Whatever You Do

Hinata sat with her hands clasped in what she hoped appeared to be a placid manner in her lap. In reality she was clenching them tightly to keep them from shaking. The room was deathly silent, everyone waiting for her to speak.

Wave after wave of conflicting emotions washed through her. What she had just heard from these elders could not possibly true. No one could give any serious consideration to this ...absurd notion.

And yet as she tried to calm herself once again taking advantage of the silence it was empowering to acknowledge that it was her voice everyone was waiting to hear. She tried to force herself to look back objectively over the entire shinobi clan structure. Konoha, it's history, the history of the other hidden villages had all been full of examples of molding human beings from birth, and sometimes even before, to become those perfect weapons known as shinobi. The clan constructs could be viewed, in coarse terms, as their own controlled breeding experiments where kekkai genkai were carefully guarded and cultivated generation after generation.

In short, the elders' proposition was not quite so far outside the norm as it appeared on the surface.

Hinata looked again into the two wizened old faces and felt...pity. There seemed to be no trace of guile or deception about the two of them, in fact she could sense a tremendous relief that their history of past deceptions was finally coming to light. This weighed heavily in her decision. She had always been brought up to be respectful of her elders, to help them and ease their burdens if possible. What kind of burdens had these two been carrying on behalf of their village for all these years?

"I...I am not equipped to make this decision on my own, Hokage-sama." Hinata answered with a pause but not a stammer this time. "I would like to ask permission to seek advice from another person."

"Who did you have in mind, Hinata?" Tsunade asked.

"Kurenai-sensei."

Tsunade looked at Koharu and Homura sitting across from her, cocking an eyebrow skyward as she questioned them. "Well?"

Koharu answered. "We understand, Hinata. We thank you for giving this matter serious consideration and not dismissing it out of hand. Kurenai Yuhei is a most suitable choice for advice in this matter. All we ask is that you impress upon her the confidentiality of this issue. Make sure that other than Yuhei-san and those within this room today, no one else knows about this discussion."

Hinata nodded in agreement. "Is that all, Tsunade-sama?" she asked.

Tsunade's smile was kind and warm, directed solely at her. Hinata had no doubt that the instant she was gone Tsunade's full ire would be directed back at Homura and Koharu but for the moment it was nice to be the object of such warmth from her Hokage. "I think that's more than enough for today, eh, don't you think Hinata?"

Smile, warm and broad and just for her, her caramel eyes twinkling so that Hinata herself had to smile as well now that the odious formality was over. "Yes, Tsunade-sama," she agreed emphatically and grinned in relief, rising to go.

"Hinata, if you have anything you want to discuss or ask me, anything at all, I'm available to you at any time." Tsunade added. "Or, " eyes twinkling again and smirking at her, "if you never want to talk about this again, that's fine, too. Understood?"

"Yes, Tsunade-sama, and thank you," Hinata bowed to her Hokage and the elders then turned to smile at Shizune and Sakura before she left.

Walking home, she tried to review in her mind all the cons about the proposal and see if there were any pros about it, any at all. If there was absolutely nothing worth considering any further about this, if she was truly going to just 'dismiss it out of hand' as Koharu had called it, then there was no reason at all to even mention it to Kurenai-sensei. The topic could just die right here and now without any one who was not inside Tsunade's office today ever knowing anything about it.

And the cons were almost too numerous to count. She, a single mother? Hinata honestly had to admit that she felt she fell far short of the mark in what was required to take on that task. Kurenai-sensei was a worthy example and Hinata truly admired everything she was able to do in keeping to her duties as a shinobi and being her son's sole parent.

This train of thought caused another, more disturbing one, to race through her head. Would she be allowed to be the child's mother? They wouldn't take it away from her would they?

Would it be fair to bring a child into the world without his father? There were enough orphans and fatherless children in all the shinobi villages due to the history of wars and fighting, would it be right to engender a child knowing from the outset that he or she would never have a father present?

All these thoughts played through her head as she walked along the streets of Konoha, politely greeting those she passed. She was distracted as she continued on her path to her apartment, merely acknowledging acquaintances with a brief nod or a raised hand. She must have been rushed in her steps because no one considered it rude, they just assumed she was on an urgent mission.

Entering the security and comfort of her own apartment, Hinata closed the door behind her and went to the kitchen to prepare herself a cup of tea. Soon the light jasmine fragrance of the tea filled her small apartment as she sat down to try and collect her thoughts over this matter.

The social implications seemed to be decidedly in the 'against' column. But there were also personal considerations that only Hinata herself could know.

Elders in her own clan had been making noises about arranging a marriage for her ever since her twentieth birthday a few months earlier. Some of the older women had nattered about that she should have been wedded and bedded long before now. Although her own father hadn't broached the subject with her she knew he had had meetings with the elders lately on topics that were more than just routine clan business.

The topic had been nagging in the back of her mind for some time now. She dreaded the day when her father accompanied by some elderly aunt would bring up the subject in seriousness to her. We've found a suitable match for you, Hinata-chan.

She'd long ago given up her girlhood dreams that Naruto himself would fall in love with her and save her from the machinations of the Hyuuga clan. Naruto was, and always had been, in love with Sakura. It had just taken Sakura some time to realize what her true feelings were for him. Now that they were a couple it was obvious they had been meant to be together. Hinata sincerely wished them well.

And as far as love interests went, besides Naruto there really had never been anyone else to whom she'd been attracted. Kiba-kun and Shino-kun were practically her brothers, much like Neji-nii-san, it was impossible to consider them as anything other than family.

Hinata realized that she had grown up thinking there were two paths for her to follow, one where she was the dutiful heiress, marrying whomever her clan selected for her and the only alternate to that that she could imagine was one wherein the prince, in the form of Naruto she'd hoped, would swoop in to rescue her from that fate.

And now, here she was presented with a third option. One wherein she could...choose.

She could choose a separate destiny.

It was only one item in the 'pro' column, but it was a there nonetheless.

There was at least a reason to go see Kurenai-sensei.

"How long does he nap?" Hinata whispered as Kurenai closed the door to the sleeping boy's room and the two walked softly to the living room.

Kurenai smiled. "Not nearly long enough I'm afraid. I think he'll have completely given them up by his next birthday."

The two women settled onto the couch. Kurenai still lived in the same home she'd had when Hinata had stayed with her during her genin years. In all of Konoha, this was probably the one place where the young Hyuuga woman felt most comfortable and secure. She'd shared her deepest secrets and fears with Kurenai growing up and the genjutsu mistress had become more than her sensei, she was the older sister that Hinata never had. Although neither of them spoke much about it because it was still too painful for Hinata but in many ways Kurenai also filled the role of her mother who had died when Hanabi was born and Hinata only five years old.

"So, Hinata, what did you want to see me about?" Kurenai asked.

"Well, ah, it's about an interesting proposal..." Hinata began.

Kurenai's heart sank. She had been dreading this conversation for the last couple of years now. The girl's bastard of a father had finally decided on some well-off old man he deemed a suitable match for his daughter and was marrying her off. It was probably some distant clan cousin with an established business and maybe even children of his own by his now deceased first wife, children already close to Hinata's age. Kurenai tried to control her emotions, she couldn't tell if she was almost trembling with rage or heartbreak for her student.

"And, you, s-s-see Kurena-sensei, it's unlike anything I had ever considered before," Hinata was continuing. Kurenai's ears perked up, it must really be an awful match if Hinata was starting to stutter around her. She and the rest of her team were the few people with whom Hinata had always felt most comfortable. Perhaps Hiashi was even marrying her off outside the village, to some far-flung relative at the opposite end of the Land of Fire.

A soft palm covered Hinata's knee as Kurenai patted her comfortingly. "Is it about...marriage, Hinata? Has your father decided?"

Hinata blinked. Of course that would be the first thing that would occur to her sensei, it was the most likely scenario. "No," she hesitated, "not exactly. I mean, it's not about marriage but it is about having a child. A baby. About me, having a baby."

It was Kurenai's turn to blink. She didn't know what to say. After a lengthy pause during which Hinata found it difficult to continue and Kurenai found it difficult to reply the older kunoichi finally asked, "Hinata, are you pregnant?"

"What? No!" the lavender-eyed girl was surprised, stunned, even, that her sensei would intuit such a thing. "I mean, not yet, but it is about me...having a baby. Eventually." She stressed the last word.

Relieved, Kurenai suggested, "Why don't I make us a pot of tea?"

Hinata nodded, grateful for a few more minutes to compose her thoughts. Pleasant sounds of preparation came from the kitchen, the gentle clink of china, the water merrily boiling and finally being poured over the tea and once again Kurenai returned. This time she had a tray in hand laden with the pot and cups. She placed it on the table in front of the sofa and rejoined her student.

"Now, then, why don't you start at the begining?"

And Hinata did. To her credit, Kurenai dutifully listened to all that was said without looking too shocked or interrupting in disbelief. When she was finally finished, Hinata looked at her teacher and asked. "What do you think?"

Kurenai's red eyes were wide. "I think," she said rising from the couch. "That we should be drinking sake not tea."

Smiling at the gentle joke, Hinata appreciated the humor that lightened the mood as well as the sake that was quickly produced and shared between the two friends.

"What do you think, Kurenai-sensai?" Hinata finally asked again.

"What do I think?" Kurenai leaned back in the chair, her dark tresses falling over the back as she looked up at the ceiling and searched for a wise answer. "I think raising a child alone is the hardest thing I've had to do in my life. There's not a day that passes that I don't wish Asuma was here with me. I miss him every day."

"But that...wouldn't be the case with me." Hinata prompted.

"I know," Kurenai replied understandingly. "But Hinata, just because you've not met someone yet doesn't mean you won't find the right person and fall in love with him and..."

"And would the right person love me less if I already had a child?" she countered.

Pouring more sake for the two of them, Kurenai didn't answer directly but rather mused, thinking out loud, "You know, isn't it odd that we kunoichi wouldn't have any qualms about killing, taking a life, if ordered to for our village but to be asked to create a life, to bring a new life into this world causes us such a dilemma."

"So what do you think I should do?"

Kurenai smiled. "I can't answer that. But I can say that whatever you do, you will do well because I know you. And whatever you decide, whether it's this or a traditional clan marriage or something else entirely, I'll always support you."