Relationships are a bit like chains. They keep you anchored to concepts like morality, mortality, regular showering, credit scores, empathy, making small talk, and pretending to care about different brands of cars. So, these "chains" aren't all bad, in fact some of them are pretty cool. Some are still bogus. It all depends on the context. Introductions are a bit like chains, too.
These chains are important to us because, for the most part, we chose them. A lot of people talk about how the company we keep is a reflection of ourselves, which is kinda bogus. That mirror goes both ways, the people we bother to put on deodorant for bother to put on deodorant for us too. Nobody is the main character of their life, life isn't a play or a video game, you aren't getting syndicated any time soon and you aren't even getting a second season.
Nothing is stopping you from closing the door mid-conversation with the pizza delivery guy who brings his banjo along for tips, you give him an extra 2 bucks because he always gets you your pizza on time. Nothing is stopping the pizza delivery guy from not running every red light on the way to your apartment, he does it because he likes playing the banjo for you and needs that extra two dollars so he can get a soda at the car wash with the vending machine that always gives extra cans if you hit it at the right place. You don't really know this but he always looks forward to the nights you decide to get pizza and it really brightens his day since no one else really likes listening to the banjo in your neighborhood.
You can be a cynical asshole about it and say that your pizza delivery man only has chains to the vending machine and that you only have chains to pizza, but that's not a real relationship and you can't get a pizza without the pizza guy. You can give him directions to leave the pizza at the door but you don't get the banjo music and you'll just end up watching him through the GPS tracker on your pizza app through your phone: and we can all agree that that would be sad and creepy.
All relationships are give and take, you put up with other people's crazy bullcrap and they put up with yours. Remember, if you ever find yourself in a situation or place in which everyone around you is insane: you probably belong there. You may think to yourself "But I'm not like them! I'm just here because I have to be!", but that sounds like something an insane person would say. And at least insane people are pretty creative, you're pretty sure the pizza delivery guy talks to his banjo and treats it like his wife but he's really good at it.
Lincoln Loud from CMDY-8008 is no stranger to insanity. Or perhaps a better way to put things is: Insanity is no stranger to Lincoln Loud.
When you compare Lincoln's brothers and himself to the average population of Royal Woods, let's use Artie Drombowski as the average, you'll find that the Loud siblings are pretty much the very image of weird. While Artie thinks that his collection of different promotional soda cups from the Royal Woods Cinema is pretty zany and keeps it to himself, Lynn Jr. 's collection of scabs he has accumulated from 2 years of high school football is proudly displayed and updated bi-weekly in the RWHS trophy case. Principal Rivers has no idea how he keeps getting in there. Artie maintains that his dream girl is someone who smiles easily and likes pesto pizza, Lincoln Loud's dream girl is someone who can take a crossbow bolt to the shoulder and still climb up a rope ladder. The two boys know that these are impossible ideals, so they have that in common- but other than that they might as well be night and day.
We just brought up Artie Drombowski as an example, he isn't important in any of this. We just happen to know his last name.
So, with a guy as idiosyncratic as Lincoln you would assume that his friends would be just as crazy, right? Lincoln's friends are actually pretty normal. But that might just be because anyone would look normal next to a kid with natural white hair who basically lives in the woods.
Lincoln Loud looked down at his friends from atop a pile of rocks, the smell of Rachel's shampoo and burning plastic filled the air.
"Maybe lighting the cave on fire was a bit overkill." Lincoln admitted into Rachel's hair as he stared into the treeline. It was a nice cool morning, a refreshing preamble for the blistering 68 degrees fahrenheit that loomed in the future.
"Y-you lit the cave on fire?" Rachel let her arms drop from the hug she was giving Lincoln, her voice was more confused than upset, "Why would you do that?"
Lincoln held on to Rachel for a good 15 seconds while mulling over an answer, "Uh, it felt like a good idea at the time," it was at this point that he realized that the hug was broken and sheepishly put his arms to his side before gathering his lantern and giving a stinkface to the GS-Vitae, "Maybe it was to get rid of the scent, or something? Honestly-" Lincoln descended from the rock pile first and assisted Rachel down, "I wasn't really thinking, just going through the motions."
The two of them landed on ground level with a satisfying floof of kicked up air. Girl Jordan raised her eyebrows and grimaced, "So let me get this straight: your idea of going through the motions consists of lighting a fire in a heavily wooded area?" Her voice dropped a couple octaves and she waved her arms about to emphasize her words.
Lincoln wasn't watching Girl Jordan flail about and carefully set his bag on the floor, "Sure. I mean- it's certainly a conversation starter. I've been meaning to do some spring cleaning anyways…" He retrieved a little propane camping grill and unfolded it out before taking out a beat-up cooler from his pack, "You guys eat breakfast yet?"
"Okay, Lincoln. GJ has a point, you just lit a freaking cave on fir-" Richie was cut off.
"GJ?!" Chandler scoffed, "Dude, that nickname sucks. A GJ sounds like something teenage Mormon couples do since they aren't allowed to fu-"
"Chandler, it's way too early for cusses," Rachel shook her head and took a can of instant coffee granules out from her pink backpack and put a tin cup of water onto the grill to heat up, "I think GJ sounds okay, in moderation."
"Yeah, that's the key, moderation-" Lincoln mused as he cracked a healthy number of eggs into a cast iron frying pan, "Like scrambled eggs- everyone always has a tendency to complicate things once they get the technique down. You guys like your eggs scrambled, right?" Richie opened his mouth and shut it when it was clear that the question was rhetorical as Lincoln continued, "I, myself, have sorta kinda fell into that trap. Making things complicated… I read about this omelet, Hangtown Fry,
"Back in the gold rush times some jackass made it big and asked for the most expensive plate of eggs he could think of: oysters that had to be shipped on ice, and bacon that was uncharged to all-hell cuz everything but beans back then was crazy expensive because everyone was basically, like, tripping over gold or something," Everyone collectively sighed and took a seat next to the propane grill, Lincoln quickly looked up and handed everyone a chilled orange juice from his cooler, "So I tried making it myself- canned smoked oysters and bacon bits." He sighed and retrieved a canvas rollout pack of various powders in glass vials and carefully chose the ones labeled Salt (Not Sanctified) and Pepper (black) and poked at the sizzling eggs with a long pair of makeshift chopsticks, "Tasted like garbage. Made me realize that people who got it all- I don't care how they got it, pretty much have no taste whatsoever. No tact. Just throwing together stuff to make the zeros multiply. To them it's not about how things taste, it's not about the end goal- really, it's about the pageantry. It got me thinking- you know?
"Am I any different? Just throwing whatever I have in the cooler into the eggs? I used to think I was methodical, but Ronalda was able to track me down." Lincoln nodded at the eggs and threw a couple of slices of cheese over them and killed the flame, "So, what's my problem? Am I making things too complicated? Is simplicity the answer? Or maybe that's not it-" Lincoln withdrew some paper plates and plastic utensils and portioned out some eggs for him and his friends, "Sometimes, and I'm sorry if this makes me sound a bit like a coward or something, I feel as though my bag of tricks or uh, toolbox is a bit lacking now. Been there done that, kinda deal. Maybe the ingredients that I have access to, my skillset or methodology or what-have-you needs an update." Using the same chopsticks he used to cook with he took a bite of eggs and yelped in pain, "Yikes, guys watch out, still hot! Anyways- I don't know if you guys have noticed, but I'm a bit of a hermit. So stepping outside of my little…" Lincoln gestured vaguely at his friends as he focused on blowing on his eggs, "Bubble seems a bit daunting. But I feel like it might be worth it- if only for the integrative learning aspect of branching out. Like increasing my own personal life skills could provide me with more context and experience for my plans and such, this whole Ronalda thing is rea-"
Lincoln looked up to see his friends with their eyes all squinted and mouths agape in grimaces of confusion, he stopped himself.
"What the fu-" Chandler took a look at Rachel sipping on her coffee and cleared his throat, "What the heck are you even talking about, dude? That was like 45 seconds of pure nothing- What the hell is a hangerton fry?! What do eggs have to do with Ronalda?!"
"Uh, you probably shoulda fried the oysters beforehand to get them crispy." Richie carefully advised, he swallowed a piece of cheesy egg and gave a tiny burp, "-Sorry, excuse me."
"You're excused," Girl Jordan nodded and poured a bit of orange juice onto her eggs, "Yeah, if they came from a can they would probably be all soggy. Crisping them up first is probably the best call- isn't your dad a chef? Can't you just ask him how to make a hamtown fry or whatever?"
"I think what Lincoln is trying to say is that the eggs are a metaphor," Rachel sipped her coffee and left her eggs untouched, "Basically he feels like he isn't getting enough nurturing or whatever in his current environment so he can't hatch or somethi-"
"Uh, you guys eating breakfast? I can smell it from here- at least I hope that's you guys. Save me a plate." Lincoln was about to clarify what he was babbling on about before Clyde cut in on the walkie-talkie, he held the purple piece of plastic up so everyone could hear him, "And we are clear on the Irrigo, any news on the Vantablack?"
Lincoln nodded and pressed the receiver, "The spices are the metaphor."
"Dude, what?"
"Or maybe it's like-" Lincoln stared into the black speakers and took a bite of eggs, "There is no metaphor, I just wanted to talk about what I did last night- made bad scrambled eggs. If there is a metaphor it's pretty much lost on me, dude."
"Okaaaay… Uh, you doing good over there Lincoln? You're not sending coded messages because Ronalda showed up and is holding you hostage, right?"
"Nah, a dude is just going through some things, you know?" Lincoln prattled on as he finished up the last of his eggs, "What was that again? Venti Black? You stop by the Burnt Bean or something? Rachel already has a coffee but I can ask her." Lincoln covered up the walkie talkie and addressed his girlfriend, "Uh, babe, do you want anything from the Burnt Bean? I can cover for you, my treat."
"That is incredibly sweet of you, but I don't thin-" Rachel grimaced as Clyde lit up the walkie-talkie again.
"Dude. Code Vantablack." A harsh sigh vibrated the walkie-talking in Lincoln's hands, "I know you're not much of a morning person, but Vantablack is like a Scale SS priority. Get on it, Lincoln. Over."
"Alright! Alright!" Lincoln chugged the rest of his oj before digging in his bag and gave an exasperated sigh into the receiver, "Over and out."
"What's a Code Vantablack anyways?" Rachel inquired as she inspected an odd straw doll with a nail driven through it that Lincoln casually tossed over his shoulder.
"Basically, a Code Vantablack means that someone or something is watching us. We have no idea who it is, and no idea. It's pretty dangerous in this case-" He pointed to the lantern glowing green, "That usually means it's Levi or something, but seeing as he hasn't texted me or anything that leads me to believe it's not him."
"That sounds absolutely terrifying." Richie admitted casually- to everyone sharing breakfast this was what a usual Saturday was like with Lincoln so they were all used to it. He looked at the sky, "I don't see any spy satellites or anything. And I guess the lantern is like intercepting a signal or something?" Lincoln nodded his head and Richie pursed his lips and gave a pensive look to the treeline.
"Wouldn't that mean that there is a possibility that whatever is watching us knows that we are watching them?" Girl Jordan wondered.
"Yes." Lincoln agreed, a tepid lukewarm terror ran down his spine, "Yeah. That's probably, bad right?" Everyone shrugged their shoulders in response, "It's probably more of a Lars type problem…" Lincoln pulled out a ARRRGH brand Spirit Box and a tied up bundle of dried sage and lit it with a match, "Uh, is that you, Ronalda? Your abuela didn't teach you how to, like, do remote viewings or anything right?" Lincoln looked back at the GS-Vitae and saw that it was still reading that they were still being watched, "You basically have to tell me if you can do cool spirit world stuff, it's only fair…"
"I don't really think Ronalda is the type to care about fairness at this point, dude," Chandler finally finished his eggs and looked wearily at the spooky ghost gear Lincoln had out, "Man, you really going to start it with the nerdy-ass wizard stuff this early in the morning?"
"I mean technically speaking," Clyde announced as he returned from the perimeter sweep, Rachel handed Clyde her plate of eggs and he immediately started chowing down before continuing, "It's like nerdy-ass Cleric stuff, Wizard's cast spells and what-not. Clerics usually purify the undead and have goofy haircuts, so Linc' is like the paragon of Cleric-dom."
"Yeah, go read a book, you jerk," Girl Jordan rolled her eyes at Chandler and turned her attention back to Lincoln, "What's the sage for? Is Ronalda an evil spirit? Or did she, like, sell her soul to a demon and now the demon is trying to kill you?"
"I feel like Lincoln would be a bit more upset if a demon was trying to kill him." Rachel giggled alongside Girl Jordan.
"A girl can dream." Girl Jordan laughed as Lincoln rolled his eyes. The spirit box was giving him a bit of trouble, he opened up the back and saw that someone replaced his batteries with an IOU and he held up the note to the sky.
"IOU" read the note, the handwriting looked a bit familiar and it looked like it was written in almost transparent orange highlighter, probably just to piss him off. Lincoln groaned and took out the batteries from his portable radio to power on the spirit box. He, unfortunately, turned the device on and was met with voices from beyond the veil.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL" The cheap looking purple speakers erupted in noise, oddly enough the voices weren't as choppy and hard to understand as usual, Lincoln took another look at the spirit box to ensure he didn't grab the radio by mistake, "WHO CARES IF SHE WORKS AT THE RED HERRING MR. LOUD SAY SOMETHING TO YOUR SON- HE IS BEING INSANE" A gaggle of bemused gasps filled the park grounds, the voices know Lincoln's dad.
"The voices know my dad," Lincoln tilted his head and waved the smoking smudge stick in the air, "Hey, voices? Could you leave us alone?"
"The Red Herring?" Rachel asked, her voice was more confused than scared, "Why do these ghosts know about me?" She stood up and brushed the dust off the seat of her pants to take a closer listen to the spirit box.
"I'M SORRY, WHAT WAS THAT TAYLOR? I WASN'T LISTENING..." Everyone squinted their eyes and looked around, nobody knew who that was, "YOUR SON HAS SOME WEIRD BLOOD FEUD GOING ON WITH THE RED HERRING AND HAS A HATE BONER FOR THE OWNER'S DAUGHTER." Rachel shot a confused look to Lincoln and he quickly shook his head and mouthed Naw, that isn't referring to me, I don't have a blood feud with you or your family and think they are all quite nice people, in fact, I am very glad I met you Rachel, you mean a lot to me, thank you for being such a patient friend and wonderful girlfriend, Rachel caught none of that because she can't read lips, "OH, LINCOLN, THAT'S REALLY WEIRD. WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A WHOLE LOT OF SEAFOOD MENU ITEMS. THE RED HERRING IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN, TOO. WE DON'T LOSE ANY CUSTOMERS TO THEM, AND EVEN IF WE THEORETICALLY DO WE FILL UP CONSTANTLY ANYWAYS. I FORBID YOU TO BE MEAN TO SOME GIRL JUST BECAUSE HER PARENTS OWN ANOTHER RESTAURANT."
Chandler snapped his fingers, "Alternate dim-"
Girl Jordan shut him up and used Chandler's face as a handrail to stand up, "Alternate dimensions! That's gotta be it!"
"Oh come on, I was like 3 seconds away from figuring that out myself!" Richie groaned as he got up, "So, everything is the same in that universe except Lincoln is weird and vindictive?"
Lincoln shrugged his shoulders and pressed some buttons on the GS-Vitae and killed the lantern light, "I'm still not entirely convinced it's Alternate universes, I'm pretty sure those are made up- I had a dream onc-"
"IT'S MORE ABOUT THE PRINCIPLE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, DAD. EVERYONE NEEDS A NEMESIS OR SOMETHING, A HILL TO CLIMB, A BEACH TO CONQUER- LUAN, BACK ME UP." Lincoln couldn't help but nod his head at that, it's important to have goals, "WHAT IF BENNY GOT WITH SHANNON IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE? I MEAN- THE BOTH OF THEM HAVE GOOD CHEMISTRY AND HAVE A LOT IN COMM-" Benny? Lincoln knew who that was but has no idea what a Luan is, probably someone really lame if they were interested in Benny, "HOW ARE YOU STILL UPSET ABOU- LAIN CAN YOU PATCH ME INTO TO THIS JABR- OH CRAP, GUYS, 8008 CAN HEAR US. WAIT- IS THAT AN ARRRGH GEN 2 SPIRIT BOX? AND YOU TOOK IT OUT OF THE PACKAGING? HEY, JERK, WAVE TO THE CAMERA SO I CAN FLIP YOU OFF."
"What camera, I can't really see you-" Lincoln looked around and settled on looking at a Frisbee lodged into a tree on the treeline, "Also, you aren't really the greatest at first impressions. And- I don't know what your beef is with your Rachel but I'm pretty sure you're just being tsundere or something."
"SOON DAIRY? WHAT THE HECK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO ME-" "IT MEANS YOU AREN'T EXACTLY BEING HONEST WITH YOUR EMOTIONS AND PROBABLY HAVE A CRUSH ON RACHEL- DO YOU LIKE SERIOUSLY NOT WATCH ANIME?" "NO. NOT REALLY, TAY TAY. THIS JACKA- ER SORRY, THIS GUY WATCHES ANIME. IS HE LIKE EVIL ME?"
"Okay, this is getting annoying." Girl Jordan groaned and cupped her hands around her mouth to shout, "It's, like, totally unfair that you can see us and we can't see you!"
"Yeah," Clyde nodded in agreement and looked at Lincoln, "You got anything that you can see them on? Like, videochat with them?"
"Uh…" Lincoln patted his various pockets in his cargo shorts and retrieved my phone, "Hey, guy?"
"YEAH, EVIL ME? YOU GONNA START MAKING OUT WITH CHANDLER TOO?"
"No." Lincoln shook his head after stealing a glance at Chandler who promptly flipped him off, "Can you just call me up or something? I've got unlimited data, not a whole lot of bars here though, but I was going to be moving soon anywa-"
"YES, LINCOLN AND 8008, I CAN PATCH THE TWO OF YOU TOGETHER. JUST PLEASE ENSURE THAT I STAY PLUGGED IN OR BOTH UNIVERSES MAY IMPLODE INTO EACH OTHER." A chorus of worried voices erupted from the spirit box before cutting off completely.
"Uh, should we be worried too?" Clyde asked as he collected everyone's breakfast trash in a plastic bag.
"I'm not going to bug," Richie sighed and retrieved a diet krebstar from his backpack, "Worst case scenario: Lane got a hold of some weird multidimensional do-hickey that Levi made and are pulling crank-calls across universes."
Lincoln waved his finger and nodded, "Yeah, that checks out." He squinted at his cracked phone screen and waited for a call.
"He sounds kinda hot…" Girl Jordan admitted in a whisper to Rachel, Clyde, Chandler, and Richie.
"Oh. My. God." Rachel giggled, "Do not start! You can't date the same guy as me!"
"Yeah, that would be really weird." Clyde nodded his head, "You can't date Lincoln from an alternate dimension. Also, I am not entirely convinced you can handle a long-distance relationship of that calib-"
"SO, NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIIIS WAAAAAY" Lincoln cleared his throat and fixed his shirt with one hand as he let his phone ring for a bit, Rachel giggled and went up to tuck in the tag that poked out from behind his shirt and fixed his hair before giving him a sly peck on the cheek before stepping away behind him. The rest of Lincoln's friends gathered behind to snoop on his videocall, Lincoln arched an eyebrow and decided to make the stupidest decision he is going to make all day. He clicked "Accept Videocall" on his phone.
Lincoln was now face-to-face with himself.
A primordial fear overtook his body and he tried his hardest not to let it reach his face.
"Maaaan, am I that ugly?" The Lincoln laughed bitterly on the screen, "Buddy, you ever hear of something called self-care? Whatever… Hey. What's up? I'm Lincoln from universe NKTN-0205. You are Lincoln from universe CMDY-8008. Judging from that look of horror on your face, you have no idea what any of that means. That or you're constipated- you really need to stay away from dairy, dude."
The first thing that Lincoln noted about this guy who is apparently designated "0205" is that his eyes held what was possibly the most intimidating gaze he has ever stared down at in his life. Lincoln almost wanted to say that it reminded him of Loki's, but there was a cold and detached indifference to them that Loki could only dream of achieving. It was like he was a hawk who already tore out a rabbit's innards, watching it twitch on the ground and wondering if his prey was worth getting its feathers dirty in the first place. High cheekbones and a sharp jawline gave him an almost ethereal visage, it was like Lincoln was staring at a dignified elven prince from one of his old pulpy fantasy paperback covers that he reads. His fear wasn't rooted in anything but sheer disgust that the person on his screen is him. His stomach turned as he watched the boy in the mirror fix his pomade laden hair, only for a few errant strands to fall almost obscuring his left eye.
"H- holy," Girl Jordan let loose an odd noise that was a mix between a goose call and an engine starting up, she quickly snatched the phone from Lincoln's hands, "Hiiii. I'm Jordan, uh you look way cooler than our Lincoln. C-can you do a quick spin around- you know, for comparison's sake?"
0205 was a bit disarmed at first but quickly composed himself, "Sure. I can't believe this Lincoln lucked out with you as his Girl Jordan, you seem way more… charming than mine," 0205 handed his phone off to an unseen person as a groan was heard in the background, he immediately struck a few poses he learned from Lori and Leni around the kitchen as even more groans filled the speakers, "Hope that helps."
"Yeah, th-that helps." Girl Jordan bit her lip as she hammered the screenshot buttons on Lincoln's phone.
Clyde lowered his tortoiseshell sunglasses to take a closer look at 0205, "Bad Boy Lincoln." He snapped his fingers, "Dude, of course." Clyde looked back up to his best friend and quirked an eyebrow, "It's only a matter of time until you guys have to have, like, an epic fight or something. That's gonna be sooooo cool!" Clyde squealed.
"I mean, sure, I might have my beef with him. But that just seems kinda lame," 0205 waved that line of thought away, "Just too predictable or something. Plus, I'm sure he's a nice enough guy. I mean: he's still got you as a best friend, Clyde. He can't be all that ba- Wait. Dude, those sunglasses are sick!"
"Thanks bro!" Clyde pushed his glasses up and gave a smirk to Lincoln, "You should think about getting a leather jacket or some-"
Chandler ripped the phone from Girl Jordan's hands, "The leather jacket, slicked back hair, yeah this Lincoln is the Evil Lincoln."
"Yeah, that would mean you're Good Chandler. And I'm pretty sure that's, like, mathematically impossible- but I don't have my graphing calculator on me." 0205 scoffed, everyone else but Chandler nodded their heads in agreement, "I'm Lincoln who actually is productive with his time. Not playing Camping with his friends or whatever the heck 8008 is up to…"
"That's fair," Richie gingerly took the phone from Chandler's hands and passed it back to Lincoln, "But I mean, at least we are out of the house. Cut him some slack, dude."
Lincoln held his phone as the voice from the speakers rumbled with a low sigh, "Yeah… I guess I shouldn't be too hard on you. I had a screen showing up like 50 different versions of us and you were the only one out of the house… Good on you for being industrious or whateve-"
Lincoln furrowed his brow as a hand came to push 0205 out of the screen and an oddly familiar face filled the screen, "H-Hey, uh, Lumberjack Lincoln? C-could you tell me if your Luan is with Benny too? Notthatimworriedoranything…"
On screen was a teenage girl that Lincoln pegged to be about 16-17. She was wearing a white buttoned up chef's uniform, her chef's hat tilted at an angle revealing a large 5-head and a widow's peak. Lincoln nodded his head, "Oh, you have a girl Lane. Uh, no- my Lane- er, my Luan is a boy. To my knowledge they aren't dating, but they are pretty close. I would say distressingly close, but I think it'd be pretty cool if they dated. Ms. Coconuts and Mrs. Featherbottom are dating, though. I hope that alleviates your worries a bit." Lincoln was a bit unsure how to handle this situation.
"Oh…" Luan's face darkened and she was silent for a bit, before perking up, "So we are still best friends even across universes? I guess that's pretty good! I'll take it!" She took a relieved sigh and handed the phone back to 0205, "Sorry for borrowing your phone, Linc."
"Don't worry about it, sis. For what it's worth I think Benny is the perfect match for you, so you shouldn't worry too much about it." Lincoln noted an unmistakable amount of warmth coming from 0205's voice, he really did seem to care about his sister, "So your Luan is a guy named Lane? That's pretty coo- wait, by any chance do you remember a dream where you swapped places with a version of you with all sisters and a version of you where you were a girl named Linka with all brothers?"
Lincoln's eyes widened, "Wait. That wasn't a dream?" 0205 smirked and shook his head and Lincoln facepalmed, "Okay, I am going to kill Levi. He told me it was a dream! I should've picked up that it was some kind of messed up experiment by how vivid it wa-" Lincoln stopped himself as he unpacked what 0205 said, "No, I dreamt of having sisters and dreamt of being a girl named Liberty with all sisters."
"Whoa whoa whoa, hold on," Chandler interrupted, "Why would both of your names be the same but the two chick versions of yourself have different ones?"
"Uh, who gives a crap, dude. It's all arbitrary." 0205 rolled his eyes, "But, yeah, that is pretty interesting. I caught on that it wasn't a dream by snooping around Lisa's stuff and got into contact with Linka via text. Weird that you and Liberty or whatever-her-name-is didn't reconnect, but you don't seem like the most… social fellow. Since you look like you sleep outside- dude, what is your deal?"
"Not a whole lot of space with 10 brothers, dude." Lincoln rolled his eyes, "Luke offered me Loki and Loni's old room a while back but I told him to keep it in case he wanted to bring chicks over. Still hasn't brought any chicks over- but that's not the point," Lincoln shot a smirk at 0205, "What's the point of living in a cramped ass room, sharing with Lynn and Lars when you could just- like, sleep under the stars? Take what you want with your own hands? Beats the heck out of dealing with their bullcrap…"
0205 raised his eyebrows and was silent as he realized the folly of his actions thus far. He probably did not have to spend his whole life being caught up in the whims of his sisters, 8008 was proof of that. But something still felt amiss, "Well, I guess it'd be different if I had all brothers. I just can't help but feel like you're being kind of a jerk, dude. I get that they might be a lot to handle, but they're still family. You should at least try to be there for them."
Lincoln mirrored 0205 expression. Sure, he has a tendency to be hands-off with his brother's but he still loved them, "No, you got it wrong, man. Like- they are big boys who can sort out their own problems. If they need me they know how to reach out, most of the time, not now of course since I'm kinda trying to lay low with the whole Ronalda thing… wait, how are you handling all this? I assume you aren't dating Rachel…" Girl Jordan went up to Lincoln and whispered ASK HIM IF HE IS SINGLE, Rachel laughed and dragged her away.
0205 chuckled and raised an eyebrow at the phone, "Let Girl Jordan know that I'm single, and am interested in dating right now- nothing too serious so a long-distance thing might wor-" Lincoln cleared his throat and motioned for 0205 to cut the bullcrap and continue, "Yeah, no. Me and Ronnie Anne- that's what my Ronalda goes by, never officially dated. Just kinda had a will-they-won't-they kinda deal for a couple months, but we are still good friends. I was going to ask how you are dealing with Luna and Sam's breakup, but something tells me that you don't have to deal with that."
Lincoln started laughing, "Oh my god. Of course they'd be a thing if Luke was a chick! But, whoa- breakup, huh? Sounds like things might be pretty rowdy over there. No wonder you're hiding out at Dad's restaurant."
"I'm not hiding," 0205's voice grew colder, "Unlike you I face my problems head on. Luna is doing okay right now, I'm just trying to be supportive and am giving her a bit of space. I'm going to talk to Sam later to see how she's fairing. I'm not exactly worried about The Moon Goats breaking up or anything, I could care less about the band right now. I just want Luna to be happy…"
"Oh, you like their music or something?" Lincoln asked.
"I mean, sure. Yeah. But we're also the manage-" 0205 blinked in realization, "Oh, duh. Of course you wouldn't be their manager. You, like, live in the forest like a crazy dude. Wait- so you aren't filthy stinking rich?"
"I don't really have any need for money." Lincoln laughed, "That kinda makes sense, you do seem like the type…"
0205 raised his eyebrows, "Ohhhh, so that's how it's going to be? Ha! That's actually kinda funny!" 0205 laughed alongside Lincoln, "You ever need some help with anything let me know, I guess we are the same person so I don't really mind sending you a couple thousand dollars or something." 0205 smiled and Lincoln noted a playful timbre to his voice, "Maybe you can try giving Glamping a chance or something. Up to you, dude."
"So no advice for the Ronalda thing?" Lincoln's eyes glazed over at the "G" word and ignored the offer.
"Well, you can try talking to her. You know- like a man? Like an adult?" 0205 shook his head and whistled in amazement, "You're a real piece of work, Lincoln. Ronalda will catch up to you eventually. You might as well meet her on your own terms."
Lincoln's face lit up and he slammed a fist into an open palm, "Ambush her! Now thatis an excellent idea!"
0205 furrowed his brows and sighed, "Rachel's got a lot to deal with, huh? Not my problem, technically…" 0205's words died in his mouth, "Or maybe it is. Listen- dude. If you need to crash over here let me know, I can see what Lisa can cook up or something. Me caca es tu caca, or whatever they say."
"I appreciate the offer, me," Lincoln shook his head, "But it wouldn't sit right with me to rely on someone else to solve my own probl-"
"Duuuude, shut up." Lincoln closed his mouth, "I am you. As much as it pisses me off to say it. You can drown in your own, weird-as-all-heck, ideas of bein' a lone wolf or whatever. Or you can grow up and realize that you aren't weaker for taking someone else's help. Your friends would probably appreciate that too." 0205 stole a glance at his bare wrist and looked up, "Listen, drop me a text sometime or something. Go bother Boy Lisa to hook you up with that on your phone or something. I gotta jet. You free this coming Tuesday- whatever, clear your calendar. I'll catch you later, dude."
Lincoln sighed as he stared at the cracked screen and looked up to his friends, "That guy was something else, huh?"
Rachel rolled her eyes and gave her boyfriend a hug, "I like our Lincoln more- he was nice and means well and all but-"
"He's kind of a dick" the group of friends completed Rachel's sentence in unison.
"Had a little left (But I gave it to you)
Now someone's at my door (And they need some too)
Lighting up my phone (Darkening my mood)
And all I got left is this shit attitude
At least music is playing in my head
If it stops I'm,
if it stops I'm,
if it stops I'm having an unshakable nightmare"
Second Movement: In and Out of Patience by Parquet Courts
Okay, that's enough of 8008. He'll show up again later. He doesn't really bring much to the table besides himself, not a whole lot of functionality. Now it's back to regular programing, you guys like workplace comedies right? No? Just me? Alright then. Mazzy and Sully show up next chapter, and then we get to check on Sam. You guys like Sam right?
Oh yeah, and Rachel is the same Rachel that was from that leaked episode about the best friend duo competition. I just thought it would be absolutely insane of me to put her in my fic like 2 hours after the episode was leaked. I'm so sorry, but I have to do what I have to do.