.

Chapter 20

Rethinking?

Leah

"Are you finally done?" asked Jake, annoyed, already standing in the doorway, ready to go.

"Don't make such a fuss. We'll barely be late for school!", I countered his gaze.

We drove in silence, both dwelling on our own thoughts.

We thought about Mom, last night, and Edward.

Yesterday she had acted really silly... sometimes. So childish. I didn't know my mom like that. She was grown up. Responsible. Even if she sometimes joked around with us, she always appeared so confident and independent. But yesterday she was another person. Was that because of Edward? She seemed almost intimidated by him. Not in a fearful way. Rather on ... well, I thought it was funny. He hadn't let her behavior throw him and just did his thing. And Mom had let him without telling him off. That had amazed me above all.

"Should we have realized that Mom shouldn't be riding a motorcycle with her foot?" I asked Jake a little guiltily.

"I'm guessing yes. But she would have read us the riot act, said that she is the mother after all and we are the children, and would have still driven it," Jake laughed.

Yep ... That was our mom.

"Basically, we should be grateful to him for thinking about it," Jake followed up seriously after a moment.

I thought about what was going through his head last night when we were wolves.

Jake's opinion of Edward was totally vacillating. Yesterday morning Jake had almost believed Edward when he said that Mom meant something to him. The thought that a vampire could seriously fall in love was something Jake had been repressing since La Push. He had been upset when Mom wanted to send Edward away, but he had stayed anyway. And then there were those moments when they had just looked at each other. When he massaged in the ointment or they played with each other's hands. Jake, Becky, and I had been so moved by his gaze that we had simply remained silent. There was so much affection in it. For both of them. He wouldn't hurt Mom. I was sure of that.

But another fear had secretly crept inside me.

"I don't think he thinks about anything else but Mom," I said quietly.

Jake had shown me yesterday what Edward had said to him in the bathroom. He didn't want to go on living without Mom, and he was completely serious about that. A twinge ran through my chest.

He would take her away from us!

Jake parked the car and we walked hand in hand toward the hospital.

Whenever we felt we weren't strong enough on our own, we took each other by the hand. The first day of school, when we had gone to Seth, yesterday morning when we were standing in front of Edward. And right now. We had no idea why we both felt the need to come here. But for some reason we had to.

We stood indecisive and aimless in the middle of the emergency room, looking down all the corridors.

"You must be Jake and Leah," we heard a pleasant voice behind us.

Startled, we turned around and looked into a friendly, but surprised face.

Wow ... was my first thought. He belonged in Hollywood. With his shoulder-length blond hair framing his beautiful face and his athletic body, he would do well in any blockbuster. Our wolf telepathy had given us a glimpse, but the reality was a lot sharper!

"Yes. How did you know?" Jake asked, intimidated.

"Let's go to my office, it's not as hectic as it is here," he smiled at us.

We followed him down a few corridors and finally ended up in an office that one would have expected more of an aging professor. Rustic. With a sprawlingly large lounge set, on which we took a seat.

He shook his head with a smile as he looked at us extensively.

"What?" I snapped sourly.

"Leah!" Jake tried to admonish me.

"Please excuse me. I understand now what Edward meant when he said you looked familiar to him. Even if you look more like your father on the outside, your mother can't deny you either. She can be seen in your every gesture - at least if one know who she is," he explained humbly.

I was confused and looked at my brother.

Mom could be seen in us?

Jake must have had the same thought and stared at me.

I had never heard that. And Edward had seen it too?

Jake was as confused as I was and didn't know what to say in response.

So, Carlisle continued to speak.

"When Edward saw you for the first time last week on Monday, you really messed him up. He thought he knew you without ever having met you. Alice also could not help feeling this way. But now I can understand their confusion. Bella can be recognized in your whole being. Even in your skeptical faces. I feel like I already have known you for a long time."

"So, you know our mom as well as he does?" I asked suspiciously.

"Please, call me Carlisle ... Of course, I don't know your mother as well as Edward. But yes. I know her ... Very well, I would like to think. Bella went in and out of our house and brought a lot of joy to our home. She was a part of our family and still is today."

"Then why did you leave her alone?" Jake asked, now upset.

"It was not my decree ... Edward did not make this decision easily. For him, it was the only right thing to do, but definitely not what he wanted. It broke him himself ... He told me how much your mother suffered as a result. Had we known, we would have returned to her immediately or not gone at all."

"But you did," I muttered accusingly, remembering those horrible images.

"We cannot undo what has happened. Edward is ready to accept any judgment Bella might impose on him. So, I too, will suffer the consequences for not endeavoring sufficiently to change my son's mind. I always had doubts about the correctness of his decision, but I may not have questioned it sufficiently. Because no one knows Bella better than Edward. I trusted his judgment, and as the past shows, we were both wrong about it."

"Any judgment?" questioned Jake incredulously. "We've realized that with Edward in the meantime. But why you?"

Carlisle looked very guilty. He had closed his eyes and tilted his head as if ashamed of his behavior. His fingers clawed a bit into the lining of the chair he was sitting in.

He continued to speak so softly that I could barely hear him: "I let my daughter down when she seemed to need us the most. The separation from Edward - which we should have helped her deal with - and then the danger from Victoria, from which we should have protected her. Not foreseeing this was negligent. I should have convinced myself of Bella's physical and mental integrity in a timely manner. A call to Charlie might have been enough for that. So, I am also to blame for the suffering she had to endure," he explained. He opened his eyes again, rubbed the bridge of his nose between them, and took a deep breath before looking at us again. "... Bella is part of my family. Whether or not she forgives us for our shameful behavior. She will always have a place in our hearts. She ... and her children."

"But you don't know us at all," I countered skeptically.

Jake agreed with me.

"Of course, I don't know you but I hope that this will change in the near future. Personally, I can't wait for my wife Esmé to meet you. She will certainly be delighted with the two of you. Our children already know you a little from school. Even if it has not yet been revealed to them why Edward is so concerned about you and seeks to protect you from everything at all costs, more than he should. When they learn the reason, they will not only understand, they will emulate Edward."

"Why does he want to protect us, of all people? He loves our mom. Not us," I continued to ask. We were, only her children. Very likely annoying appendages.

"With that, you're only seeing half the truth. Edward loves your mother more than anything else in this world and can no longer exist without her. He tried long enough and almost failed in it. Nothing is more important to him than Bella. And you are a part of her. So, his love and goodwill extends to you as well ... You belong to Bella through your blood more than he could ever be, and Edward is well aware of that. The family bond between you and your mother will always take unconditional priority for Edward...over his own wants and needs," Carlisle stated gently and I was speechless.

"And you ... your family?" Jake asked with a distinct lump in his throat.

"It's the same for the rest of us. We all love Bella in our own way. To Edward she is his soul mate, to our children a sister, and to me and Esmé a dearly loved daughter, and each of us would do anything to protect her or her flesh and blood. I have no doubt that you are no less lovable and you will take all our hearts by storm ... Mine is already yours. Just as Edward has already taken you into his heart."

"How do you know all of this so exactly? Edward ... I mean," I was still doubtful.

"I am currently the only one who knows who your mother is. So, I am also the only one Edward can speak to about it. And after everything that Edward told me tonight, I know what's going on inside my son ... It seems to have been a rather amusing evening," Carlisle smirked.

"Yes, it was," I said, trying to reconcile this image of my mom sticking her tongue out at Edward with my normal image of her. It just didn't fit together.

We continued to talk with Carlisle for a while until we had to leave for school.

"Did you actually want something specific from me or were you just curious?" Carlisle asked, smiling kindly.

"Curiosity," Jake admitted, looking as embarrassed as I was.

"You can visit me again anytime. I am glad to have met you and I hope we will meet again soon." He said goodbye to us and we drove to school.

There wasn't much going on in the school parking lot yet, so we walked to our regular spot, which was still empty. I was leaning on the bench against Jake's shoulder and he had an arm around me.

These two free classes, because the alarm system was being serviced, had come at just the right time today. We chatted quietly about everything Carlisle had told us.

There was a lot in there that amazed me. That Edward would protect us and so would his family. That Carlisle also blamed himself for Mom's death wish. And a few other things. But he had been very nice. I could imagine that he was like a father to the others. He appeared so wise and experienced.

Eventually, Becky was also with us, sitting sideways on Jake's lap. She was a little offended that we had visited Carlisle without her. She was also curious about him.

"I wonder how old he is," I considered.

"His speech was funny at times," Jake agreed with a laugh.

"Three hundred and sixty-one," we suddenly heard a soft voice behind us.

Caught, we turned to Edward.

"Not counting his time as a human being," he added yet as he squatted behind the bench.

"That explains a lot," I stated matter-of-factly, trying to imagine such a time span.

"How old are you, anyway?" asked Becky eagerly.

Edward smirked.

"With or without the human years?"

"Both," I asked.

"Carlisle changed me when I was seventeen years old. I was dying, that's the only reason he did it," he visibly defended Carlisle's action, "... one hundred and six years ago now," he said calmly, waiting for any reaction from us.

But none came. None! We just sat there looking shocked.

Jake was the first to regain his composure after the school bell released us from our stiffness.

"You're definitely too old for our mom," Jake laughed.

Little by little the parking lot filled up and our group now got to know the Stone siblings personally.

After visiting Carlisle, it was easy for me to see them as a family and no longer just a bunch of bloodsuckers who had banded together for some reason. It was a mystery to everyone what we had to do with Edward, but they seemed to get along well with each other. However, Samantha was not here today.

Jake and I once again involuntarily did the same thing.

We watched our enemy more closely. Both Edward and his siblings. We were still wolves and they were vampires. Mortal enemies. Well, we weren't looking for a fight with them anymore, but we had to have a healthy amount of distrust. After all, we didn't really know them.

Also, during the lunch break we all occupied a common table and chatted together.

Edward asked us a lot and told us a lot about himself. Trivial stuff. Favorite music, hobbies, and such. By the end of the lunch break I found him really nice and somehow forgot that we were supposed to tear each other to pieces.

From a purely evolutionary point of view.

"Say, Becky. Are you driving with us on Saturday?" Brandon asked shortly before the end of lunch.

I smirked to myself.

Jake hadn't asked her to go camping with him at Sebago Lake. Not because he didn't want to take her, but they had only been together a few days. He was a little shy about it because we would be staying out overnight and was afraid Becky would think it was way too rushed.

We told her that we did it regularly since we had enough driver's licenses in the group and how great it always was. You could do all kinds of things there. Many water sports were offered at the lake, but also solitary romantic walks were possible. Especially in the place where we always went. In the evenings a cozy campfire, marshmallows, the starry sky. Our best friends together.

But she was afraid that her ma would not be so enthusiastic about it. It would be a pity if she couldn't come along. Jake would certainly miss Becky. And vice versa. After all, we were already driving in the morning and wouldn't be back until Sunday evening.

"Maybe your mother can talk her mother into it!" interjected Edward.

'And what are you going to do during the time when our mom is home all alone?' I asked him in thoughts.

He just smiled and shrugged his shoulders ignorantly.

No. He wouldn't take our mom away from us.

Thanks for reading!