Happy Wednesday everyone! First and foremost, I am sorry that I couldn't get this update out last Thursday like I said, but a family crisis happened, thankfully everyone is fine. Secondly, this chapter gave me a bit of hindrance when writing as it wanted to go in a different way than I wanted it to when writing.
I will be seeing you all next Wednesday with a new Wade chapter.
Also really quick, I am starting to get things set up for some Christmas Stories. I have a lot of the outlines written up. But I want to ask, if there's any meet-cutes that you want to see between Wade and Zoe. All ideas are welcome.
Enjoy!
Alone with only her thoughts, no Sofia, and no Wade to muddle her thoughts. A simple look on their faces, or worrying that she might very well be rushing into something with Wade before they've had a chance to fully rebuild the very foundation of their friendship. She felt the worry and the doubt slowly start to creep in. It nearly broke her the first time things abruptly ended with them, she dived further into school work and then into work. To escape the pain it felt, this time she won't be able to handle it. Once was too much, a second time is only going to be worse.
Kissing him now felt so much more powerful, better than she could have ever thought possible. A bright future that is in front of them and not one that is coming to an end. Because no matter how you look at it, their briefly shared kiss over prom was a goodbye of sorts. An ending to their friendship if you will. They may never get that friendship back, but just maybe this go around, it can be better than anything they've had before. Different in so many ways that counted. A kiss that held so much for their future, a very bright future.
She's giddy at the possibility of what could happen. And that's when the dread slowly started to creep in. Things with Wade are easy, it's always been that way, but now she needs to focus on the needs of her daughter. She can't let Sofia get hurt because she was being stupid. Words mean very little, it's about actions and as much as she wants to trust Wade, it's not that simple. He took her trust of him when they were teens and acted like her trust meant nothing to him. Tossing it out in the middle of the Gulf.
Since the day Sofia was born, it has always been about her daughter. Sofia always came first. She did everything she could do to be happy, that gave Sofia the childhood she once had. That is why she came home to Bluebell, to make sure her daughter was happy and had a childhood she could look back on and love. There is no way that she can live with herself and get Sofia to fall in love with Wade the way she has, just for it to crumble around them. It's easy to say you'll always be there no matter what happens, even easier when you are neighbors, but it isn't that easy when it comes down to it.
The more she thinks about Sofia and the way that she can get hurt, the more she comes to the terms that whatever she thought she could handle when it comes to Wade, can't possibly work out without someone, most likely Sofia ending up hurt. The one thing Zoe has learned about being mom is that she'll gladly take all the hurt in the world if that means that Sofia remains unaffected by it all. All Zoe wants for Sofia is to be a happy and healthy child, enjoying her childhood in the ways she had in Bluebell. Zoe will gladly take all the hurt and plaster a smile on her face as long as none of that hurt seeks her daughter out. Zoe won't be a single reason why her daughter feels hurt. They were doing fine before Wade, and she's almost certain she'll be fine with him as nothing more than a friend.
It might not be that simple when it comes to her feelings and the way her heart clenches at the possibility of not having anything apart from a friendship with Wade. After all, it's better that way, it has to be better that way. Doesn't it? She wants it, desperately. But is it so wrong to want something so badly that it hurts?
Before Sofia, she'd gladly jump right into a relationship with Wade, no questions asked. Because when you look back on their friendship, feelings were there long before anything that happened with Graham, she just wasn't aware of it. It wasn't until he fell off a map that she realized just how deeply in love with her best friend she had been. Told herself that she would jump at the first chance she ever got when it came to having any sort of relationship with Wade. Until Sofia came along.
Everything she has ever done since the day her daughter was born has been for that little girl. She won't start changing that now. Feelings aside when it concerns Wade. It's always about Sofia and her daughter's needs. Why should she change that now?
"I thought as much," Lemon sighed, dropping on the edge of the couch to give her friend a very pointed look. "Why are we sulking, when there is some nice eye candy at the Jammer?
"I have no idea on what you're talking about," Zoe sighed. She just happened to roll her eyes at the way she was acting towards Lemon. She could really use her friend now, but it wasn't that easy to discuss what she was feeling.
"Why are you being so dense?" Lemon asked, shaking her head. "I saw Wade for barely two seconds this morning to know that something happened last night and I thought finally," she stated, pushing those thoughts away for the time being and explaining why she was here at the carriage house, being the friend she really needs. "Why are you so in your head about something you've wanted since you were a teen?" She asked, trying out a different tactic to get her friend to open up just a little.
"Because it's not just me, it's about Sofia, and I can't put her in a place to get hurt if things don't work out. What kind of mother would that make me?" She asked her friend. She refused to put her happiness above that of her daughter.
"And you not trying to find love will hurt her in more ways than seeing you being happy and in love with Wade. Even if things don't work out, she'll be just fine, and don't you dare argue that with me," Lemon huffed. All Lemon wanted for her dad was to move on and be happy with something after her mother all but abandoned them, citing something about dreams that needed to be chased. Why Alice Breeland thought she couldn't chase those dreams while still being a loving mom, is the one thing Lemon could never figure out.
"How'd you know I would be so in my head about this?" She asked instead of fighting Lemon over how things would affect her daughter.
"Because I know you," Lemon snapped. She took a deep breath, letting her frustrations over her mom leaving go, turning back to making Zoe see she doesn't need to be seconded guessing herself where Wade is concerned. "And I know that if you were to start anything with Wade, that you wouldn't even inform Sofia of it until things were certain it could work out. Now what's the real problem on why you're second guessing yourself?"
"Because," Zoe sighed. That wasn't even an answer. Sofia not being able to get away with using that one word to get out of explaining things. It's the best she can do when she doesn't want to think about why things would or wouldn't work out with Wade. Simply put, she feels it would be better not to be hurt by her best friend again. Was that so hard to understand?
"If not for Sofia, you would have jumped Wade the second he showed his face," Lemon stated very matter-of-factly. "You can be careful while dating someone, Sofia will be fine, that is what you need to believe in," Lemon shared, raising an eyebrow.
"I do know that," Zoe sighed. How could she argue with what Lemon was saying? It's all true, she's holding back because of Sofia. That has to be the right thing to do. She won't let herself believe otherwise.
"Before you run off casting him to be just in the friend box for the rest of your guys lives, give the man a chance," Lemon muttered.
"That's the plan," Zoe nodded. "Not keeping him in the friend box because selfishly I don't want that," she confessed. As much as she doesn't want this dating thing to affect Sofia, she does want to know how things with Wade will turn out. She wants it to work out. But the one thing that sticks out the most about all of it, is Sofia, and she can't risk Sofia being hurt if things just don't work out.
"What's the plan?" Lemon asked, knowing that her friend would have come up with a plan to keep her daughter safe. There's always a plan when keeping Sofia safe.
"Take the next few days before Sofia comes home and see what happens," Zoe shared. And really it's the best way for this to happen. Something they have already gone over.
"Sounds to me like you're trying to fight what you really want, thinking that doing this will keep not only Sofia safe but you as well," Lemon stated, daring Zoe to argue with her.
"That's what I need to be thinking about, keeping my daughter safe," Zoe half yelled out, closing her eyes. She swears she's been over this a million times already. Everything she does is to keep her daughter safe.
"And you don't think Wade has the best interest of your daughter at heart?" Lemon asked, throwing an accusing tone at her friend.
"No," Zoe sighed, having lost the battle going on between whatever was going on. "I can see that he cares about her and the things he does are to help keep her safe," Zoe softly confessed. Wade is the only guy not related to her that she trusts wholeheartedly with her daughter, Earl and Jesse not counting as Sofia views them as family, Grandpa, and Uncle respectively.
"And whatever this doubt you have that happens to be swirling around, forget about it," Lemon stated. "Stop listening to this fear creeping up in the back of your mind and trust yourself and trust in what can be with Wade. You guys have been through a lot of shit over the years and maybe now is the part where it was entirely worth it," Lemon shared.
Zoe closed her eyes, shaking her head. Letting go of that fear wasn't as simple as taking a deep breath. The fear held tightly to the ideas of being left hurt, of Sofia being hurt. Again, what kind of mother would she be if she willingly let her daughter get hurt, all because she thought she was doing the right thing?
Believe. A part of her, a small part, wants to believe that things will work out for the best. A bigger part of her wants her to shut off the feelings she has for Wade and put him in that box of friendship for the rest of their days. That would be the easy thing to do. No one getting hurt over things that didn't go wrong.
Except when she thinks of Wade being with someone else. That thought shouldn't hurt her, it shouldn't make her pause and the jealousy grow in the pit of her stomach over a hypothetical girlfriend. There would be a girlfriend if she can't make things work. He'll get tired of being alone and find someone else to love. That very thought shouldn't have her in near tears. When it comes to Wade, being selfish is the only thought to cross her mind. She doesn't want him to love anyone else the way she loves him. Because she loves him a whole lot, and she believes him when he says that he too loves her.
Maybe she can make it all work. She can protect Sofia while seeing what kind of match there is or isn't when it comes to Wade. Pushing the fear away, she lets a smile cross her face, excited about the chance to have a date with the one person she let herself dream about.