Every problem can be resolved in 15 minutes, maybe a couple minutes less if you have some way to circumvent ads. If a problem cannot be resolved in 15 minutes it is no longer a "problem" but an "arc". You can identify an arc early on by noticing drastic changes to the status quo and celebrity guests. Remember that time you saw that guy from the local car dealership commercials throw up on someone's car outside the bowling alley and you tried to help him out because he was drunk, but he took a swing at you and landed in his own vomit?
That series of unfortunate contingencies was an arc.
Arcs are usually how we get changes to continuity. Someone leaving? Change of setting? New character? Cool new jacket? Ship tease becoming canon? If you want any of these to happen you need to wait for an arc.
If you think it's kinda weird (and incredibly embarrassing) to reduce moments of your life into short farces and compare them to tv episodes: circle back to how half of memory is literally called "episodic". Of course, that's not really what psychologists were going for when they named it "episodic memory", but those nerds should've thought about it before calling it that.
Lincoln, and the family, are going through an arc right now. Partly because it has been over 15 minutes and nothing has been resolved, and because of the lasting consequences to continuity that Luna and Sam breaking up and Lincoln getting a bigger room all brought to the metacontextual table. Though, Lincoln wouldn't be caught dead referring to any real world events as an "arc" because that seems incredibly embarrassing to him.
He was doing just fine in terms of embarrassing himself and didn't need the extra help.
"You, uh-" Lana shot Lincoln a worried look, "need some help there, Bro?"
Lincoln calmly inspected the drawer to ensure that no structural damage was inflicted and held it up in the air, Lana took it from his hands and shoved it back in before Lincoln got up with a groan.
"Hey, thanks for agreeing to let me call dibs on the room, you guys." Lincoln let out a tired yawn and collapsed on Lori's old bed, "As you can see: I have been sleeping like doggie doo-doo."
Lily sniffed the air, "You also smell like doggie doo-doo, Lincoln. You should take a shower before going to bed, you smell like Pop-Pop's retirement home and bug spray…"
"Yeah, Linc…" Lola said through pinched nostrils, "It's Lynnsagna today, and I'd like to keep my appetite. I hate to say it- but maybe try rolling around in some mud outside? Or take dinner on the patio, perhaps?"
"Ha. Ha. Ha." Lincoln laughed into the pillow while stretching out on his new bed, he quickly tore the pillow off his face and laughed for real, "I CAN STRETCH! Like all the way out! And not worry about falling out of the bed! I- I would cry tears of joy but I'm tired already. I'd probably pass out if I did and- sorry Lola, I am not missing out on Lynnsagna."
The siblings shared looks of second-hand embarrassment and shame when the full brunt of what Lincoln has been dealing with was out in the open. But before they could offer heartfelt apologies a flurry of knocks rapt against the door, muffled terrified voices could be heard through the door.
"Must be mom and dad," Lincoln guessed, "About time they figured out what was going on with Luna…"
Lisa opened the door and was greeted with a two-person stampede, luckily she used her genius intellect to foresee these events and tucked her arms into her legs and quickly rolled away like an armadillo.
"Whoa, cool." Lincoln applauded and Lisa gave a tiny bow before he turned his attention towards his parents.
His dad hurriedly locked the door behind him and braced it while his mother ran to embrace Lily and Lucy as though this would be the last hug she'd ever be able to give.
"I see you found out that Luna and Sam broke up." Lucy said into her mother's armpit.
"Okay, okay, not to FREAK anyone out or anything," Lynn Sr. said as he freaked out, "But Luna just broke up with Sam. Or Sam just broke up with Luna. I don't know. An- And I caught her on the floor, just silent… I'm pretty sure she's like, playing possum, or something. Just waiting for us to sli-"
"Dude, dad," Lynn facepalmed, "She's just sad because of the breakup."
"Luna isn't Lori," Lola announced with hands on her hips, "Quit flipping your lids and take a deep breath."
Sweat stung Lynn Sr.'s vision as his eyeballs darted from face to face, "Wh- what? Isn't this like uh, sorry, gotta catch my breath," Dad let go of the doorknob and slid to the floor and gasped for air, "Isnt this like a sisternado thing? Like, wh- why are you guys just- just sitting here?"
"I am standing." Lisa announced from her standing position, she attempted to placate her father by softly petting his shoulder.
"Yes, Lisa is standing. Lynn and I are lying down. Lana is squatting. Lola is leaning against the bed post. And Lucy and Lily are being held up in the air by mom." Lincoln corrected from his relaxed position, "Mom- let go of the two of them. They might pass out. And, Dad, seriously: it's going to be okay. We are going to give Luna some space, try to get the bigger picture of what's going on, and above all: not make this a bigger deal than it needs to be."
Rita gave Lily and Lucy one more squeeze before setting them down on the floor, "While I appreciate your 'cool as a cucumber' demeanor, Lincoln." Mom's voice was still tinged with worry, "Words are just words. We can't really be certain that things will play out as smoothly as we want them to be."
"I know that words don't mean anything, I know that very well," Lincoln didn't miss a beat and continued on, "But so what? So what if things fall apart? So what if we are at each other's throats again? Last time I checked: we lived long enough to see Lori and Leni move out of here. I think we can handle whatever comes next. And trust me, I won't let things get to that. Watch me."
"Acting foolish and rash would be us digging out own graves- and I know a thing or two about digging graves," Lucy paused and looked around and everyone nodded, a bit confused over her pause, "Because I dig graves, I do it a lot, so I know tha- that, uhhh," Lincoln clued in that she was trying to make a joke and flashed her a small smile, "Ha ha. Just a little gallows humor. I figured I should make a joke to lighten the mood." Lucy blushed.
"It was pretty good…" Lynn softly reassured Lucy and pet the back of her head. Lynn, like Lincoln, felt a bit tired. Just because she wasn't taking the lead in this debacle doesn't mean she's treating it like it isn't her problem. As the eldest kid in the room she had a pretty good idea of what things will look like if Lincoln can't handle it.
"I trust you, Linc." Lynn admitted to Lincoln.
"Well, good," Lincoln groaned as he got up, "Because I was going to handle things this way even if you didn't."
"Alright," the Loud Patriarch stood up and bobbed his head, "If you kids think this'll turn out okay, then I trust you guys too."
Rita sighed, "Yeah, me too. And I'm sorry for doubting you…" Mom admitted in a odd fit of humility, "Listen, I was only worried because we are in really uncharted waters here. This is the first I've heard of Luna and Sam not getting together… and to have things immediately escalate to them breaking up…"
The curious tone in his mother's voice made Lincoln squint his eyes in self-recognition, he could hear the same gears in his head turn as hers. "You're right…" Lincoln parroted, "Tomorrow I'll snoop around and get some information. Maybe see if Sam is okay. In the meantime let's just give Luna some space an-"
"Okay. Okay! We. Get. It." Lana was getting cranky, "Let's freakin' eat some lynnsagna!"
Everyone shrugged their shoulders and followed her out the room.
You have probably heard the saying "the best way to get into a man's heart is through his stomach". This is honestly bad advice. We recommend a 1/8th inch drill bit, ensure you are using a corded drill and not a battery powered one, and position the bit in-between the ribs. Lola would advocate for the use of an ice pick and Lynn maintains that she can "rip a dude's heart out" with her "bare freakin' hands".
As you can see: the Loud siblings offer a cornucopia of knowledge and dating tips.
As for Lincoln, he isn't sure if the preparation of food is necessarily a good seduction tactic on him. But to his knowledge he's never been "seduced" at before, if he has then they probably did a bad job. He does enjoy his family's home cooking, so there might be some credence to that old adage.
Today's main course is Lynn Sr.'s famous Lynnsagna. Famous food critic Kim Strauss laudes Lynnsagna as "the opulent pearl nestled in the veritable rotting clam folds that is Royal Woods low-brow fast-fusion restaurant scene". Not an entirely appetizing sentence, but apt and to the point. Royal Woods is known for having the highest number of fusion cuisine restaurants per capita, Lynn's Table is one of the few "single-focused" restaurants that can duke it out with the varied menus offered around town. Lynn's Lynnsagna is the crystallization of his cooking skills. A real "stick-to-your-ribs", "makes-you-want-to-spit-on-your-own-mothers-cooking" kinda entrée.
Lincoln was currently in the kitchen and breaking a handful of Loud Family Faux Pas.
"LINCOLN! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" His father shouted in fear, "IT NEEDS TO SIT!"
Lincoln turned to look at his father, a knife in one hand and a paper plate with the other. "Right…" Lincoln set the knife down, "I just thought I'd bring a plate upstairs to Luna. Figured she might wanna eat alone today."
"Not cool, bro…" Lily shook her head in shame as she climbed onto the countertop to grab a juice box.
"Lily!" Rita sternly chastised, "Those are for school! Not for din-din."
"Oh, well my stint at the Baby Bunker is ending Monday so I figured I might as well flush out the supply…" Lily sheepishly rebutted.
Rita went over and gently took the juice box from her hands and gave her a worried look, "Sweetie, you said it yourself 'Monday' not today. Please try to be more disciplined, you're a big girl now…" Lily groaned and crossed her arms in a pout, her tantrum interrupted by the beeping of the microwave. Rita sighed and pulled the steaming bowl of broccoli, placing it in front of Lily. The youngest Loud let out a groan before she took it in her hands and was scooped up and placed on the floor.
"Please bring that to the table, sweetie-" Rita asked as Lily responded with another groan, Rita continued in a sing-song voice, "And if I catch you on the countertop one more time with your shoes on I will get your father to cut off your cute little feet and use them as the base for soup stock."
"Fine, sorry mommy." Lily giggled, she liked it when her mom threatened her. Partly because it was funny and also because she knows her mom would never punish her. She is the baby, after all. She can pretty much do no wrong.
Rita smirked and shook her head before turning to Lincoln. "That's real nice of you to do that for your sister, Lincoln," Rita gave Lincoln a tight hug and ruffled his hair, "You're a real sweetheart."
"Sure," Lincoln chuckled before cracking a smile, "But I'm pretty sure you're just saying that because you don't wanna go up there."
Rita raised her eyebrows and looked side to side in embarrassment, "That obvious, huh?" His mom gave a little laugh in return, "Listen, son. Uh, I've never really been the best at giving 'relationship advice' to your sisters- or anyone for that matter. Honestly, your dad is pretty much the only person on the planet I ever bothered dating."
"Love at first sight!" Lynn gave Rita a smooch on the forehead as he stirred some cheesy mashed potatoes, he took the spoon out and gestured at Lincoln, "And your old man over here may look the part of a ladies man, but honestly? I never really dated before your mom, either."
Lincoln grimaced and took a paper towel to wipe potatoes off of his jacket, "Is that so?" Lincoln asked with a cocked eyebrow, "I remember Uncle Kotaro telling me anot-"
"HAHAhaha… ha," Lynn let out a nervous laugh, "That was all highschool stuff, Linc. Take everything you hear from Uncle Kotaro's mouth with a grain of salt. And maybe some dishwashing soap, cuz- uh… I love the guy like a brother: but he can be pretty vulgar."
"Whoa whoa whoa," Rita held her hands to her hips and tilted her head, "I didn't know you dated in highschool, Lynn… What else have you been keeping from me?"
"We c- can talk about it later." Lynn shot Rita a self-conscious look, "Uh, some of it is like really embarrassing. I- I guess I do need to talk about it, get some of it off my chest…"
Lincoln and Rita took a step back, they were just teasing him and didn't know it was that big of a deal. But Lincoln quickly regained his composure and stepped forward with squinted eyes and a mischievous smile.
"Might be a good idea to get Uncle Kotaro in that conversation," Lincoln mused, he liked seeing his dad sweat, "You know… for an objective viewpoint."
Rita liked watching Lynn sweat, but for a different reason. Lynn started stirring the mashed potatoes with lightning speed before Rita calmly took the bowl and placed it on the countertop. "Relax, Lynn, it's all in the past." Rita giggled as she peppered his flushed face with kisses.
Lincoln gagged as he prepared a slice of Lynnsagna for Luna on a paper plate. He looked over his shoulder to see his parents escalate their PDA and quickly wrapped the plate up in foil and started walking to flee the scene. "You guys can start eating without me, might take a sec."
His parents flashed him a thumbs-up sign, their faces glued together. It was almost enough for Lincoln to lose his appetite. Lincoln violently shook his head as he walked upstairs to the silent hallway as the sounds of the packed dining room faded into the background.
So for this fic, everything is happening in sequence. One event after the other, or at least as much as I can muster. So no "Moments later..." or like "The following week...", it's all a fun roller-coaster ride, real "sensation" not some vague collection of things to interpret. This entry is a bit short, some entries will be like that. Some will be longer. Momentum is the name of the game, if LOLA: DO NOT TOUCH Lincoln is Marsyas ruminating as his flesh is flayed then Little Room Lincoln is Sisyphus Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush (1985). I feel like having that feeling of "always on", no brakes, is something pretty cool. But hey, only nerds read the liner notes.
With all that said: thanks for giving this fic a chance and I hope you enjoy the ride. Just make sure take off those cool sunglasses before you strap in, don't want them to fall off.