Disclaimer; As seen on TV. Not sold in stores. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. Do not attempt to stop chainsaw with hands or genitals. Caution, coffee may be hot. Contents may settle in shipping, packaged by weight not volume.

September first found Harry on platform 9 ¾ with everyone else headed to Hogwarts. He waved to a few friends, shook a few babies, kissed a few hands, did all the usual good guy things basically. Unlike many he was not struggling with luggage or trying to escape from overeager parents. He was just basking in the feeling of being a free man, no longer hunted. He boarded the train and headed to his usual compartment where he found Neville and Luna.

"Hey guys, long time no see." He greeted them.

"Hello Harry, I hope you were able to enjoy the polyjuice." Luna smiled.

"Hey mate. You'll never guess what I got for my birthday!"

"An urn of Bellatrix Lestrange's ashes? It seemed to be a popular gift this year. Yes Luna, your's was by far the most pleasant vial of polyjuice I drank this summer."

"Do you know who gave them to us?" Neville was on the trail of a mystery! Hopefully he wouldn't get himself killed like the trio always almost did.

"Sure, a man named Lord Oliver Dammot was behind it all. As much as I am sure we are both glad she's gone, don't write to him. He is a bit… temperamental. I'm sure he knows how much you care."

"But he's done so much."

"You have no idea how much he's done. Trust me, let him be."

"If you say so, but if you see him again let him know we're grateful. Did I tell you about my new wand?"

"No, how is that working out for you?"

"I love it. Magic is easier for me now and I just know my grades will improve."

"That's great Nev, would you like to join my army of evil and bring chaos and destruction to the land?"

"Oh! I would! Can I join your army?" Luna was practically bouncing in her seat but Neville just looked at him funny.

"No I don't think I will. Thanks for the offer though."

"Of course you can Luna, every powerful wizard plotting a coup needs an insane henchwoman. Voldemort had Bellatrix, Dumbledore has McGonagall, and you shall be mine! Mua-ha-ha-ha!" Harry enjoyed a good evil laugh now and then.

"Mate, have you gone round the twist? McGonagall isn't insane or evil. And since when were you building an army to take over?"

"Voldemort says he won't fight me anymore unless I have an army. He got bored." He sounded like a lost six year old, instead of a sixth year who lost his mind.

"And this is a bad thing how?" Neville looked puzzled.

"I'll get lonely."

"We're going to have a long talk with Madam Pomphrey when we get to Hogwarts. One of us is insane."

"Don't worry Harry, you're just as sane as I am." Luna patted his knee.

"We're your friends Neville, we'll help you get through this somehow. Your secret is safe with us." Harry pledged.

"I'm going to go find Dean and Seamus. I'll talk to you later." Neville backed through the door slowly.

"So how was your summer Luna?"

"I guess it wasn't as interesting as yours. I didn't fight any dark lords, but then again none of them wanted to fight me either."

"Did you have a good time hunting snorkacks?"

"No, the Swedish government didn't approve our expedition license so we never left."

"Too bad. Well there is always next year." Harry lay across the seat and took a nap, his head resting on Luna's lap.

"Harry James Potter! What do you think you are doing?" Hermione's shrill voice woke him later.

"I thought I was enjoying a nap. Was I wrong?"

"You shouldn't be sleeping on Luna. It's inappropriate."

"She's soft. Did you mind Luna?"

"No Harry, you're welcome to sleep with me anytime." She peered over her copy of the quibbler.

"See, everything's good here. Now if that's all, I'll go back to sleep."

"You can't just disappear all summer and then show up wanting a nap!" Hermione was slightly peeved.

"But it was a busy summer! If Voldemort wasn't trying to kill me Dumbledore was trying to put me back with my relatives. If I wasn't fighting for my life I was running for it."

"You shouldn't have been running in the first place."

"The Headmaster has no influence outside of my schooling. He had no business telling me where to go. So how was your summer Hermione? Did you enjoy France?"

"It was great until someone impersonating Dumbledore collected my hair to track you down. I didn't even know you were missing! And then the Death Eaters were tracking you thanks to me. I was so worried and no owls would take letters to you." She was near tears before Harry put an arm around her shoulder.

"Would it help you if I told you antique shops reminded me of my ill spent youth? I once met a beautiful young woman at one in Calais. You giving that hair helped more than you know."

"It was you! Why would you need to track yourself?"

"I didn't. I used it in a polyjuice potion. It was a perfect way to escape both the order and death eaters. Thanks for your help."

"So I gave you a hair to find you and you used it to avoid being found?"

"It worked. And Dumbledore was so busy chasing non-existent death eaters that he never noticed that people who shouldn't have been there suddenly appeared when I disappeared."

"You could have been hurt or killed!"

"I was, several times. I saw Voldemort more this summer than most of his senior death eaters ever have. I've also had more broken bones and other injuries than the my Hogwarts career so far combined."

"What?"

"Yeah, I'll show you my two newer scars later. I got stabbed with a great bloody dagger and got hit with a killing curse again. Not to mention I lost a couple toes and broke both my arms and legs multiple times."

"Oh Harry!" Hermione hugged him and cried a few tears. Luna just smiled at him and patted his head.

"Don't worry I am perfectly safe now. Everything is alright."

"How could it all be alright? Voldemort is trying to kill you."

"Not anymore. He said he wasn't going to kill me unless I built my own army first. He thinks we both need swarms of minions and fight some epic battle that people will write about obsessively later. I think he might be a little off kilter."

"He said he was just going to stop attacking?"

"Yes, at least until I've got enough of my own troops to make things fair."

"But that's crazy!"

"You thought Voldemort was sane? Say, do you think your parents would let me borrow their car? How far is it from your house to Little Hangleton?"

"Why would you need my parent's car?"

"I haven't tried to run him over yet. I'm trying to find out how to kill him. I tried magic. I tried poison in his food. I tried sword fighting. I even tried choking him to death with my bare hands. But I haven't tried hitting him with a car."

"No you may not commit vehicular manslaughter with my parent's car!"

"But Hermione, you can't spell manslaughter without laughter."

"Stop pretending to be insane, it isn't working." Luna advised him.

"You were just pretending? How could you joke about that kind of thing?"

"Well I'm not particularly attached to my sanity, so losing it wouldn't bother me too much. Voldemort has tortured me enough this summer that I have a whole new meaning for the word pain. There are things out there worse than the cruciartus curse, so joking about injuries and near death experiences aren't so bad. So what are you taking this term?"

"Runes, Arithmancy, Transfiguration, Charms, DADA, Potions, and Herbology. I wanted to take more but seven was the limit. What are you taking?"

"Runes, Arithmancy, and Charms. I wanted to take less but that was the limit."

"You're only taking three NEWT courses? You never even took Runes or Arithmancy. What about DADA, Potions and Transfiguration? I thought you wanted to be an Auror."

"I figured it was time to enjoy being sixteen. Since Voldemort isn't going to be hunting me anymore, I won't be going after an Auror's job. Besides, they work for the ministry and that is something I won't do."

"You can't just laze around all day and play Quidditch!"

"You are right, I was banned from doing that. So I guess I'll have to find a new hobby. Maybe I'll have time for a girlfriend. Pity Ginny has moved on, she was kind of cute last I saw her."

"What's wrong with you Harry? You need to wake up!"

"You already did that for me, remember? So is Professor Vector any good? I've only ever seen her in the Great Hall for meals."

"You can't take the NEWT course if you didn't get an O on the OWL!"

"Great so we won't be slowed down by those who can't handle it. What about the Runes professor?"

"You can't take those bloody classes!"

"You seriously need to relax Hermione. Would you like to take a nap? You can use my lap or Luna's. Or I could give you a massage. I've been practicing in between fighting Voldemort and annoying Dumbledore's friends."

Harry didn't even wait for a response. He simply plopped onto the seat next to her and began trailing his fingers up and down her back. When she leaned into the gentle touch he started kneading her shoulders and rubbing her neck. Through intimate knowledge of her form and body he was able to give her exactly what she needed. Before long she was laying in his lap while he ran his fingers through her hair.

"I'm still going to be mad at you later. But for now you can keep doing that."

"You need to learn to let this anger go Hermione. It isn't healthy to carry so much stress around with you. It can hurt your mind and your body. I should know."

"You've changed."

"Everyone changes. Life is about change and how we deal with it. If I stayed the same while the world grew around me I would die."

"You look good at that, will you have time for me later?" Luna asked.

"I can use one hand, hop on over here." Luna did so and soon she too felt the power of Harry's magic fingers.

Two days into the term, Hermione caught Luna as she was leaving Charms class. She quickly grabbed the younger girl and pulled her into a passionate embrace before snogging her deeply. The next day, Luna found Hermione coming out of Transfiguration. The scene was repeated before Luna disappeared around a corner.
A week later both girls received an envelope containing several pictures and a note stating the sender knew of their forbidden love. Hermione paled and hid her pictures immediately, while Luna stood and made her way across the room to join the Gryffindors for breakfast.

"Harry, if you wanted to kiss Hermione you should have just done it. There was no need to get me involved. And she didn't need to be involved in us kissing."

"I am afraid I don't know what you mean."

"Why these photos of course. They clearly show you kissing me and Hermione." Luna dropped a few onto the table, one of which Ron snapped up."

Harry looked at them for a second, "Why Hermione, I didn't know you played cricket for the other team."

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Oh Harry stop. It's obviously you in those photos."

"No, I am pretty sure that is Hermione and you, Luna." Ron said with a glint in his eye.

"I can prove it!" Luna exclaimed.

"I'd love to see it." Harry replied.

"Watch closely." Luna grabbed Hermione and pulled her out of her chair before snogging her. She passed the shocked Hermione to Harry. "There now you kiss her."

"If it will make you feel better." Harry embraced her and gave her a nice kiss.

"See, it's all in the hands. Look, "Hermione's" hands are in the same positions in this photo. And in this one mine are that way."

"Oh thank goodness! You're right Luna, this is definitely the same person in these two photos. Harry, I don't know whether to slap you or kiss you. I thought I was going crazy."

"You're welcome to try both and see which you prefer. And what's the matter? Did you like the kiss just a little too much?"

"That's not the point!"

"She's right! I can seduce Hermione on my own. I don't need your help." Luna gave him a glare.

"Wha-wha-what?" Hermione stuttered, turning to Luna.

"Well you are a good kisser." She replied dreamily.

"Oh you two will make such a nice couple. I'll step aside if you want Luna, a gentleman always let's the lady go first."

"No, that's okay, I can share. You aren't a bad kisser either."

"Nobody is sharing anything!" Hermione cried as she left the table, leaving half her books behind in her haste.

"What was that all about, why all the snogging?" Ron looked to his best mate for some explanations.

"Luna and I are just brushing up on our Shakespeare. He was a muggle playwright. I think I've found a new hobby." Harry said as he loaded more eggs onto his plate.

"So these muggle plays involve kissing your friend in the Great Hall?"

"One of them does. Were you feeling left out? I'm sure we could find someone around here since Hermione has already left."

"No, I'm not much for theatre stuff. What was the name of the play?"

"The Taming of the Shrew."

Lord Oliver Dammot,

Sir, I regret to inform you that I appear to be having problems with recruiting at this Time. I've had a few accept my offers to join with me, but for the most part it seems my methods are ineffective. A few Turned me down outright. I am having trouble maintaining my cover as merely a student. It seems the reduced course load I undertook in an endeavor to have Time for this has only ensured I am watched more closely.

Perhaps if there were more hours in a day I could both actively recruit and avoid suspicion, but for the moment my Time is limited when I am out of the side of my guards. Can you make any suggestions to help me find more Time?

This would help the both of us accomplish our goals in a Timely manner. The tides of this conflict are Turning I feel. Now is the Time for action. I hope to see you in Time for Halloween. If things Turn out right I will be ready to see you then.

Oh well, it is Time for me to go. I guess I will Turn in.

Yours truly,

Jerry "A-Hater" Stomp.

Jerry "A-Hater" Stomp

It's called subtlety. Learn it. And for heaven's sake don't beg, it is beneath you. The usual password with help you with your search.

Lord Oliver Dammot.

Harry grinned as he read the letter. He hissed "Finite Parselis" in parseltongue and watched as the seemingly useless piece of parchment was un-transfigured into a golden necklace containing an hourglass. He couldn't believe that Voldemort had actually given him a Time Turner! The old man must be getting desperate to attack something without being foiled.
This chapter was a bit fluffy, but I needed a segue back to Hogwarts so I brought my tradmark insanity back out to play. Some people have left me reviews and comments that they liked the H/Hr and H/L moments back when we played with the polyjuice (Harry just knowing where Hermione was or the acceptance between Harry and Luna... ) I didn't originally plan for any shipping on Harry's part in this fic, it was to be more HvsV oriented. If people want, I can extend the story a bit and add a bit more fluff, though it won't really matter. Let me know if you want H/Hr H/L Hr/L or H/multi. I'm a review whore, just tell me what you want and I will right it.