Red River Blue
Chapter 35
He always did his best not to be obvious about it. But Daryl's eyes were always scanning. Observing the body language of the people around him to help him assess their current state of mind. Clenched jaws and crossed arms might signal trouble. Hershel rubbed his beard when he was concerned for someone he cared about.
Daryl was also on the constant lookout for any possible signs of danger. Since the world ended, keeping a close eye on their surroundings was something that most people had to get used to doing. They had to make a concious effort to remember to do it. Not Daryl. He and his brother had a different sort of upbringing than the rest of the prison residents. Daryl was used to being on guard at all times. Even when he was so young that he was still wearing underwear with cartoon characters on them he could remember listening at the door of the bedroom he shared with his brother before he crossed the narrow hall to use the bathroom. Poised in frozen motion with his ear pressed near the door he listened carefully to make sure he wouldn't run into his father in the hall.
Aside from his immediate family and Rick, who had been police trained to constantly keep watch over his surroundings, there was one other person that Daryl noticed doing the same thing. Carol was always watching everyone. Daryl never asked her about it. But he guessed that she did it for about the same reasons he did. After so many years of living with a crazy person, constantly watching your back just became habit.
If someone had asked Daryl to make a list of the qualities he wanted in a woman, observant probably wouldn't have made the top ten. But he liked it. More than he was willing to admit. He still kept an eye out for her. Especially after they almost lost her down in the tombs. Daryl kept an eye on her. But he did it because he wanted to. Not because he felt like he had to. Carol would never come out and say it, but he knew she did the same for him. It happened more often than not. He would pause, scanning his eyes around the prison courtyard. Counting off the residents like little ducks. Making sure everyone was there and keeping an eye out for any sign of danger. And instead of seeing a weak spot in the fence or a gun left out on a table for the kids to grab, he would see Carol instead. Standing with her arms crossed under her breasts.
Their eyes would meet. Ususally hers would flick back down to whatever thankless task she was working on like she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. But not always. Once in a while he could catch her eye and she would smile at him. Just a tiny turn of the lips. But it made him feel warm down deep in his belly. Like out in front of everyone they had shared a secret moment that no one else knew about.
The run to the veterinary college had been a bad one. There had been too many close calls. And the incident with Bob and the bottle of liquor had dredged up some bad memories for him. He guessed Harley felt the same way because she had been deadly silent the whole drive back then gone straight to her room and pulled the curtain shut behind her. Daryl had been up for so many hours straight that he had lost count. Running on fumes. So when he crashed in his bunk without even bothering to take his boots off, he fully expected to fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. But instead he laid awake a while with his mind racing.
River was always trying to meddle in his love life. She had been doing it since they were kids. So when she started dropping not so subtle hints about him and Carol he just brushed it off as another one of her well intentioned but still terrible ideas. But one conversation the two of them had stuck in his mind. It played over and over again on repeat whenever his mind was too overstressed to let his body relax. You know she wants to sleep with you. No she don't. Yes she does. She sure don't act like it. That's because yer used to whores and Carol ain't no whore. What in the hell does that mean? It means yer going to have to make the first move ya dummy. Daryl was fairly sure he told River the same thing he always told her. To mind her own goddamn business. And she had told him the same thing she always told him back. That she loved him and that made his business her business. It was hard to argue with that.
Make the first move was the part that stuck with him and Daryl had been playing over and over again in his mind. Mostly because he couldn't figure out what in the hell it meant. He couldn't just walk up and grope her. Carol wasn't that sort of woman. And that approach really only worked for Merle, who was cocky enough to pull it off. This meant that Daryl would have to talk to her instead. And talking about his feelings sounded about as inviting as bare naked wrestling an undead alligator. He had no idea where in the hell he would even begin.
Sleep came on him like it always did. Fast and hard and without warning. When Daryl woke in the morning he was covered in a blanket that had not been in his room before. It smelled like some sort of fruit scented body spray. The kind Wren hosed herself down in because River said she wasn't old enough for real perfume. The lingering scent made Daryl smile, since he knew his neice must have been the one that snuck into his room sometime after he passed out and tucked him in. Wren had always been a sweetheart and it made him happy to know that the end of the world hadn't yet sucked all the kindness and compassion out of her. Maybe it never would.
Daryl scrubbed at his face with his hands. He pulled a smoke from the crumpled pack in his front shirt pocket and pinched it between his teeth as he headed out of his cell. The sun was shining in from the high windows, but the angle of the light seemed wrong. Daryl felt slightly disoriented and he realized he must have slept much later than he realized. The first person he saw was River. She was sitting in a chair in front of the cell she shared with his brother. There was a folded basket of sheets in front of her and she was biting at the skin on her thumb, her legs crossed and her foot bobbing nervously.
"What's wrong?," Daryl asked her immmediately, "S'not Merle again is it?" He had checked on his brother before he went to bed. The man looked like shit warmed over but he had stopped puking and was keeping down the water and applesauce that River had been encouraging him to eat. River shook her head as she rose from the metal chair. The side of her thumb was still in her mouth and she yanked it away, stuffing it into the pocket of her jeans.
"Don't get upset," she said, her bottom lip replacing the thumb she had been chewing on as she sucked the side of it between her lips and nibbled on the plump flesh. Daryl glanced around halfheartedly before he lit the cigarette in his mouth. Smoking wasn't allowed inside the cellblock. A rule that was often broken and seldom enforced by anyone besides Carol. Whenever River warned him not to get upset it meant she was about to tell him something that was going to make him angry enough to punch a wall and he figured a smoke might calm his nerves. His first thought was that something sexual had happened between his neice and Rick's son. If that was the case it was a good thing his brother was still bedridden.
"Just tell me River," Daryl demanded. River was still biting at her lip and kicking the scuffed toe of her converse sneaker into the concrete, making little high pitched squeaking noises.
"I didn't want to tell you last night," she said, finally letting her now reddened lip slide out from between her teeth to speak, "because I was scared you would take off in the dark and get yerself hurt." River moved closer, reaching to grab for the cigarette in his hand. She took one quick deep breath and blew it out with a cough before handing it back like it disgusted her.
"Who's missing," Daryl asked. There was only one reason he would take off in the dark and that was to look for someone that needed help. And that would only be if that person was someone that he cared about. Merle, River and the girls were accounted for. Which only left a very small select group of people that were included in that group. A select group of one. Daryl felt his body tense up. He knew what River was going to say before she said it.
"Carol."
Daryl was back inside his room in a matter of seconds, slinging his bag and crossbow over his shoulder. The smoke from his cigarette streamed behind him like the steam from a train engine. "Where was the last place you saw her?," he asked, turning to River, who was hovering in the doorway of his cell. He would prefer to take Merle with him, but since he was out of commission Daryl was thinking about asking Harley to go along. She wasn't a master tracker yet, but she had a good eye and often spotted little details he missed. He could find her. He would find her. He refused to think about the alternative. About losing Carol like they lost her daughter.
"Rick saw her last," River answered. As Daryl charged past her out of his cell she caught his arm to keep him from storming away. "It's more complicated than that," she added. Daryl stopped pulling and turned to her for an explanation.
"Spit it the fuck out River," he demanded. His words came out more harshly than he intended. River yanked her hand from his arm and flinched, making him immediately regret his coarse tone.
"Rick kicked her out of the group and tole her not ta come back 'ere." River managed to spit the words out before she sucked her lip back in a bit it hard enough to make it bleed.
"What in the fuckin' hell would he do that for?," Daryl asked, struggling to keep his tone more even. Daryl had a bad temper. It was a trait he and Merle had in common. That said, Daryl had never lost it with his sister in law and he didn't want to start today. River didn't deserve that shit from Merle and she sure as hell didn't deserve it from him. Daryl reached into his back pocket and pulled out his hanky, pressing it to the bleeding corner of her lip. It had been a long time since he had seen River with a bloody lip. The last time it had been bleeding because Merle popped her one after she caught him using.
"She killed David and Karen," River said, her voice muffled by the hanky Daryl was pressing to her mouth. He was shaking his head, refusing to believe what he had just been told. River cut him off before he could object. "She did it. I know 'cause I helped her." River felt the tears rush into her eyes. She had never felt so horribly guilty about something in her entire life. She wasn't upset about helping Carol burn the bodies. That had been a necessary evil. River was upset because Carol had taken the full blame for it and now she might be dead or lost forever because of it.
"You killed people?," Daryl asked. River shook her head and sobbed harder. He adjusted the strap of his crossbow and pulled her into a rough embrace, squeezing her against his chest. "S'alright."
"David was already dead. Karen was choking to death on her own blood. It was so fucking bad. I didn't kill them. But I helped Carol burn the bodies. We didn't want anyone else getting infected by burying them."
Anyone else. Daryl knew what that meant. It meant him. He was the one that took on the task of burying bodies. There were so many he knew people would want to throw them on the burn pile. And for some reason that really bothered him. They were decent people and they deserved a decent burial. Carol and River had burned them to keep him safe.
River wasn't frail but she wasn't a large woman by any means. And Carol was even tinier. Those bodies had been dragged a long way. That's why Daryl had thought the killer must have been a large man. His money was on Tyreese himself. The man just seemed a little unhinged. Now that he knew the girls had done it, Daryl wasn't sure how to feel. He didn't want to let himself feel good about it. That just felt wrong. But he could admit that he was impressed. They were stronger than he would have given them credit for. Physically and mentally.
"Why would Rick do that?," Daryl asked.
He asked but he quickly decided he didn't care about the answer. He pulled back the arm he had been using to hold River against his chest. Daryl could feel the anger boiling up inside of him. Keeping his temper in check was a constant battle. The end of the world actually made it easier, like Harley had done with sports, he was able to take out his agression on the walkers. What Daryl hated to admit was that it felt good to be angry. Not after. After he calmed down he always felt bad. But during a rage he felt whole. The anger filled all the empty places inside of him. Daryl heard River yelling after him. He had bumped into her with his shoulder when he spun to start storming off down the corridor. She was rubbing her jaw and yelling at him to stop. Not to do anything crazy. He heard her yelling but he didn't stop.