Disclaimer; I hate Microsoft Word and its tendency to crash just as you are about to hit that save button. JKR owns Harry Potter, I own a large amount of hate.

Harry walked up the drive towards the Burrow, glad that his time turner allowed him to make extracurricular field trips without being too obvious. Currently he was sitting next to Ron and Neville in Charms, an airtight alibi if ever there was one. Harry rang the bell and waited for Mrs. Weasley.

"Harry, it is good to see you dear. Come in and tell me why you're here." The large woman almost dragged him inside before plunking him at the table and bustling over for a pot of tea.

"It's good to see you too Mrs. Weasley. I would have come visit over the summer but Voldedore kept me pretty busy. Dumblemort too come to think of it." Harry relaxed and wondered if she would catch his bastardization of their names.

"That's alright dear, you're always welcome here and we're just happy to see you safe and healthy. So why are you here on a school day?"

"To be honest, I snuck out because I needed to learn something and no one at the castle was willing to teach me."

"What do you need? I can't promise you without knowing but I don't think there is too much I wouldn't be willing to teach you."

"I just wanted to know how to make a Howler. I know you can make them."

"Is that all? I don't see why they wouldn't teach you that. All you need to do is charm a parchment with the "Votalis Libre" charm, and then dictate the letter so it can hear your voice."

"Thank you. Someone sent me one yesterday at dinner and called me out in front of the whole school, I just wanted to return the favor."

"Harry, you shouldn't use Howlers for a simple shouting match with another student. Aside from being rude it would disrupt meals if it were delivered in the Great Hall."

"No this wasn't a student, nor is it a simple shouting match. By the way, I know a death threat come in black envelopes, but are they just black or is there another spell?"

Mrs. Weasley's eyes widened. "I don't know, that not something the Weasley family has ever done, nor the Prewitt family."

"I guess I'll just make it black and hope he gets the point." Harry said. "Votalis Libre! Voldemort, you ugly snake faced git, if you want to mess with me, come get some! Don't you even think about coming to Hogwarts unless you are ready for an all out war. I will personally kill each and every one of your pathetic little minions and make you beg for mercy before the entire wizarding world. And what were you thinking outing my spy like that in front of the entire school? I need my spies to be secret if they are to be effective! Don't make me come up there and teach you some manners they should have beat into you at that orphanage!" Harry folded the now smoking letter and stuffed it into a conjured black envelope before sealing it with a touch of magic.

"Harry, you can't say that sort of thing. You-know-who will kill you for that sort of disrespect! I don't want to lose my other son." Mrs. Weasley looked horrified.

"Don't worry Mrs. Weasley, I can take him. I'm not going anywhere."

Harry strolled up to Ron and Ginny at lunch. He placed a wrapped parcel on the table.

"Hey guys, your mum asked me to bring you fudge." Harry said as he sat down.

"When did you see mum?" Ron asked, reaching for the package of confections.

"Just now of course, she taught me how to make a Howler."

"Harry, you didn't! Did you?" Ginny was aghast.

"Of course I did, no one threatens me with a slow death. I even told Hedwig to wait until he was surrounded by his death eaters."

Hermione rushed into the Great Hall with Luna hot on her heels. She rushed up to Harry and dropped herself in his lap before giving him a lasting kiss.

"I'm sorry Luna. I can't go out with you. I am already dating Harry. And please don't take offense, but I am not bisexual." Hermione told the blonde.

"Do I get a say in this?" Harry asked.

"NO!" Both women were quick to tell him.

"Alright then. Sorry Luna, but apparently I am a one woman man and fidelity means a lot to me."

"Oh poo. Well Hermione, if you ever decide you are curious, you know where to find me." Luna was disappointed.

"She would have to decide she hated me first. I am an orgy all by myself." Harry blatantly abused his metamorph powers for a moment as he licked his eyebrows. Hermione shuddered against him in a delighted way while Luna looked very thoughtful.

"How did you do that Harry? I know your tongue isn't that long normally." Ginny asked. Then she went red when she realized that sounded like a claim to personal knowledge of his tongue.

"I did it the same way I managed to impersonate Luna and Hermione."

"How could polyjuice give you a longer tongue?" Hermione asked.

"I haven't used polyjuice in months. I'm not going to tell you, but I am sure a group of brilliant ladies like yourselves could figure it out."

"You're no fun." Luna pouted.

"Oh you want fun? Then the first girl to come to me with a correct answer will win a massage whenever they want it. No guessing, you need to give me a good argument too."

"One of your tingly massages?" Luna asked gleefully.

"I'd have to ask my girlfriend for permission first, so maybe."

"You all enjoy your lunch. I'm going to the library to win me time with those magic fingers." Luna skipped out the doors.

"What makes your massages so great? What's your secret mate?" Ron started digging for some juicy intel on the fairer sex.

"Did you read that book I gave you?" Harry asked him.

"No, how can a book give you "magic fingers" that girls are fighting over?"

"When you've memorized every spell in that book and read it thoroughly, I'll teach you the secret. Until then I've got some questions for the witch on my lap."

"Ask away Harry." Hermione moved from his lap to the seat next to him.

"Are you or anyone in your family naturists or nudists?"

"No, why?"

"Are you an exhibitionist?"

"No." Hermione sounded confused.

"Are you suddenly going to turn into a randy sex kitten if we date?"

"I doubt it."

"Any weird fetishes I need to know about?"

"Not that I can think of."

"Do you secretly want to make love in the library?"

Hermione blushed.

"Ok, you don't have to answer that. I'm just checking that you're the same quiet, brilliant, and slightly bossy young witch I've known for the past five years. I've got no problems dating you so long as you'll have me. Feel free to drag me into a broom cupboard or whatever you need."

"You can't just say "ok we'll date"! You're supposed to be romantic and charming. How can you be so calm?"

"Romance and charm are for when we are alone. And if I remember correctly you just marched up and declared to the school that we were dating, I apparently had no input. I'm not too worried though, I doubt you'll rape me or anything."

"Well if it isn't Potty and his Mudblood girlfriend…" Malfoy sneered. Harry turned and walked over to him.

"Draco… May I call you Draco by the way? Why don't you and I step over here into this cupboard and discuss something for a moment?" Harry's voice was far too cheerful and polite. Harry grabbed his elbow and ushered him into a nearby broom closet, calling over his shoulder, "Wait up for me Hermione, we won't be late for Arithmancy."

"What do you think you're playing at Potter?" Malfoy spat.

Harry changed his eyes and face to that of Voldemort while he grabbed Draco's forearm. He pressed his wand against Draco's dark mark and let the magic punish him. Voldemort's voice came in a whisper. "You are interfering in my plans Draco. No one interferes in my plans. Once the mudblood trusts me, I will kidnap her and use her to lure Potter out of hiding. That little runt always comes running when his friends are in danger."

"Please… Master I didn't know!"

"Of course you didn't know! Do you expect me to blow my plans by letting a worthless runt like you know ahead of time? There are too many spies about." Harry let go of Malfoy's arm and changed his features back to normal before opening the door and returning to escort Hermione to class.

"Harry, why are the Slytherins suddenly being nice to you and trying to wait on you like house elves?" Ron asked Harry a few days later.

"What do you mean?"

"Well none of them have tried to harass you in days, and earlier I could have sworn I heard Parkinson offer to refill your pumpkin juice when she passed our table."

"I don't know what you're talking about. So tell me how things are going with your attempts to woo Hannah."

"If you say so mate. I still can't get up the nerve to ask her out. I started reading your book and I can see there are certainly some good ideas in there but it won't help me go after her in the first place."

"Hmm, I think I know how to help. Oh, that reminds me… Draco!"

"Yes sir?" Draco hurried over.

"I need a bottle of Fire Whiskey. And not the cheap stuff."

"I'll take care of it."

"No, really how are you doing that?" Ron watched their mortal enemy leave in a hurry.

"I finally spoke a language they understood."

"You speak ferret?"

"No. So I take it you are done staring at Seamus and Dean?"

"Yeah, that's done, I'm not." Ron blushed a little

"They'll be glad to hear it, they told me you were creeping them out so you know. You should have been a bit more discreet."

Ron came up the room a bit pissed that night with a goofy grin on his face. The room's occupants sat up and took notice for a variety of different reasons.

"So I take it your talk with Hannah went well?" Harry inquired.

"God that girl's got a nice arse!" Ron's grin widened "And she does this thing with her tongue…"

"I think we're getting into the realm of Too Much Information Ron." Dean tried to shut him up.

"Yeah, we're glad you've got a girl, but please don't give us details." Seamus chipped in.

"Alright I'll shut up. So Harry, mate, best bud, brother mine… Where was I going?"

"I honestly have no clue." Harry said.

"Oh yeah now I remember! Harry, what are you going to do about the Dark Tosser?"

"I don't know. I'm not very good at the whole army building business but I can't just kill him. Every time we try to kill each other we just wake back up eventually."

"So you're immortal?"

"Not exactly, he's the only one who can kill me, but I'm the only one who can kill him too."

"Ah, shame you can't just lock him in a cupboard or something. Then you'd never die."

"Ron, you're drunk and an idiot, go to bed." Harry was through with this conversation and closed the curtains around his bed.

Harry spent most of his time outside of classes in the restricted section of the library, looking for new and inventive ways to rid himself of Voldemort. He knew somewhere deep in his brain that there was a simple answer to his problem, but it refused to come forward. He tore through all the books on circle magic and runic wards. The answer had to be there somewhere. He eventually got so bored he started reading history books.

Eventually he just gave up on finding the solution in the library. He had the knowledge. He knew all the separate parts. All he needed was to put the pieces together. How could something so simple as killing a man be so complicated?

As far as life outside the library went, things were good. Hermione didn't have much use for a boyfriend apparently except to ward off Luna. She gave him the occasional kiss or hug, and he made sure to rub her back and neck before she went to bed every night. Remarkably, the reduced tension made Hermione a much more pleasant person to be around. Without all the built up stress, she was less likely to snap at people or boss them around. Harry found himself praised and thanked by many Gryffindors for the prefect's new attitude.

Suddenly, towards the end of November something clicked in Harry's mind and he had an epiphany. This year, he would give the world a most glorious Christmas present.

Voldemort,

I'm still working on raising my army. In the meantime I've discovered a fascinating tale that may interest you. I've discovered a way for us to gain ultimate power.

In a history book detailing magic in the British Isles before the Roman influence, I came across a tale of an execution gone wrong. There was once a Dark Lord who amassed great power and influence. When he was eventually subdued he was deemed too dangerous to live. Using a certain druidic ritual they attempted to execute him. There were unfortunately a number of things wrong and he ended up gaining "power too great to imagine" and he wound up ruling the Isles for many years before he died of old age.

Much like the ritual to strip power that enhanced my core, given the nature of the prophecy we could deliberately botch the rituals to achieve similar results. With this power no one will dare stand against either of us when the other is dead. Dumbledore will be as an ant to us.

Attached you will find a list of tomes and supplies I will need to properly research the effects detailed in my book. Some of them I know are in your library, others will need to be found. I am going to work on this until we get it right. If my instincts are as good as you said they were concerning ritual and circle magic, this needs to be done on the winter solstice. The longest night of the year is when the powers of darkness are greatest and the added cosmic pull will provide that little extra we will need.

The Future Overlord

Harry J. Potter

Potter,

This is most interesting. My sniveling worm will bring you what we have already acquired. Some of those items have not been made since the time of Merlin, I shall have to send my most talented "negotiators" after them. Expect them in the next two weeks.

Your supplies and research materials will be in the Shrieking Shack on the night of the twelfth at nine p.m. You will need to keep me updated on your progress and where the rituals will take place.

Voldemort

Voldemort,

The ritual will take place in the Chamber of Secrets. The original ritual we are duplicating was unwittingly performed on top of the overlap of two ley-lines that were funneled through the "victim". Hogwarts lies on top of three and I have found the perfect location within the chamber to achieve the proper effect.

We will need the assistance of twelve others who will not interfere. If they are to be under the imperius curse, be sure that it will not fail should you momentarily perish or loose concentration. The ritual was performed thirteen celebrants and the victim. I believe that it was this corruption of a perfect arithmantic number on the night most powerfully aligned with darkness that caused the ley-lines to act as they did, in addition to a few other oddities.

The Druidic Rune Staff that you sent will not be sufficient. That staff has the runes of justice engraved upon it. We need a staff that will focus the forces of nature, and thus the ley-lines. Include the replacement in the next shipment of supplies.

See you in two weeks.

Potter