So sorry guys! I was planning on updating yesterday, but something came up and I didn't get enough time to write this chapter.

I need your help. Does anyone have any ideas for Dallas? I mean, there's only so much you can write from him being in jail. Let me know what you think!

Johnny's POV

Dear Johnny,

You'd better sit down for this one.

I feared the worst just at that one line. I sank down onto my bed, preparing for what was about to come.

Two-Bit's sister Molly passed away. In his grief over the loss of his sister, he tried to commit suicide.

I gasped. Two-Bit tried to kill himself? It couldn't be. That wasn't Two-Bit. It couldn't be true. Then again, he had lost his sister. I had only seen her a handful of times, but I understood his pain of loss.

Two-Bit told Darry that he didn't mean to shoot himself. He was going to commit suicide, but he decided against it at the last minute. It was too late, though. He shot himself in the shoulder.

He called Darry before he did it. We went to his house and found him lying in a puddle of his own blood. The images still haunt me. It was awful, Johnny. I really thought we had lost him already.

He's still in the hospital, but he should be able to go home soon. He seems better now that he's with his mom. She's one tough lady. I can't imagine what she must be thinking. Molly's funeral is coming up soon. We're all going to go.

More bad news.(sorry) Dallas is in jail. He got in trouble for buying illegal drugs. I'm glad we know where he is now, but upset that he's in jail again.

Rose has been helping me. I talked to her the other day and she helped. I am finally going to tell Darry and Soda the truth, but I know it's going to be hard. Wish me luck!

I hope Tom's okay. It must be scary for you.

Your friend,

Pony

I hadn't realized it had been that long since Pony had written me. I never told him about Tom because neither of us had written in that time. I still couldn't believe he had killed himself, right in front of me, but it became clear why he did it.

I turned to Tom's journal, opening up to where I had left off.

The very sound of a little girl's laughter pierces my heart. Watching teenage boys play baseball is just another reminder. The smell of apple pie tells me she's not there. None of them are. That's not going to change.

I burned the pictures, burned the reminders. I didn't want to see them. It wouldn't change a thing. They'd still be dead and I'd still be here alone. With no family to go to, I was placed in foster care. I showed nothing but rebellious indifference to each family. It was better when they finally locked me up here. Then I wouldn't have someone pretending to be my family, pretending to care. I didn't have the people who tried to fill the role of people who are irreplaceable.

It isn't fair that I was left alone. Why did I live? Why did they have to die? Why bother leaving me here to live when it was so obvious that I longed for death? By longing for death, wouldn't it seem apparent that I would do anything to be satisfied of my longing?

I had another nightmare last night. It isn't bad enough that I hear their screams, see their bodies flash in my mind. I am cursed with the memories. I just wish they'd all go away.

I leaned back, thoughtful. How could anyone expect him to survive something like that? It wasn't bad enough that he was shot, but emotionally, psychologically, how could he stand it? Why couldn't they put him out of his misery? Why couldn't they leave him to die?

It didn't make sense to me that he survived. He should have died. His like held no meaning to him after his family died. And he had a family who cared about him, who loved him. It was the same as Pony's parents. They were the best parents I'd ever known. Why did the good have to die young?

Two-Bit might have decided to go through with the suicide. What was the world coming to?

Pony's POV

I took a deep breath as I prepared to talk to Soda and Darry. They were both in the living room, watching tv. I wheeled into the living room and went to the tv, turning the knob so that it would be off.

"What's up?" Soda asked. He had obviously been pretty into the tv show, but this was important. If I didn't do it now, I might not have the nerve to do it later.

"What is it, Pony?" Darry asked, leaning forward as he set down the newspaper he was reading.

"I-I have some things I should tell you."

Darry and Soda shared a surprised glance. When they turned their gazes back to me, I continued.

"Ever since I got hurt, I've felt like my life was moving out of control. I couldn't keep a handle on any of it. I wanted to stop it, but I couldn't. I didn't want to be crippled. But, I did have some hope of being able to walk again. So I held onto that for dear life. Those hopes were shattered when my leg got infected and they had to amputate so much of it off. I was crushed. Though I could still walk using the other leg, I didn't like the thought of people looking at me, staring because of my disfigurement. I didn't want people's pity; I still don't. I hate it. I can't stand people looking at me like I'm some kind of freak! The people at school don't want to look at me. They're afraid of me. They won't talk to me. They won't dare get in my way. I don't want special treatment because of this. I want to be normal! But that's not going to happen is it?

It's not just my personal problems that are killing me. I can't stand seeing you hurting, Darry. You're supposed to be Superman. Superman can feel no pain, right? Well, that image was broken when I saw you so hurt. I don't want that. I want you to be healthy. You're working too hard and I barely see you. I know you're worrying about me, and that's why I haven't been honest with you. Because if I make you worry more, you'll hurt more. I can't stand that, Darry.

Soda, you used to be the comic relief! I could always count on you for a smile. But your happiness was broken when you had to get another job. I didn't want to make you sadder by telling you about all my worries. You have enough to deal with, working two jobs. I miss you smiling, laughing, always being able to make me smile. That Soda's gone now, and I want him back.

The gang has been having problems, too. We can't deny it! Steve is so bitter because of his father. I know you've been worried about him now, Soda. I've been worried, too. Two-Bit wouldn't tell us about his sister being sick, dying, because he didn't want us to worry. By not talking about it, he let the anger and sadness well inside and because he was facing it alone, it was too much for him. So he tried to kill himself! What if he hadn't changed his mind? How would the gang have coped without him, knowing he had killed himself? It would have been too much for me to lose him.

Dallas is in who knows what kind of trouble. I've barely seen him since we returned from Windrixville. I know he blames himself for what happened to me and Johnny, but he shouldn't be thinking that way. But he's not around long enough for me to tell him it's not his fault. He's been punishing himself with drugs, or maybe he's just trying to get away from it by getting high, I don't know. But he shouldn't have gotten into that mess over something he had no control over. It was never his fault. He shouldn't have to pay for it.

Johnny won't be out of juvie for almost seven months. What will happen to him when he gets out? His family doesn't want him. He's always tried to earn their love, but it won't happen. Who will he go to? Foster parents? A boys' home? He won't be able to get along without us, just like we wouldn't be able to get along without him!

The only good parents that the gang ever knew were ours and they're gone! Why did the only parents who care have to die? What did they do wrong? What did they do to deserve it? Was it because of me? Was it my fault? Was it because I didn't get straight A's all the time? Was it because I got into trouble? Was I not good enough? Did I send them out that night? Were they just trying to get away from me, their spaced-out child who spent more time in his own world than in the real?"

I couldn't continue because the sobs were taking over my whole body. I turned on the wheelchair, burying my face in the armrest. I fell out of my wheelchair and onto the floor. I pushed my face into the carpet, crying into it as I grabbed fistfuls of it in my hands as I lay face-down on the floor.

Darry's POV

I felt the sobs rise in my own throat as I watched Pony collapse on the floor in a fit of tears and sobs. Soda was crying, tears pouring down his face and dampening the front of his shirt. I stood woodenly and walked to Pony's side.

I laid a hand on his back that was shaking from the uncontrollable sobs. Soda came over as well, laying down beside Pony and crying into the back of Pony's shirt as he wrapped his arms around Pony.

So much more had been bothering Pony than I had ever imagined. Rose had called me yesterday and said she thought he was going to be okay, that she had gotten a smile out of him. Maybe he was happier now, but getting those emotions off his chest must have left him vulnerable and upset.

I wiped at the tears on my face, but they kept coming. It was the last part that had bothered me the most, his naming all the things that he had done that could have caused Mom and Dad's deaths. I knew they weren't true, but him thinking them upset me.

I pulled Pony up from the floor once Soda let go of him. He continued to sob as I propped him against Soda. He wiped at his nose, fighting for control, but losing.

"Pony, I can't begin to respond to what you've told us. But the first thing that I can think of is that you were not, in any way, responsible for Mom and Dad's deaths. You hear me?" My voice was firm so the point would come across. He nodded. He made a squeaky whimper sound that scared me. There was so much sadness and misery written on his face. He momentarily turned and pressed his face in Soda's neck. Soda wrapped and arm around him, squeezing tightly.

When Pony turned back to me, I continued.

"Second, no matter how much it hurts me, I want you to tell me everything. You said yourself that Two-Bit was facing his sister's illness and death alone and that's what brought him to suicide. Pony, you're doing the same thing! You're fighting this alone and you're not letting me and Soda help you. You have to stop that. I can't let you end up like that. Do you know what you committing suicide would do to me? To Soda?"

Ponyboy held my gaze with a look that showed his shame and regret. He knew he shouldn't have carried it alone, but he had.

"It would kill us, Pony. You know that."

He nodded, crying even harder at the realization of his own words.

"I love you, Pony. I'll do anything to protect you from this misery you're going through. I'm proud of you for telling us the truth. You don't have to do this alone. You should know that by now. We stick together through anything. That's when we're the strongest. Don't you know that? We're here for you, Ponyboy. We're not leaving anytime soon and we're not letting you fight this alone. We'll take care of you. It's our job. When are you going to let us do it?"

Pony smiled slightly. He never had let us take care of him. He had a hard time letting us do his job. I hoped that would change.

"Come here, you," I said, opening my arms. He moved into them and I pulled Soda into the embrace as well.

I held onto my brothers, afraid to ever lose them. It couldn't happen... not on my watch.

Here's some fun facts about this story:

Originally, Pony was the one to have an ulcer. I forgot about that plan and was mad at myself for forgetting and giving Darry one.

Two-Bit was going to die.

Pony was supposed to walk, but I thought it was too soon. He will in the next one, though!