Moving on
Claudia was staring into a mirror.
She was wearing the best black clothes she could muster. A pair of slightly worn pants, and a borrowed black cardigan from Remus. The alternative was to summon courage to go and pick up rest of her clothes from Sirius' flat; courage she did not have.
Her hair was just ever so slightly overgrown, falling annoyingly into her eyes. She needed to do something about that, it was making her look like a scarecrow. She also needed to do something about the Canis Major tattoo that was shining on her pale skin.
"What the fuck am I going to do with you?" she mumbled and pulled down the sleeve of her cardigan to hide it.
She took one last glance in the mirror and took a deep breath. It was time to go.
After a quick trip on the Floo network, she arrived in the little town where Barraclough's parents lived. It did not take her long to find the church where the funeral was held. All the witches and wizards that assembled for the service stuck out like a sore thumb in this mostly muggle town.
Oscar was already there, standing on the steps of the church, staring at the door.
"I fucking hate funerals," he mumbled when he noticed Claudia at his side.
Claudia reached for his hand and briefly squeezed it. "I don't want to go in either."
"I wish we had that option…"
She sighed. "I know it's weird, given the times we live in, but he's the first person who died that really meant something to me. I've seen my friends' parents die, and Sirius' brother. But none of it hurt quite like this."
"It sucks, doesn't it?"
"Tremendously."
Claudia heard someone scoff behind them, let go off Oscar's hand and turned abruptly. Ewan was scowling at her.
"So, you two are like a couple now?" he hissed.
Without responding, Oscar grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him towards the church. "Inside. Now."
A little worried for Ewan's well-being, Claudia followed them. Oscar opened the door leading to some kind of a meeting room. But that was not enough privacy for him, he dragged Ewan towards yet another door and then pushed him through it. They all found themselves in a tiny church kitchen.
"We are not a couple," Oscar hissed right into Ewan's face. "And you will shut up about this."
"It was just a mistake," Claudia pleaded with him.
"Mistake? And the holding hands just now?"
"We are at a funeral… Aiden's funeral." Oscar was speaking through gritted teeth and shaking with rage. Claudia was certain that if they were not raised as brothers, Oscar would have punched him right now.
They both stared at each other, breathing heavily.
In the silence, Claudia could hear the door to the meeting room open and peeked through the glass slit in the kitchen door. "Shit, it's Moody with some woman," she whispered and ducked.
Oscar turned and looked through the slit too. "Aidan's mother." His eyes narrowed. "Are they- Are they hugging?"
"You said you'd be able to protect him," Aidan's mother's voice carried through the door.
"He can't see us here," Claudia hissed and tugged on Oscar's sleeve and all of the three aurors dropped to the floor. It was very cosy. Their knees almost pressing against each other while they all sat on the floor.
"I'm so sorry, Freya." Moody replied. They could not see them but heard them clearly.
"Did you ever…" Her sentence got interrupted by a sob. "Did you tell him?"
"No. I promised you I wouldn't."
They heard another sob, and then another. "Maybe, I should've been honest with him. Told him the truth."
Claudia raised her eyes from the floor and looked at Oscar and Ewan. They were both staring back at her with their mouths slightly ajar. Neither of them seemingly had any idea what the conversation was about. They did not realise Moody even met Barraclough's mother, let alone knew her as well as the conversation would suggest.
"We missed our chance for that…" Moody replied. "He worked for me for over ten years."
"I just hate the idea that he died in a lie."
"Freya, don't beat yourself up. The truth is that Gordon was his father. I was just his boss-"
Aidan's mother did not reply immediately. Claudia was straining her ears. Where was this going?
"You know you were more than that," she finally spoke again in a voice that was shaking. "And he deserved to know." She sobbed again. "He deserved to know you were his real father."
Claudia clasped her mouth to supress a gasp. It was clear from Oscar's and Ewan's expressions that they did not know either.
"What?" Ewan whispered but Oscar kicked him to shut him up.
"And I thought about it every day." This was unmistakably Moody's voice, but it did not sound like Moody at all. It was soft and breaking. "What would've happened if you left Gordon and we ran away together. Raised him like our son, away from this all."
"I was a coward-"
"No. You gave him the life he needed. Love, stability… Aidan was a testament to that."
"Alastor…"
Then, a long silence ensued. The three aurors hiding in the kitchen were completely paralysed. What the hell had just happened? Barraclough was Moody's son? How did Moody managed to keep this a secret for so long? And why?
Claudia wanted to burst through the door and ask him all these questions. Ask him if it was really true. But she managed to restrain herself. If Moody found out they overheard him, they would be minced meat, Claudia thought.
"The service is about to start," Aiden's mother said. There were then footsteps and the door creaked again.
After a minute or so of complete silence, Oscar slowly got up and peeked through the glass slit. "All clear."
"What the hell?" Claudia hissed.
"He can never know we know. He'd kill us all," Ewan whispered.
"We need to go," Oscar mumbled and led the way to the church itself. "We can't miss this…"
Claudia, Oscar and Ewan sat down in a pew just behind the family. She was sat in the middle, unable to take her eyes off Barraclough's parents. They were comforting each other like that overheard conversation never happened.
"Can I join?"
Claudia jerked and tore her eyes off the front row. Adebayo was standing above them, gesturing for them to scooch over. But Claudia's gaze landed on someone else.
Behind Adebayo stood Moody.
Thinner than when she saw him in the hospital, completely expressionless, and… Claudia looked at his feet. His trousers were rolled up, showing an artificial leg.
"What?" Moody hissed. "Don't you all like the new leg?"
"Sorry…" Claudia mumbled, nudged Ewan to move to the end of the pew and moved a seat to the right too. Oscar and Ewan were also muttering apologies for staring.
The music started to play, and a priest emerged to read some barely understandable passages. Eventually, it was time for the eulogy given by Barraclough's father. Well, his presumed father.
Claudia glanced to her left. Moody was sitting there, stone-faced. She could not begin to imagine what he was going through. His son, his protégé, the person he trusted the most in the world was being buried, and he was not the one giving the eulogy. He had to listen to another man, speaking of his own love for Aiden.
It was impossible to watch, and tears started to flow down Claudia's cheeks.
"He was a brave young man, a fallen hero." Barraclough's father was barely able to get the words out. "His service to the population of this country-"
Claudia's eyes drifted to the coffin. It was covered in flowers and atop it stood a framed photograph of Aiden.
He was smiling. He rarely smiled.
Claudia could not take it anymore. She dropped her head into her hands and started to sob. His dead body was just mere feet away from her. This was it. She was never going to see him again. Or talk to him. Or see him smile.
She could feel a hand on her back. It squeezed her shoulder and slowly lifted her up to sitting. It was Ewan. He pulled her close to him and Claudia dropped her head on his shoulder.
Oscar reached for her hand and squeezed it.
They stayed like that for the rest of the service, all three bawling their eyes out.
Eventually, the service finished, and people left the church.
"I'm sorry," Ewan mumbled and wiped his eyes. "For being angry. I'm just trying to distract myself. I don't mind if you two date. Actually, I think you'd be good together..."
It was Claudia's turn to squeeze his shoulder. "We really aren't going to date…"
"We should go," Oscar whispered. "Give our condolences…"
They walked out of the church to join the line. Everyone was waiting to shake Barraclough's parents' hand. Claudia could barely watch as Moody shook the hand of both Barraclough's father and mother. You would not be able to tell from his face how much anguish that must have been causing him.
It was now Claudia's turn.
Barraclough's father gave her the faintest of smiled. "He talked about you three all the time. Bane of this existence, he called you. But I know he loved you."
"And we all loved him," Claudia uttered, her voice shaking and her eyes full of tears once more.
Then, there was only one thing left to endure. To watch Barraclough's coffin being driven away to be cremated. Claudia pushed the image of her mentor's dead body lying in that coffin out of her mind and wiped the last of her tears.
With that, the funeral was over. Moody did not talk to anyone and just left. Ewan and Adebayo followed soon after.
"You heading back to?" Oscar asked. "Or are you going to the wake?
"Haven't decided yet," Claudia sighed. "I'm going to sit outside for a bit."
"Can I join you?"
"Sure…"
Side-by-side, they walked across the graveyard and took a seat on a bench in the shadow of an oak tree.
"You didn't know either, did you?" she whispered.
"I had no clue," he sighed. "But in a way it makes sense. There was a resemblance…"
"And they can both be so grumpy."
Oscar smiled. "I just thought it was because they worked together for so long. And were both Scottish…"
Claudia sighed. "I so want to get drunk and-"
But Oscar interrupted her. "We can't. It would get messy. Feelings would be hurt."
"No, I didn't mean that… I just want to forget today ever happened." Claudia paused and gave him an awkward smiled. "But for the record, I could handle a casual relationship, you know…"
"I know you could. This is about me. I broke my rule that night Aiden died."
Claudia scowled. "What rule?" She was suddenly feeling very self-conscious about what happened. She knew she was not the prettiest, but still… Oscar could have at least pretended he was interested.
He sighed. "Never sleep with anyone you actually care about."
"Why on Earth not?" she whispered, somewhat relieved that she was not the problem here.
"Why do you think all of us are single? Ewan, me, Aiden. Why do you think the boss didn't tell Aiden he was his father? Makes you care too much..."
It was twisted, but in a weird way, it made sense. "Alice once gave me good advice," Claudia whispered. "You can't be happy if you're scared to make yourself vulnerable."
"Do you remember the girlfriend I mentioned earlier?" he whispered without looking at her. "I never want to go through something like that again… Not caring is so much easier." Before Claudia could tell him he was being dumb, Oscar continued. "You remind me of her in a way. She was smart, funny, brave…"
"What was her name?"
"Rosie." Oscar pinched the top of his nose. "She was brilliant. I miss her every day."
"Doesn't sound like you don't care," she mumbled. "Sounds like you just don't want to move on."
Oscar looked at her, frowning. But then he sighed, and the frown was replaced by sheer resignation. "Maybe you're right."
"I should know…"
He paused, as if he was measuring his words. "I don't know what happened with you and Sirius but-"
"Oscar, please." She interrupted him. "I don't want to talk about. Things happened. We weren't happy anymore." Tears forced themselves to Claudia's eyes again.
"I'm not saying get back together with him right now. Just don't do anything too permanent you might regret later."
"Like what?"
"Like marrying someone else or shagging his best friend."
"Well," Claudia smirked through the tears. "There is very little chance of me shagging his best friend, let me assure you."
Oscar laughed. "Good." Then, his face dropped, and he shifted awkwardly. "I hope you don't regret what we did... Well, not too much anyway."
"Nah." Claudia shook her head. "I was always going to do something incredibly stupid that night. I'm kind of glad it was you."
"Are you calling me stupid?"
They shared a laugh. But right in the middle of it, Claudia froze. Suddenly, it occurred to her that she could be sitting at Oscar's funeral at any point. He had always been reckless, and she knew what he was up to these days. She sighed. "Please be careful."
"Careful with what?"
"You know full well what I mean…"
"I'll be careful."
"And I want to come with you."
"Absolutely not," Oscar said resolutely. "Anyone else gets involved, and they'll be onto us. You need to keep working the cases we have."
"I hate this."
"I know you do."
"It's not fair."
"I know," Oscar whispered and put his arm around Claudia's shoulders. "Life isn't fair. If it was fair, we would not be burying Aiden today…"
"Not while there are so many people who actually deserve to be in that coffin," Claudia mumbled in a shaky voice, thinking of her father, and dropped her head on Oscar's shoulder.
Eventually, they left the bench and on Monday morning, Claudia was back at Fabian's office. She was glad to be out and about. Moody had disappeared again on a mission, this time taking Oscar with him. It still upset Claudia they would go hunt Barraclough's killer without her, but at least she did not have to look Moody in the eye, for which she was grateful. She had no idea what to say to him, how to act around him, now she knew what he had been through.
"How was the funeral?" Fabian asked as they met in reception and walked towards his office.
"Well, it was a funeral," she mumbled but quickly changed the subject. She knew that if she talked about it, she would cry. And she was done crying. It was not going to bring Aiden back, and it only made her feel stupid. Especially in front of someone she barely known. "Any developments since last time?"
Fabian shook his head. "No. Nobody knows anything. But there have been more leaks; on so many different things, it doesn't make any sense. It's definitely not coming from a single office."
Claudia paused for thought. "Is there someone who has access to it all? Records department, or admin staff?"
"Hmmm…" Fabian hummed. "Let me think."
They walked a few more yards in silence until Fabian stopped abruptly. He looked to his left, towards an open door. "Research," he whispered and nudged Claudia to go in. "Whenever we need to find something out and don't quite have time. This kid here finds out the answer."
"So, he knows about a lot of things different journalists do?"
When she saw Fabian nod, she poked her head through the door. "Can I ask you some questions?" she began with a faked smile. "I'm with the Auror-"
The young man raised his head, his eyes darted to the side door and then, without warning, he run out of room like the building was on fire.
"Crap," Claudia scoffed and followed him.
"I guess we have our man," Fabian quipped as he caught up with her, running down the hall.
They chased him through Daily Prophet's corridors, shooting one restraining spell after another. But it was no use. There were too many corners, too many staircases, and every time Claudia got a clear shot, someone got in the way.
Finally, he turned into reception. It was now or never. The moment he was on the street, he would apparate and no one would ever see him again.
"Get out of the way!" she yelled at the bystanders. Most did, and she managed to knock off the few stragglers to the side with a well-measured knockback jinx.
Finally, she could get him.
"Incarcerous!"
The fugitive collapsed on the floor, bound tightly with a thick rope.
Claudia skidded to halt next to him and dropped to her knees.
"I didn't do anything!" the young man yelled and struggled against his restraints.
"Yeah," Claudia smirked. "Because this is how innocent people act."
"It was all her. She made me do it! I swear!"
"Who did?"
"Rosanne."
"Who the hell is Rosanne?" Fabian pitched in, now standing over both Claudia and her detainee.
"My girlfriend," he barked.
"What-" Fabian started to ask a question, but Claudia jumped in. After all, it was her job to ask the questions.
"What's her last name?"
He shook his head.
"Address?"
Another shake of the head.
"Was she way out of your league?" Fabian smirked.
The researcher nodded.
"Must have been a serious relationship," Claudia said and dragged the detainee up to standing. She got Fabian to watch him as she sent an owl to the patrol officers to come and pick him up. They would put him in one of those nice Ministry holding cells, take a statement and tomorrow morning, it would be on Claudia's desk.
The patrol officers came and went, and Claudia and Fabian found themselves alone.
"I think finding 'Rosanne' is going to be bit tricky," she mumbled. There was literally no chance that was her real name. "It very much sounds like he was being used…"
"It doesn't matter, we stopped the leak!"
Claudia scowled. "Of course, it matters. The kid we caught was clearly just some useful idiot. I want to get the real culprit."
"You're right…" Fabian said. "And I'm sure if anyone could find her, it's you."
Claudia shuffled on her feet for a few seconds. "Well, I guess this is a good-bye then," she said with an awkward smile.
Fabian raised his hand to waive, but before Claudia could leave, he recovered his composure. "Can I buy you a drink? Dinner? As a thank you…"
Claudia shrugged. "I'm not really meant to be going out. Not since Rita's article…"
"I have some very nice whiskey in my office." Fabian replied innocently.
That was an offer Claudia was never going to turn down. So, she agreed and they made their way back upstairs and squeezed into Fabian's tiny office.
"It's not the best place for entertaining," he mumbled, took a cushion from his chair and threw it on a crate of documents by the door. "Please, take a crate."
Claudia chuckled and sat down.
Fabian took couple of glasses and a bottle from his desk and poured out some whiskey. Then, he sat down on the floor opposite Claudia.
"This is very cosy," she smirked.
"We do have a bar, we could-"
"No," Claudia shook her head. "I'm just kidding. Crate and firewhiskey is all I need."
Fabian smiled. "Cheers." He leaned forward to toast her.
Claudia took a sip. "How does a journalist join the Order?"
"My brother roped me into it. He was the one that Dumbledore recruited straight out of Hogwarts. I think I was little bit of a late bloomer."
"He recruited a bunch of us straight from school too. Me, James, Lily, Remus, Peter and-" Claudia took a deep breath – "Sirius."
"I'm sorry about that by the way. About the break-up."
Claudia took another sip. This time more as an excuse to avoid eye contact. "Were we that obvious at the last Order meeting?" she mumbled into her glass.
"Oscar told me."
"I keep forgetting you two are friends."
"It's not the end of the world to be single, you know," Fabian said with a hint of a smile. "I know it can seem like it. Everyone getting married all the time, having kids. My sister just had her sixth one!"
"Sixth?" Claudia gasped.
"All boys."
"That sounds-" she grimaced. "I don't know what to say…"
"Horrifying?" he chuckled.
Claudia could not help but laugh with him. "That… Definitely that."
Fabian topped up their glasses. "So nice to talk to someone who gets it. None of the usual…" He sat up straight and started to speak rather theatrically. "You will change your mind once you meet the right girl. You'll regret it if you don't have kids. Blah, blah, blah." He paused and drunk a bit of whiskey. "That was meant to be my sister."
"She sounds just like my mother…" Claudia whispered and glanced at her watch.
"Do you need to be getting back?"
"I should, I really should," she sighed but did not move an inch. She did not want to go. Talking to Fabian was comfortable, and the whiskey was good.
"I still want you buy that dinner, you know."
"And I still can't go out." She did not want to sound like Moody, but the target on her back felt bigger than ever and taking this risk would be foolish.
Fabian swirled the drink in his glass. "What if I cook?"
"You cook?"
"Come to my flat on Saturday and you'll find out."
"Alright," Claudia smiled and finished her whiskey before glancing at her watch again. "I really do need to run. We have a staff meeting."
Fabian took the empty glass out of her hand. "See you Saturday." He made an attempt to reached for the door. "I'll send you a note with my address."
But Claudia got to the door first and opened it. "See you Saturday."
Staff meeting was dull, Moody and Oscar were still out, and Claudia spent the next week doing dull tasks that Adebayo assigned her. She begged him to let him at least continue to work on the Daily Prophet case, but Adebayo had different ideas. He was convinced patrol would be able to handle it.
On Saturday afternoon, on the way to Fabian's, Claudia popped in to see Alice. As ever, the extended leave was getting to Alice. She interrogated Claudia about details of every case Claudia worked on, to keep her brain cells alive.
"How is it?" Alice whispered suddenly. "Without Barraclough around?"
Claudia shrugged. "I miss him so much, Alice." She rubbed her palms. "But I don't want to talk about it. No way am I ready to talk about what he really meant to me without breaking down. And I don't want to break down."
"When you are ready…"
"I know… You are here." Claudia attempted a smile. "Did I tell you about the Daily Prophet investigation?"
"You did not!"
Claudia went on to explain, but this time Alice was less interested in the crime, and more in Fabian.
"He invited you for a dinner to his flat?" she exclaimed when Claudia got to their conversation in Fabian's office.
"Yeah, you know, since I can't go out-"
"Like a date?"
"No!" Claudia scoffed and burst out laughing. "It's not a date!"
Alice rolled her eyes. "I forgot how useless you were at this… What exactly did he say?"
"That he would like to buy me dinner, and since I can't go out, he'll cook for me in his flat." Claudia explained, suddenly sounding a lot more uncertain.
"That's definitely a date," Alice chuckled.
"What am I supposed to do?" Claudia sighed. "I don't want a date. I don't want a boyfriend." Then, she looked up at Alice and saw her best friend was struggling not to laugh. "What's so funny?"
"You're just so terrible at this!"
There was no point denying that. "Please help," Claudia said meekly.
"Look," Alice said in her maternal voice again. "You're an adult now. If you aren't sure if it's a date, or you don't want to go on a date, you just have to talk to him."
"Talk to him? I hate this stuff…"
"I know you do. But the first guy after Sirius-"
Claudia bit her lip. "He's not the first guy…"
Alice's eyes widened. "What?" she exclaimed. "Who? When?"
"No one must ever know."
"Tell me now!"
Claudia took a deep breath. "Oscar and I got bit drunk the other night… One thing led to another."
Alice now looked like her eyes might pop out of their sockets. "That Oscar? Your Oscar?"
"Yup… That Oscar."
"And?"
"And nothing," Claudia shrugged. "We both know what it was. A drunken one-night stand. That's all."
"That's probably for the better-"
"I know. Can you imagine?" Claudia chuckled. The thought of actually dating Oscar was laughable and horrifying in equal measure. "He's a good friend though."
"How was it? To be with someone else after so long?"
"I wish I remembered…" Claudia mumbled and looked at her watch. "Well, thank you for freaking me out… But I have to go now."
"Don't forget to buy him flowers on your way!" Alice smirked as she released Claudia from a good-bye hug.
"Shut up!"
"Actually," Alice reached into a nearby cabinet. "Take this wine. You can't turn up empty-handed, regardless if it's a date or not."
Claudia grimaced. "I hate these rules…"
Claudia took Floo back to London. Not knowing the precise location, she had to walk from the Leaky Cauldron for about half an hour. Once she got there, a flat on the top floor of a Victorian terrace house, she hesitated for a long time before finally ringing the bell.
"Come on in," Fabian said as he opened the door.
"I brought wine," Claudia mumbled and outstretched her arm. Her movement were so rigid, it felt like she was wearing a suit of armour.
Fabian took the wine and walked towards the door to the kitchen. Claudia watched him, motionless.
"The food isn't going to take long." He popped his head back into the hallway, Claudia's bottle still in his hand. "Want a glass of wine?"
"Hang on," she whispered while rubbing the palms of her hands. "I don't want you to give the wrong impression. If you thought this was a date, I don't-"
Fabian put down the bottle he was holding on the side table and walked closer to her. "I confess, I hoped it could be a date."
"I see," Claudia sighed. "Maybe I should go. I can't deal with dating right now. I don't really want to have a relationship-"
"I don't really want one either…" Fabian said hurriedly.
Claudia finally summoned enough courage to properly look him in the eye. "I'm very confused..."
Fabian shrugged. "I like you. I want to have a dinner with you. It doesn't have to be a date. We can just have a good time; not think too much about it."
"Alright," Claudia said with a smile. She liked Fabian too. "I'll take that wine then."
He found some glasses and poured out some wine. "I need five minutes in the kitchen. Why don't you go to the living room…"
Claudia took the glass and wondered down the hallway. The living room was small, and on every conceivable wall surface was a bookshelf. The dining table was covered in papers. Claudia leaned over it to read what Fabian was working on.
There was Crouch's biography, his speech when he took over DMLE, and some Ministry reports that Claudia was pretty sure were meant to be confidential. She was about half-way down the one about some disciplinary issues that Crouch hushed up when he started at the Ministry, when Fabian joined her in the living room.
"Should've tidied this up," he mumbled.
"Don't worry," Claudia smirked. "I'll pretend I haven't seen these."
"I would appreciate that."
"He'd send you to jail if he knew…" she smirked. "Do you want to know something? Off the record?"
"Always!"
"I can't be sure because he never really straight up said, but I think he was asking me to lie on the stand, to secure a conviction."
"I wish I could say I was surprised…"
"I know, right? He's a nightmare…" Claudia chucked, and then brushed her fingers over Fabian's half-finished draft. "I think it's very cool, having so many people reading what you write. You get to change their mind about things."
Fabian laughed. "Not with the articles I write. I'm lucky if ten people read them. No one cares about proper journalism anymore. It's all about Rita and her scandals."
"You don't have to tell me that."
"Right," Fabian mumbled. "I'm sorry that happened."
"It's alright," Claudia shrugged. "Worse things happened since…"
"Right." Fabian cleared the table and few minutes later brough out a casserole filled with lamb, carrots, and potatoes. It was delicious.
"That's a really nice meal," Claudia mumbled, her mouth still slightly full.
"Can I confess something?" Fabian said with a chuckle. "I burned what I was making and had to beg my sister for this casserole."
Claudia laughed. "You made a woman with six kids make you food so that you can impress me?"
"Did it work?" Fabian asked before bursting with laughter and dropping his head into his hands. "I know. I'm terrible."
"No, it's nice. To have a family you can call on."
Fabian looked up and smiled. "Yeah, Molly is a few years older. She has always been like a second mum to me and Gideon. And when our own mum died few years back, she's the only one I have left." Rain clouds outside covered the setting sun, and Fabian's face was now illuminated mainly by the soft light of the candles on the coffee table. You could tell from his eyes how sharp he was. And how much he cared about doing the right thing. His nose was covered in freckles, and his lips…
"You're all quite different, aren't you?" she whispered, tearing her eyes away, regretting a little that she told him she was not interested in dating.
"Molly is the family type, Gideon has always been super studious, and I'm the family disaster." Fabian reached for the wine bottle and filled up their glasses. "Our father nearly fainted when I said I wanted to become a journalist."
"Well, we have that in common." Claudia took a sip of wine, all too aware her cheeks were burning a little. "Being the family disaster, I mean…"
"Indeed," Fabian took a long sip of wine. "When did you realise about your father?"
Claudia thought for a minute. "I started to suspect in my fourth year… So, fourteen? But I really knew the summer after." She paused and drank some more of the wine. "When I saw Voldemort in our house. As much of a proof as anyone needs, really."
"And your brother?"
"My brother has always been deep in Death Eater shit. He would do anything to please our father. Always had been like that..." She paused to think. She had nearly forgotten about Marcus' offer given everything else that was going on. It was weird Marcus had not been in touch again. She must try to reach out to him-
"It must have taken so much courage to become an auror, join the Order…" Fabian interrupted her train of thought.
Claudia shrugged. "It doesn't feel like courage. It just feels like something I have to do. I can't let them get away with it."
Fabian looked at her for maybe a second longer that she was expecting. "You're amazing, you know that, right?"
Claudia could feel herself blushing and laughed awkwardly. But Fabian did not join in. He kept staring into her eyes. His arm found its way around Claudia's shoulder. It felt warm. It made her feel calm. And she wanted more.
She closed her eyes and surely, within the second, she felt Fabian's lips on hers.
Slowly, she peeled off. "I thought this wasn't a date," she whispered with a chuckle, her eyes still shut. It felt good.
"Sorry if I misjudged this-"
Claudia opened her eyes and smiled at Fabian. "You haven't misjudged this. But-" she paused and caressed his arm. "I really don't want to have a relationship. My life is too crazy right now for anything like that."
"I'm not big on relationships either. Doesn't mean we can't – If you want, you know- Every now and then." Fabian's eloquence had momentarily abandoned him, and Claudia would swear the colour in his cheeks nearly matched his red hair.
"Do you mean just a casual thing?"
"If you want to put it that way."
Claudia looked into Fabian's eyes for a second or two. They were twinkling with curiosity. He was bright, he could be funny, and she could do a lot worse. She was sick of being the only one who was alone all the time. The only one who had no one to hold them after a tough day.
She shuffled even closer to him. "I can get on board with that," she smirked and kissed him.
Claudia allowed herself to get lost in the moment. Smell of fresh rain was coming through the window, Fabian's lips made her momentarily forget about the war, as did his hand was brushing up and down her leg.
Then, something occurred to her and brought her back to reality. She had a very similar conversation about casual relationships before, with Oscar. Who just happened to be Fabian's closest friend…
She pushed Fabian gently away. "Did you talk to Oscar about me?" she asked, perhaps a little sharper than she intended to. But if Oscar told Fabian she was looking for someone, or encouraged him in anyway… He would have crossed a line. There were friends, but still… He would have crossed a line.
"No, I'm too scared."
Claudia chuckled, very relieved. "Why?"
"He gets so weirdly protective about all of you. He's going to kill me if he ever finds out about this."
"You'll be fine," she smirked and kissed Fabian again.
With every touch of his hand, Claudia's insides were burning more and more. No one could blame her if something happened with Fabian right now. She had not had sex she remembered since Christmas. And half a year was too long. She found Fabian's belt and undid it.
At first, it was weird. She was all too aware of every strange sound their bodies made, every weird grimace on Fabian's face. But it was not bad. Fabian knew what he was doing, and once she closed her eyes and let go, it was nice. Exceptionally nice, actually.
It felt good to be wanted. To have a man of Fabian's intelligence crumbling in her arms under the weight of his own desire. And it felt good when he held her tightly in his arms afterwards to the sound of a summer thunderstorm outside.
Fabian fell asleep much faster than Claudia did, and she was left staring at the ceiling with Fabian breathing softly next to her.
But she could not help but think how weird it was to be with someone other than Sirius. It felt good, but it did not feel quite right. Like something was missing.
Sirius knew every inch of her body. He knew exactly where to touch her. He knew that one kiss right where Claudia's shoulder met her neck was enough to send her trembling. He knew that she loved when he buried his finger into the hair on the back of her head when he kissed her.
She remembered how he used to guide her body when they made love, like they were dancing. He knew how she wanted to move even before she did. He knew when she wanted him to be intimate, gentle, when every fleeting touch showed her how much he loved and cared for her. She could practically feel his fingers stroking the side of her face and placing her hair behind her ear. He used to do that just before he whispered in her ear how much he loved her.
And he knew exactly when she wanted him to take charge, to show how much he wanted her. He knew exactly when to switch pace. And she loved when pleasure and desire made him lose control… Claudia closed her eyes. She could feel her body throbbing at the mere thought.
"Stop it," she mumbled to herself and put her arms across her face. Pining over Sirius was not going to do her any good. She had to fight hard against her brain bringing up memories of all the things Sirius used to do in bed for a good hour before she finally gave up and snuck out of bed to collect her clothes. Just as she was about to leave the bedroom, she looked back at sleeping Fabian, but-
"You don't have to go," he mumbled sleepily, half sitting up.
"I have to work early," Claudia replied and hesitated for a second or two before walking back to the bed and sitting down on the edge of it. She leaned in and gave Fabian a brief kiss.
"We should do this again sometimes," Fabian whispered as their lips parted.
"Are you going to do the cooking yourself next time?"
"I think you might need to help me."
"You picked the wrong girl for that."
Fabian laughed. Claudia brushed the side of his face and gave him another kiss. This time longer, and it nearly made her change her mind.
"I really have to go," she whispered before sneaking out of Fabian's flat and apparating home. She took her shoes off before she opened the front door, but the creaky floorboards gave her away anyway.
"I take it your date went well?" she heard Remus' voice from the direction of the sofa.
"Wait…" Claudia barked. "You knew it was a date too?"
"You'd need to be a right idiot not to realise it was a date."
Claudia smiled to herself. Maybe she was a right idiot. "Whatever. Go back to sleep…"
"I can't…"
"Why not?"
"Because I finally summoned enough courage to ask Gideon for a drink."
Claudia did a double take. "And?"
"And he said yes… And I've been freaking out ever since," Remus sighed. "You don't think it's going to be weird if we end up dating two brothers?"
"Fabian and I aren't dating..."
"I was trying to be polite…" Remus smirked. "I'll try again. You don't think it's going to be weird if we end up sleeping with guys who are brothers?"
"Go back to sleep, Remus!" Claudia said with a laugh.
"It's good to finally see you laugh."
Claudia turned back. "It feels good, although…" She contemplated for a minute whether to tell him how she really felt about sleeping with Fabian, and why she could not fall asleep there. Whether to tell him Moody's secret and just how much she missed Barraclough. But she decided against it. She liked Remus, she really did. But he was not the one she wanted to be telling these things to.
"Although?" Remus asked in an encouraging tone.
"Although, I do need a shower," she mumbled and shuffled to the bathroom, all her thoughts and secrets piling up in her chest. They would need to stay there a while longer. Maybe forever even.