Chapter 27

The closer we got to Minnesota, the meaner Edward got. The whiskey disappeared faster, the ashtrays filled up higher, the barking demands were more frequent.

The shows in Kansas City and Des Moines were harder, angrier. Edward gave it all every night until the sweat was dripping off him and soaking his shirt. After every show, he'd sit in his chair in the green room, earbuds in, not talking to anyone. Once, he just left the stage and went right out the venue doors, headed straight to his room on the bus.

Carlisle was worried, I could tell. He paced and watched day after day.

So did I. But only because I was searching for the Edward I experienced on a rickety picnic table and the Edward that wanted my leg on his.

The Edward that kissed me silly for twenty minutes in the dark of the bus we called home, and then nuzzled my neck and stayed there, breathing against me, for another twenty.

He hadn't been rude to me, hadn't been mean to me. But he hadn't acknowledged me.

One glance, one smile, a touch of a hand, that's all I wanted.

We'd shared such a vulnerable moment when he confessed his loneliness in quiet darkness. I'd laid myself out too… kissing someone and showing them all your passion felt equally as vulnerable.

I shouldn't have been surprised, I'm not sure what I expected and I was mad at myself for that. Baby baby baby.

Didn't make his indifference towards me hurt any less.

In my mind, we'd crossed some invisible line. The one you step over to get from acquaintances to someone you could trust. Get close to. Someone you felt was important enough to get close with.

He had warned me, couldn't deny that. Told me he'd betray me, told me he was a bastard. I'd stepped across that line knowing full well I might never have him cross his own to meet me.

My biggest worry, the one gnawing thought that kept my stomach in knots, was that he was ignoring me out of regret. It hurt to think that he was ignoring me because he'd thought he'd made a mistake.

Sighing, tired of thinking, exhausted from mentally having to shore myself up every day, I asked Carlisle if I could go back to bus three until he really needed me on his bus again.

So, there I was, holed up on a bunk across from Jane as we sat facing each other and ate Doritos.

Bus three had improved since all the girlfriends were gone. Guess they got tired of the band not really paying any attention anymore and decided there was a better life for them then just sitting around waiting to be noticed.

With that thought, my teeth bit my tongue painfully as I couldn't discount the similarity.

Emmett threw his body on my bunk and grabbed the bag as I held my sore mouth. "Couldn't stay away from us, huh?" He shoved a few in his face and chewed. "Or maybe you just couldn't stand to be in close quarters with Edward anymore. Heard he's getting worse, if that's possible."

I thought of exactly how close we'd actually been, my breasts pressed against his chest as he kissed me, licked my neck, thrust his hands in my hair and pulled.

"Something like that."

"I, for one, am looking forward to three days off. What are you guys doing?" he asked, throwing the bag to Jane.

"Chicago to see my boyfriend, what else?" she answered, giddy. Her bunk was wallpapered with pictures of the two of them. She thought this might be THE weekend. Ring city.

"Um, going home to see my folks I guess." I shrugged.

"Not something you want to do?" Emmett asked.

"It's not that. I miss them, and it'll be nice to sleep in my own bed."

"But?"

"I dunno. I've gotten used to this. It'll be hard to switch it on and off. And for such a short amount of time."

I was lying. Bold face.

Three days away from Edward regardless of his coldness felt like an eternity.

It was the last night of the tour before the break.

The guys were killing it in Minneapolis. The crowd seemed louder, rowdier, mirroring the band's explosive energy.

We all felt it, that high a certain show will give you when everything falls into place just right. The crowd, the lights, the smells, the music.

Edward especially was on fire. His control over the crowd was something to witness. He could tame them with a palm of his hand held out, a low hum coming from his lips that lulled them into a synchronized mass of sound, humming along.

And just like that, he'd flip the switch on them, raising and riling them up, their blood pumping with a nod of his head and a violent stroke of his guitar strings.

I tried to disconnect the part of me that was a true fan of their music and the pathetic baby baby baby that was clinging to a lost moment in her head as I watched them, him, move about the stage. So fierce. So strong.

So fucking beautiful.

The show ran over by a half an hour. Edward threw a few extra encores on at the end like he didn't want to stop playing. I'd retreated to the green room to refresh the ice that had melted and make sure that the drinks were still cold, food still fresh.

The band started to trickle in, loud and animated. It was easy to get caught up in the enthusiasm of their energy after a good show. Everyone was in a good mood, revved up and ready to party.

I waited for Edward to come in, assuming he'd be much the way he was lately, silent and sullen as he drank his whiskey and listened to whatever it was he'd been listening to after the shows.

What I wasn't expecting was his cheery voice behind me, laughing and joking, light and untroubled.

I wasn't expecting a vibrant and dynamic Edward.

Smiling, my hope returned that maybe he'd gotten out of whatever funk he'd been in, and we would be friendly again.

Until I turned around.

I was definitely not expecting the perky brunette he perched happily on his knee.

That knee.

My knee.

My whole body betrayed me, went stiff. My blood surged as I tried not to show just how numb I felt as every nerve ending lost feeling. My ears rang and my eyes stung.

One sweet encounter didn't mean he was going to declare me the love of his life. Didn't mean he was going to want to take things further, more serious. I knew this, I wasn't a dummy. I was so far out of his league I was in another galaxy.

But I guess I'd hoped. Just a little. That he liked me.

I walked around robotically, fake smile firmly cemented in place as I pretended to be nonchalant, handing out water and cleaning up.

Tried not to look as he wrapped his hand in her hair. Tried not to frown when his hand moved up and down her thigh. Tried not to throw dirty looks as I walked around the room making sure everyone was happy while I was decidedly not.

Tried not to tear up as he kissed her, just once, with those same lips I'd tasted.

It was a torturous hour.

I just couldn't stand to be there if he took her with him to the bathroom. I knew I wouldn't be able to watch if he took her back to the bus, hands intertwined as he pulled her up those stairs.

"Carlisle, do you mind if I head out? I have to get my stuff together, my plane leaves in two hours," I asked, trying desperately not to appear as anxious as I felt.

He pulled his phone from his ear, looked at me with surprise. "You're leaving tonight?"

"Yeah, I was able to get a red eye so I could spend more time with Mom and Dad," I lied. Sitting in the airport waiting for my morning flight had to be better than spending another second in that room.

Jasper walked by, put a hand on my shoulder. "Have a safe trip, see you in a few days."

I forced a smile. "Thanks."

Yorkie pulled himself away from two girls giggling next to him. "See ya, Bella." I nodded and waved.

Carlisle pulled out his wallet, handed me some bills. "Money for a cab, sorry I can't go with you, my flight to New York isn't until six."

I didn't have the chance to thank him.

"Bella," Edward's voice rang out clear over the din of the green room noise and I stiffened.

Turning, I didn't know if I hoped he'd wish me a good trip as well or would just smile a little, recognize me. Recognize that I wouldn't be around for a few days. Maybe even miss me.

"Hand me a water on your way out." He turned back to the girl on his lap. "Can she get you anything, love?"

"Water would be great, whatever you're having" she answered, breathy and obvious as he smiled down at her.

My eyes burned and threatened to throw flames all over the green room.

Even though I knew it. He'd told me.

He had called me a fool on that bus, a fool to think he was anything but cruel. And he'd just made sure I'd heard him.

Loud and clear.