Transplantations, Story 2

Rating: PG-13, language and accidental crossdressing

Disclaimer: Luna belongs to Takeuchi Naoko-san. And a vast number of other people, all of whom aren't me. Same goes with everyone else in the story: not mine. No surprise there.

Series Summary: Stories wherein characters from other universes are integrated into the FMA universe.

Chapter Summary: Al brings home a talking cat. Which is okay, until she mistakes Ed for someone she knows...

Notes: When reading a fic (that shall go unnamed-- don't remember it by now anyway) that brought a few sci-fi-ish cliches to the mix, this abomination came into my mind... should the day ever come when anime characters really can interact with fic authors, Edward Elric is going to kill me slowly... I guess my only hope'll be that I'll be too far down his list...

No knowledge of Sailor Moon really necessary, though, of course, it helps. All you need to know is that Luna is a talking cat looking for the hidden warrior girls who can fight an evil kingdom... and that said warrior-girls wear very interesting costumes... but that's given in the fic.

Also, can anyone tell me if replacing a story with a new file erases one's reviews? 'Cause if it doesn't, I have a few fics I want to replace with files in formats doesn't totally mangle...

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2. Luna

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Ed looked up from his book at the sudden scrabbling noise, something that sounded quite a lot like claws on metal.

"Kitten or puppy?" he asked, eyes not leaving the wall straight ahead of him.

"But it was so cute!" Al cried defensively. "It has a little crescent moon shape on its forehead and I think it talks."

"Talks?"

"Talks. Really. See?"

Ed turned around and saw that Al was holding out a very irritated-looking gray-black cat, with a moon-shape on its forehead and almost embarassed crimson eyes. "It's a cat."

"And it talks."

"Cats don't talk."

"This one does."

"Even chimerae almost never talk."

"Chimerae!" the cat shrieked in indignation.

Ed stared at the cat. The cat stared back, then twitched suddenly. "Meow," it said, quite deliberately.

"...It's a cat that talks," Ed said.

"I told you so."

"Sorry I didn't believe you, but it sounded really untrue."

"That's okay, I understand."

"Sorry for comparing you to a chimera," Ed told the cat.

"Meow," said the cat.

Ed rolled his eyes. "Give it up, it's too late now."

The cat sighed. "Yes, I suppose it is. Thank you for helping me. Alphonse, is it?"

"Yes!" Al said, delighted. "What's your name?"

"Luna," the cat sighed. "I really don't know when I became so transparent. Usually I'm so good at hiding."

"Al's observant," Ed said. "So why can you talk?"

"I am very, very lost," the cat said. "I don't know what's happened. I'm supposed to be looking for..."

"Looking for?" Ed prompted.

"The princess of my land," the cat said, "and also my land's defenders. But I think somehow I've gotten to entirely the wrong place."

"Okaaay," Ed said.

"This sounds like those girls' comics you were reading," Al commented.

Ed blushed furiously. "Shut up! They were mislabeled!"

"Which explains how you found them, not why you kept reading them."

"Grrr..." Ed blushed hotly. Luna blinked at him thoughtfully.

"You know... could you do me a favor?"

Ed blinked. "Maybe..."

Luna squirmed out of Al's hands and executed a rather impressive backflip, producing a strange brooch out of thin air.

"What in the!" Ed cried. He grabbed the strange round thing, wondering if this talking cat, of all things, could possibly possess the secret of the Philosopher's Stone.

"Could you possibly just hold that up and say 'Moon Prism Power'?" the cat asked hopefully.

"What? Why?" Ed asked, suspiciously.

"Just in case."

"In case of what?"

"Nii-san," Al said, "It couldn't possibly hurt. Just say it."

"Say what? 'Moon Prism Power'?"

There was a strange flash of light.

"Nii-san!" Al cried.

A second later, his brother came back into view. Arm raised in a salute. Hair done into round buns on either side of his head, with short tails hanging down from both. A gold tiara with a red gem in the middle on his head. Wearing a choker and pearl earrings with dangling gold crescent moons. And long, white gloves. And a tight-fitting sailor suit with the tiniest miniskirt that Al had ever seen. Topped off with knee-high, high-heeled red boots.

Ed looked down at himself, and Al clapped his hands over the cat's ears. This didn't help much when Ed let out an unholy high screech from deep within the pits of hell itself.

"WHAT THE ------- HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" the cat cried, leaping behind the nearest piece of furniture. "I didn't think it would actually work!"

"UNDO THIS NOW!"

"Edward!" There was a pounding on the door and Ed screamed again in panic. "What's happening!"

"NOTHING!" Ed screamed, ducking behind a bed. "GO AWAY, GO AWAY!"

"We're coming in there!"

Ed screamed again and scrambled below the bed.

The door crashed open. "Al! What's happened!"

"Nothing, nothing!" Al said quickly, holding up his hands.

"Your brother deafened us for nothing?"

"Screamed like a woman," someone muttered.

"I'M NOT A WOMAN!" Ed screamed from below the bed. "Tell the cat that!"

"...It's a... really long story," Al said.

Luna decided that this would probably be an excellent time to slip away before the young alchemist could brutally kill her. Unfortunately, Ed spotted her as she tried to slip out the door.

"OH DON'T YOU DARE!"

Ed leaped out from underneath the bed and pounced on the cat, throttling it. "YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY THAT EASY!"

"Nii-san..."

Ed paused for a very long moment as the reality of what he'd just done sank in, and closed his eyes in abject horror.

"What the HELL!"

Ed chose the only option left to him and leaped out of the window. Which had not been open at the time.

"NII-SAN!" Al cried, running to the window. His brother had already run away.

"CHANGE ME BACK!" his voice echoed through half the town.

"I-YAOW-YAOW-WAOW!" Luna cried helplessly as she was shaken by the throat.

Al turned around and looked at the crowd that was staring at him.

"Uh, you see, there's really a completely reasonable explanation for all of this," he said, shuffling his feet.

They stared at him.

"...Okay, there really, really isn't. But there is a completely unreasonable explanation for this."

They stared at him.

"And I will give it to you."

They stared at him.

"Later," Al said, finishing the array he'd scratched onto the floor and dropping through.

-

"I can never set foot-- anywhere-- again."

At Al's insistence Ed had refrained from killing Luna after the cat had explained to him how to change back. Wisely, the cat had run away as quickly as possible, leaving Ed's homicidal (felicidal?) feelings to be diverted into other channels.

"That's silly," Al lied. "No one will remember."

"Never. I'll just have to-- live in a closet, on the other side of the world, and just never come out."

"Nii-san."

"My life is over. I might as well just go on and die now."

"Nii-san! Don't even joke about that!"

"Who said I was joking?"

"Look. They won't say anything. They're scared of you."

"No they're not."

"Then you'll make them scared of you. I can't believe I'm saying this, but-- don't be sad! Divert this embarassment into paranoid, homicidal rage like you usually do!"

Ed glared at him.

"You must admit I've got a point."

"You do realize I'll have to murder Mustang."

"Nii-san..."

"I'll go to jail for that."

"You won't have to murder Col. Mustang."

"Write down the date and time you said that."

"Please don't kill Col. Mustang."

"I'm not gonna have a choice about it, Al."

"You will so."

"Oh yeah? Watch. Just watch as I go into that smirky bastard's office tomorrow..."

Al had, at least, gotten Ed away from the idea of going away and killing himself, for which he was profoundly grateful.

Now if he could somehow forestall Col. Mustang's almost certain gruesome death at the hands of his brother, this would be a job well done.

-

So far, Al thought, it was going pretty well. Anyone who was fool enough to even think of mentioning the previous night had been deterred by Ed's glowing amber eyes, which spoke eloquently of bloody murder. Now for Col. Mustang. Al prayed desperately that the man hadn't heard, or would, for once in his life, show some sense or self-restraint...

"Ah, Fullmetal."

"Don't push me today," Ed warned.

"How would I push you?" Mustang blinked guilelessly.

"Like that."

"Well, I hear you had an exciting night." Mustang shuffled papers casually.

"Please for the love of God," Al said fervently.

Mustang coughed. "Well. I have your new assignment."

"Words can't begin to describe my thrill of joy." Ed snatched the folder and browsed through it.

An evil smirk flicked across Mustang's face.

"If you have any love for life or hate of pain," Al pleaded fervently.

"Fine. We'll be on the train tomorrow." Ed turned to leave.

"Oh, by the way, Fullmetal..."

"For the sake of everything good and holy, PLEASE," Al begged.

"Could you possibly sketch me the design of that outfit you had on last night? From what I've heard, it sounds perfect for the new women's uniforms I'll want to implement should I ever become Fuhrer." Mustang gave Ed a smirk that was unnervingly like a leer.

Al threw himself behind a couch.

Ed turned around, very, very slowly.

And leapt for Mustang's throat.

"Lt. Hawkeye, HELP!" Al cried loudly, running out of the office as a duel to the death began in earnest.

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