Red River Blue
Chapter 3
He clicked the gate shut behind the car Andrea was driving back to Woodbury in. More than anything Merle wanted to be in that car, driving both himself and his little brother far away from this place. Setting up a meeting with Phillip Blake was a mistake. More than a mistake really, it was a foolish and stupid waste of time. That man didn't want to negotiate. He wanted blood.
They went back inside and that little blonde girl started singing. Her name escaped Merle at the moment. She had a pretty enough voice, but the song she was singing was sad. The girl was young and pretty. Maybe close to that his older daughter would be if she was still alive. But as the girl sang, the expression on her face made her look as old as time itself. As Merle quietly observed her, the old farmer's words from earlier in the day came drifting back to him.
And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body be cast into hell.
He knew what the old man meant. That he should stop being angry and spiteful over his hand. Instead he should be thankful just to be alive. Grateful to god that he found his brother.
Merle walked outside, away from the girl and her soft sad little song. He leaned against the building and lit up his last remaining cigarette. The korean kid's girlfriend was outside, taking watch. She threw him a dirty look, but that was all. Merle could deal with dirty looks, he had been getting them all his life.
Taking a deep drag from the cigarette he had pinched between his fingers, Merle closed his eyes. He tried not to think about them. About her. But in the quiet of the night, her ghost always came. Invading his mind, clouding his thoughts with her invisible presence. Like the water she was named for, memories of her flowed over him like a river. He thought about the last time he saw her.
He had gotten straight again. Not all the way sober, but he was off the real hard stuff. He knew the little piece of paper he got from the court said he was not supposed to bother River at work. In fact he was supposed to stay a certain distance away from this place altogether. Daryl told him not to come here. But if he showed up at the house, that little brat Harley would be calling 5-0 on his ass before he could even get from his bike to the door.
He stood across the street. Leaning against the building and smoking, just like he was doing now. The whole front of the place was a big picture window. He watched the people that were walking into the place and leaving with food in pink paper bags with little white handles. It was a beautiful day outside. So there were also people sitting at the little metal tables outside, drinking coffee, eating sweets and talking or staring at their phones. A mom and two little kids. A man in a suit that was poking at buttons on his phone while he stared at his laptop. A couple of college aged girls laughing and gossiping together.
Merle smoked and he waited. He just wanted to get a look at her. Just a look. Make sure she was alright. That's what he told himself on the way here. He knew she was there, he already checked to make sure her car was parked out back. That ugly banged up station wagon with one door the wrong color and the side view mirror held on with duct tape. She drove it so Harley could drive herself to school in the nicer car they had. So the other kids wouldn't laugh at her. The wagon was parked out behind the bakery, the edge of one back wheel sticking cockeyed out of the parking space.
It felt like he had been waiting forever. But finally she came out the door, pushing it open with the side of her hip because her hands were full. Her hair was tied back in a sloppy bun, a few loose strands hanging down around her face. The color was different. Darker than the last time he had seen her. She was wearing a pink tank top with the bakery logo on the front. The same as all the girls wore when they were working. She had pink converse sneakers on, and her long tan legs curved up into cutoff denim shorts that were covered up in front with the little white half apron she had on.
As soon as she came out the door, Merle felt his heart catch. He always forgot how god damn beautiful she was. More than just hot. She was pretty too. River stopped at the business man's table first, setting down another cup of coffee for him. Hi Tom, you looked like you could use another cup. How was your danish? Of course the man smiled up at her, telling her that the food was amazing as always. When River walked past him to the next table, he shifted in his chair to get a look at her ass. Merle clenched his fist, then forced himself to relax. The man hadn't really even done anything. And if he walked over there and punched that man, he would go back to jail for sure. And for a lot longer than 90 days this time.
River stopped at the table with the mom and the two little girls next. She treats in her hand for them. Balls of cake on sticks that were covered in pink frosting or maybe melted chocolate and dipped in rainbow sprinkles. I saw you girls finished your sandwiches, so I thought you might be able to help me out. If it's alright with your mom... I made a new flavor of cake today and I really need someone to try it out for me and tell me if it's any good. The mother of the little girls laughed as the kids reached up eagerly for the treats. White chocolate raspberry. Of course the little girls were more than happy to annouce how good the little treats were, talking with their mouths full while River and their mother laughed at them.
Once River went back inside the shop, the little girls started begging their mother for more. The woman packed up her purse and took them inside, leaving a few minutes later with a large pink paper bag full of sweets. Sweets that she probably would not have purchased if River had not come out and given her daughters the two little free treats. Merle smiled and snorted a silent laugh through his nose. Then he took one last drag on his smoke before he tossed it down and ground it out with the tip of his boot.
It was almost 2:30. That meant River was going to leave soon to go pick up Wren from school. She would keep the girl at the bakery with her until Harley got out of school to come collect her younger sister. Sometimes the girls would stay and help out a little around the place, sometimes they would leave and go home or go do whatever it was they did these days. Merle didn't really know what they were into anymore. He had lost visitation rights a long time ago.
River came walking out the back door of the bakery. She had taken her apron off, and her purse was hanging over her shoulder, key jingling in her hand. When she saw him, she stopped. Merle was leaning against the driver's side door of her station wagon. He watched the expressions flit across her face. First she looked shocked, and maybe a little scared. She jingled her keys around in her hand, getting ahold of the little spray can of pepper spray she kept on her keychain specifically for him.
He knew first hand that getting hosed down with pepper spray was not really so great, to put it mildly. So he held his hands up, hoping to show her that he had not come to start trouble. River narrowed her eyes at him. He knew what she was doing. Observing him and trying to figure out if he was high or not. She must have decided he wasn't because she let the little spray can jingle down loose from her keychain again.
"You know yer not allowed to come here," River reminded him, taking a few tentative steps in his direction. Or at least in the direction of her car. He nodded. She stopped before she got within arms reach of him, crossing her arms under her breasts.
"What do you want?," she asked him. Merle reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded wad of cash. She could tell it was all twenties. Probably two or three thousand dollars by the look of it. She made no move to take the money. Instead she repeated her question. "What do you want Merle?"
"Just take it," he said, "buy the girls somethin' nice. Ya don't have to tell them it came from me..."
River looked at the money, thinking about how Harley needed new field hockey equiptment and Wren needed new soccer cleats. But she also thought about how taking the money meant letting Merle back into her life again. He would take it as an invitation to start texting and calling her again. Showing up here and waiting around outside for her. She shook her head.
"Jus' move so I can get into my car please," she said. When he didn't move right away, she added, "Wren gets scared if I'm late to pick her up."
Merle moved to the side a few steps so River had room to open the door of her car. But not so far that she wouldn't have to get close to him in order to get into the car. He caught her by the arm once she had the door open and tried pushing the money at her again. She was so close to him, he could smell the aroma of vanilla and sugar that was always clinging to her hair from the bakery. Under that was the musky perfume that she dabbed on her neck and between her breasts in the morning when she got out of the shower. The stuff she wore because the smell of it reminded her of her mom.
"Take it," he told her, pressing the money into her hand. She gripped the wad of cash, then shoved it back against his chest. Hard.
"I don't need it. And I don't want it either," she told him. "You better leave before one of the girls inside the bakery sees you and calls the cops."
With that she turned and slid behind the wheel of her car. Merle brought his hand up to grab the money before it fell down and scattered all over the parking lot. He watched River back out of her parking space and drive away, her hand coming up to wipe at her eyes. He watched until she was out of sight. Then he left. He left and he went straight over to his dealer's shitty little apartment. He used that money to buy drugs.
Merle took one last drag on his cigarette and thought about offering to take watch for Maggie so she wouldn't have to stay up. That last thing he wanted to do was lay down in a dirty cell and be alone with his ghosts and regrets. He took a few steps towards the woman, opening his mouth to speak. But before the words came out, a loud sound from down by the outer fence caught his attention.
A high pitched whistle, followed by a loud popping. His first thought was that they were being shot at, and he assumed a defensive postition. But then he saw the lights. Someone had lit of a pile of fireworks down by the fence. All the walkers were heading in that direction, attracted by the sounds and the bright lights.
"There's someone coming up the drive," Maggie said, pointing down towards the outer gate that had been smashed in by the governor's walker bomb. Maggie held her gun up, training it on the small group of people that were walking up the path. It was dark, but the flashing lights from the fireworks cast a shadowy light on their faces and figures as they walked. Merle set his hand down gently on top of Maggie's gun, lowering it so that it pointed down at the ground.
"I know them," he said. His voice sounded strange to him. Like it belonged to someone else.
"They from Woodbury?," Maggie asked. He shook his head. Maggie turned and took off inside, probably running off to tattle on him to Officer Friendly and the rest of the morons inside. Merle stood rooted to the spot. He didn't move. Not even when Daryl ran out to throw open the gate and let River and the girls inside. His one good hand was gripping the metal fence as he stared at them. He felt like he was losing his damn mind.
The girls looked so big. Especially Harley. She was as tall as Daryl. And Wren. She looked like a little half woman. River looked thinner. She looked older and her hair was longer. Ghosts didn't age or change. Merle told himself they had to be real. But it didn't really hit him until Wren flung her thin arms around his waist and laid her head against his chest.
"Oh daddy," she cooed, "I'm so glad yer alive."