The service had been long and the drive to the cemetery had been even longer. The sun was relentless, heating the temperature to a nearly unbearable level. Once Janet's body had finally been laid to rest, the crowd had quickly started to dissolve back to the cars, hungry for the cool relief of air conditioning. The seven friends watched as Steve and Madeline allowed people to hug them and extend their condolences. Finally, as the last guest drove off for the reception at Casa Walsh and Samantha guided her granddaughter into the car she was sharing with Rush, Steve returned to his friends.
Andrea was the first to hug him, standing on her tip toes to kiss him on the cheek. Their words were quiet, too soft for anyone else in the huddle to hear. Brenda was next, holding on for a beat longer than either of them expected. David shook his friend's hand before pulling him into a half hug before joining Andrea and Brenda off to the side. Kelly stepped up next, placing her hands on both sides of her friend's face.
"Steve, I am so proud of you," she told him softly, leaning in to place a gentle platonic kiss on his lips. Pressing her forehead to his, she looked into his blue eyes and smiled. They had been through a lot together, and sometimes she forgot that their friendship was one of the longest in the group.
Brandon came up behind him, breaking up the moment playfully. "Let me in here," he joked, nudging his way between Kelly and Steve. Throwing his arms around his best friend's neck, he gave him the tightest bear hug he could manage. For humorous effect that only Steve could appreciate, Brandon lifted up his leg and wrapped it around Steve's leg. Both men shook with laughter, eliciting giggles and grins from the people behind them. "You're my best friend. I'm here, know that."
Steve nodded as the final woman stepped up. No words were necessary between Steve and Donna, the look they shared said everything that their voices could not. His arms wrapped around her slender waist, pulling her firmly against his chest. Her wrists linked around each other behind his neck as she pulled back slightly to look up into his eyes. Smiling brightly, she winked cheekily before skipping over to where the other girls were huddled.
Dylan was the final friend to come pay his respects. More than anyone, he could relate to what Steve was going through. After he had lost Toni, he wasn't sure that he would ever love anyone again. Brenda had provided him with comfort in those months after, reassured him that he could feel those emotions again. When he had come back to L.A., he felt like he could love Kelly again as well. And now, he wasn't sure what he felt about anything. Staring at his friend, the two just nodded. They now belonged to a club that no one wanted to be a member of.
"Can you guys give me a minute?" Steve asked. The friends nodded and faded back toward their cars. From the distance, Donna and Brandon watched as he stood over his wife's grave, brushing something off the smooth marble surface. He absently pulled a single red rose from the wreath, pulling petal after petal off. As each fell onto the grass, their hearts broke a little more for their friend.
"Why don't you guys go on?" Brandon told the others standing behind him. "Donna and I will wait for Steve and then meet you back at the house."
Dylan nodded. "That's good. Kel, you and Brenda can ride with me."
Brenda looked at David, disappointment flashing in her eyes. "Fine, let me get my bag."
"Andrea, you can ride with me," David offered, yanking Brenda's bag out of the passenger seat and tossing it at the brunette. Dylan detected the anger in his actions but ignored it. Brenda just glanced at him before throwing herself into the backseat of the classic convertible.
"I'll see you guys later," Andrea said, patting Kelly's hand before jogging over to David's car.
Kelly looked up at Brandon, wanting to say something but finding she was uncomfortable to express anything in front of their friends. Defeated, she sunk into the car without a word. As Dylan climbed behind the wheel, Brandon noted the awkward air around the vehicle. No one looked happy or comfortable, even the circumstances of the situation aside.
"What was that all about?" Donna asks as the two cars pull away, leaving a cloud of dust in their wake. "What have I missed?"
"The years have just disconnected us so much, and I don't think any of us realized how hard it was going to be repair anything," Brandon replies as the taillights disappear over the horizon. "Kelly and Dylan are falling apart. Andrea has been secretive. Brenda feels uncomfortable. We've all just been thrown together after so long, and it's beyond awkward."
"Kelly still loves you, Brandon. I shouldn't be telling you this, but I don't want you to come here and awaken her feelings for you without you knowing."
"I love her, too, Don. If she told me that she would leave Dylan, I would move back in a heartbeat. I would leave behind my entire life and career in New York to be with Kelly. Time hasn't eased the pain of not having Kelly as my own, it's only made it stronger."
"If you asked her to go, she would leave."
"You seem sure of that."
"I recognize someone looking for an out when I see one," Donna replies, looking down at her designer mules.
"You and David?"
She nods silently. "We're a mess, Brandon. We stopped being in love with each other a long time ago. When Andrea was talking about her divorce to Jesse, it really hit home. I still love David, I always will. It's just a different kind of love than when we got married. The passion is gone, and all we're left with is an empty shell of who we used to be."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay," she sighs, looking out at Steve again. "I have people who need me, and right now, that's what I'm focusing on."
"Steve told me that you've really been there for him. Thank you for that."
"It's where I belong, Brandon. I've been with him through the entire process, from the day she found out she had cancer until the moment when she took her last breath. I was in the room when she died. I promised Janet that I would take care of Steve and Maddy, and that's what I intend to do."
"Is there more to this, Don?"
She stayed quiet for a beat, her thoughts preventing her from saying what she really wanted to say. "Yeah," she admits. "There was one afternoon when we were alone, Janet and me. Everyone else had gone home, and we were talking in her hospital room. She told me that if she could choose anyone for Steve to fall in love with after she died, it was me. I think that was her way of not only giving me her blessing but also pointing out something that I hadn't seen in years."
"What hadn't you seen?" Steve asked, rejoining the duo.
"Nothing," Donna lied. "Ready to go? We have people waiting for you at home."
In the car, Dylan, Kelly and Brenda had not said a single word since leaving the cemetery. Brenda listened to the soothing harmonies of REM as Michael Stipe talked about lost love. Dylan was drumming the melody on the steering wheel and Kelly was counting the minutes until she could be with Brandon again.
As the car paused at a stoplight, Dylan turned down the volume and turned to Kelly. "So, did you not want to sit next to me at the funeral or what?"
"I'm surprised you even noticed I was there."
"Oh, c'mon, Kel, don't be so dramatic."
"We're not doing this now, Dylan. I know you're in one of your moods, but I'm not going to let you pick a fight with me in front of Brenda."
Brenda shifted uncomfortable in the backseat, wishing she was anywhere but there. Dylan caught her eye in the rearview mirror and winked, hoping to set her at ease. Leaning forward, she tried to strike up a conversation with Kelly. "So, Brandon told me that your public relations firm is doing really well."
Kelly bobbed her head enthusiastically. "Yeah, I just got a new client, a hot new soap actress. I'm also helping Donna run all the press for her fall line. Everything is pretty great right now, I couldn't be happier professionally."
"When did you talk to Brandon?" Dylan demanded.
"Today, Dylan, not like it's any of your concern."
"You're my girlfriend, we are supposed to share our lives together."
"Then why did Andrea know you were writing again and not me?" Kelly yelled. The question hangs in the air, the answer never voiced. As she turns to stare out the window, Kelly knows that their relationship has reached its end.
Just behind them, David and Andrea are talking about Hannah. She is telling him about her latest accomplishments, winning the sixth grade science fair and making the middle school's gymnastics team. David starts to tell her about the latest artist he discovered, explaining how he is hoping to start a talent group in his off time from the radio station.
Soon, their topic turned to marriage. "Can I ask you a question?" David asked. "I need you to be honest with me."
"Sure, you can ask me anything."
"How did you know when things were over between you and Jesse?"
"I knew it was over about two years before we actually ended it. We had just had this huge fight about him working all the time, and rather than try to make it better, we just gave up. We didn't try to make up, we just let a few days pass in silence. Even now, we still haven't talked about that fight. I knew that was the breaking point because I realized that I didn't care enough to try to make it better."
"What finally made you get a divorce?"
"We were sitting down for breakfast, and I looked up and realized that I didn't even know my husband anymore," she explained. "I sent Hannah to spend the night with one of her friends, and we sat down and made all the decisions that evening. It wasn't a big shock to either of us; we had both known it was coming, we just weren't sure when."
"I see," he replied shortly.
"Are you asking me this for a specific reason? Is everything okay between you and Donna?"
"We're there, Andrea. Everything you just explained, that's our relationship. We don't make up after our fights anymore, we just let it go. We haven't made love in months, and she actually flinches at my touch. I don't make her happy anymore. Her heart is somewhere else."
"And what about your heart?"
"I thought the idea of female attraction was pretty much dead in me. I haven't had eyes for another woman in six years. Even after all this with Donna, I'd just accepted that maybe I had become asexual," he laughed.
"But?" his friend asked knowingly.
"I've felt something for someone."
"Brenda."
"What? No," he scoffed, trying to hide his true feelings.
"It's okay, David. I'm the last one that can judge you. I had an affair years ago, when I was still living in Beverly Hills. You just have an attraction to someone else. It's not the same thing."
"I don't want to hurt Donna, though. She deserves more than I'm giving her."
"Then maybe you should let her go so that you can both be happy. Don't hold her back because you are afraid to hurt her. Set her free because you want her to be loved."