Cragen told her he had suggested her removal and the bitter taste of betrayal hadnt left her mouth since the news was uttered to her surprising her to say the least. He betrayed her.
She had always backed him, always supported him even when it was outstandingly evedent that he needed to be removed from whatever case they were on. She backed his play. Trusted him. But he couldent trust her. She hated him.
Partners were supposed to trust eachother. Why would they be partners if he didnt trust her?
Althought she hated him she hated his logic more. She would deny it verbaly but it was evident that this case would be her self-distruct button. The button she had been pursuing over the last few cases. The last few months. He had seen that and he has acted fast to hide that button before it was too late.
Ligman had got to her.
The man raped two little girls, killed them, cut them up, and burried them in a park near city hall. It was a grotesque, and monstorous act that Ligman had made, and dispite her knowledge of it, everyones knowledge of it, they couldent prove that he commited that act. Bastard.
When they got him into interrogation she had acted so quickly and wickedly that it had incriminated her more then it had even effected him. His sneering, grungy, face is what sent her over the edge.
As she flung him against the wall of that interrogation room she knew the consequences of her quick actions would be horrible, but she didnt give it a second thought.
Cragen asked her what was up. Well. That was lightly stated. Cragen demanded to know why she attacked their suspect without decent reason nor permission and wanted a reasonable excuse.
She convinced Cragen to allow her to stay on the case. She needed to put this guy away. Or to be a part of putting this guy away. Cragen allowed her, much to her surprise but warned her that it was her last chance.
But Elliot changed that. He sensed too much about her mood and her intentions. He went into Cragens office and insisted that she be removed. He betrayed her like he had never done before. In her eyes, at this moment, he was no better than the filthy, no good rapist named Ligman that still walked the streets.
Her eyes remained glued to the television as she came out of her long train of thought and back to her bitter reality. She directed her attension to the television and tried to recall what she had been watching before she had lost herself in distant thought.
A knock at her door brought her from the television.
It better not be him. Her mind spoke swiftly to her as the knock repeated itself more briskly and urgent this time around.
She reluctantly rose from her spot in the corner of her couch to awnser the door. Her pajama pants brushed the floor, too long for her legs and she wrapped her arms around herself. Even thought she couldent see him and he could not see her she already felt absent and vulnerable in his presence.
She stole a quick glance at the clock in the kitchen before advancing further to the door. 12 34. It must be him. Who else woulde bother her at this hour. Her social life was less than immense with the job to take up her time and her television to take up the remainder.
She lifted her eye to the peep-hole before allowing entrance to him, or whoever it was.
No surprise. There he stood, hands deep in his the pockets of his navy blue windbreaker, face screwed into a frown of uncertainty and hopefulness, and feet tapping lightly in his aggitation with her slow answer of her door. She observed as he switched his footing and knocked, hard, on her door again. Pain coursed through her head into the headache she didnt know she was sporting. Her hand instinctively slapped against her forehead and she let out a low growl of pain.
She flung the door open to reveal him standing in front of her.
"Did I wake you?" he asked. His voice was unusually husky and he coughed lightly to remove the sound.
"Does it matter?" she replied, irritated with him even being at her apartment after he betrayed her like he did.
"I guess not." he said lowering his head slightly and staring at his feet like a child who had been caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar.
"Well, you've knocked on my door at twelve thirty in the morning." she said, her anger hightening with each look she wasted on him. "You might as well tell me what you're here for."
"Can I come in?" he urged.
"I'm not sure, I havent decided that yet, Elliot." she retorted without breaking her eye contact with him.
"Im sorry" he uttered, looking away from her and into her apartment. "Can we please just go inside." He absently gestured into her aparment. "I want to talk about this, Liv."
She stepped away from her spot wedged in between the door and the door frame and allowed him into her home. She hated her inabilitly to deny him. She hated her inability to continue hating him.
He stepped through the door, relieved that she hadnt turned him down like her had thought she would. He had to get her to forgive him. He would beg her to forgive him.
Once the door shut behind him, she unleashed her anger upon him, like she had wanted to do ever since Cragen had told her what he did.
"Who the fuck do you think you are!" she demanded advancing on him, dispite all her acrimony she couldent help but notice and be intimidated by the fact that he did not back away from her. "How dare you tell Cragen I couldent handle it! Where do you come off thinking you can control me!"
"It was for your own goo-" he tried to explain but was cut off by another of her rampages.
"My own good?" she screamed fueled by his choice of words. "I am not one of your children Elliot! Dont you dare start telling me what my own good is!"
Her anger seemed to sneak its way into him aswell.
"You threw him up against a wall, Ollivia!" he bellowed, advancing toward her and getting in her face. "You lost control and you need to admit it! You need to realise when you've had enough! When you need to back down! When you've gone too far!"
She placed her hands firmly against his chest and shoved him, hard. Surprised, but not deflated, he fell back against her door supporting himself quickly as she took a step forward and placed her finger in front of his face.
"When I've gone too far? Me?" she hollared in his face. "As I recall you're the one who has been going out of control so often and throwing fits in the squad room!"
Her words, although angering him more, seemed to calm him as he realised he didnt come to her apartment to argue with her. He came here to sort things out. To fix their partnership.
Gently he took her hands and placed them at her sides, almost restraining her.
"Olivia I came here to talk not argue." he softly cooed at her. "Now, can we please sit down and discuss this like the rational adults we are?"
Olivia huffed out a breath of anger but silently agreed walking over the the couch and sitting back in the corner she had abandoned to answer the door for him. He sat down beside her, too close too her, and began to explain himself.
"Please, Olivia. Liv, I'm sorry." he started sadly. "I did what I thought I had to do." He saw her begin to interupt him and he quickly raised a hand to silence her. "Just let me speak" he reasoned with her. "When you went at him you put your life at risk and you gave our suspect the advantage. You needed to let it go because he was starting to control you. I dont want to see you get hurt." he paused and searched her eyes for understanding. When he recieved none, he took her hand and stated carefully. "I did it because I care about you."
"Elliot, I understand that but," she sighed, the anger drained from her and the sorrow remaining. "But its not your place to do that. When I feel I've had too much I'll leave."
"But you wont, Liv, you and I both know that." he stated simply, correctly.
She looked at their hands, intwinded. "But I dont want you to make that decision for me, Elliot."
"I dont want you to risk your life on impulse." he said ernestly, looking deeply into her eyes. "I dont want you to die because you had the urge to go at a rapist."
"And I wont, Elliot. You betrayed me. You didnt trust me and that's what hurts the most." she admitted.
"I do trust you. I dont trust them, the rapists, the murderers. I can't trust them with you because I care too much" he touched her cheek gently, "I care far too much about you for that."
"Eliot." she said, trying to form a sentance but finding herself at a loss for words, a place she is not often found.
She braced herself as Elliot leaned in and pressed his lips against hers in a gentle kiss. Her eyes widened in surprise and she placed a hand on his chest holding him at a distance.
He looked up, into her eyes, searching for some form of acceptance. He recieved neither acceptance nor resistance so he placed his lips, more firmly this time, against hers once again. He added pressure to the kiss and place a hand behing her head deepening their conection. The kiss was filled with a sea of emotions that neither of them could discribe.
Olivia was the one to end it, pushing hard against his chest and forcing him off her. "Elliot!"
"Dont fight me Olivia. I know you want this as much as I do." he mumbled forcing his lips onto hers again and deepening it instantly.
Olivia was quick to act, pushing him back and slapping him, almost gently, on the face.
"Elliot! Get out!" she exclaimed, sounding more winded and exasperated than angry. "Now."
"Olivia, I-"
"Now!"
And he left