Happy Friday! I hope that everyone has a good weekend. As much as I would like to say what happens to Wade and Zoe in future chapters, I can't and won't ruin what's going to happen or not going to happen to them. Now, saying that I will see you guys on Tuesday with a new chapter, as I am off to work on that now.
Enjoy!
Wade woke up earlier than he would have liked. The sun barely peeking over the horizon. For the first time in a long time, he felt like taking a run through Bluebell. The perfect time to do so is when all the crazy townsfolk are sleeping. He wouldn't mind making idle talk with them if he wasn't in a hurry to be elsewhere. As fun as he had yesterday spending the day with Zoe and Sofia, today he needs to focus on his family. Things are starting to be okay with his dad, but there's still plenty that needs to be worked out. There will be plenty of time to work on getting everything out in the open on the way to the hospital to check in on Jesse.
Music blasting through his headphones, his muscles stretched and warmed up, he started his run. By the time he got halfway through Bluebell, the town was starting to wake up. Businesses opening for the day. He gave a small wave and nod to those that noticed him. Upon getting home, his sweat was starting to soak through his shirt, his racing heart slowing down to its normal rhythm as he headed to the bathroom to take a cool refreshing shower. He took a few extra minutes in the shower, knowing what his day is going to entail.
Casting a glance to the carriage house, he checked he had everything. As much as he would enjoy having another day spent with what has easily become his two favorite girls, he knows that he can't keep putting things off. Nothing is going to get resolved if he keeps refusing to acknowledge what he had done wrong. There are a few things that he's not sorry for, but others are things that need to be resolved between him and his brother. If and when he gets to make those amends.
Wade used the drive to his dad's place to think over what he is going to say to his dad. He needs his dad to understand why he did the things that he had done. The reason behind not coming home. He had to deal with things in his way; grieve in a way that made him feel better with time. The last thing that he needed was to be told on how he should feel or how he needed to grieve over the loss of his mother. For Wade, it was easier to stay gone.
"Anything on Jesse?" Wade asked, once Earl was in the car and they were on their way to Mobile.
"They say he can wake any day now. Everything from a medical standpoint is good. The doctor says that waking up is all on him," Earl told his youngest the same thing he had been told the previous day.
Wade nodded relief rushing through him at the news that he hasn't lost his brother. They may not be close any longer, nor will they ever get back to the closeness they had as kids, but no matter what the anger towards his brother is, he would never wish death upon him. Wade wants to clear the air with Jesse. It's time to try to mend what has been broken for so long. Long before the sudden death of their mother to cancer.
"I am sorry," Wade said, coming to a stop at a crossroad. "I should have been here, long before mom," he sighed, looking both ways to see no traffic anywhere on the road.
"Wade, my boy, you have no reason to be sorry," Earl told him. "You were living your life, your Ma was proud of you," he smiled. "Not coming home when everything went down, I don't blame you," Earl sighed. "I turned to alcohol, heavily for a while."
"Drinking to forget and denial, are two very different things," Wade pointed out. His dad drank to help heal the pain he was feeling. Wade doesn't know what went down to get his dad to stop drinking, he was grateful for whatever the reason happened to be. But as his dad drank his pain away, Wade sat in denial day after day, pretending he hadn't lost his mom. He willingly chose to forget that if he went home to Bluebell she wouldn't be there.
"Are they?" Earl asked him. "We chose to deal with the pain in the only way we could to get through each day. You needed to be anywhere that wasn't Bluebell. I don't hold it against you, I love you the same as the day you were born if not more," Earl told him. "I get it, I do," Earl stated.
"You might get it, but that doesn't mean I did the right thing," Wade told him, feeling frustrated with himself.
"You did what you thought was right at the time, no fault to be had in that choice."
Wade didn't quite believe what his dad was telling him. Not coming home isn't something he regrets. Despite the miles of separation between him and his mom, he had a close relationship with her after he left. She wouldn't let him drift away from her as he did with others. He was her baby, and she wouldn't let him forget that fact.
"Not everyone believes that," Wade pointed out, holding his sigh back.
"It's what you believe, it's what you had to do," Earl shrugged. "Noone can dictate what you needed to do to heal. Gods know that your Ma would never hold it against you. Jesse will get over himself, if that's what you're worried about," Earl told him.
"We both know it's not that easy when it comes to Jesse," Wade sighed, shaking his head, pulling into a visitor's parking spot at the hospital, killing the engine. "He doesn't see things the way the rest of us do," Wade shrugged, pulling the keys from the ignition.
Wade's not seeking forgiveness from Jesse, just wants his brother to understand where he was coming from. For things to be okay to have dinners with their dad without a big brawl ruining everything. Like he's said before, he knows that things with Jesse will never fully be back to how they were as kids, not that they were extremely close growing up. Trying to make amends is only the start. Wade can only do so much. He needs Jesse to meet him halfway. And once it's all said and done, he's not sure Jesse will do that, not even in time.
"He'll come around," Earl told his youngest, pushing the car door open. "Amends aren't always easy or fast," he advised his son, pushing his way out of the car, shutting the door behind him.
Taking his dad's words as what they were, he got out of his car, locking it behind him. Everything his dad just told him, he knew, to an extent that is. To Wade, Jesse shouldn't even be mad at him or want to fight with him for not coming home sooner. If roles were reversed he wouldn't be mad, because he can understand the need to grieve and to heal in a way that benefits you, no matter how much time you need.
They remained quiet as they made their way through the halls. Squeaking shoes against the tile reaching their ears. Quiet murmurs of nurses and doctors filling the silence between them. The rhythmic beeps of the machines that hooked up to Jesse replacing the quiet noises from the hall as they stepped into Jesse's room.
Wade stood at the window that overlooked a parking lot, and a small chunk of the roof, lined with gravel. He ignored what his dad was saying to Jesse. Doctors told them that there is a good chance that he can hear what they are saying. That talking to Jesse will help him. Zoe had told him the same thing. Wade, on the other hand, doesn't know if it actually works, and talking to someone that is so lifeless, it's weird and maybe a bit awkward.
"I'm going to the cafeteria for coffee," Earl told him, breaking Wade from staring at the outside world. "It might benefit you if you take the chance to practice what you're going to say to your brother while I am gone," Earl advised him, walking to the hospital room door. "I'll bring you coffee and some food for breakfast," he informed his son, stepping from the room, shutting the door softly behind him.
Heaving a sigh, Wade sat down in the chair his father vacated. He looked from Jesse to his hands resting in his lap. He tossed his head back, closing his eyes. Trying to figure out where to start and how not to make this sound all sorts of weird. Pushing past the awkwardness that it is to talk to a grown man that can't talk back, he sighs, leaning forward, rubbing a hand over his face.
"Dude, I feel extra stupid talking to you like this," Wade started, thinking back to a few of the stupid things they would do as kids to make their parents mad. "I thought when we had this conversation that there would be a bit of yelling on both parts, a fist or two flying," he tacked on with a bitter chuckle. "Yet here we are, I'm doing all the talking, so that's normal," he teased, shaking his head. "This would be a heck of a lot easier if you could talk back. The thing is Jesse, I am sorry that my actions hurt you, what I'm not sorry for is that I had done things the way I needed to do them, whether you understand that or not," he explained with a cringe. Maybe it is a good thing that he takes this time to work on explaining things to Jesse. "I need you to wake up so that we can hash this out like brothers. I am trying to make amends here, but I can only do so much while you lie here," Wade sighed, pushing himself up from the chair, to pace around the room.
"Can I talk now?" Jesse rasped out, reaching for his cup of water. He had woken in the night and since he's been in and out of it.
"What the?" Wade muttered, turning to look at Jesse. "How long of you been awake?" Wade asked, not moving from his spot by the window.
"Officially sometime in the night, most recently since dad started talking. I happened to be curious as to what you had to say after all this time. Didn't know it would take until I was on my death bed for you to see me, this mess could have been cleared up a lot sooner, ya know?" Jesse asked, hitting the button on the side of the bed, to put him in more of an upright position.
"I know," Wade sighed, leaning against the wall. "I wasn't fully sure how you were going to react. All I knew is that you were pissed at me for the way I felt I needed to handle things when it came to my life and losing mom," Wade shrugged.
"I was pissed at you for the longest time. I couldn't wrap my head around why you would miss her funeral and her burial. Why you wouldn't come back to visit or take my phone calls at any point after you left," Jesse rattled off, the heart monitor making a bit more noise as his heart rate got worked up.
"Breathe Jesse," Wade sighed. "I know you're pissed at me, don't need to see your heart go off the charts," he said dryly. "It wasn't anything against you, it's what I needed to do, for a whole list of stupid reasons. I am sorry about that, I really am," Wade told him, moving to take a seat in the chair. "I admit I messed up. All I am asking is that you think about forgiving me, so at some point soon we can move forward," Wade shared.
"That's the thing, I can't think about or try to forgive you," Jesse started to tell him, letting Wade stew, as he could see the turmoil start to sink in. "I can't do those things because I forgave you a while ago," Jesse easily shared. "I'm not this heartless person, Wade. I do understand that everyone heals and grieves in different ways. Granted it took me longer to understand it, but once I had I came to terms with how everything worked out between us. Mom, bless her soul, had also helped me understand why you did what you did. Do I agree? No," he told his brother.
"So I was stewing all this time for no reason?" Wade asked, shaking his head.
"You're the one that refused to come around," Jesse pointed out. "I couldn't make you talk. It was a waiting game on you," Jesse told him. "We're only human, we do what we think is right at that moment. Human error, Wade," Jesse shared. "We've lost enough time being brothers, why waste more?" He asked his brother.
"You know as well as I do, that it won't be the same," Wade pointed out.
"I do know that," Jesse nodded. "It's inevitable, we change as people as we grow. So you see Wade, our relationship as brothers would have always been different between now and childhood. It hasn't broken us, and everything that has been broken can be fixed with time," he pointed.
"I know this, all of this," Wade nodded.
"Then why fight it?" Jesse questioned him.
"Am I fighting this?" Wade asked, mostly to himself. From the corner of his eye, he can see the smirk on his brother's face. "At least I didn't have to fake being in a coma for a lousy I'm sorry," he teased his brother.
"Too soon," Jesse laughed. "I'm still in the hospital bed."
"Now this what I like to see," Earl stated, entering the room, handing a cup of coffee to Wade, along with a bag that held pastries. "How are you feeling, Jesse?" Earl asked, taking a seat on the bed.
Turns out making amends doesn't always have to be a hard thing to do. Easier when people can understand where you're coming from. A conversation he was dreading, turned out to be one of the easiest conversations of his life. With Jesse on the mend and what he thought was going to be a tough nut to crack, he could worry about George and the conversation about Sofia when things with Zoe start to get more serious.
"Finally got Zoe, huh?" Jesse smirked. "Sofia have you wrapped around her little finger yet?"
"The very second she told me she loved me," Wade chuckled. "Who are we kidding, things with Zoe wouldn't have worked out back then. We had our lives to deal with, now we have nothing but time," Wade shared. We will forever say that they needed to go their own way before they could be together. He feels as though their paths crossing was inevitable.
"Is that why you pretended to hate her when you first met her?" Jesse asked with a knowing look.
"I didn't hate her," Wade sighed. "We just got off on the wrong foot back then, that's all." And really that's all it was. Looking back on it now, he can see that. Zoe had to uproot her whole life, she may have taken her anger out on him, but she hadn't been mad at him or hate him. He just didn't take it well back then, not until he got to know her. From there it turned into a little game for him.
"No, you loved her since you were 8," Earl added into the conversation.
Wade shrugged with a smile on his face because it was true. Why deny what is the truth?