Little note before the chapter: To those who remember On Air and are wondering if it's still about, check the note in my bio. With that being said, on with the chapter.
Date Uploaded: 05 April 2005
Chapter 03: Four's Company
The journey to Bree was going to be an incredibly long one, and the scenery wasn't doing much for Kurt Angle's unfortunate companion. Rock and Kurt had been walking together for almost a full day already, and by hour two Rock was wishing that he had been drunk that night at the party so he would not have stumbled upon Kurt and Foley at Bag End. First they had walked along in silence, then Kurt had gotten bored and began to sing, loud and long. It was pure torture. Then he started to dance as he walked, then tell uninteresting stories. At one point he even had a conversation with his hands. It made the Rock just want to curl up in a fetal position and die.
Near dusk found them cutting through Farmer Brisco's farm, and the tall cornstalks were swaying over their heads. At that moment Rock looked up and realized that Kurt was no longer in front of him. His heart leapt with hope and he already began to formulate reasons for Foley why he had lost the dork (he got eaten by a lost troll, Undertaker got him before I did, sorry about bringing on the destruction of Middle-Fed-Earth and all that), until Kurt suddenly reappeared from behind a stalk a few feet forward. So much for hope.
"Rocky, hurry up," Kurt ushered, glancing fearfully in different directions.
"What are you so jumpy for?" Rock said, forgetting momentarily to chide him for calling the Great One 'Rocky'. "We're not even out of the Shire yet."
"No, but this is Farmer Brisco's farm," Kurt said, still looking like he was afraid the bogeyman would come out any moment to kick him on the ass. "He's caught me here a couple of times."
"Kirk Angel, stealing?" Rock raised an eyebrow and couldn't help an amused little smile. "The Rock didn't think you had it in you."
"It wasn't stealing!" Kurt insisted. "I just thought that those mushrooms were way overripe anyway…"
Before he could finish defending himself something barreled out of the cornstalks and collided headfirst into him. A second later something else crashed into the Rock. They fell down with startled cries, Kurt shrieking that Farmer Brisco was having his revenge.
That stopped when a familiar voice exclaimed, "What the—it's Kurt! Hey, Christian, it's Kurt!"
"And the Rock too, Edge!" his companion said, grinning gleefully down at the People's Hobbit.
"Get off the Rock!" Rock roared, shoving Christian away so that he sprawled over backwards. Rock got up and straightened himself indignantly. "What in the blue hell do you think you're doing, running around and knocking down the Rock? I ought to layeth the smack-"
"Right, can you save it for later, Rock?" Edge interrupted, getting up himself and looking behind them warily. "We're about to have some company! Run!" he yelled, making a dash for the farthest edge of Farmer Brisco's fields, Christian right behind him.
Kurt and Rock looked at each other for a while and presently heard the baying of dogs coming closer, as well as angry shouts. At that they turned tail and tore off after the blonde brothers as well.
"You were stealing in Farmer Brisco's crop too?" Kurt asked as he caught up to Edge and Christian, Rock right behind him.
"Not really…" Christian said as he ducked around a stalk. "We were just sprucing up his scarecrows so that they looked better, no big deal. If you ask me, the guy is so totally overreacting!"
Kurt twisted a little to look at the crop as he ran. He saw two scarecrows standing side by side, both supporting blonde wigs and weird shades, arranged in a classic Edge and Christian pose. This one was obviously meant to last for more than five seconds, but Farmer Brisco clearly wasn't too happy with that.
"Of all the idiotic, motherf…" Kurt heard Rock begin to mutter behind him. That stopped momentarily as a leaf smacked him across the face, but he picked up right where he left off, and much louder this time.
Edge had hastened to the end of Farmer Brisco's crop, still with that huge gleam of a grin on his face, but then stopped short when he saw what he had run to. He skidded to a halt and gave a sigh of relief as he looked down on the small incline he would have plunged down into had he continued. He wasn't joyful for long because a moment later Christian crashed into him, followed by Kurt. "Don't push!" Edge yelled frantically, trying to keep from teetering over the edge. But it was the Rock's sturdy built that finally sent them all tumbling down the hill.
They went over with loud cries, and a few curses. After bumping themselves like rag dolls down the incline, they crashed into a heap of arms, limbs, and big Hobbit feet.
"Great, I've got dirt in my hair!" Christian cried forlornly, struggling to get up from where Kurt had pinned him down..
"Forget that, I think I broke something!" Edge groaned, not daring to move. "I heard something snap when we landed, I just know it! I can't move!"
Rock dislodged his arm from between Kurt and Christian and pulled out a broken carrot from under Edge. "Does this answer your question, jabroni?" he asked, throwing it at him.
By this time Kurt had gotten up and dusted himself off. He watched as the Rock, realizing that there was a tear in his new shirt, tackled the two back to ground and began to beat up on them, despite yelps of apologies. Kurt ignored them for a moment and looked down the suddenly dark road. The atmosphere had curiously shifted from lighthearted to a scene out of a generic horror movie. An eerie feeling filled Kurt and, being the pansy that he was, his first thought was to hide. He spotted a huge tree on the side of the road and then looked at the other three.
Rock was sitting on Christian and had Edge locked in a sleeper. Kurt called to them. "Hey, guys, can we get off the road for a moment? I have this really bad feeling about something…"
"Shut up, Kirk, the Rock is in the middle of something," Rock replied, seemingly trying to choke the life out of Edge.
"No, come on, Rocky, listen to Kurt this time!" Christian pleaded, trying to wriggle out from under the Great One. "And Edge is turning blue!"
"Gack…" was the only thing Edge could sputter out as he tried to claw Rock's fingers from his throat.
Hoof beats were heard down the road. That was it for Kurt. "I said let's get out of sight!" he yelled out in panic. He proceeded to pull a protesting Rock off of the other two and pulled him over the other side of the road, the tree hiding them from anybody who passed by. Edge and Christian scrambled to them soon after.
Beneath the side of the tree Rock still looked liked he wanted to pummel the brothers as the hoof beats got ominously louder and came down the road. Even then the Rock became quiet. The four of them listened, holding their breaths. Kurt had the most horrible urge to put on the Ring and scamper off, but a glare from Rock put an end to that.
Presently the sound of hooves slowed down and came to a stop right above them. Kurt, Christian and Edge clung to each other, and when they tried to include the Rock were shoved back. They heard the rider dismount and start walking. After what seemed like eternity there was nothing but silence.
Christian let out a sigh of relief. "It's gone."
At that moment a black, hooded figure thrust its head down over to their hiding place and immediately spotted them. It let out a shriek of triumph.
"Aaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!" Edge and Christian screamed. They abruptly shoved it aside, tossing whatever vegetables they had pilfered while sprucing up Farmer Brisco's scarecrows at it, and scampered off.
"Get up, jabroni!" Rock yelled at Kurt, who was frozen in fear. The black figure was sprawled on the grass, shaking the stars out of its hooded head. Above the horse whinnied in disgust. Rock grabbed Kurt by the coat, hauled him up and roughly pulled him in the direction of where Edge and Christian had run off.
They ran as fast as their short Hobbit legs could carry them, as the dusk turned slowly to early evening. They dodged around trees and behind bushes, Kurt sticking close to Rock and the latter irritated that he had to baby-sit this cowardly idiot. By the time they caught up to the blonde brothers, the sun had nearly gone.
"What in the fuck was that?" Edge asked when they came up, panting.
Kurt dropped to the ground and gasped for air. "I dunno!" he blubbered, on the verge of crying. "But man, was it freaky!"
"You're telling me!" Christian exclaimed. "I think Edge nearly pissed in his pants!"
"Speak for yourself!" Edge said, shoving him. Christian promptly shoved him back, starting a shove fight.
"Both of you ran off like your pants were on fire!" Rock yelled, cutting into their brawl. He reached down and pulled Kurt to his feet, addressing him. "That thing was obviously after you. Now get up, the Rock isn't going to stick around for that thing to find out where we are."
"Where do we go now?" Kurt whimpered.
"JR's got a summer house in Buckland or something, right?" Edge suddenly remembered. "You wanna head over there and take cover for tonight?"
"Glad to see one of you is thinking," Rock said, seeming relieved that one of his companions actually had a brain. "So how far are we from there?"
"Over the river and a few minutes walk at the most," Edge said. "Although in this case I think we ought to run. Fast."
"I remember that place," Kurt said, recalling having fetched JR there some five years ago when the latter had attempted to leave him again. "It's being looked over by the caretaker, Brooklyn Brawler. I think it's called Crickhollow or something."
"What, Crack-hollow?" Christian said, puzzled and a little intrigued.
"Crickhollow, what are you, deaf?" Rock snapped.
All of a sudden another wail was heard in the distance. They turned in unison and saw that the figure from before had long mounted its horse and was barely a couple of meters away from them, riding at full speed. With a joint scream from Edge, Christian and Kurt, they raced off towards the Brandywine River. The Rider immediately followed.
As they ran somehow Kurt lagged, and Rock, Edge and Christian got to the raft (conveniently left there) first. Rock pushed off at once, even as Kurt was still running, seemingly in slow motion, towards them.
"What're you doing? We gotta wait for Kurt!" Christian yelled.
"If he can't move his candy ass fast enough then we might as well leave him," Rock retorted, momentarily forgetting about the safety of his charge.
"Wait for me!" Kurt wailed from the shore, trying not to trip over his big feet, as the Rider rode to catch up with him.
"Jump, Kurt!" Edge called, reaching out.
So Kurt jumped. He reached the small dock and with a burst of energy he leapt… and came up a foot short of the raft and promptly plunged into the freezing cold waters of the Brandywine.
Rock groaned and raised an eyebrow, shaking his head as Edge and Christian pulled a shivering Kurt onto the raft. They looked back as the Rider stopped at the shore and looked at them in frustration, emitting another shriek that made their skin crawl.
"Why doesn't it just jump over here with its horse too?" Christian mused.
"Would you want it too?" Edge asked him.
"I guess not."
"Besides, it probably saw through Kurt how stupid that would have been," Rock commented, rowing out as the Rider turned and began to race away, most likely in search for a bridge to cross.
"H-hey!" Kurt protested weakly through chattering teeth, pulling a blanket from his bag and wrapping it around himself.
The continued, mostly in paranoia, over the Brandywine River.
»»»
In the pleasant cottage that was Crickhollow, the Brooklyn Brawler had just but settled down for an evening cup of tea when a loud banging on the door was heard, and harsh voices. Startled out of his wits, he abruptly spilled the drink all over himself, cursing inwardly. He got up and took an umbrella from the stand in the hall and crept cautiously to the door.
"Brawler, open up!" a voice demanded.
Robbers! Brawler knew that had to be it. They were out there and intended to scare him outside so that they could beat up on him and take everything inside! He wouldn't let that happen. He was making good money from this cushy little job. In one swift stroke he opened the door and beaned the first person he saw.
"OW! You motherfucking son of a bitch!" Rock yelled, rubbing his head. He took Brawler's arm, slung it over his shoulder and delivered a Rock Bottom to the shocked caretaker onto the wooden floor. "That'll teach you to mess with the Rock," he declared down to the unmoving body.
"For crying out loud, Rocky, he was just doing his job," Kurt said, looking at the unconscious Brawler as they stepped over him to get inside.
"He did it the wrong way," Rock declared pompously, throwing his stuff into one corner.
In a while, however, Edge and Christian had dragged Brawler to a chair and managed to revive him. Upon seeing that it was just Kurt and his friends, and this narrator uses that term loosely, he humbly apologized to the Rock, who simply snorted, and then went about preparing dinner for the four of them.
"So what now?" Edge asked when they were halfway into their rather large meal. Kurt had been filling him and Christian in on the details as Rock simply grunted when asked a question. "You guys were told by Foley to get the hell out of the Shire and head to Bree, now some scary dude on a black horse is after you."
"That's like something out of a twisted movie, dude," Christian commented. "Or a really funky novel."
"The next move is that we get to Bree, that's what, so the Rock can ship this loser off to Foley and get the hell out of here," Rock responded, shoving the tea away and reaching for the beer instead.
"But then won't that guy on the black horse be looking at the roads?" Edge said.
"That's right," Kurt said, chewing thoughtfully and then looking forlorn. "We'll never get to Bree!"
Rock rolled his eyes in disgust. "Somebody shut him up or the Rock will."
"There's always the Old Forest," Brawler suddenly spoke up from his small corner.
All of them looked at him, having nearly forgotten that he was there in the first place. Then Christian shook his head. "Are you crazy? That place is full of freaky shit! Some guy who insisted to be called Just Joe went in there and never came out again. I totally would take the road and be creamed by some dude on a big black horse than go through that."
"Who said you were going?" Rock suddenly challenged.
Edge and Christian flashed him peace signs with their trademarked grins. "Of course we're going with you guys!" Christian said cheerfully. "What, you think we're going to let you have all the fun while we get left behind?"
Rock groaned. Just what he needed, two other whiny babies coming along.
"Actually, that forest isn't so tough," Edge said. "I've been there once."
"Yeah, keep dreaming, Edge," Christian said, rolling his eyes. "You have not."
"I so have too!" Edge insisted.
"You so have not!" Christian shot back.
"Shut up!" Rock ordered. He looked sternly at Edge. "You better not be pulling the Rock's leg when you say you've been inside the Old Forest."
"If you ask me he probably took two steps in at the most," Christian mocked.
"The Rock wasn't asking you!" Rock immediately snapped, and effectively cut off another childish argument. "Now the Rock wants to know, Wedge, if you really, REALLY have been through the forest, and if you can guide the Great One and Kirk through it."
"Absolutely no problem, Rocky," Edge said, grinning. "You can trust me. But you're not going without us. Besides, Christian and I would be a totally awesome addition to you two guys."
"And we'd make the group look good too!" Christian declared.
"What in the blue hell is that supposed to mean?" Rock demanded.
"Sure, you guys can come along!" Kurt said enthusiastically, ignoring the Rock's incredulous and horrified look. "The more the merrier, right?"
"All right!" Edge and Christian slapped a high five.
Thus the matter was settled, the night ended, and the Rock's nightmare grew bigger. He spent the rest of supper getting plastered and thankfully passed out on the table before the other three could start the sing-a-longs. Brawler had to haul him off to his room at the end.
cont'd