Chapter 51.

"Time to get up." said Dean, disentangling himself reluctantly from the arms and cascading hair of his beautiful angel. "I'm gonna take a shower." he said. Then that sounded a little dismissive and cold, so he bent to kiss her. "Life always gets in the way." he said, not sure which of them needed the reminder. He got ut of bed and moved in the direction of the door.

She smiled dreamily. "I'm tempted to go to the shower with you again. If I did, do you think the same thing would happen?"

"Yes." he said, "Inevitable." He sighed. "You know, there was a time when I told Michael repeatedly where to shove his 'perfect vessel' crap. Now, I can't find the willpower to turn down an ang ... a woman."

"Michael was never as hot as me." she said.

"I can't argue with that." he said. He hesitated to leave the room. With a word, even a nod, he could take her with him into the shower and relive the pleasures of the night at the motel.

She left the bed and came over to him. For a while, neither spoke and he wondered if there might be something she was waiting for him to say. Then he wondered if she were wondering the same thing about him. With humans, things were simpler, but also with women he didn't love. It wasn't the harp and halo that was getting in the way. He felt about fourteen, tongue-tied because a girl smiled at him.

"Better not." he said at last, "Too many people around."

"And too many things still troubling you about the whole situation." she said.

"Yeah. No. Maybe." He knew how that sounded. He said, "Still think this is worthwhile?" He meant, "Still think I am?" but he didn't say it.

"Hey, I lived billions of years without sex, you think, just because it's you, I can't wait a little longer for the second time?"

"Every other guy on the planet ... " he said.

"Is not you." she said.

"I thought you just said I was nothing special."

"No, I said I can be patient. Big difference. It's not that you're nothing. It's that I'm awesome."

He put a hand on the back of her neck and steered her into a kiss. "Again," he said, "Difficult to argue."

"You need to stop trying to push me away. It's dumb, Dean. Stop telling me I have other choices. My choice is made and so is yours. You let me in here for a reason."

"Yes, I did. I let you in here because having you around feels good and I'm tired of trying to pretend you mean nothing to me."

"Great! I'm tired of that too, because you know what? You can be very convincing." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. He was just considering taking her back to bed when she said, "I don't change my mind, ever. I know what I want. I want you and I want to be human and neither of those things are going to change."

He didn't answer, too many dangers whatever answer he gave, but he kissed her and stroked her hair before he headed off to his shower, which would now need to be colder than he had intended.

After his shower, he went to the kitchen. Sam was there, washing a plate. "You hungry?" said Sam, "I can get you waffles."

"Where's Eileen?" said Dean.

"Library, finding photos. We're gonna put some family photos in the nursery, so the Huntling feels surrounded by love."

"That's sweet." Said Dean.

"And we went to the Nexus this morning. Saw her parents and ours, told them about the baby, so now, if you needed to talk to Mom and Dad, you can do it without worrying you'll let slip about that."

"I thought you weren't ready yet. Did you tell them just because of me? Because, I gotta tell you, the last thing I need right now is advice from them."

"I just thought ... "

"I know what you thought. You thought I can't figure this out by myself."

"No, I didn't. And I didn't tell them just for you. I did it because I knew I was putting it off and I wanted to just get it done." Sam was sincere, he could tell, but he also knew that hadn't been the only reason for the timing.

"Sorry," he said, "Sensitive issue."

"Yeah, I know."

"Did Anael have any breakfast?" he said.

"Haven't seen her yet. I assumed she was with you."

"I showered alone. Seemed safer."

Sam nodded and smiled. "Am I allowed to ask how things are going?" he said.

"Things are going." said Dean non-committally. He saw a shadow of disappointment. He and Anael were now living together in the bunker and everyone knew it. He could be more forthcoming than that. "You want the truth?" he said, "It works. Everything between us works. There are only two problems, but they're big ones."

"What are they?" said Sam.

"The fact that she's an angel and the fact that she wants to be human." said Dean.

"Doesn't the second one cancel out the first?" said Sam.

"No, it doesn't and I don't see a solution to either. That being so, I should just give up on the whole thing and let her go."

"You mean, send her away?"

"You make it sound cruel."

Sam said nothing.

"It's for her sake I should do it. Sam, she wants forever. That's not gonna happen."

"Because you don't want it?" said Sam.

"No, not because I don't want it." He said, "Because those two huge things make it impossible. She becomes human, I can't be with her. She doesn't, she'll never be happy."

"I still don't get why you have a problem with her becoming human. I don't get how that's such a bad thing."

"Giving up all those superhuman powers, giving up immortality and for what? To play house with me?"

"To be human. She wanted that before she knew you." Sam reminded him.

"Bt I still benefit. I benefit from her giving up eternal life."

Sam said nothing, but busied himself preparing waffles for Dean and pouring him a cup of coffee. Dean nodded his thanks and started to eat. He was taking the first sip of coffee when Sam said, "It was always gonna be hard, Dean."

"Yeah, I know. Angel/human stuff always is."

"I meant with anyone, whether human or angel. You hate the thought of benefitting from her choosing humanity, but you'd feel the same way if she gave up a job opportunity to be with you or anything else she might do that shows you matter to her. You can't handle being loved."

"That's not true." said Dean. It probably was. "You have to admit, giving up immortality is a little bigger than that."

"I don't think she's giving up anything." said Sam, "All due respect to Cas, I don't think being an angel is all that great and for her, it's miserable. For her, mortality is freedom. Can't you respect that?"

"You can just ignore the fact that she's choosing to age and die?" said Dean, "And that's assuming she gets the chance to age, because she becomes human, a bus could take her out."

"Maybe the difference is that she's not an angel to me." said Sam, "In every way that matters, she's human. Maybe, if you looked at it that way, things would get a lot easier."

Dean had no ready response. He concentrated on eating his breakfast. After a while, he said, "Being with her feels so natural, so right. I know I have you and Charlie and the girls, but still, when I'm with Anael, I don't feel alone."

Sam nodded. "It's a good feeling, isn't it?"