A/N: This story is based on the movies The Princess Diaries and The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement, which are the property of Meg Cabot and Disney. No infringement is intended. I know things have been getting really painful and intense with my story Locked, so I wanted to do this little one-shot to give you guys some comic relief. As much as I would love to take the credit for this hilarious version of the song, Yankee Doodle Dandy, I can't. One day when I was a kid, my dad, who suffered from three different kinds of arthritis, came out of nowhere and suddenly came up with and sang this crazy version of Yankee Doodle Dandy that you'll soon be reading about. I really take my hat off to Dad for his amazing sense of humor and his ability to be so funny despite all the pain he was in during his earthly life. When you run into him in heaven someday, he's the one you should thank for the comedy of this song. I'm proud to dedicate this little story to him. Thanks to you all for stopping by. ((HUGS)) to anyone out there who needs one in these crazy times. Happy reading, and God bless.
Yankee Doodle
The day after Princess Mia celebrated her twentieth birthday, she and the personal assistant of her grandmother, Queen Clarisse, were just casually standing around talking in Queen Clarisse's suite, when all of the sudden, Princess Mia burst out laughing for seemingly no reason at all.
"What is it, Your Royal Highness?" Charlotte asked with a laugh. "What's so funny?"
"I don't know why, but for some reason, I just got to thinking about a crazy song I learned from one of my classmates back at college."
"Oh? How does it go?"
Mia then cleared her throat and sang, "Yankee Doodle was a fool and everybody knowed it; he stuck a bugle up his butt and everybody blowed it!"
In that moment, the typically calm and composed Charlotte just threw her head back and laughed out loud at the top of her lungs, and Mia laughed with her. They laughed until tears were streaming down their faces.
When they settled down about a minute later, Charlotte cried out, "Oh, my goodness! That's so crazy!"
"I know, right?" Mia said with a chuckle.
"Things are always so serious here at the palace because everyone's so focused on their jobs, especially Queen Clarisse, and because of that, I haven't had a good laugh in a long time. So thank you for sharing that, Your Royal Highness. I haven't laughed this hard in years!"
"I'm happy to be of service," Mia said with a smile. And as that song began to replay in both their heads, they burst out laughing once again. They laughed so hard that the muscles of their stomachs remained sore for the next two days.
"That song is so crazy!" said a palace guard to one of the junior guards at the security hub, with Joseph standing nearby, listening to every word they were saying while drinking his morning coffee. They were both black, and they were both tall and slim and very handsome.
"Yeah, I know, right?" said the junior guard. "I don't believe I ever laughed so hard in my entire life."
"Me neither. It's one of the funniest things I've ever heard. It's just plain insane."
"It sure is! And I would like to point it out that Yankee Doodle is not the only fool in that crazy song. As a matter of fact, I think that that song gives old Yankee a bum rap, because he is not the only fool in that song."
"Yeah, man. I say that all the people blowing that bugle are even bigger fool than Yankee Doodle, himself."
"No kidding!"
"Wow, that must really be some song," said another guard, a tall, muscular young man with blonde hair and green eyes. "Why don't you guys share your singing talents with us and let all of us hear that wild song of yours?"
After a brief pause, the two other guards looked at each other and smiled, and then they sang out loud, "Yankee Doodle was a fool and everybody knowed it! He stuck a bugle up his butt and everybody blowed it!"
In that instant, Joseph spat out his coffee and laughed out loud.
"Oh, come on, Joseph. Tell me what the song says," said Queen Clarisse to Joseph Romero, her Royal Head of Security, as they stood together in Clarisse's office.
"It's not that I don't want to keep it from you, Clarisse. It's just a basic matter of propriety. I just don't think it's right to repeat that kind of song to a queen.
"Okay, just forget that I'm a queen for a moment. Don't think of me as the Queen of Genovia right now. Just think of me as an ordinary woman who's your best friend. Even if you can't repeat the song to the Queen of Genovia, you can repeat it to your lifelong pal, Clarisse. Come on, Joseph. Tell me what it is that's got this entire palace roaring with laughter."
Before Joseph could respond, though, Charlotte came in and said, "Forgive me, Your Majesty, but Sebastian needs to see you in the Parliament chambers."
Clarisse became very irritated in that moment, and she quietly scoffed. And she then looked over at Joseph and told him, "I'll be back in a little while, Joseph."
"Yes, Your Majesty," said Joseph, and then he her a small, respectful bow. And in the following moments, Clarisse walked out of her office with Charlotte.
About an hour after Queen Clarisse's meeting with Genovia's longtime prime minister, Sebastian Motaz, he and Clarisse were standing together near the doorway of Clarisse's office, having a casual conversation with each other. But then all of the sudden, the lyrics of the hilarious version of Yankee Doodle Dandy began replaying in his mind, and he got a real case of the giggles.
A few moments later, Clarisse knowingly said, "I take it that you, too, have heard the newest version of Yankee Doodle Dandy, Sebastian."
"You're quite right, Your Majesty. I have indeed heard it. Do you want me to sing it to you, Your Majesty?" he asked with obvious mischief in his mind.
"Well my dear, sweet, adorable Royal Head of Security has been trying very hard to keep it from me because he doesn't think it's a song that would be appropriate for a queen to hear," Clarisse explained.
"I see. Well in that case, Your Majesty, I'll just stand here and remain completely silent so that nothing that's 'improper' or 'inappropriate will dirty your ears."
"Thank you very much, Prime Minister Motaz," Joseph told him.
And for the next several moments, the three of us just kept on standing there in utter and complete silence. But then, Sebastian suddenly said, "Forgive me, Joseph. I lied." And a few seconds later, he began to sing just as loudly as he could, "Yankee Doodle was a fool and everybody knowed it –"
Joseph then rushed over to Sebastian, put his hand over his mouth, and said, "Prime Minister Motaz, with all due respect…shut up!"
That night, one of Queen Clarisse's lady's maids, Priscilla, finally broke down and sang the song for her in its entirety, and she laughed 'til she cried. But when she had to go to the palace's press briefing room for a news conference the next morning, she exercised great self-control and did not allow herself to laugh even once.
"Your Majesty, does Her Royal Highness, Princess Mia, have any immediate plans to move into the palace?" asked a short, slim redheaded lady at the news conference that morning, with Clarisse standing before a podium. And as Clarisse stood there, she tried her very best to stay focused on her job; to stop herself from giving in to the temptation to laugh out loud, but it was very difficult for her.
"And if she does decide to move to Genovia, does she plan to continue her college education at Pyrus University, Your Majesty?" asked a tall, heavyset, gray-haired reporter in his sixties.
In the next moment, a young, short, slim, brunette lady, a reporter well-known for being a prankster, rose to her feet. And as Clarisse began drinking from the glass of water that was sitting on the podium, the young lady said, "I don't want to ask you any questions, Your Majesty. I'm here at this conference to do one thing and one thing only."
Then after several long moments of complete silence, she belted out, "YANKEE DOODLE WAS A FOOL AND EVERYBODY KNOWED IT! HE STUCK A BUGLE UP HIS BUTT AND EVERYBODY BLOWED IT!"
Clarisse then spat out the water she'd been drinking, and she and all the reporters had the biggest belly laugh of all their lives.