Chapter 22
"Oh baby baby baby"
I'll never be a good man,
Won't try to be good for you
But you see right through me, I know you do
Don't look at me with those burning eyes
This house is in flames and it's me that dies
Oh Baby baby baby, you ain't no little girl
You don't know what you do to me
Every day and every night, Tryin' to get through to me
Don't try, keep on tryin'
You know I'm gonna try to keep on lyin'
Oh baby baby baby
One day you'll wake and run from me
Just remember I did too
I'll never be your angel, won't fucking try to be
but don't you ever try to lie to me
Like I did you
Baby baby baby you ain't no little girl"
I don't know where it came from. I'd been playing with that melody for a few weeks now, and every time I saw Bella, I thought about those words that pissed her off so spectacularly the night she'd touched my guitar and we had a conversation.
It all came together. That simply.
It was the first words I'd put to any music in a long time. Out of fear. The issue. Maybe spite.
Why now?
I didn't want to look into it too deeply.
But what possessed me to sing it out loud? The fact she seemed to like my bandmates more than me? That boy Emmett?
Was it all about losing? I was losing so much more in my life than just a game with a hot, beguiling girl.
I could've just fucked up everything.
I put my earbuds in as soon as I got to the green room and grabbed a stack of napkins. Began writing what I could remember. I knew the sound guys recorded every show, but I didn't want to hear it played back to me. Not right now. Not until I knew why I did it.
I was clearly warning her. Warning her I was no good, had no plans to try to be good. Just like I thought when I met her and found out she was Carlisle's niece. I knew I was going to break her.
But part of me wanted someone to like me. Someone to find me redeemable. Don't know why I wanted it to be her.
But I did.
Pussy way of thinking, I could hear my father say.
I was going to have to fix that.