Author's Note: Wah… sorry this took so long to post; I've been really busy with school lately. But still…please enjoy :)

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Standard disclaimers apply.

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"FullMetal…?" asked Greed slowly. "What's that?"

Envy sighed; this is the third time he's tried to explain it to her and she still doesn't get it. "For the last time," he groaned, "FullMetal is the name of our greatest enemy. Why is that so hard to understand?"

"FullMetal…" she whispered. "Sounds like a kitchen appliance!" she chirped.

"He's a human bastard, not an appliance!" screamed the boy at the end of his patience.

"Well how was I supposed to know?" she pouted, turning away.

Envy slapped his forehead; 'I can't wait for her to get her memory back…' he thought miserably.

"So… why do you want me to kill him?" asked Greed after a moment, looking back over at her superior.

"Because he's our greatest enemy…!" grumbled Envy.

"So all I have to do is kill the FullMetal guy?"

"Yes…!"

"But… Where do I find him?"

Envy practically screamed, balling up his fists he shrieked, "WHY DO YOU THINK WE'RE IN THIS CARRIAGE?-!" With that, the stagecoach came to a sudden stop, forcing the poor boy forward and onto the floor. "Just get out there and kill him already…" he growled, slowly getting up; Greed didn't need to be told twice.

X

"Eww…" groaned Edward, poking at his food. "Can't anybody here cook?" He let his slop slowly slide off his fork and back to his plate. He sighed, momentarily blowing up his long bangs. He didn't particularly like having his long, golden tresses falling freely over his shoulders, but then he couldn't remember how he was supposed to wear his hair.

A dark shadow fell over him and Ed looked up to see a leather-clad girl standing over him. "I've come to kill you, FullMetal." She stated darkly; Ed just blinked at her confusedly.

"Who?"

"Ah—you mean you're not him?" she whined tiredly.

"I've never even heard of anyone named 'FullMetal'."

"Well, neither have I." sighed the girl, flopping down beside him on the porch. "I mean, you're the fifth person I've walked up to."

"If you don't know this guy, then why do you want to kill him?"

"I don't know… my boss told me to and who am I to question orders?"

"Who are you normally?" he asked, setting his plate down beside him.

"My name's Greed, what's yours?" she said, resting her head in her hands.

"Greed?" snorted Ed. "That's a pretty unusual name."

"Yeah, well… so is 'FullMetal'." She spat, looking away.

"…My name's Edward." He told her after a moment. "And I don't know what this FullMetal guy ever did to your boss, but I'm pretty sure it can't be worse than trying to feed somebody this junk." He showed her his plate of mush and she laughed quietly.

After a moment, she stood up and began to walk away. "I'd love to stay and chat more, but I have to find this guy and kill him before my boss gets mad at me."

"Good luck with that," he called, attempting to eat the blob of 'food' again.

Once Greed was a few feet away, Envy appeared before her, arms crossed with a scowl on his face. "Where do you think you're going?" he growled.

"To find FullMetal?"

"You idiot!" he screamed furiously. "That was FullMetal that you were just talking to!"

"It was? B-but he said he'd never heard of anyone called—"

"He was trying to throw you off!" yelled the homunculus. "Now get back there and kill him!"

"R-right!" chirped the girl, dashing away.

"I really can't wait for her to get her memory back…" muttered Envy tiredly.

"Edward! I mean—FullMetal!" shouted Greed.

"What?" when he looked up at her, she extended her fingers into long knives and pinned him to the porch. "What're you doing?" he cried.

"I'm going to kill you, what does it look like?" she whispered, smirking.

"Brother?" asked Alphonse, coming out of the house. "What's going…" when he saw Greed he gasped and tried to stop her, but before he could, she took her other hand and trapped him with it. "How did you find us, Lust!" yelled the boy.

"Lust…?" muttered the girl. "Who the hell is that? My name's Greed."

"Well, if you're not Lust, then how can you do this with your fingers?"

"I told you I'm Greed!" she shouted, black wings enlarging and spreading out behind her.

"I think you're thinking of the wrong girl, Al." said Edward, trying to wriggle out of her grasp.

"Now you're getting it!" cheered Envy from a tree behind Greed; front row seats of the best kind. "Now finish him off!"

Greed nodded and threw Al aside, focusing all her energy on Ed. As she approached him, she slowly began to close the space between her fingers around him. "Do you have any last words?" she asked, holding up her free hand, ready to strike.

"Yeah, think you can be nice just this once?" he asked, laughing nervously.

"Why can't you be nice for once…?" whined a faded boy quietly, a few pain-induced tears escaping his eyes. Greed threw a wrench to the ground, bolted up from her chair, and went to stand directly in front of the boy.

"For once?" she screamed. "How about 'for once' you show me a little bit of respect! Or gratitude! I mean, would it kill you to treat me nicely? Would it?"

Greed froze, eyes dilated and unfocused, just standing above Ed. "What?" he asked. "Are you seriously going to let me go?" he asked hopefully.

"Kill him now!" yelled Envy.

Greed still didn't move. Al took this opportunity to tackle and pin her to the ground, freeing his brother. "Ed!" he called, "Help me out!"

"How?"

"Use your alchemy!"

"My what?" he shouted totally lost.

"Wake up!" yelled someone close to him. When Ed turned around, he was met with a fist smashing into his face and knocking him over. "Without your memory this is almost too easy." said Envy, cracking his knuckles.

"You're her boss, aren't you?" demanded Ed, slowly getting up. "Tell me, why do you want to kill me?"

Envy landed another punch before answering. "Because I hate you; end of story!"

He charged for Ed and was about to hit him again when a wrench came flying at his head and knocked him out. "Still got it," cheered Pinako from the doorway.

"What the heck?" cried Ed, "Who throws wrenches?"

Pinako ignored him and turned to Al. "Alphonse, take this boy and toss him in a ditch somewhere." she ordered.

"What about this one?" he asked, indicating the stunned Greed.

"Lock her up in the cellar; I have a few questions I want to ask her."

"Why not take this guy, instead?" called Ed. "He seems to know more."

Pinako frowned; "He'd be too hard to deal with; she will be more cooperative."

"What makes you think that?"

"Because we saw her talking with you on the porch." said Al.

"That reminds me—why did they want to kill me if they were after someone named 'FullMetal'?"

"Um… that is your name, Brother. At least it's one of them."

"How many names do I have?" he screamed in frustration as Al carried Envy away.

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Author's note: Wow, that's like the only halfway funny chapter in this entire story. …I think. I don't use an outline so I can't say anything for sure… Please review!