Author's Note: All due credit to Bad Company and "Ready for Love." I highly recommend listening to it while reading.
Author's Second Note:- If you are a fan of my story "A Model Romance" and subsequent parts of the trilogy, it is now a full-length novel on Amazon. I hope that any Spuffy lovers who like erotica, romance, and a bit of mystery will give it a try! Here is the link. CrossRealms: Shattered by S.C. Principale
Friends (Or More)
Part III
By: Sweetprincipale
I'm walkin' down this rocky road, wonderin' where my life is leading
Rollin' on to the bitter end
I'm finding out along the way what it takes to keep love living
You should know how it feels, my friend
Unhurried kisses, soft, exploring ones. She shuddered against him when skin on his arms met the skin on hers, crushing her close, cradling her. "But we can't." She couldn't yet. It was too soon.
"We can dance. Like this," he whispered in her ear.
"It's not a tease?"
"Not unless you tell me yes, then tell me no."
"Are you going to be disappointed?"
"Why don't we worry about you, too? Are you gonna be sad?" How odd to be with one of the good ones. See, they always care about the others, ask about them. I always cared if Dru was okay, never myself. Wait, does that mean I was good- in some way?
Buffy watched his face go through a whirlwind of expressions, but she couldn't quite decipher the emotions behind them."No. I'll feel like I didn't rush. I'm afraid of rushing. I'm afraid of too many things," she confessed, telling her sworn enemy her darkest secret.
He shared it, "Me, too. I'm mainly afraid right now, that you'll push me away. So I don't want to do anything wrong. I don't want that to happen. I want to dance all night with you- but in this position, not the other one," he winked. "Sound good?"
"Dance all night, if you want," she kissed him again.
I want you to stay, I want you today
I'm ready for love, oh baby I'm ready for love
I'm ready for love, oh baby I'm ready for love
Didn't mean that they wouldn't enjoy the dance. Or react to it. Hands on hips, and up in hair, accidentally brushing past her breast, and they both jumped before she made a soft, pleasurable sound, not meeting his eye.
He got hard instantly and knew she must feel it. Her nipple was tight under his hand, and he moved away. "You're beautiful." He had to tell her. Had to tell her right now for some reason, like he could feel the raw gorgeousness of her under his hand. He tried to step back a pace, only to find her body stayed plastered to his. Oh. Close.
I'm waiting for your call, oh there
Now I'm on my feet again better things are bound to happen
All my dues surely must be paid
Many miles and many tears, times were hard
But now they're changing, you should know that I'm not afraid
I want you to stay, I want you today
"Again," she shouldn't want that kind of contact. Shouldn't ask him to. But he did, caressing her neck, and her shoulder, and over her right breast lightly, letting her gasp in pleasure, letting her arch her back against his supporting arm. His smothered grunt told her he was feeling the same arousal. Her hand trailed down the midline of his chest until it hit the brassy button of black jeans.
"Hell," he hissed through locked teeth.
"Sorry."
"Closer," he led her wrist back to his waist.
I'm ready for love , oh baby I'm ready for love
I'm ready for love, oh baby I'm ready for love
I'm ready, so ready
"Aren't you going to want to- take care of that?" Or want me to?
"Patience is a virtue," he leaned against her, tried something new, his blunt teeth on her ear, nibbling, down the nape of her neck.
Vampire! Neck! Teeth! Danger, danger, ohhhhh damn. Why's this type of danger feel so good?
"It's not dangerous anymore," he couldn't read minds, but he had been a vampire, and he'd known slayers for years. "Trust me. Friend to friend."
"Would you trust me if I was holding a stake to your heart?"
"You're holding it, anyway," he whispered before he thought better of it. Shit. Oh well. "You could crush it and hurt me with a look, a word, as much as with wood. Frankly, after everythin' I've had happen, I think I'd rather have the stake, the quick end, less cryin'."
"I don't want that. Either way," Buffy pulled back to look him in the eye. There was s sudden scuffle as two very tired, very lonely people who didn't know they'd been so hurt- until they found someone who wouldn't hurt them anymore, clung to each other. Not willing to let go, her arms around his neck, feet skimming the floor, his head buried just under sher shoulder as he held her up a bit, arms locked around her back.
Oh dear, I want you to stay, I want you today
I'm ready for love, oh baby I'm ready for love
I'm ready for love, oh baby I'm ready for your love
I'm ready for love, oh baby I'm ready for your love
I'm ready for love ,baby I'm ready for your love
"Shhh, shh."
They paused in mid-sway. Who'd comforted whom? It was both of them. He was always the reassuring one, talking Dru down. Buffy was always the reassuring one, getting her friends, getting Angel to the next step of whatever horrors there were, horrors she didn't want to face. They helped her, too, but she was used to being brave for them. She had a strange feeling she was falling apart now, and that maybe it was safe.
"I'm selfish, y'know," he put her down, but kept her close. "But I won't be selfish this time, 'bout takin' care of -whatever this turns out to be."
I'm walkin' on down down down down down down this rocky road
Oh I'm worth dying, while my life is beating
But now that I've found you, baby
I can never let you go, I need your love so bad
I want to give you my heart and my soul
"How can you tell me that? So fast?"
"It's a fact. That's not somethin' I have to wait to tell you. It's not…" he mulled for a moment, trying to figure out an explanation about how his heart, his loyalty, would be easy to give. "It's not a secret. Don't you think a person ought to be able to tell you the simple things straight off?" he brushed the hair from her face. "I won't hurt you. I won't be selfish. Few other things along the same lines. You told me the same things, Luv."
"But no one told me before- well, not before it was already painful. Angel waited, didn't talk, didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to- fall in love. And Parker told me anything he thought would work. I was just getting to the point where I decided not to talk much anymore, to any guy- and you picked up my bar tab that night. Now, I'm spilling my guts."
"Well, I'll pick 'em up for you."
"Taken literally- that's completely gross."
"I had the same thought. Bugger. I'm not very smooth-tongued sometimes."
"Your tongue is amazing," Buffy patted his back. "Oh man. That sounds way wrong, too. I meant you talk good. Which I don't. Do. The good talking. Can you kiss me so I stop?" she laughed helplessly, and he laughed too, pressing lips to hers in wonder, that in this girl, there was sadness and comfort and laughter and desire.
And it didn't seem to hurt.
I would take this. I would keep this, Spike marveled. It's all too bloody quick and simple, so I can't yet, but if I could...
I need your love baby, I need your love so bad
I'm ready ready ready, give it to me now
She felt something familiar and painful, without the pain. The bittersweet, but the bitter was a memory. "I loved him so much. But something, someplace, always hurt."
He hesitated. "Not always. But too often," he commiserated. He swallowed hard. "If I was a gentleman about it, think we could be close without dancin'? With the music, but maybe a break between numbers, yeah?"
She paused. There was no place for closeness in the room, unless two people sat on one bed. "I might fall asleep."
"I could join you." He smiled with weary eyes.
She wordlessly sat down on her bed, and he sat beside her, hands still laced. He watched her swallow in the dark and ran one finger up her arm, over her shoulder, until he touched her pulse. Felt it race.
Give me your love, oh give me your love, baby
Give your heart and mind too
"Wish you could feel what you do to me. I don't pulse. Don't pound. Not like that."
Buffy met his eye, turning, face cupping into his knuckles. "I see it. Here." Her own hand moved to the spot between collarbone and rib cage, watched him shift, chest expand and contract.
Such a slow glide. She didn't know how it happened, that she moved to her knees, and he didn't, that he sat still, feet firmly on the floor, and he melted under her touch, went limp against the mattress at the slight press from her fingers. How she kissed him and watched his muscles stay taut.
He always wanted control. She heard Drusilla's lilting voice in her mind. She never let him have it. He gives it to me, and he waits to see if I take him further or leave him on edge.
Spike gasped when she moved silently, unexpectedly in front of him, off the bed, now crouching between his knees so he was just a bit taller. "Slayer?" he kissed her with a puzzled grin.
"Hi." She kissed him back. Standing, pushing, and joining him as they fell to her bed together, side by side, with him slightly over top.
Spike's world turned upside down. The position was too much, not a tease, not intentional, but he wasn't superhuman. Well, he was, but not like this. "Buffy, Luv, I think we ought to-"
"I didn't want you to think I would do what she did. Control. I just wanted it to be even."
They moved together, embracing lying down, and he could feel an increase in heat, an increase in his own hardness. His hand found her breast, her hand found his waist. "Not yet."
"I never… I never did this either," Buffy struggled to explain.
Spike frowned. "What the hell did these blokes do, exactly?"
"Sex. There was kissing, making out, and then sex. There was no 'we're just going to touch' and for lack of a better word to suit your big bad-ness, 'cuddle'."
"Oh. No dry runs?" he raised one eyebrow.
"No."
"Me, either."
"How do we know that we-"
"Buffy, I don't know all the answers. Maybe you don't, either? You ever just go about a thing and find out?"
"Not really. Giles hates when I do that in slaying, tends to lead to dead people. And in the romance department, it just gets me hurt."
"You wanna chain the bad dog up so he can't make a move, so he can't bite?" Spike laughed.
She didn't. "No. Never do that. You're not… bad to me anymore. You're not going to hurt me and you don't ever-" Buffy's brain unraveled a bit in sadness and bad images and a lot of questions. "Did she do that to you?"
How had one nasty little comment opened such a well in two dissimilar hearts? Or similar? "For fun," he told almost a whole truth. There had been times when the fun had ended sooner for him than for her.
"I don't think I'm into that."
"I don't really think I am anymore. But if you're worried that I don't know how to behave myself…"
"You're not an animal!"
"You've always treated me like one," he pointed out. "Not fully animal, somethin' less than human. Demons don't deserve the same treatment as humans, isn't that your deal?"
Buffy thought. "It was. It is, in most cases. When someone acts like a man, I treat them like one. You're more human than a lot of people I know, William."
Something flipped inside his head and his heart. William. Not "Sweet William." Not William the Bloody. Not even Spike. " Shit, Slayer…"
Talking was over. He seized her face in both hands, peppering kisses on her lips and cheeks before drinking her in hungrily, and loving the way she responded, pushing her head against his, hands in his hair. "That was sweet of you to say," he paused, wondering what the hell he was going to do with his hands, which wanted to go wandering.
"I meant it," she was having a definite problem ignoring the wetness starting to turn into a puddle inside her. He let out a little growl that seemed perfectly timed in relation to the increase in arousal, and they both froze. "What was that?" she pushed his head back and gave him a look that was bordering on amused.
"Shut up, you know what that was," he moved back to her mouth, only to find it turned slightly away.
"You growl."
"It's a good noise," he won the battle of twists and turns to give her one more kiss before sliding onto his side, next to her, with a sigh. "Maybe too good?"
"Just good enough," she cleared her throat. "Now what?"
He paused. Now what? Hard parts meet soft, the hard and fast, or even the slow and sweet, his body made rampant suggestions.
Stop now. Leave now. You're gonna get us hurt again, broken. She'll decide a vampire without a soul's no good for her, and you'll already be hers. Cast off again. His brain and heart made objections that his body refused to overrule.
"I think we hold still," he heard himself saying, but the words were not really meant for her ears. Meant for all of him. Body, brain, heart, all of you- halt.
"Good plan," Buffy nodded, trying to breathe without gasping or gulping in air. Acting like a fish out of water? Not sexy. Then doubts, borne of a lot of pain and too many wounds, old and new, began to poke her. Was she not good? Was he not interested in proceeding because of other reasons, besides honoring their friendship? "Did I do something… wrong?"
"No!" Spike looked genuinely shocked by the idea. "We said we wouldn't dive right in."
"I know," Buffy nodded quickly.
"Literally jus' had awkward conversations about this, Luv," Spike tentatively reached out and brushed a strand of hair from her face, reading her eyes. "Huh. Always act so brave, but this bit really dents your armor, doesn't it? Fear that men you want don't want you."
Buffy bridled, angry and embarrassed. "Get-"
"I don't think you oughta worry about that with me," Spike cut off her outburst.
"Why?" Buffy demanded, slowly rising onto her elbow, face deciding between softness and fury.
"I've been in love with Drusilla for over a century, Slayer. She's my world. You've seen it first hand, haven't you?" He mirrored her position, but his face wasn't angry at all.
"I know." Her hand's turn for a tentative reach, landing on his shoulder.
"Even when I didn't know you'd be interested in giving us a chance to be anything but enemies- I gave that up. For a shot to help you," his voice was dropping, eyes sliding from hers, looking past over the decades and the recent weeks, realizing afresh, "to be with you."
That's heavy. That's too heavy. Commitment. Commitments hurt. Run. Or at least, don't move forward, the scared girl inside hissed. Buffy's hand refused to listen. It trailed gently from shoulder to turned down jaw, bringing his eyes back to hers. Her lips moved to form words, but nothing appropriate would come. Her heart was full, a mixture of gratitude and relief, feelings of grief as well, sympathy for another who had loved and lost. Somewhere in the mix, a tiny feeling of her own power, her desirability- and the fear that if she messed up, he'd have ruined a life long (death-long?) love. Big responsibility. All that came out was, "Spike?"
"You show the world such a brave face. Like to think I played my part well, evil, cocky," he smirked without malice, a shadow of his devilish smile. "I think I'm weak in all the same places. Actually, don't think what we've got is a weakness."
"Unless you count weakness for each other," Buffy murmured. Shoot! Wasn't supposed to say that!
He smiled at her instantly, blue eyes shining even in the dim room.
Yes. I was totally supposed to say that.
He rolled onto his back suddenly, heaving a deep sigh. "Damn."
"What?" She scooted over, smiling down on him.
"Think I'm screwed," he admitted. His body nudged that he ought to get up and fight off this new threat, but he didn't. He felt too warm beside her, properly full for the first time in days, and he felt… not exactly safe, but peaceful and close to it.
"Why?" she realized she'd begun to sound more like an interrogator than a date.
"I always end up bein' with someone who has all the power over me," he admitted. "Love's bitch. Not that I-"
"No, I know. But… I don't think so," she worded this carefully as she could. She rested next to him now, head against the hollow of shoulder and neck. His arm wrapped across her shoulder automatically and she snuggled in with equal ease.
"Why's that?" his eyes felt heavy as he pulled her closer.
"You have power, too."
"I'd never turn on you," Spike vowed with surprising conviction. Hm. Facts, I s'pose. Blood is sweet, sky's blue, Slayer's my friend and I can't betray her now. Even if it hurts.
Shit.
"I won't turn on you, either," Buffy put her arm over his chest and buried herself in deeper to his side. "You said I'm afraid the men will leave. The ones I want to stay. I want you to stay," she whispered.
"I will," he kissed the top of her head as sleep stole up on him.
"How can you say that?"
"Well… I don't want to go."
"That easy?"
"Why's it gotta be hard?"
"Always has been before."
"People are doin' it wrong," he forced his eyes open. "I'm afraid you'll leave. You're afraid I will. Is that it?"
"Sounds like it," Buffy shook her head at the bizarre turn of events. Hadn't she been telling him to get out of her town and her life months before? Hadn't she witnessed him doing terrible, horrible things, murdering, torturing? She shifted away.
"When you realize all the blood on my hands, you'll go. When she realized I wanted to change, because of … because of how I felt about you… she went. Good or bad, they leave. I'm the common factor, y'see? What've you got to worry about?"
"My own stupidity," she shook her head. You loved Angel. He did the same things. Then changed. With a soul. A soul that can get taken away. Whatever Spike is, he chooses it. Angel without a soul didn't even try to control any evil urges, and Spike… he helped me put vamps down tonight. He saved the life of a slayer. "Hey. Maybe we can be weak together?"
"All right," he agreed quietly. What did that look like? Two scared people, clinging? That'd be okay to have someone to cling with. World was boring, dull, and miserable alone.
"Maybe we could even be strong together. If we don't have to be scared of that one thing. That being left thing."
"I'd like that. Slayer and Spike."
"Friends to the end."
"Nah, Luv. Just friends. Full stop."
Silence.
Just friends?
I don't want just friends.
"Or more. But it doesn't have to end, that was the point," he corrected gruffly. "D'you like the idea?"
In response, sweet, warm lips met his. Tongues joined easily, drinking each other in, then stopping to settle back together, two tired people, sheltered by someone equally weak, equally strong. "Love the idea," Buffy whispered.
He pulled her in and turned, hips to her rear, snuggled up with arms locking around her waist. My girl, he thought as he fell asleep.
"Spike?" Buffy whispered. "You awake?" No answer.
He fell asleep beside me. He'll stay. He didn't "get anything" tonight, and he's still here, still staying. Hasn't happened in a long, long time. Thought it wasn't going to happen again. Who'd have thought it would be the bad guy that makes me feel so good? "Sweet dreams, Spike," Buffy kissed his cheek and watched a sleeping smile flit across his face.
To be continued...