I am so sorry that I basically deserted this. I hope you can forgive me.

DEAD IN THE WATER:

He never knew that about Dean.

In Sam's eyes Dean was blissfully devoid of emotions. At least the emotions that made your heart hurt constantly. He was Dean; the womanizer, the asshole. He was not Dean the boy who missed his mother and was scared on a daily basis.

He's opening up to this little boy more than he ever has to me. Yeah, I'm keeping secrets, but I didn't know Dean had secrets to keep.

Do I really even know Dean anymore?

What did he do for four years? Was he always hunting? God… how many scars did he earn in those four years… how many could he have avoided if I were there?

What was he doing while I was hanging with Jessica? What was he doing while I was just relaxing, forgetting about this life I hated so much. While I forgot about Dean.

I forgot about my brother.

Maybe forgot isn't the right term. But I sure as hell didn't think about him like I should have. During the day, my mind didn't go there. I wouldn't let it. But at night? Night was a different story.

At night, when my defenses were down, I'd dream. I'd dream about past hunts. Especially that one. I will never forget that hunt. It was the first time I'd ever seen Dean so scared.

We were fighting some ghost. I don't know. I was thirteen, I wasn't paying attention. I just knew it was my job to hold the gun and fire at anything that moved and wasn't Dad or Dean. Of course, when something did show up, I was trying to find a good song on my new CD… it was actually Dean's new CD, but it was his own fault, making me hold his shit like that.

Anyway, I was searching through the CD when the hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention. I knew I was screwed. And when I looked up and all I saw was a flash of white. I knew it was going to hurt.

And it did. Only for a second. The pain came and went like a flash as I was thrown backwards against a tree, cracking my head open in a reverberating crack that seemed to echo through out the entire woods.

I slumped to the ground and waited for Dean. He was always there when I was hurt, I knew he'd be there. But the darkness beat him.

When I opened my eyes again Dean was carrying me. He was panting as he ran through the woods. I knew he had to be tired, especially since I could see he was bleeding too. I must have been pretty hurt.

"Dean?" I whispered. He looked down at me, and suddenly stopped running. I thought I was going to fall from the sudden stop, but Dean was able to overpower my velocity.

"Sammy?" His voice wavered. It was shaky… Dean was scared. Or had been scared. Now he just looked pissed. But I had seen something in his eyes I knew I never wanted to see again. Dean wasn't supposed to get scared. He was Dean. The wall. The invincible. He had nothing to be afraid of.

Except Sam knew that was a lie. There was something he had always known Dean feared.

Loneliness.

He never knew Dean to just walk away. He'd come back instantly, pretending that he was worried or had something important to share, but Sam knew the truth.

Dean was scared of being alone. Scared to death of it.

Ever since their mother died… he just waited for everyone else to leave him too. It ate away at him. The waiting.

And Sam knew he'd do everything in his power to make sure the wait never ended. Dean wouldn't be alone. No. Sam would always be there.

"Don't be scared Dean." Five year old Sam had whispered as they cowered in Sammy's room. The monster outside was throwing things, screaming. Dean looked at his little brother, removing his hands from his ears and frowned.

"I'm not scared, Sammy." Dean corrected.

"Then why are you hiding?" Sam asked. "I only hide when I'm scared."

"I'm not scared, Sammy. I'm here for you." Dean whispered. Sam snuggled closer to his brother as they huddled on the floor, up against Sam's bed. "It will be okay. Dad is just angry. Not at us."

"At what?"

"The thing that took Mom away."

"I wish it would have taken me away too, so I could be with Mom." Sam whispered. Dean grabbed Sam's face and made his little brother look at him.

"Don't ever wish that, Sam." He insisted. "I won't let anything ever take you away." He promised. "And then someday, we'll go see her together."

Sam smiled softly.

He'd hold Dean to that.

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