Disclaimer; Pick your favorite disclaimer so far and copy-paste it here.

A/N; The people have spoken! And they tell me I should try to find some way to make either Hr/L or H/Hr/L work. I guess that means Luna is a popular girl, and people like fem-slash. I don't know why, but they do apparently.

Ron found Harry in the library the next day. He marched up to him and belted him across the jaw.

"The first one is free mate, care to tell me why I shouldn't put you in the ground?" Harry growled out.

"I thought "The Taming of the Shrew" sounded like a good idea to calm Hermione down, so I read it. I was hoping to find out your plan, but guess what I found?" Ron was red in the face but managed to keep his voice low enough to attract Madam Pince's glare.

"Why don't you tell me? I think assumptions are a bad thing right now. Sit down and tell me about it."

"I read that boring piece of crap only to find you weren't after Hermione at all. The Taming of the Shrew is all about getting the bossy older girl out of the way so you can make a pass at the younger sister you aren't allowed to have!"

"Is it? Wow, I never knew that. Sorry to worry you mate, but no I am not about to jump your younger sister. Tell her she is free to jump me if she wants though."

"But the play…"

"I didn't know, I never read it either! I just thought like you that Taming our Shrew sounded like a good idea. Honestly I thought you'd be more upset that I snogged Hermione at least twice."

"At least twice? No, Hermione isn't for me, feel free. I have my eye on Hannah Abbot."

"A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell, they can only prove twice so that is all I will admit to. I've got a book that might help you, all sorts of interesting spells and tips. It's always the quiet ones you need to be careful about."

"What sorts of spells besides the obvious preventative measures?"

"A lot of different types. One of my favorites is for making your lips tingle when you kiss someone. It's also good to use on your hands before giving a massage, the girls can't resist it."

"Like you have much experience with that."

"It made a certain bookworm purr like a cat and become putty in my hands. If it can accomplish that, it can do anything. I'll have to teach it to Luna."

"Do you think she was serious about seducing Hermione?"

"I don't know, but I think it would be fun to watch. Can you imagine Hermione talking about chasing all sort of mythological creatures around the world?"

"No, that will probably backfire; Luna would be a study obsessed bookworm within a week."

"Not if I teach her… I know Hermione's body better than she does."

"Care to put money on that?"

"Sure, a galleon says Luna will have Hermione wrapped around her little finger by Halloween."

"You're on! Aside from there being no way she could pull that off, Hermione doesn't fancy girls."

"Does she fancy blokes? You'd think in five years we'd have heard her sigh over someone other than Lockheart… Besides, when I was impersonating Luna she seemed to enjoy it."

"You do have a point I guess. And she was rather flustered in the Great Hall…"

"Maybe she's just never honestly considered it. It sounds like something that could happen."

"Are you saying you have considered it?"

"Of course, there was a time I said to myself "Hey, maybe I'm bent as a three galleon coin." But then I looked around and realized I wasn't. If I never considered it, it wouldn't be so obvious it wasn't for me."

"What?" Ron squeaked a bit.

"Yeah, do yourself a favor and look at Seamus after he grabs a shower. Supposedly he's a pretty attractive bloke, wrapped in a towel he should be better. Ask yourself if you see anything you like, and just be honest. Hermione is great for solid factual information, but she can't do the emotional stuff like being honest with herself."

Hermione still shot Harry death glares when he entered Runes or Arithmancy, but he suspected it was for different reasons now. He decided it was time to make some peace so he grabbed her after runes one day.

"Are you still mad about the kiss or are you upset about me getting into the class? We need to put this behind us."

"I'm upset at you for a lot of reasons Harry Potter." She said tersely.

"Then let's talk about them. I miss my friend Hermione, and she's still using one name too many for casual conversation."

"I'm upset because you just vanish all summer, get into all kinds of trouble, and then come back as if nothing happened. I'm upset that you got into classes you shouldn't be able to. I am upset that you aren't taking your studies seriously. And I am just a little upset that you tricked me."

"Hermione, my friend, come here." Harry wrapped his arms around her in a light hug. "I am acting like nothing happened over the summer because it was both the best and worst summer of my life. I finally got free of my relatives and instead get stuck with Voldemort torturing or killing me every week. After all that, I just want to go back to a normal life. Is it wrong that I don't want to talk about it or feel no remorse for running off? If so I am sorry for upsetting you but I had to do it."

"Why, and what about the other stuff?"

"I had to fight Voldemort because I am the only one who can. That's what the prophecy said. If I want to live a normal life, I have to kill him. If he wants to win he has to kill me. It's him or me."

"So why aren't you taking your studies more seriously then? Don't you want to live?"

"Of course I want to live! But I'll never become an Auror. I got into Runes and Arithmancy the same way you did, a lot of hard work. I took my OWL tests at the ministry with people who were home schooled so I could get in. I also took NEWT tests in Defense and Potions. I'm paying more attention than I ever did to my studies, but I am doing most of them on my own so I won't be limited to what we find in the classes. What did you study in Transfiguration last class?"

"We conjured black buttons."

Harry conjured an old fashioned royal navy dress coat, complete with shiny brass buttons. "Am I not paying attention to my studies? And I am sorry I tricked you with that kiss. It was supposed to be a slight practical joke. I promise you that except when I looked like Dumbledore over the summer, I've never tricked you like that any other times."

"How could you have though? When you kissed me as Luna, you weren't wearing glasses. How could you see?"

"Who said I needed glasses to see?"

"You've worn glasses as long as I've known you. You've always worn that same pair of glasses."

"Here, look through my glasses." He handed them to her.

Hermione did as he asked and a look of shock came over her face. "They're perfectly clear! Why wear them if you don't need to? Why the deception?"

"Deception is the point! As far back as I could remember; I've dealt with one bully or another. Usually my relatives. When you wear glasses the first thing a bully does is to take them from you. Voldemort and the Death Eaters are just bigger bullies. If I lost my glasses in a fight, what would happen?"

"They'd think you were blind."

"And when they underestimate me I can overpower them. Let me teach you an invaluable lesson right now. Never assume someone is helpless. Never assume you know how much they can do. For example, I am a sixth year Hogwarts student. What have I not learned yet?"

"As soon as I say something, you're going to do it aren't you?"

"If I can. The point is you don't know what I can and can't do. No one really knows my limits, not even Voldemort."

"Are you saying you held back when fighting him this summer?"

"No, I am saying I didn't use everything I had. I fought Death Eaters ten times this summer and Voldemort three. In that time, I only repeated three of my tactics when Voldemort could see. When I fight him again, he will expect me to use them to my advantage like I did before. But what about the tactics he never saw? What was I hiding in reserve?"

"What tactics is he expecting?"

"I like to start a duel by conjuring and animating a lot of small objects to jump in the way of curses. I like to get the floor slippery to take away his sure footing. And when things get really desperate I will try to get close enough to touch. Voldemort like to stay still and use a lot of strong defensive spells while using high powered Dark Arts to attack. When he gets desperate, he uses a pattern of three cruciartus curses followed by a killing curse. If you take his wand, he wandlessly casts a lot of explosion and banishing charms."

"You've taken his wand?"

"Once, I beat him that time but he wouldn't stay dead! I broke most of his bones, had him bound and killed him, he woke up only a few minutes later. I killed him again and he just got back up."

"How could that happen?" Hermione was horrified.

"It's the prophecy, I killed him four times and poisoned him twice. He just keeps getting up. He killed me three times, and I don't know if I've been poisoned."

"He killed you?" She had tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

"He hit me with a killing curse when I was a baby, he used another on me on my birthday, and he put a dagger into my heart a week before term started. Yes I should probably be dead. But then again so should he."

"What did you do to him?"

"Three killing curses and I choked him at least twenty minutes. That's assuming the other injuries I gave him shouldn't have killed him."

"And you wanted to hit him with my parent's car why?"

"It's something I haven't done. I'm running out of ways to kill him. Most people die without air, or when hit with a killing curse, or when ingesting basilisk venom, or when their ribs puncture their lungs, or when their neck breaks."

"What does Dumbledore think?"

"Dumbledore thinks Love is what I need. He says Voldemort can't understand love just like he thinks it was my mother's love that saved me when I was a baby."

"Is that why you kissed me, or hugged me, or gave me that nice massage?" She sounded almost heartbroken.

"No, it wasn't an attempt to kill Voldemort. You're way to tense, I did that to help loosen you up. If you want, I would be happy to help you whenever you need it."

"I did feel better. After the hug and massage anyway. The kisses confused and frustrated me."

"I'm sorry, I never knew Luna wanted to seduce you. Like I said, it was meant to be a joke."

"If I wanted a back rub after a bad day, would you give me one?" She asked shyly.

"Of course. If you'd like I could even teach Luna the spell to make things tingly." He teased her.

She punched his shoulder and they laughed, things back to a more normal state of affairs.

"Harry, could I talk to you for a second?" Seamus asked Harry as he was leaving dinner.

"Sure thing mate, what do you need?" He replied.

"You know Ron better than the rest of us, have you noticed anything odd about him lately? Me and Dean reckon there is something funny about his behavior lately."

"No, what do you mean? Is there something wrong?"

"Well as long as we've been at Hogwarts he's been your friend more than anyone else in the dorm. We're alright with that, he's a good guy and he's considerate of us if we're sleeping, but for the most part he ignores us. Lately, that has changed. I could swear I caught him staring at me after I left the shower this morning. When I noticed he just looked away and blushed. Dean tells me he was looking over when they both were in the loo the other day."

"Ok I can admit that's a bit odd, but why ask me about it?"

"Do you reckon he's bent? We don't want to confront him about it unless we're sure, but both Dean and I fancy a bit of skirt."

"Ah, I see what you mean. As far as I know, your virtue is still safe in the dorm. Last I heard he was trying to work up the old Gryffindor courage to ask Hannah Abbot out."

"Well then get the boy a bottle of fire whiskey and send him into battle, his pent up urges are creeping the rest of us out. Look I'll even chip in for my share!" Seamus passed over a pair of galleons. "And one from Dean too."

"I'll see what I can do." Harry promised as they split up.

Harry reluctantly approached the gargoyle outside Dumbledore's office. He had been summoned there after his charms lesson. He had a feeling he knew why and didn't expect to enjoy this. He said the password and knocked on the wooden door.

"Come in Harry," he heard from within the office.

"You wanted to see me Headmaster?" Harry kept it neutral as if he had no clue why he was summoned.

"Harry, I want to talk with you about some of your recent choices. Would you care for a lemon drop?"

"Which ones sir? No thank you, but if you have any of those gummy orange slices they would be delightful." Seeing the headmaster give a slight shake of his head, Harry conjured a bowl full of the candy.

"I was surprised when I opened today's paper. Would you care to guess why?"

"I don't take the paper sir, Hermione does and she sometimes reads the interesting bits. I don't recall her getting one this morning though."

"Well then she missed something quite interesting. Harry, let's stop dancing around. Why did you take out a full page advertisement in this morning's prophet?"

"I felt the need to tell something to a large number of people. I actually took out multiple advertisements which one did you want to talk to me about?"

"I must have missed the others then. I am wondering why you want to recruit a private army and how you hoped to accomplish anything so publicly."

"Well if I am going to kill Voldemort I am going to need help. The Order answers to you, the ministry answers to Fudge. And the Death Eaters answer to Voldemort. So I need my own group."

"Let's put aside why you want an army for a second and focus on your methods. Having built one of those groups myself I can tell you from experience that you can't just advertise like you did. People don't like being called "minions" nor do they want to join "an army of evil hell-bent on the destruction of the modern world"." Dumbledore told him condescendingly.

"All of my minions so far tell me they like my straightforward approach and appreciate me not deceiving them on what they are getting into. Except my Insane Henchwoman, who prefers that as her title." Harry replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"If you are seeking the destruction of Voldemort, why claim to be evil or hell-bent on the destruction of the modern world?"

"Well according to our laws, vigilantism is illegal. Society often calls law breakers evil. The modern world is one of fear and servitude to one of those three groups I've mentioned, or to the Hufflepuffs but we'll talk about them later. I seek to end the fear of Voldemort and reliance on the ministry. With the two of them gone, people won't need to hide behind your banner either. Hence I seek the abolition and destruction of the current wizarding world. Inevitably in our struggle some good people will be lost. I thought hell bent sounded like better PR than hell bound."

"That isn't the way to put it if you want people to help you. Also it is very unwise to announce where you have spies. I am sure Voldemort, the Ministry, and Hufflepuff House are not amused."

"I'm still working to get a spy in the Order, but I won't ask my friends to divide their loyalties like that. It's damn near impossible to get a spy in the unspeakables apparently, no one I've talked to were interested."

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. "While I am sure that is true and your friends thank you, it isn't the way to win a war. May I ask why you think Hufflepuff house is a force in this war? That is twice they have come up in this conversation."

"Even Voldemort is afraid of annoying them. I'm just making sure I don't mysteriously drown in the bath one day. I'd tell you the truth about our meek and quiet house, but I don't know where else Headmaster Dippet up there has portraits." Harry pointed to the former headmaster who suddenly stopped pretending to be asleep. Dippet made a rude hand gesture and left the frame.

Phineas Nigellus Black looked down at him. "He's not the only one up here. Best keep it under your hat still."

When Harry left the Headmaster's office, two figures took notice. They stood in an alcove at the end of the hall. One of them made to draw his wand.

"He knows too much," the first said. The other put a restraining hand on his arm.

"Not yet, you wouldn't succeed. When he has eliminated the Dark Lord, then you can have him." The second whispered.

"The boss won't be happy."

"Sprout would be worse if I let you kill yourself."

Harry and friends sat down for a quiet dinner when a lone falcon swooped into the great hall. The strange bird dove low over the Gryffindor table and dropped a smoking black letter in front of Harry. Everyone else cringed and recoiled in horror.

"Ok, what is it that I don't understand this time?" Harry asked Ron.

"Mate, a black letter means a death threat, and only Howlers smoke like that. Basically this means someone wants not only to threaten you but let the rest of us know why."

"Oh, so I should probably open it before it explodes then?" Harry picked up the envelope and broke the seal.

The enchanted letter unfolded itself and a voice that haunted the nightmares of some older members of the faculty spoke in a cold threatening manner. "POTTER! THAT WAS THE MOST UN-SUBTLE THING I HAVE EVER READ! I SWEAR TO MERLIN IF I DON'T SEE YOU ACTING WITH SOME COMMON SENSE SOON I WILL COME TO THAT SCHOOL AND KILL YOU IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS. I WILL BE SURE TO KILL YOU SLOWLY… BUILD YOUR ARMY THEN COME FIND ME, WE NEED TO FINISH THIS!" the letter seemed to calm down a bit before closing, "Steve, this is the sort of thing I should not have to read in the morning paper. Don't fail me again." The letter exploded in green sparks and a small dark mark hung over Harry's plate.

Harry looked across the Hall. "Don't worry Steve, I'll make sure to give you my research notes before you go. Hopefully he will find something interesting and won't torture you."

Harry was the only one who finished dinner that night. Everyone else was too shocked or horrified to eat. The Dark Lord did not send death threats personally. They were a popular tactic from the Death Eaters as a whole, but Voldemort didn't do it himself. Dumbledore nearly fainted when he realized Harry knew the other student was spying on him and didn't care. He never even knew the quiet Hufflepuff was a death eater, and he and Harry had never been close that he knew of. There were clearly forces at work in his school that Voldemort didn't know about.