NOTE: There has been a change made to the last chapter. It is also easier to read. I changed the piece from Tom's journal. I did have something else planned for what happened to him, but found it too graphic to add to this story. If anyone is curious as to what it was, I can tell you about it or send you what I had written of it.

WARNING: Though I tried to calm this down, this chapter does contain scary and violent circumstances.

I had a fun vacation, but I missed you guys! I'm sorry it's taken so long to update!

Johnny's POV

I flipped through the pages, searching for what happened to Tom. Curiosity got the best of me. I was half way through when I found Tom write something about getting it off his chest.

I took a deep breath and prepared myself for what I was about to read.

I suppose it could be therapeutic to write it all down. I've never told anyone the whole story. I told part of what happened to the police. I was required to tell them as much as I could "remember." How could they imagine I'd forget anything?

So I'll tell the story. Maybe it'll help, maybe it won't. I hope it does because I can't imagine me feeling any worse about it.

We were on a trip to Ft. Myers Beach, Florida. I was having fun in the ocean with three of my five siblings. Monica was on the beach soaking up the rays and Jeff was preparing his fishing pole. Dad was beside him, preparing his as well.

Mom was lathering up the sunscreen. I hadn't bothered to put any on. I would probably regret it later.

"Again, again!" My youngest sister Abby demanded.

I sighed. "Okay, okay." I pretended I minded, but I really didn't.

I lifted her up on my shoulders. She stood on my shoulders, one foot per side, and held onto my hands.

"On three. Ready? One...two... three." On three, she dove off my shoulders and into the water.

The gulf was calm today, so I didn't worry too much about her and the waves. She was the only one I'd have to worry about. Mark was playing with Hannah, splashing around.

"Come eat, guys!" Mom called a few minutes later. She was distributing sandwiches and bottle of water across the blanket laid underneath the large beach umbrella.

I held Abby's hand as we walked up the beach to the blanket. Mark and Hannah were close behind.

We had almost reached the blanket when a loud noise made the hairs on my neck stand up. I looked over and saw a masked man in black with a gun in his hand.

I could hear people screaming, and I recognized one as my own, though I had no memory of actually screaming.

"Run!" I screamed, pulling Abby along with me. She screamed and cried. I pulled her with me, running as fast as I could. I turned and saw Dad trying to protect Jeff, but it was too late. Jeff went down hard.

I bit back a sob as I ran. I realized Abby had gone limp. I stopped running and looked down at her.

She was dead.

This time I sobbed openly. I laid her body gently on the sand, and ran back to my family.

As I neared, I saw Mark and Hannah lying lifelessly at the waters edge. Their blood reddened the water, making my stomach churn.

Mom screamed loudly as Dad went down. I ran toward her, but before I could make it, I fell down hard on the sand. I blinked up at the blue sky and wondered how the sun could still be shining when all this was happening.

I was swept away into unconsciousness and when I woke, my life would never be the same.

The next thing I remembered was waking up in a hospital. I had been shot in the chest and had already come out of surgery. The first thing on my mind was where my family was. No one would answer me until a cop came into my room to question me.

He showed me pictures, pictures that haunt me to this day. It was them, their lifeless bodies. I identified my family, but didn't know the others. They were all gone. Two other people besides me survived the psycho killer, who had shot himself after shooting the people at the beach.

I couldn't understand what was happening. I had a panic attack after seeing their pictures. It wasn't the last one, either. Life lost meaning. Breathing seemed useless. What was the point in living?

I blink back tears as I write this, still remembering Abby's little body. SHe was six years old, hardly having a life at all. Why was I spared?

I never have found out, so I assume there was no reason. It was just a bit of "luck" that I survived. If that was the case, why did I have to keep living?

I wouldn't have to ponder that for long. It'll be over soon. Then I can be happy.

I saw a tear slip from my face and onto the page I was reading. What could it have been like for him? I couldn't imagine the horror his life must have been. I wished he hadn't had to suffer so much. I understood why he did what he did and I didn't blame him for a minute.

I feel my life is hard. Would I have the same fate as Tom?

Steve's POV

I arrived at the hospital early in the morning after Soda called me. He found me at Buck's, where I was work behind the bar. Soda said he'd explain more once I got there. I wondered what that meant.

When I arrived at the hospital, Soda and Pony were the only ones in the waiting room. I wondered where Darry was.

I realized I hadn't told them the news that Buck had passed along to me. I didn't want to have to tell them, but they deserved the truth. I sure never got it before.

"Hey," I said simply when I came to them. I noticed that Pony was asleep. I tip-toed past him and sat on the other side of Soda.

"Hey. I'm glad you could come."

"Sure, sure. What's going on? Where's Darry?"

"He's at work right now. I hate to tell you all this. It's pretty awful."

Soda continued to tell me how Two-Bit had attempted to commit suicide, though he said he couldn't do it at the last minute, but not soon enough for him to miss shooting himself. He told me he was stable, and even awake at times. His mom was back with him.

When I asked Soda why it happened, I was saddened to hear about Two-Bit's sister. She seemed nice enough to me. Just one more tough break for us, huh?

When I said that, Soda looked saddened.

"I don't like thinking that way, but it seems that's how things turn out more and more, doesn't it?"

I hadn't really meant to upset him. It was more sarcastic than anything, though I still felt the truth behind it.

"Um, I actually have something to tell you, too," I said once the story was over.

"Oh, no. What is it?" Soda must have read my expression, or the tone in my voice.

"Buck told me... Dallas is in jail."

Soda sighed with relief. "At least he's not dead. I had my suspicions. I hate to think what might have happened if that was the case."

"Yeah, I know. The gang is already falling apart. We don't need something like that now. We already came too close this time."

"I know. I just... I can't imagine Two-Bit being so upset like that. I mean, he's always the goofy, happy, joking one. He never seems so emotional."

I thought of the things I had kept from the gang over the years. Maybe Two-Bit was just as good at doing it as me.

"Yeah. It doesn't seem like him." But I knew different. He must be like me. We all have our secrets we chose to keep. Was this Two-Bit's?

Two-Bit's POV

I woke up dazed. My vision was blurry, so I blinked rapidly to clear the fog that seemed to hang over me.

When my eyes focused, I saw Mom sitting in the chair beside my bed. She watched me with red, tear-filled eyes. I hated causing her more grief.

"Hey, Mama," I said hoarsely.

She smiled and reached out to brush her hand along my face.

"My poor little boy." She laid her hand against my cheek. I leaned into it.

I reached up my hand and took Mom's with it.

"I'm so sorry," I said, feeling tearful myself.

"Sh, hush now. I know it was hard on you. Darryl told me you weren't going to at the last minute. I know you weren't trying to hurt me. You were just trying to stop your hurt."

"I miss her," I cried. Tears traced down my face and onto her hand.

"I know. I miss her, too." This time Mom's tears spilled as well.

Though my shoulder ached, I turned toward her and she moved into my open arms. We held each other as we began to cry.

Molly was gone. Though the hole inside my heart where she should be was still piercing, I knew I was going to make it. Mom was going through the same thing as me. She would understand my pain. Some how, together, we'll make it through... because we have each other.

Pony's POV

I hated the knowledge that Darry understood what was going on with me now. It just didn't seem like it was fair to make them worry, though they assured me over and over again that it was their job to worry and that it wasn't going to bother them. I needed to talk to them more. I still had someone I really wanted to talk to first. Maybe that would help prepare me for talking to Soda and Darry.

I asked Soda to take me home, and when I was alone, I called Rose again.

"Pony! How are you? I'm so sorry about last time. I hope you were able to talk to Soda," She greeted me.

"Yeah, I did. I even got to talk to Darry a little, too. But, um, Rose?"

"Yes?"

"Could you come over again? I'd really like to talk to you first."

I could hear her smile over the line. "Of course. I'll be over soon. I think Mom has a friend she's meeting in town anyway. Hold on. I'll ask her."

I waited patiently as she asked her mom. I could hear their voices lightly over the phone.

"Pony, you still there?"

"I'm still here."

"Good. Mom says that's okay. She'll drop me off in an hour, all right?"

"All right. I'll see you then."

"Okay. Bye!"

"Bye."

I hung up the phone and went to my room to wait on her.

I lifted weights as I waited on her. Darry let me use his 20 pound ones instead of the light 5 pound ones. I had bulked up in the time since I came home from Windrixville. It seemed like it had been a lifetime ago since then. If things had only turned out differently...

The hour passed quickly. I had barely start leg exercises when I heard the car pull up outside.

I quickly got into my wheelchair and went to answer the door.

"Hey, Pony!" Rose greeted me. She leaned down and hugged me. I felt my ears get hot. I wasn't used to girls yet.

I offered her something to drink. I brought two bottles of Pepsi, my favorite.

"So, I take it you're still having a rough time?" Rose said once I opened her bottle for her.

"Not as bad. I did talk to my brothers about it a little more. But, I need to tell them the whole truth and it just seems like I have to say it to someone else first. I don't want to mess it up."

"I'm all ears." She leaned back in the chair, getting comfortable for the whole story.

I tried to make it short, but found that an hour passed after I finished telling her. She smiled when I said I hadn't meant to take so long.

"It's okay. Mom won't be done for a while anyway."

"So? What do you think?"

"I think you're in serious trouble and there's only one person who can dig you out of this slump."

"Who?"

"You."

I must have looked as confused as I felt for she smiled warmly, then continued to explain.

"Pony, I understand exactly what you're going through. One minute you think you're getting better, so you let yourself dare to hope for the best. Then something brings you down again and you wallow in self-pity and doubt. You degrade yourself even when you succeed because you won't dare get your hopes up to feel the pain of having them broken again.

"It's okay. You're allowed to hope, allowed to feel good about yourself. You are going to have so many successes in your life, but you will also have a lot of losses, too. Just don't make more of a deal out of the losses than the success. You deserve the best. You're one of a kind, special in your own way. I have no idea why this happened to you. Maybe in time you will. It'll make or break you. It's your choice what happens. And you can't chose both."

I felt better from her straightforwardness. It was what I needed to hear. I didn't need some therapist telling me how to feel. She didn't. She just helped me learn how to get through it.

"You think you're ready to tell them?" She asked.

I nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

I smiled brightly at her, and this time, it didn't feel so fake.

Guys, I'm really thinking this one is starting to wrap up. What about you? I am going to make this into a trilogy, so this one won't be the end. I'll probably keep it going for several more chapters, just to get more from Johnny and Tom and all that. The third one will be more when Johnny returns and Dallas gets out of jail. It'll be the happiest definitely. It'll be more of a last hurrah and how things will get better, and how some things are worse. It'll be pretty long, because I'll have a lot planned. Who knows? It may turn into a four-logy. LOL