Chapter 12: Hell, Or At Least Near It (Part 2)
The nine of them trudged through the first half of the Mines of Moria. For the most part it was pretty uneventful, if you didn't count the time when Kurt tripped on an uneven part of the ground and stumbled headlong into the Rock. Annoyed, Rock turned around and nearly would have tossed the Olympic Hobbit off a ledge if Edge and Christian hadn't stopped him. Then there was that other time when Kane actually started humming out of boredom. Jeff and Hunter quickly gave him weird looks, making him stop almost immediately.
It went on like that for a while, until Foley came to a stop where the path split into three ways. The others crowded around behind him, waiting for him to make a decision. Finally he spoke, scratching his head in wonder. "What the hell? I don't remember this being here." There was a collective groan from the other eight.
As of now Foley was seated on a rock, facing the three pathways and smoking his pipe while looking at them thoughtfully. Hunter sat a couple of feet away, with Jeff standing behind him, playing around with one of his arrows. Edge and Christian were lying down somewhere to the left, yawning every now and then.
"Watch it!" Kane growled as Jeff swung the arrow a bit too near him for his liking. "You could put someone's eye out with that!"
"Sorry," Jeff drawled, sounding like he didn't mean it at all.
Kurt was standing near a ledge, bored to death. He kept peering over it, making Rock tempted to creep up behind him and just shove him over. Kurt kicked some stones over the ridge, and then stiffened in surprise when a hurt cry echoed from somewhere below. Giving a small squeal of fright, he scrambled back and promptly tripped over a rock, crashing into the Rock, er, rock that Foley was sitting on. He gave a groan as Jericho snickered off to the side.
"What's wrong now, Kurt?" Foley asked patiently, not having taken his eyes off the three paths.
Kurt pulled himself to his feet, rubbing his head and sitting next to Foley. "There's something down there, Mick," he said urgently. "I think I accidentally hit it with a couple of stones and possibly ticked it off."
"It's X-Pac," Foley said calmly.
Kurt blinked, his face drawing a blank.
Foley sighed. "The one who had the Ring before JR," he reminded.
"Oh."
"He's been following us for two days."
"He has?" Kurt said incredulously. "You knew and you never told me? I never even knew he was behind us all the time!" he looked around. "Did anybody else know about this?"
"How could you miss him? He was grumbling audibly the entire way," Jericho commented irritably.
"I could hear him from two miles away," Jeff said, once again eager to show off his awesome Elf skills.
Kurt looked at them in amazement. "All of you knew?" he exclaimed.
"Yup, pretty much," Christian replied drowsily. Everybody else mumbled an affirmative.
Kurt groaned and turned back to Foley. "Great. Now we've got that psycho after us as well. What does it want?"
"What else? The RING!" Foley replied impatiently, resisting the urge to drum it into the Hobbit's head with his stick. Kurt was becoming thickheaded again. "He's got no other objective than to get the blasted Ring back, that's why he's been trailing us. I'm kind of surprised how he managed to keep so quiet, at least for his standards."
"Too bad JR didn't kill him when he had the chance." Kurt grumbled.
"You think he didn't try?" Foley said. "That X-Pac character can move pretty fast when he wants to, I assure you."
"So why don't we try and kill him now?"
"Not a bad idea," Foley conceded, puffing out a smoke ring from his mouth. "There is this one thing, though; I'm no psychic, but I have a feeling he'll be playing a big part in this quest, bigger than any of us may think. And if we take him out now we'll probably be screwed in the end."
"Aw, shit," Jericho muttered, overhearing their conversation.
They were quiet for another few minutes, until Foley looked up and grinned. "Well what do you know? There's the way we're looking for," he said, pointing to the right-hand passage.
"He's finally remembered," Christian said, nudging Edge awake.
"Not really," Foley said with one of his goofy grins. "I just like the feel of the right-hand way better. For one thing, the air also smells fresher over here."
"Of course it smells fresher over there. The Dwarf's over here," Jericho quipped. Kane growled at him. "I'm just kidding, big guy," Jericho said quickly.
Everyone reluctantly got back up, gathered their belongings and resumed their journey in the dark passages via the path Foley had chosen. This time, though, Rock pointedly stayed as far away from Kurt as possible, to avoid having Kurt trip and crash into him again, the big klutz. Jeff unwittingly got in front of Kurt, and immediately paid for it after a couple of steps, when Kurt stubbed his toe on a rock and went sprawling into the Elf's back, bringing them both down. Jericho, Edge and Christian burst out laughing.
Before Jeff could get up and probably impale Kurt with one of his arrows, Foley spoke. "Behold the great halls of the Dwarves," he said, raising his stick/flashlight and shining it over the area, giving them a good look at the massive pillars holding up a way high ceiling. Despite it being cold and underground, for some reason everything had a red glow about it, so Kane nearly blended in with the surroundings. All of them stared up at it, Jeff and Jericho trying not to be impressed.
"Who's their interior decorator?" Jericho remarked.
"You think he'd remember?" Edge said, motioning to Foley.
Foley didn't seem to hear them, though, and they went on walking. They had but taken a few steps when they came upon long trails of Dwarf corpses again, littered forlornly on the stone ground before a set of wooden double doors. Kane let out something akin to a roar and tore off in the direction of the said entrance.
"Great, will somebody call the Dwarf back?" Hunter said in exasperation.
"I'm not going in there!" Christian said. "Do you see all those bodies? It totally reeks of grossness, man!"
"I second the motion!" Edge said.
"Okay," Foley said simply, "Stay out here then." He and the others then followed Kane inside the room, leaving the brothers outside in the spooky red glow of the halls.
Edge and Christian looked nervously at each other, then at their surroundings, before giving a resigned wail. "Wait for us!" they called out simultaneously, scampering towards the door. Inside the faint light was glowing was blue for some reason, unlike the red smolder that was outside in the halls. They found Kane standing in front of a large, white tomb. It looked like it could hold three Dwarves lengthwise and two abreast. Kane had his head bent, although no one could read his facial expression. Of course, the fact that his face was obscured by the mask played a large part.
"Here lies Andre the Giant, Lord of Moria," Foley read out the inscription on the tomb.
"So he is dead," Kurt said.
"Thank you for stating the obvious, Kirk Angel," Jericho said sarcastically.
"A little respect for the dead, please?" Kane growled, turning to look at them for a bit.
"Sure, sorry," Edge said quietly, backing away a little.
As Kane continued his silent contemplation, Foley took in their surroundings. Among the bones on the ground, something caught his attention. There was a corpse seated with its back leaning on the tomb, clutching a large book in its hand. He gave Christian, who surprisingly took it without complaint, his hat and stick and then stooped over and picked it up. "It's a diary," he said. "Of this poor guy, I suppose."
"So read it," Jericho told him, attempting to look bored to cover up his discomfort.
"Give me a minute," Foley said, struggling with the large book.
"I don't like this place," Jeff whispered with a shudder as Foley thumbed through the pages.
"Really? Why ever not?" Hunter asked sarcastically. "Was it the silent darkness, the skeletons strewn all over the place, or the really big, white tomb of the guy that we would supposedly get some sort of help from?"
Both Jeff and Kane were cut off from replying by Foley, who had turned the book to the last couple of pages and cleared his throat. "It says: 'Dear Diary. I had a wet dream last night. It was about this really hot Dwarf-chick who stole into my room and…' okay, that's not for the kiddies," he cut himself off abruptly.
Jeff had been close to gagging, Jericho had turned green and Edge had thought of covering Kurt's virgin ears. Kurt seemed blissfully unaware, though.
Foley turned the pages again. He scanned over some lines, cleared his throat and began to read once more. "We can't get out, you hear me? We can't fucking get out! The boss got shot by a motherfucking piss-hole of an orc in his goddamn back while he was out taking a leak. The cock-sucking shitface got away, and all we could do was bury the big guy. Took nine of us to lift him, I tell you, and one of my buddies almost had a fucking heart attack. It wouldn't have mattered; we're all trapped in this godfucking hell-hole now and we can't get out! Fuck it, life's a bitch! No gold, no jewels, and now we've got orcs by the fucking thousands out there! And the drums, the drums… they won't fucking stop! We can't get out! They're coming!'"
At Foley's last words Kurt gave a scream and jumped into Rock's arms. "Get OFF the Rock!" Rock roared out in disgust, dropping Kurt onto the stone floor, the dull thud echoing in the room.
Christian, in the meantime, had been drawn to a skeleton that was seated on the edge of a well. How he died in that position Christian couldn't fathom, but as Foley was reading curiosity had gotten the best of him and he reached out to touch its bony hand tentatively. Kurt's scream had jolted him, and he lurched forward a bit, knocking the corpse's head off. The skull fell down the well, and it's headless body soon followed, clattering down and making such a racket that could wake the dead, no pun intended. The heads of all eight of his companions swiveled to look at him.
It didn't end there, though. Christian was still standing by looking stupidly on as it fell, thinking about denying it all. He didn't notice the chain attached to it wrap itself around his ankle. It caught on the Hobbit's leg, and Christian went down with a yell, clawing at the ground to avoid being dragged into the well. "Somebody help me!" he yelled.
Edge rushed forward and leapt for him, managing to grab his arm. He held on while Foley disentangled the chain from his leg, and then it continued down the well with the body. A series of thuds and bangs echoed up the well for quite some time, echoing the corpse's descent. Hunter groaned and shook his head. Jericho rolled his eyes. Jeff grimaced as the last crash was heard, and then there was silence.
Foley picked up his hat and stick, which Christian had dropped. "Fool of a, a…" the wizard searched for the right word to say, then shook his head and opted for a different approach. "Christian, you dumbass! You might as well have popped a 'WE ARE HERE' sign over our heads, complete with neon-flashing light bulbs! I should have just let you go over, then we'd have one less idiot to deal with!"
"Easy Foley, your blood pressure, remember?" Christian said as soothingly as he could.
Hunter spoke up before Foley could burst out again. "I say we get out of this crappy place right now," he declared. "Who knows what those noises, courtesy of the moron over there, could draw to us."
"Oh right, so it's my fault again," Christian complained as everybody began to gather their things to leave. "We've been walking for hours and we haven't seen a damn thing - if you don't count X-Pac - but just a lot of walls and halls. What makes you sure somebody, or something, heard that?"
At that moment a loud, ominous booming was heard in the distance, growing louder and louder as it slowly neared. "The drums," Jeff murmured, his eyes wide. "Just like what the dead guy was narrating in his diary!"
Kurt gave another shriek and dove behind the Rock. "Don't let them get me, Rocky! Don't let them eat me!"
"If you call the Great One Rocky one more time, the Rocky would happily hand you over to them as orc-food," the Rock threatened.
"Hey Kurt, your sword's glowing," Edge suddenly said.
Kurt looked, and then pulled Sting out of its sheath. Sure enough, the blade was giving off a bluish sheen. "Hey what do you know, it is glowing," he looked at the blue light thoughtfully. "Now what did JR say about this again? If it glows green it means I've forgotten something, and blue if somebody's thinking of me?"
"It glows blue if there are orcs coming, remember?" Rock yelled out impatiently.
"Oh yeah," Kurt said.
"Bar the doors!" Foley commanded.
"What, so they can trap and skewer us like they did to these idiots?" Jericho asked, kicking over a skeleton at his feet. "Are you nuts?"
"Do you have a better idea of holding them back?" Foley demanded.
"Give me a minute and I'll think of one," Jericho insisted.
"We don't have a minute!" Hunter yelled. "Now bar the doors if you don't want to end up a dead Undisputed Jackass!"
Grumbling to himself, Jericho went over to the huge wooden double doors and reached out to shut them, only to nearly get hit with an arrow that imbedded itself in the wood about two inches from his hand. A dozen more followed, and Jericho hurriedly pulled the doors shut, barring it with spears with the help of Hunter. "They have a fucking cave troll!" he said in a voice that was a few notches higher than his normal tone.
"Great," Jeff said dryly. He looked at his bow. "Uh, how do you use this thing again?" asked, looking at it dumbly.
"Jeff!" Everybody cried out simultaneously.
Jeff flashed them a quick grin. "Just kidding."
The others felt like strangling him, but at that moment the pounding at the double doors started, getting thunderously louder every moment. Jeff and Hunter armed themselves with bows, standing in front of the tomb and the whole party. Jericho had drawn his sword and was also holding his bizarre-looking shield in front of him, all the while trying to look confident but failing miserably. Edge, Christian and Kurt all huddled behind Foley. The wizard, however, pushed Rock in front of him and gave the People's Hobbit a grin with a thumbs up sign. Rock groaned.
Kane got up on Andre's tomb, making him look even monstrously bigger than he already was. "Let them come," he growled.
"Uh, that's what we're all praying against for, big guy," Edge told him.
All of a sudden a crack appeared in the doors. Jeff let an arrow fly, and its sank an inch right below the opening and stayed there. Hunter gave him a dry look from out of the corner of his eye. "What? I had something in my eye!" Jeff defended, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt.
Hunter shook his head and fired. Arrows began flying back and forth among the two parties, one composed of the Fellowship and the other a bunch of really butt ugly orcs, goblins, apparently a troll and who knew what else. The doors didn't hold for long; they splintered open, and orcs by the hundreds rushed in, weapons drawn and screeching like hell. There was no choice but to engage in hand to hand combat to defend themselves. Well, okay, so most of the company charged; Edge, Christian and Kurt scrambled to look for hiding places.
It was at this moment that the cave troll lumbered in, swinging its huge club and chain and looking stupid but incredibly dangerous at the same time. Jericho fended off an orc, turned to come face to face with the huge oaf, then swiveled around and ran off to a corner screaming. Kane shook his head and slapped a hand to his forehead, uh, mask.
Jeff had somehow gotten up on a ledge and fitted another arrow in his bow, then fired it at the cave troll. It hit the monster head on, and it gave a roar and turned around to find its attacker. It saw Jeff, and immediately began to swing its chain at him, Jeff dodging it every time it came towards him. Finally it wrapped around a column. Jeff saw his chance and stuck a foot out to prevent it from unraveling. He reached behind him and found to his astonishment that he had used up his arrows. "What the fuck…? I'm not supposed to run out of ammo!" he complained. Seeing no other choice, he put both feet back on the ledge, then did a picture perfect Swanton Bomb right off it and onto the cave troll, miraculously bringing it down, but also wiping him out as well. He lay groaning on the floor.
"What an idiot," Hunter grumbled to himself.
Kane stepped up to the challenge next, proving a more intimidating opponent. He was getting a few hits in on the troll, but then accidentally tripped over Jeff's prone body and ended up slamming on to the ground. Hunter shook his head. In a way it saved the Dwarf's life, though, as the troll brought its club down at that moment and hit the tomb of Andre instead, reducing the top half to rubble.
"Oh, shit," Rock groaned. He was the only one of the Hobbits who was on his feet and fending for himself.
Kurt, Edge and Christian had hidden themselves on an elevated part of the far corner of the room, thinking they would be safe there. "So we stay here until the fight's over, right?" Kurt asked.
"Right," Edge affirmed.
"What if the guys lose?" Christian asked.
"Then we make a freakin' break for it!" Edge said.
They hadn't counted on the troll to ruin what they thought was their perfect plan, though. The creature somehow made its way to them and swung its club onto the column which they were hiding behind. All three of them gave a shriek, but only Edge and Christian made it away safely. Kurt was left with the troll.
Kurt initial reaction was to let out a piercing scream. "Somebody HHHEEELLLPPP MMEEE! It's going to EEEAATTTT MMEEE! Hunter! HUNTER!"
And Hunter thought that only Steph could screech his name in a way that could make people's skin crawl. He wondered for the nth time why he hadn't just taken the Ring from Kurt and continued the journey without the sniveling brat. With a resigned sigh he headed for where Kurt and the cave troll were.
The Game's dumb luck hit him before he could get there, though, and quite literally. The troll swung his club back and conked Triple H on the head. WHAM. Kurt watched in despair as his rescuer blacked out. "Great," he said dryly.
"Kurt, duck!" Edge yelled.
Kurt did as he was told, and the troll's club crashed into the wall behind him. Kurt scrambled through its legs and got to Hunter's side. "Damnit, Hunter, wake up and save me!" he said frantically, slapping the unconscious man's face in a futile effort to revive him.
"Kurt, he's coming back for you!" Christian yelled this time. He and Edge were watching it all from the safety of a ledge farther on.
Kurt turned and he let out a high-pitched scream that outdid anything Christian may have belted out in this entire fanfic. The troll had abandoned his club for a spear, and with a precise thrust stabbed Kurt through the heart with it. Kurt fell down, lying still, giving everybody the impression that he was dead.
"Wholly shit, it killed Kurt!" Jericho yelled.
Rock blinked. He knew he wished Kurt's end a lot of times, but for some reason now that it had come true it wasn't as comforting. Maybe because the Rock had wished that he had done it himself.
And Edge and Christian, in a weird new show of bravado, or newfound stupidity with a dash of courage, which is pretty much to same thing, jumped onto the troll's back. From there they proceeded to pummel it's large neck with their comparatively little fists. It roared out in anger and tried to get them off, jumping up and down and clawing at its back.
In the meantime Jeff, who had remained knocked out since his Swanton Bomb earlier, groaned and slowly pushed himself up, shaking the stars out of his head. "What the fuck happened? Matt ran me over with his dumb horse again, didn't he?" he muttered unintelligibly.
"Jeff, look out!" Foley called.
Jeff looked up and his eyes widened as they fixed on the troll. "Motherfuck!" he yelled out. He took his bow reached behind him for an arrow, momentarily forgetting that he had none. Scanning the ground, he saw a dead orc beside him and wrenched the arrow out of it. He fitted it into the bow and fired, and by some miracle of God hit his target exactly where he wanted it. The troll coughed and gurgled, blood rising up to the arrow in its throat, then pitched forward, dead. Edge and Christian rolled off its back.
"Oh yeah!" Jeff said triumphantly. He looked around and saw that everybody had turned their attention to something else. "Hey, aren't you guys even going to give me a little show of gratitude? I did kill the blasted cave troll!" he called out.
"Kurt's dead," Edge said mournfully.
"And so?" Jeff said, waving his arms. "I killed the cave troll! That's bigger news!"
Back in the corner Hunter had come to, groaning as he held his head. He saw Kurt lying a few feet away from him, face first on the ground. "Is he…?" he asked Foley, who came up.
"I think so," Foley said. "But I don't see any blood. Maybe we should check before we jump to conclusions. Or rejoicing," here he gave Rock a pointed look. Then he went over and shook Kurt. When that did nothing, he rolled the Hobbit over. Kurt gave a groan and opened an eye. "He's alive," Foley announced.
"Goddamnit!" Rock yelled out in exasperation, kicking a stone to the wall.
"He should have been dead," Kane commented.
"Yeah, the troll practically impaled him on that spear," Jericho added.
"Does the Ring make him Super-Kurt now or something?" Christian asked.
Kurt coughed and looked around with a frown. "Well thanks for the support, guys," He said. He pulled open the front of his tunic and something glittery sparkled out.
"Mithril!" Kane exclaimed.
"I was wondering where JR put that thing," Foley mused. "It was given to him by some ruler a couple of years ago, I forget, and is worth as much as the entire Shire, I'm told." Then he frowned. "And he gave it to you?"
"That thing's probably too good for him," Rock muttered.
"Well whatever it is it saved me," Kurt said. Rock made a mental note to kill JR.
Hunter picked himself up and was about to say something when the booming started again. "Again with the drums!" Jeff groaned. He looked at Hunter. "Let me guess: Let's get a move on, huh?"
"Right," Hunter said.
"Quick, to the bridge of Khazad Dûm!" Foley said.
"The bridge of what?" Christian asked.
"Does it matter?" Edge told him. "Get off your ass and let's go!"
And with that all nine of them packed up and were running off through the mines, past the strewn skeletons, the eerie jagged paths until they were back in the great halls that glowed a deep red. All the while the drums got louder, and in a while it was coupled with running feet. Kurt made the mistake of looking back. He saw orcs by the freakin' thousands all running towards them. He would have let out another squeal if Hunter hadn't frowned at him. "Shut the fuck up and just run! Don't look back!"
Kurt did as he was told and kept running. Jeff was shocked and worried to hear the sound of running feet coming not only from behind them now, but even from above them. He looked up and caught a glimpse of more orcs pouring down the columns. They looked like a swarm of really gross, angry and deformed little men. Wait, no, Elves. Orcs used to be Elves, right? Let's assume they were.
They were running in single file yet again, with Foley in the lead, looking kind of weird with his shining stick held out in front of him, long sword drawn and his pointy hat gone. He must have lost in back at the tomb of Andre the Giant. Jeff came right behind him, then Kane, then Rock, then Kurt. Rock had forgotten about Kurt's clumsiness for the moment, but Kurt hadn't tripped so far anyway. Behind Kurt came Edge and Christian, then Jericho and finally Hunter. At that moment, though, Foley came to an abrupt halt. Jeff tried to skid to a stop but ended up bumping into him. Kane saw them too late and crashed into both of them. Rock followed, creating a bizarre sort-of-like domino effect that ended with all of them in a very unremarkable heap on the ground.
"Will you shitheads get off of me?" Foley yelled out.
"It was your fault, you stopped without warning!" Jeff accused, his voice slightly pained from the weight on top of him.
"Uh guys, we have trouble…" Edge said, looking wanly at the approaching orcs.
The orcs surrounded them, their little beady eyes gleaming in the red light. Already Jericho's head was filling with thoughts on the massacre he was sure would follow, not to mention that fact that it was also turning his stomach too. To everyone's surprise the orcs stopped advancing and slowly began backing off one by one.
"What's going on?" Hunter asked as they all picked themselves up.
A loud thud came from one end of the hall and the red glow slowly grew brighter. Foley looked wearily at it. "Something bigger then these guys," he said, gesturing to the retreating orcs. "Big, bad, and it won't be very happy to see us. A Balrog. Swords would do zilch in this situation."
"So what do we do now?" Edge asked, panicked.
"What else? Grab your asses and run!" Foley replied.
And with that forceful command they proceeded to run in single file again, moving for the bridge of Khazie-whatever at top speed. Hunter was surprisingly in the lead this time, with Jeff behind him and then Kurt. Kurt stumbled and would have collided with Jeff again if Kane hadn't grabbed him. Deciding that it was better for everybody's health, Kane tucked Kurt under his arm like a briefcase and kept running, carrying the Hobbit, who gave little protest, along.
Hunter turned a corner and ran down the steps, not realizing that there was technically nothing at the end. He skidded to a stop, but still would have fallen over if Jeff hadn't come up from behind and grabbed him. They fell down backward, Hunter nearly crushing Jeff. "Ow! Hey, you weigh a ton! Get off me!" Jeff said.
"Then you shouldn't have caught me, dickhead," Hunter said, getting up.
"Why the hell do I do that guy any favors?" Jeff grumbled to himself as he stood up.
They all made their way down the narrow and rail-less stairway. All around them fire burned, flames licking up high into the air. In the middle of he stone stairway they encountered a gap. Jeff stopped for a moment then leapt, clearing it easily. He turned and nearly fell off the stairs when Foley followed without warning. The two managed to steady each other, then turned to help the others. Arrows started to fly again overhead. "This just keeps on getting better and better doesn't it?" Jericho muttered when he was across.
Hunter flung Edge and Christian across to Jericho, then turned to Rock. Rock was about to protest being tossed, but Hunter, too busy to argue, booted him across anyway. He looked at Kane. "I don't suppose I have to help you over too."
Kane shook his head, and then jumped. He landed right on the edge of the other side and would have fallen into the gap if Jeff hadn't caught his mask. "Not the mask!" he yelled.
"Would you rather I let go?" Jeff snapped. He pulled, and the mask stretched a bit, revealing a bit of what was under. Jeff shrieked and promptly let go. "Ohmigosh, the face! I saw his face!" he yelled.
"Will you please SHUT the HELL UP?" Jericho yelled at him, grabbing one of Kane's flailing arms, as the Big Red Machine nearly went over again. "Help me help him across!" he told Jeff. The Elf snapped back to his senses and they pulled Kane to safety.
Hunter turned. "All right, Kurt, you next," he grabbed Kurt and was about to fling him over when the part they were standing on began to crumble. Hunter and Kurt scrambled to higher ground and watched in dismay as the lower part of the steps collapsed into the molten rock below, making the gap exceedingly wider. "Why do I get into this kind of shit?" Hunter groaned. "And why do I get into it with you?" he said to Kurt.
Kurt ignored him for the moment; his eyes caught something else. "Hunter!" he said, pointing to where a huge boulder from the ceiling detached itself and crashed into the higher part of the stairs, completely cutting them off from the main foundation. The loose rock that they were on began to tilt and sink.
"Wholly shit!" Hunter exclaimed. He grabbed Kurt by the back of his tunic. "When I tell you to lean forward, lean forward, all right?"
"All right!" Kurt said.
"Lean!"
"To where?"
"Where else? Forward!"
"Well you didn't specify!"
"Stop yammering and do it!"
Kurt finally did as he was told, leaning forward as Hunter held on to his shirt. Trusting someone who didn't like you, like Hunter, probably wasn't the best idea, but at the moment Kurt had no choice. The steps they were on pitched forward and they crashed into the part where the others were, nearly knocking off Jeff and Jericho. Amazingly, though, no insults were fired at the moment, and Jeff and Jericho pulled them to safety, and then they tore off after the others who had already went the length down the rest of the stairs.
More running. It was getting hotter, meaning the Balrog was close. It probably didn't have that much of a problem with the stairs like they did. Also it likely didn't have the problem of orcs bugging it either. They kept on running for their lives until a joyous shout rang out from Edge. "There's the bridge!"
"That's a bridge?" Rock exclaimed, looking at the thin slab of rock that that stretched from one end of a deep and large chasm to the other.
"Hell, as long as it can get us away from whatever's chasing us then I don't give a shit what it looks like!" Jericho declared.
"Less talking, more running!" Hunter said.
On and on, panting like dogs, they ran for the bridge. Edge crossed first, followed closely by Christian. Kane came next, and then Rock. Jericho followed, then Kurt and then Hunter. Jeff stopped halfway and turned to look behind them. "Wholly shit! Look that that fucking thing! It's bigger than Kane!" he exclaimed.
Everyone looked. The fiery beast that was the Balrog emerged, its body looking like it was actually living flame. Its eyes blazed, horns curved from its monstrous heads and a pair of blazing wings was on its back. It held an immense sword and a long whip, flicking it now and then, seemingly unaware that it was killing off any orcs stupid enough to be near it.
Edge nudged Kane. "I think he just stole your gimmick, man," he said. Kane simply growled at him.
Jeff bolted over the bridge and crossed it safely. Foley followed, but then stumbled halfway. "Goddamnit!" he exclaimed, catching himself from falling over, and gripping his sword and stick tightly.
"Foley, come on!" Kurt yelled.
"Just a sec!" Foley said.
"It's behind you!" Hunter yelled.
Foley turned. So it was; the blasted thing had caught up to him and was now leering over him with something akin to a grin. "Bullshit," Foley cursed. He watched as the Balrog raised its sword and brought it down on Foley. Foley yelled out in surprise and threw up his own sword to block it. The two clashed together, and amazingly Foley's held. He opened an eye and grinned. "Hey, what do you know? I don't even know my own strength!"
"Will you stop clowning around and get over here?" Hunter called out to him.
"Wait just a minute, I think I can actually beat this guy!" Foley said.
Hunter groaned and shook his head. "I just know that this is a bad idea."
Foley lifted his stick with both hands and uttered one of the most incredibly famous lines in the movie, if not the most famous. "YOU CANNOT PASS!" he yelled out, bringing his stick down and slamming it on the part of the bridge in front of him, even as Hunter's tiny, protesting voice said something else about direct lines from the movie and the book.
There was a cracking sound as Foley's stick broke in two. Both Foley and the Balrog looked at it dumbly for a moment. On the other side the rest of the company shook their heads in exasperation. Foley shrugged. "Eh, I was due to replace it anyway; no biggie."
The Balrog roared and came closer. Foley's eyes widened when he realized that it was still there. "Fuck! Break, you stupid bridge, break!" he screamed, stomping his feet. In a final desperate attempt he threw the top half of his broken stick on the part he was trying to sever. There was a loud sound as the stone groaned, then gave way. The Balrog gave a yell but it was no use; it plunged into the darkness.
"Oh yeah, Foley!" Edge cheered.
"That so totally reeked of awesomeness!" Christian told him.
Foley grinned and looked down, giving a thumbs up to the fallen Balrog. "Have a nice day!" he called out, and then turned back to the others. "Well, let's get out of this hell-hole."
Hunter blinked. He really hadn't thought that Foley would make it. Foley made a show of dusting his hands, and then moved towards them, but apparently the Balrog wasn't done with him yet. Something snaked out of the darkness below and wrapped itself around Foley's ankle. It was recognized to be the beast's whip. "Fuck," Foley said.
"Foley!" Kurt screamed.
With one vicious tug Foley lost his footing and fell, grabbing onto the edge. Edge looked at Hunter. "Aren't we going to try and save him?"
"Yeah, aren't you assholes going to try and save me?" Foley yelled out, fingers scrabbling to get a firm hold. "Come on; get over here and give me a hand, it's got me!"
Before anyone could make a move and run over to help, the Balrog gave another pull and Foley lost hold of the ledge as well. "You fooooooooooooooolllllllssssssss…….!" Was the last thing any of them ever heard from him.
"Oh shit," Hunter said, looking down.
"Hey Triple H, snap the fuck out of it and let's get out of here!" Jericho's voice cut into his thoughts.
Hunter looked up and noticed that the orcs and goblins from the other side had regrouped, not very crestfallen at the loss of their large companion, and began to fire arrows at them again. Dodging one of them, Hunter turned and began to run after the others, who had already hustled for the gates leading out of Moria. When they got there they burst out into the day, the sun blinding them for a bit but welcoming nonetheless. The Hobbits collapsed onto the ground, panting with exhaustion.
"Oh my God, I can't believe Foley's gone," Christian said mournfully.
"I know, why couldn't it have taken Kurt?" Jeff said.
"Hey!" Kurt protested.
"Great, now we're lost our travel guide," Kane said.
"He wasn't that great of a navigator to begin with," Jericho reminded him.
Rock stood up. "So what now?"
"We go on, that's what," Hunter said, gathering his belongings. "Now all of you get up, we still have a couple of miles to go before we get to our next destination."
"Aren't you going to give us a little time to mourn, or even catch our breath?" Christian asked.
"It's nearly nightfall, and by that time the orcs will be out here by the hundred thousands," Hunter answered. "If you want to stay behind and get killed, fine with me. If not, get up and let's go."
"Who died and made you in charge?" Jericho asked.
"Foley," Hunter said simply.
Jericho groaned. "Oh yeah."
Kurt sniffled and stood up, getting ready to follow the others. He was actually the only one who shed any tears, but it hardly even counted, as he was a natural crybaby anyway. The former company of nine reduced to eight went on their way, but Hunter dreaded every step. For, of all places, they were headed to Lórien.