Red River Blue

Chapter 30

Once he had safely delivered his injured brother into River's custody, Daryl made himself scarce. While the gore that came with hunting and skinning animals never bothered him, seeing blood from an injury turned his stomach. He knew watching Carol and River pluck chunks of glass from Merle's already scarred back would be especially hard for him. Seeing that would bring back memories of his childhood that he would rather never think about again. Mostly images of his brother lying face down on his bed, unable to even put a shirt on because his back looked like raw hamburger meat. Daryl remembered sitting next to him on the bed, waving a tattered magazine back and forth to try and keep the flies off.

Stopping in the doorway of Harley's room, Daryl noticed she was also making herself scarce. Not only was Harley's bedside manner in need of some serious work, she didn't like seeing blood anymore than Daryl did. He observed her with a practiced eye, trying to see if she was alright after what she had to do for Zach back in that store. The girl seemed alright, but Harley was a hard nut to crack. If she was upset, she wasn't showing it in any way that Daryl could see.

"Someone's gonna hafta tell Beth," Daryl announced. Whatever was going on between Zach and Beth didn't seem overly serious, but Daryl still thought someone ought to tell the girl before she overheard other people talking about it or realized Zach was dead when he never showed back up.

"Don't look at me," Harley told him. Daryl cocked his head at her. Beth was her friend, it would be better for the girl to hear it from Harley rather than him. He barely spoke to her. "I already had to do the heavy liftin', shooting his dumbass back at the store," Harley added with a little more attitude in her voice, "You want someone to talk to Beth, do it yer damn self." With that Harley strode over and yanked the curtain shut across the doorway of her cell. The prison teenage equivalent of slamming the bedroom door shut.

Daryl stayed glued in place for a moment, staring at the dingy white fabric that was now hanging only a few inches away from his face. He thought about yanking the fabric back open but quickly decided he liked his balls the way they were. Harley could be a lot like Merle when she got angry. Eager to take her anger out on the next person that provoked her whether they deserved it or not. He had no desire to be that person.

Finally stepping away from the closed curtain, Daryl almost bumped straight into Carol. She skirted around him, only nodding a greeting before she hurried off to wherever it was that she was going. Probably off to find Hershel. Merle didn't trust that other doctor, despite the fact that he was an actual doctor instead of a vet. He preferred to deal with Hershel for any medical care he might need. While Merle was not above making racist derogatory comments about Dr. S, Daryl had a feeling that his brother just really felt more comfortable with Hershel because like him, the older man had also lost a limb. Hershel was less likely to view Merle's missing hand as a possible weakness.

Daryl walked as slowly as possible, putting off the unpleasant conversation he was about to have as long as humanly possible. He paused near the doorway of Beth's cell. She was lying on the bed, writing in her diary. Daryl turned around, suddenly feeling the strong need for a cigarette. He sucked his smoke down to the filter, then forced himself to go back in and face the girl. She would be upset, but more than that Daryl knew he was going to be disappointed. In him. He was in charge of the run. He had picked the location and scouted it. It was his fault Zach died. And everyone knew it. Even Beth.

To Daryl's surprise, Beth didn't cry or have the nervous hysterical breakdown he had been picturing in his mind. She said she had been happy she got to know Zach while he was alive. Then oddly enough, she asked Daryl how he was doing. It had been so long since anyone asked him that, he wasn't even sure what to say. Was he alright? He sure as fuck didn't feel alright.

Beth stepped forward, wrapping her arms around his middle. She laid her head on Daryl's chest and hugged him. Daryl stiffened up at first, scared she thought something romatic might be going on between them. But then he saw Beth for what she really was. Not some weak blubbering emotional mess. And certainly not some sex crazed teenager that was trying to throw herself at the first man that came along just because her boyfriend was dead. She was more of a mini version of her father Hershel. Kind and intutitve with enough love to share even with the likes of Daryl.

Daryl relaxed into the girl, not just letting her hug him but actually hugging her back. He rested his chin on her head, feeling some of the tension of the day finally release from his body. Beth hugged him tight one more time before she wriggled away. Then she reached over and patted him on the shoulder.

"I didn't mean to be all touchy," she said, a embarassed smile creeping across her face, "but you really looked like you needed a hug."

"S'alright," Daryl assured her, "I think maybe I did." While he had no romantic feelings for the girl, it did feel good to be reminded that people here cared about him. He was not going to be ostracized or blamed for anything that happened on the run today. Zach died because it was dangerous out there and despite all the precautions and best intentions, sometimes people just died.

Daryl walked back towards his cellblock, feeling like a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders. As he passed a large trash barrel, Daryl stopped to peek inside. It was an old habit, held over from when he was a kid and sometimes got so hungry he was forced to pick from trash cans to eat. That was before he made friends with River and started eating dinner at her house. They had been so young he remembered River pulling a kitchen chair into the kitchen to stand on it while she made them grilled cheese sandwiches. He thought River's mother would throw his trashy ass out once she caught him in her house eating her food, but it had been completely the opposite. She had been happy he was there, so River didn't have to be alone.

Most of the stuff in the trash can looked like regular nasty garbage. In the new world, people were not as wasteful as they had been back before the outbreak. But on top Daryl saw something strange. It looked like someone had thrown an entire frosted cupcake into the trash.

TWD

Carol looked down at the cake in her hands. A bit of the pink frosting had smeared across palm. She felt like the cupcake was staring up at her. Mocking her. Merle cleared his throat in a loud coughing bark, shaking Carol out of her own thoughts. She glanced over, realizing that River and Merle were waiting for her to leave their cell so they could be alone. He had a little smear of frosting in the corner of his mouth that River leaned in to wipe away with the tip of her finger. They were already kissing by the time Carol backed out of the doorway and pulled the curtain shut.

She passed by Daryl's room, which was the next cell down after his neices' room. Carol peeked in, thinking for a moment about just setting the cupcake on his bunk and leaving it there. But looking at the rumpled bed where Daryl slept gave her a warm tug deep down in the pit of her stomach. She wondered what would happen if she just laid down on his bed and waited for him to come back. What if she took off her clothes first?

The sexual thoughts that crossed her mind had Carol looking down to assess her appearance. She was dirty. Her shirt had blood on it, among other things. And her underwear were of the filthy used-to-be-white-once granny variety. She was not prepared for a sexual encounter. Not with Daryl. Not with anyone.

Carol didn't let herself stop and overthink things. She hurried up to her room. Setting the cupcake down, she peeled off her clothes and tossed them in a pile in the corner of her cell. After a quick wipe down of the more vital parts of her body with some baby wipes, she looked over her wardrobe choices. This didn't take long. She only had about two pairs of pants and three shirts to choose from. And only one pair of underpants that weren't fit for an eighty year old nursing home patient. The pink lacy ones that River had given her.

One deep breath and Carol pulled them on. Followed quickly by the bra and then her clothes. She made sure not to look at herself in the underwear, afraid she would lose her nerve if she did. The clothes she had on didn't look much more flattering than the ones she had taken off. At least they were clean, which was a slight improvement over being covered in dried blood and smelling like disinfectant. Carol wished she had taken some of the clothes River was always trying to give her.

Snatching the cupcake back up, Carol headed to Daryl's room first. Checking it again to see if he was back yet. She thought about lying down on the bed and waiting for him, like she had pictured. But she knew if she had to wait more than a few seconds, she would lose her nerve and end up running back to her room. It was now or never.

"He went to talk to Beth," Harley told her, the muffled announcement coming from inside the girl's cell. She could see Carol standing in front of her Uncle's cell through the crack between the curtain and the wall.

"Thanks," Carol answered back. She spun on her heels and headed off towards the other cell block. As she walked she tried to think of what she was going to do or say. Waiting for Daryl to come on to her was like waiting for a watched pot to boil. She was tired of waiting. After what happened on the run earlier, Carol was more determined than ever to finally let Daryl know how she felt about him. Since Sophia died, Carol had made her peace with the fact that she was going to die too. Probably sooner rather than later. And she didn't want to die with regrets and a heart full of unspoken feelings.

Carol decided to keep it simple. Daryl was a simple man. She was going to give him the cupcake and tell him happy birthday. Then she was going to kiss him. If he shot her down, then he shot her down. At least she could say she tried. She didn't allow herself to think of the other outcome to the situation. To think of what might happen if he kissed her back. The very idea of what might happen already had her breathing harder than normal. Her hands were shaking.

Beth's room was down in the corner, the quietest area of the cellblock becsause Judith usually napped in Beth's cell and also slept in there at night more than Rick cared to admit. A few more steps and Carol would be able to see him. And see him she did.

Carol stopped, her legs locked and her feet felt like they had suddenly stuck to the floor. Daryl was there. Right where Harley said he would be. But he wasn't talking to Beth. He was holding her. Hugging her in his arms like they were a lot more than friends. Holding her in a way that he had never tried to hold Carol. Not in all the time she had known him.

She felt the tears starting to well up in her eyes. The fact that she was crying made her feel weak and feeling weak made the anger start to swell up inside her. She cursed herself, wondering how she could have been so stupid. Before she realized what she was doing, Carol's legs were carrying her swiftly back to her own cellblock. Back to her room so she could shut the curtain and muffle her sobs into her pillow. As she walked through the outer door, Carol hurled the cupcake into the large trash can they kept there.

In her room, Carol must not have been crying as silently as she thought she was. Because after a few minutes, she felt a hand on her back. She turned and looked up, hoping deep down in her heart of hearts to see Daryl standing there, ready to comfort her. But it was River's younger daughter Wren. The girl rubbed her back and then shoved Carol over so she could climb into bed with her.

"Do you miss your baby girl?," Wren asked.

Carol didn't want to tell Wren the real reason why she was crying, so she simply said, "yes, I do miss her. I miss her everyday." While Sophia was not the reason she was crying, what Carol said was true. She did miss her daughter everyday. Sometimes being with River's girls helped, and sometimes it made her miss her Sophia even more.

"You have us," Wren assured her, "and we love you."