Things I Did This Weekend

1. Ran into my old best friend from high school in a hotel hallway and responded by running away like a pansy

2. Got piss-faced drunk in a terribly failed attempt to forget about said run-in with former best friend

3. Watched my two gay friends get married

4. Reconciled with the former best friend

5. Cheated on my wife. Twice. With a man.

Also known as the Top Five Reasons Why Tony is Screwed.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

It takes me about half the time to get home that it took me to get into the city, and once I finally pull into the driveway, I just sit in my car and close my eyes, thinking about all the different ways my life has turned itself upside down in the past four days. I open my eyes and look at my house, with the lights off and the doors locked. No one's home, but I don't want to go inside. I feel like I've betrayed my entire family and I don't have the right to go back into that house like everything is just hunky-dorey. Because it's not. I'm a fuck-up, and I've failed my family.

What am I going to say to Caroline? Last night I could barely tell her I love her. How am I going to be able to look at my kids? Will Junior and Maria be able to tell there's something different about me? Will any of them ever look at me the same again?

The worst part is that this is what I'm the least worried about. My biggest concern right now is, will I ever see Spot again?

I pull my phone out of my pocket and scroll through the address book, staring at Spot's name. As if my fingers have a mind of their own, they press the "call" button and bring the phone up to my ear.

Ring.

Ring.

"Hey, you've reached Nathaniel Conlon," his voice says. "I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, I'm probably working. If you'd leave me your name and number, I'll get back to you whenever my hectic life becomes normal again."

Beep.

I take a breath and am about to leave a message, but then I suddenly hang up. I have nothing to say to him. I shove the phone back into my pocket and hope to God he doesn't see my number on his caller ID and call back. I don't even know why I called in the first place.

I sigh and get out of the car, pulling my bag out of the backseat. I unlock the front door and walk into the dark house, the familiar smell and the toys in the entryway, and frown.

What have I done to my life?

I walk to my bedroom door and drop my suitcase just inside, then go and flop onto the couch to stew and watch television.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"DADDYYYYYYYYY!" The jubilant screaming from the front of the house jolts me awake from my nap about a second and a half before two small bodies catapult onto my chest.

"Oof!" Air rushes out of me and I think a couple of my ribs might be broken, but I'm laughing nonetheless. "Hey, guys."

"Don't never, ever go away again, Daddy!" Junior ruffles my hair like I always do to him, and I chuckle. "I missed you!"

"Oh, well, I missed you too, buddy." I kiss the top of his head and then he's pushed out of the way by Maria.

"Present?"

I laugh. "Okay. They're in my suitcase. But you have to get up so I can go get them, okay?"

Maria climbs down off of the couch and I stand up. Caroline is standing in the doorway, smiling. "Have a good trip, baby?"

"Um. Yeah." I lean in for a quick peck on her lips, then head back to the bedroom with Maria and Junior in tow. "Okay, guys, close your eyes." They pretend to close them, peeking the whole time, as I hoist my bag up onto the bed and open it.

I place a little crown on Maria's head, and she immediately takes it off and squeals. "Thanks, Daddy!" I get a quick hug around the knees and then she's off like a rocket, screaming ecstatically for Mommy.

"You ready for your present, pal?" Junior nods and holds his hands out. I place a deck of cards in them, smiling. "Now you have your own deck to learn poker on." I ruffle his hair and smile when his face lights up.

"So you'll teach me?"

"Of course I will, buddy, I promised I would!" Junior grins and thanks me before heading off to play fifty-two pick-up, or Throw Cards At Maria, as the object of the game has mutated to.

I laugh and shake my head and walk into the bathroom attached to my room. As I'm washing my hands afterward, I notice something on the counter: a white stick with a little blue plus sign on the end of it. My eyes go wide.

"Caro!" I open the door and yell from it. "Caro!"

She comes running into the bedroom. "What? What's wrong?"

I point. "What is that?"

She blushes. "Um, it's... it's a pregnancy test, Tony."

"And why... why is there a plus sign on it?"

"Why do you think?" There's a smile on her face. There's no smile on my face. This is not happy time.

I sigh and slump against the wall. "Fuck."

Caroline's face falls. "I thought you'd be happy about having another baby, Tony."

"Well... I... Caro, we can't really afford another baby."

She sighs. "There isn't much we can do about it now. We'll just have to move a few things around in our lives."

"Where are we gonna put it?"

Caroline shrugs. "Well... if it's a boy, it can share a room with Junior, and if it's a girl, it can share a room with Maria. Or we could move the computer and stuff in your office out to the kitchen or the living room, and put the baby in your office."

I run my hands through my hair, shaking my head. "I thought we were being careful... we decided on two kids."

"Well, these things happen, and like I said, there isn't much we can do about it now, I mean, I'm already pregnant."

"Are you sure?"

"Well, I'm a week and a half late, and the test was positive, but I can go to the doctor and get a second test done if you want."

"Maybe you should. Just to be sure."

Caroline nods. "Okay. Well, you... you just let it sink in, I guess. Calm down. I'll just go make dinner or something."

"Yeah." I stare at the wall across from me.

"I love you."

I don't answer.