nothing. We must do absolutely nothing."
She shook her head slightly. "But if he told them…"
"They'll be watching. If we try to contact her, she's dead. We must just leave it and hope-"
"Hope?" Claudia interrupted. The disgust was palpable in her voice. "We must be able to do better than hope!"
Moody sighed. "I'm afraid we can't. America is a big country. And they have no idea where we hid her…"
"This just keeps getting better and better," Claudia scoffed and crossed her arms against her chest.
"Claudia!" Lily shouted from the living room. "Sirius is awake!"
She was glad. At least she did not have to continue this conversation with Moody until she said something she would inevitably regret.
Sirius seemed better and begged Claudia to take him home as soon as he could stand. Lily was a very talented healer, but her techniques did not allow Sirius the freedom he was used to. A few days after the mission, she finally relented, and he was allowed home.
Claudia was glad, she needed his help not thinking about Linda, about the fact her work was getting nowhere, or the fact that she could no longer wing her auror training. They were learning to change their appearance this year as part of the Disguise and Concealment course, and Claudia was not exactly a natural. She just about managed to make herself look like a teenage boy by subtle temporary changes to her hair and colour, making her jaw stronger. She never managed to learn to transform her hair into a proper haircut, so looked like a street urchin. Luckily, she already had the clothes to match.
Sirius' Birthday fell on the eve of a full moon this year, so they decided to pretend it was a week later. Padfoot deserved a bit of fun. It actually seemed to have helped, to get him out of his head for a bit. He did not have to worry about Regulus or the war when he was running around a Scottish moor in his dog for. And Claudia was glad too, for she got an extra week to figure out his Birthday present.
With each Birthday or Christmas, it was becoming harder and harder to buy a present for him. A book would just be another excuse for him to ignore the world. His trendy muggle fashion sense went way over her head. Normally, she would have taken him out somewhere, to a dinner or a bar, but all of that was out of the question. Unless… That was a thought. Unless they went somewhere they would be hard to recognise. Somewhere where the war could not get them. That was it, that was the way for them to get away from it all!
The next day, she spoke to Barraclough, and got a couple of days off in early December. Then, she went to a muggle travel agent and booked a four-day trip to Italy. It was going to be warm and dry, there was going to be food and wine, and a nice hotel. Which they probably will not get to leave. Just to thought of that warmed her heart. They will be able to get away from it all. Talk, laugh, make love. Like they used to before the world around them went to shit.
That gave her something to look forward to, and her days became just that little bit easier.
The week after Sirius' birthday, Claudia woke up, searched the bed around her to give Sirius a kiss but it was cold and empty. She sat up and saw Sirius in the living room putting his jacket on.
"Happy fake Birthday," she mumbled sleepily.
"Thanks." Sirius was getting dress. "I'm going to the garage."
Claudia hesitated. "I thought the bike was done." She was little grumpy. It was the day for his birthday celebrations, not hers, but still…
"I'm looking into invisibility spells. James was right last time. Don't want to see anyone else flying it." He said on his way out.
Claudia grudgingly got up and went to make coffee. She looked around to see where the Daily Prophet was. Following Moody's warning, they got it delivered to the garage under a false name. Eventually, she found it scrunched in the bin.
She straightened it on the kitchen table to find it was open on the announcement page.
Orion Arcturus Black, 50, of Islington, London died suddenly on 3 November 1979.
He is survived by his wife Walburga and will be remembered as a beloved husband to his late son Regulus.
The funeral service was held in private on 8 November, and Mr Black has been buried in the Black family tomb at the West Cemetery, Highgate.
"For fuck's sake," Claudia mumbled and threw that paper back into the garbage. She threw on her jacket, grabbed the steaming mug of coffee she just made and went down to the garage.
Sirius was leaning over some parchments laid down on his workbench.
Claudia walked up to him and shoved the coffee into his hands, before placing her hand gently on the middle of his back.
"I saw the papers," she whispered.
Sirius brought the mug to his lips and took a sip. "So what…"
"Your father's dead," she repeated the obvious.
He put the cup down and continued to read the parchment. "I don't care."
Claudia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Here we go again… "Do you want me to cancel the Birthday party? Tell people not to come?"
"Why?" Sirius barked.
"Because…" Claudia said calmly. There was absolutely no point getting mad at him. "You know, Regulus is dead, and now your father."
"And is my life just supposed to stop? Do you think they'd extend me the same courtesy if I died?" Sirius picked up the mug again and angrily drained it. "I'm going for a drive."
"Come on, Sirius." Claudia tried to make him see sense. "It's freezing outside, and it looks like it's going to rain… The road will be slippery."
"I won't be long," he said with little less anger in his voice, and kissed the top of her head. "I just need to clear my head."
He put on his helmet, zipped his jacked and hopped in the bike.
"Please be careful," Claudia whispered, and her eyes were started to fill up. She was so tired of walking on eggshells around him. But it was his Birthday, and he just found out his father had died. What else was she supposed to do? Yell at him? Make him talk to her?
Sirius started the bike and drove off. Claudia wiped her eyes and went back upstairs. She made the bed, washed yesterday's dishes, and collected all the dirty clothes that were lying around the apartment.
"Good," she sighed. "I killed half an hour." Even alone, she could not help but be sarcastic.
She killed another half an hour showering, and then decided to start on the cake. Still having no idea how to use any baking spells, she decided to do it the muggle way. She whipped up the eggs until her arm was aching, mixed them with flower, cocoa powder and melted butter, and off to the oven the cake went.
Thirty minutes later, it was time to take it out. Claudia spent these thirty minutes pacing around the flat and looking out of the window to see if Sirius was coming back. But she should have spent those thirty minutes looking after the cake… Because when she did take it out of the oven, the edges were black, and it had not risen at all.
A flood of frustration washed over Claudia. It was useless! Everything was just useless! And how could this dumb cake make this any better?
It could not. It was burnt and stodgy.
She had enough.
With one swing of her arm, the cake – still in its form – flew to the direction of the garbage bin.
Claudia slid to the ground, leaned against the warm oven, and began to sob uncontrollably.
Everything, just everything was falling apart.
Mulciber was gone.
Half of Sirius' family was dead.
Her name was all over the papers.
It was barely three months since they were lying in the grass at James' and Lily's wedding, looking at the stars. Barely three months since Sirius gave that speech.
How could everything go to shit quite this quickly?
Just then, there was a knock on the door.
"Who's there?" she said but her voice betrayed her, barely a whisper came out. "Who's there?" she repeated, this time more loudly.
"Remus!"
Claudia waved her wand to unlock the door.
"What happened here?" he asked when he saw Claudia sitting on the floor and the cake splattered against the wall.
"The cake and I had a disagreement."
"I can see that," Remus whispered and looked around. "Where is the Birthday boy?"
"Out… he went for a ride."
Remus looked around the flat again. "Is everything okay?"
"Couldn't be better," she mumbled and stood up. "Would you mind popping to the bakery across the road and getting something edible?"
"Sure," he said hesitantly. "If you're sure you don't need help."
"I know some cleaning spells, Remus," Claudia tried to brush it off. "Have faith."
"Alright then," he replied and left the flat again.
Claudia dropped back onto the floor. She should have cancelled the party. Even if Sirius had strength to do it, she certainly did not.
Remus brought with him not only the cake but also Peter. James and Lily were not far behind. Their hands were full of beer and games. That was supposed to be their day – drink and play games, drink and play games. That was all they really could have done under Claudia's virtual house arrest. Then, in the evening, a few more people were supposed to come for drinks.
"We saw the Daily Prophet," Lily whispered when she gave Claudia a hug. "Is he alright?"
"He went for a bike ride," Claudia repeated for what felt like a millionth time.
"What happened?" Peter asked.
"Sirius' father died last week," Lily explained patiently. "It was in the papers today."
"He died on his actual birthday…" Claudia mumbled.
Peter's jaw dropped, and Remus did a double take. "What?" they both said in unison.
"I don't want to talk about it," Claudia sighed. "Let's just sit down, have something to drink and wait for him."
"I'll make tea," Lily said and started to walk to the kitchen.
"I want something stronger than tea," Claudia grumbled.
"Which is why I'm making you all tea…" Lily reprimanded them. "I'm not letting you drown your sorrows."
They all sat awkwardly around the coffee table while Lily made the drinks. Not knowing where to look, Claudia kept glancing at the door, then at her tattoo, and back at the door.
James finally broke the silence. "Do you know where he went?"
"No idea," Claudia replied.
"Do you want us to go look for him?" he asked.
"He's fine," Claudia sighed, looking at her tattoo again. "Can't we play a game? To kill time?" The waiting was unbearable.
"How do you know he's fine?"
"Just leave it, okay?" Claudia barked. "I know this is not the party you came for, but either we play a game, or you all go home!"
James was about to bark something back at her, when Remus put his hand on James' leg.
"Let's play a game," Remus whispered. "I brought Risk."
"How does it work?" asked Peter.
"I need the bathroom," Claudia stood up and sighed. "But do go on explaining, I know how it works. I played it with Eleanor's family."
Desperately trying not to worry about Sirius, Claudia took her time in the bathroom. She was anxious and painfully aware just how noticeable her anxieties were to the others. They knew she was panicking, which made them panic too.
"Your turn," Remus said when she sat down back on the sofa. "We set it up for you."
Claudia moved couple of the little plastic soldiers into Peter's territory. Then, she picked up the dice and threw. Two and one. That was both of her soldiers gone. She tried again and again, until she had nothing.
This encounter was indicative of the rest of the game. And barely twenty minutes later, she lost her last figurine to Peter, and she was out.
"I won!" Peter squealed as he moved the soldiers into the last of Claudia's stronghold.
"You haven't," she snapped. "You still got to beat the other three."
"But I beat you," he smirked. "And I bet it hurts."
"I really don't give a shit." Claudia stood up. "You can finish your game, but I'm going to write messages to the others not to come tonight."
She ignored her friends protests and went to the bedroom. Luckily, the owl Sirius occasionally looked after for one of the Order members was sitting by the window.
Sorry for the short notice, but the party tonight is cancelled. We're under the weather and don't want to infect you all.
Alice, once you read this, please send it to Marlene. Marlene, please send this to Eleanor. Eleanor, burn this.
Just as she finished writing that note and attaching it to the owl's foot, she noticed Remus standing in the door.
"I lost too," he whispered.
"I know I'd normally care about a stupid game." She attempted a smile. "But I really can't today."
"You don't have to keep telling me you're fine," Remus said and sat down next to her on the bed. "No one expects you to be fine. No one expects Sirius to be fine either."
"I'm handling it…" she mumbled. "Just take the others and go home."
"We'll wait with you."
"No. I'll let you know when he comes home."
They sat on the bed for a while yet. Eventually, Remus took a deep breath. "Fine. The moment he's home, you'll let us know."
"I promise."
"Do you want to say bye to the others?"
"Not especially." Claudia sighed and crashed back into bed.
She heard the others leave, but barely moved. It was starting to get dark outside, but she did not even have the energy to turn on the lights. She just laid still in the dark, listening out for the slightest noise to indicate that a motorbike was turning into Gower Mews, and looking at her tattoo. At least he was still alive. Or the tattoos did not work. That too was a possibility.
Claudia was not able to lay in that bed motionless for long. She got up and paced the apartment for a while, before taking a fork out of the drawer and sitting down on the sofa with Sirius' cake in her lap.
About an hour after everyone's gone home, and half the cake vanished, the sounds that Claudia had been waiting for had finally shook her windows.
She ran towards the window to look out into the street. It was him.
Claudia opened the door to the flat and waited, and in a minute or so she heard Sirius' heavy steps on the stairs. As he turned onto the landing, he stumbled a little and had to steady himself on the banister.
"Where have you been?" she asked as calmly as she could.
Sirius did not say anything. He seemed very focused on trying to get his keys out of the pocket of his leather jacket. When he finally got them, they slipped between his fingers and clattered onto the floor. "Shit," he hissed, leaned on the banister again and bent over to pick them up.
"Are you drunk?" The calm tone was gone.
"Just a couple…" he mumbled, still trying to collect his keys. "I'm alright to drive."
"Clearly," she hissed. "Just get inside."
Sirius straightened his back and, tracing the wall with his fingertips, walked into the apartment.
Claudia bent over to pick up the keys that were still laying on the floor and snatched them. As she closed the door to the apartment behind her, Sirius dropped into the sofa with a thud.
She had no idea what to say to him. Whether to yell for driving his motorcycle drunk. He could have killed himself, or someone else. Or whether she should pity him for losing his father so soon after Regulus' died. Or whether she should just hug him and hold him until he got better. So, she just stood there, glaring at him, and taking quick shallow breaths.
But Sirius spoke before she had a chance to decide. "I couldn't face being around people… It's too much."
Claudia sighed and sat down on the sofa next to him. Yelling was out of the question. "They all just want to help."
"There is too much pity-" he paused and reached for a glass of water that was on the table and drained it. "Pity in everyone's eyes… I can't bear it." He paused. "I don't deserve it."
"It's ok to grieve."
"I really could not care less that my father is dead," Sirius mumbled. "And this time I actually mean it."
"Is that my cake?" he whispered and pointed and the half-empty cake box. "The one you made?"
"The one I made is in the bin…" she mumbled, then paused for what felt like a minute and sighed.
Yelling at him was out of the window. All she could do was to try to make him better.
So, she pulled him into a tight hug and began to whisper. "But I got something else for you. A trip to Italy for a few days. To get out of here. Away from everything and everyone. I need it. You need it…"
Sirius freed himself from Claudia's embrace. "I don't deserve you," he whispered and leaned in to kiss her.
But a second later, he froze. "I need the loo," he uttered, jumped to his feet and run towards the bathroom, clattering a chair and a doorframe on his way.
"I'll tell James you're home," she uttered after him.
Just as Claudia picked up Sirius' two-way mirror to put James at ease, she understood why Sirius was in a such a rush to get to the bathroom.
Retching sounds filled their flat.
Claudia bit her lip. It was not a surprise that Sirius' Birthday party ended like this. What was troubling was how he got there. Drinking alone somewhere while all his friends worried about him. And no matter what Claudia said to them earlier, she was very worried too. Maybe she could not make any of this better. Maybe he was not going to be okay.