Friends (Or More)
By Sweetprincipale
Part IV
Sunday means homework. No more procrastinating. Must. Get. Done. Buffy's resolute thoughts were the forefront of her mind as she woke up. Only to wake up to a bloodless white arm flailed out in front of her eyes as she lay in her bed, sleeping on her side. "Aughhh!"
"Bloody hell! Where are they?" Spike, the owner of said arm, roared to life, springing up and taking her down, accidentally knocking her off the bed as he leapt from it.
"Oh, it's you!" Buffy gasped, as last night's events flooded back. Flooded was the appropriate term. Everything drenched her memories at once, the three men in black, her trembling body in the alley, his rough reassurances, and the slow dancing in the dark. Now, waking up in the dim, filtered sunlight, to find him still beside her. Not for the sex, because they didn't have it. Not leaving her because they didn't act on those stirring primal urges.
"Slayer?" Spike looked around perplexed, eyes focusing and then riveting to the disheveled form sitting on the floor, eyes wide as she stared at him. "We fell asleep?"
"Must have," Buffy awkwardly began to rise, blushing, and watched his sinewy pale hand reach for hers. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it."
"Hey- you look better than last night," Buffy suddenly realized, smiling. His color was still pale, but it was no longer chalky and turning gray. His scarred skin was looking better under her scrutiny, though she couldn't see the wound from the taser.
Spike wordlessly rolled up his shirt until the wounded spot was exposed and peered down at his side. "Gone?"
"99%, better," Buffy sighed with relief.
"Good blood, good sleep, good company. It's the cure-all," Spike laughed awkwardly, pushing one hand back through his hair.
He's adorable when he does that. He looks almost- shy. No, sweet and bashful. "Oh! Maybe you never did this before, either! Oh, no that's dumb. Arhg! Don't listen to me, I have morning brain," Buffy babbled, and then the mortifying thought of morning breath also occurred to her and she made a sudden beeline for the bathroom.
Spike shook his head. "Never did what? What's dumb? Morning brain?" He let out a sigh and resisted the urge to grab a smoke. He didn't have a foggy head this morning, not in the slightest. And her unorthodox wakeup call had removed the uncomfortable situation of morning wood, as well. Thank God. He didn't want to explain that was a mere reaction, not an intention.
Buffy emerged in a minute, face damp, teeth shiny. "Waking up with the person you went to bed with. Still feeling the same. Like, not waking up to Angelus after Angel, or Parker doing a 'Hey, I thought you knew it was just a casual thing' after some big emotional build up," Buffy paused, trying to calm her anger down.
"B-but I realized that was silly, because you know, you and Dru must have had plenty of good mornings."
Spike nodded. "Yeah, we did. But," he slowly moved closer to her, words and images swirling in his mind, those promises not to leave, not to hurt, her gentle hands on his neck, and the sudden crushing, swaying hug they launched into when they realized they might be safe, "I also have a first. I loved wakin' up with Drusilla, but in the back of my mind, there was always a little bit of dread. Of when, or if, she'd suddenly take a fancy to someone else, or if he'd come back… Losing her."
"I know what that's like," Buffy realized. That had been the fear with Angel, even when he was good. That was the fear with her own life. Her own mother. One morning, everything could be changed. Even life, lost and gotten back.
Two people, very different lives, suddenly shuddered in a flashback. Both of them realized that part of those tangled fears had involved the person they slept next to. Wondering if Spike would kill Angel, or her friends. Wondering if Buffy would stake Drusilla, if she'd get him before he made it back to his princess.
Old fires of anger tried to flare up, but wouldn't come when they regarded the tensed person across from them.
"We don't have to do that anymore," Buffy surprised herself by speaking in a calm, low voice. I want something better. Someone who treats me better, who won't change. If he says he won't…
"We won't do that anymore. There's a better option for us," Spike spoke in the same steady voice that was just a facade, a mask for all the pain underneath. She can make it better for me, if I make it better for her.
"Deal. Friends?" she held out a hand.
He pulled her into his arms, not to kiss, just to bring her close, look into those eyes, forehead to forehead. "Friends."
Friends don't stand this close. They shouldn't. They shouldn't want to kiss, watching every motion of those perfect lips- why are his lips so perfect?
"Friends and more?"
Not or more. And more. Both. Both could be good. Just slowly. "Slowly," Buffy replied.
"Slowly," he echoed, bringing his lips to meet hers, bit by bit, giving her time to stop it if it wasn't what she wanted.
He needn't have worried. She gave him a long, lingering kiss before pulling back with a puzzled half-smile. "What?"
"Three weeks ago, I couldn't have imagined this."
Spike hesitated. "I couldn't imagine this. But I could imagine helpin' you, not hurtin' you. This is a vast improvement on my original plan," he winked.
"Well, seeing as it was your plan, I'm not surprised," she teased back.
"Braggart," he nibbled her lip.
"Annoying," she bit down on it softly, earning a mutual moan. "Oh, no. No, I can't."
"I wouldn't push you, Luv," Spike didn't let go of her waist, though she pulled back slightly, eyes panicking.
"No, not that. I want to do more- dry runs- like you wouldn't believe, but I can't. Those thirteen hours of homework I mentioned? I think I still have twelve and a half left. For today. Plus, some hot guy asked me out tonight."
"Hmm. If the hot guy helped get the homework done, would there be a bonus in the way of extra kisses?" Or other things. Blood would be nice. Not hers. But that means bought blood, and she can't pay for your dinner every night, that's "using" someone and you don't want to do that. This is confusin'. Evil but nice is hard to pull off when you're hungry and and she's so soft against you. An' she's still against you.
"I don't know if you could do the assignments."
"I can read!"
"There's essays to write. Sooo much writing."
"I can write!" Jus' don't talk to me about poetry.
"Yeah, but can you type? Modern technology stuff."
"Hmm. I can give it a go. What kinda friend would I be to let you suffer alone?"
"A bad friend. A saner person, but a bad friend," Spike tossed a sheaf of notebook paper at her when she returned.
"Agh! I bought a muffin for you, too! What'd you do? Is that my psychology textbook? Did you shred my notebook?" Buffy slammed her door and stared at the reclining vampire, who looked irritably at her.
"Let's see. Argh to you, too. What sort of muffins? I tried to take notes. Yes, that's your psychobabble textbook. No, I simply tore a handful of pages out. Not shredded, reduced."
"You took notes?"
"On the first four chapters. If that's not enough, you're out of luck, Slayer. Back to the muffins. Don't suppose they had A positive flavored, did they?"
"So much ew. Chocolate chip and pumpkin muffins were the specials. If you want bloody ones, maybe you'd better ask Willy if the bar can put in a bakery."
"Har har."
She ignored him. "As for the notes, I only had to read up through chapter three. I'm a week ahead! I could kiss you! Plus- you have nice handwriting, I can actually read this." Buffy flipped through the papers, easily tossing him the bag, which he caught perfectly.
"Think some of its a load of dribble, mind you. But I remember how to study. Textbooks were much different in my time." Spike saved the chocolate chip for her and ate the pumpkin, walking around her little room with an air of relaxation he hadn't felt in so long. Shouldn't feel, he realized as he pulled his last bag of blood from the tiny fridge and poured it into his mug from last night.
"This is a huge help," Buffy took the chocolate chip muffin and bit into it while tucking the paper back into her book. She leaned against him affectionately, surprising them both.
Shoulder to shoulder, are we? United, enemies no more, Spike found himself musing as he smiled down, and she smiled up.
"You're a… you're a good friend," Buffy recalled the words he'd vented out as she entered the room.
"Am I?" he looked shocked and pleased. "Then we're even, Slayer."
"Yeah?" She hadn't felt like the best friend in the world lately. College was a rough start for an academically challenged girl with a secret double life, plus her first roommate had been demonic, and her Watcher was fired and mopey, and her mother was guilt-tripping and… "You don't really ask for much."
"I like what you give. I liked it before we were anything but enemies. Therefore, no longer enemies," he sipped hastily to cover the growing warmth he got from her, standing by his side.
"What I give?" Her spine gave a little tingle of apprehension, in spite of her silent orders to quell such thoughts.
"Your time. Loyalty. You don't hurt people you care for."
Do we care for each other?
"Well," Buffy cleared her throat. "I like that about you, too."
"I believe there was talk of a kiss for the gent who put you a week ahead?"
"You're not a gent," Buffy teased.
He took a sip and considered. "For the vamp, then."
"Spike, you have blood lips!" Buffy pushed him away playfully.
"You have chocolate on your chin. We're messy eaters, is that what you're saying, Pet?"
"I don't!" Buffy licked around her lips and ran her tongue over her teeth.
"Chin, not lips," he corrected, reaching for her face. "You have an advantage y'know, I can never even check my bloody reflection. It's a pain, worryin' all the time that instead of lookin' threatening, someone wants to laugh because you have somethin' between your fangs."
"I never even thought of that. Your hair looks awesome, though. That is, if you like platinum Billy Idol types. Here," Buffy snagged a napkin from the bakery bag and held it out to him.
"D'you?"
"Do I what?"
"Like- the hair." Like me. I know she does. Damn silly feelings. Insecure feelings. Why do I care?
Cause it would hurt if she didn't, after last night. Shit, why'm I doing this to myself?
"Oh. On you. Yes. It- uh- goes with the whole package," her voice was up too high, her air was running out. Am I not breathing right? Just smile and laugh. Just friendly, nothing serious.
Only I do like this type. Too suddenly, too much.
It was an odd sight, the former deadly enemies standing face to face, him with his mug, thumb on her chin, her now with one hand on his chest, and the other dabbing a napkin on his upper lip.
Buffy licked her lips, tongue briefly catching the very tip of his thumb, and surprising them both as a sizzle of electricity flared through him from the merest, innocent touch. She saw it reflected in his eyes, the sudden contact that reminded them of something intense from last night. And what's more, a random little intimacy felt surprisingly familiar already and whetted the appetite for more. "You know, I-"
"What the actual hell?"
Buffy and Spike whirled, him with a snarl, her with a yip.
Willow, red-eyes wide, stared with her jaw practically hitting the collar of her mustard yellow sweater. One hand went for her purse, where holy water always resided.
"No, no, no!" Buffy held up a warning hand as she hastily separated from Spike. "Everything is okay!"
"Everything is okay? Spike is in our room! Drinking out of your chocolate mug! You love that mug! And- and there are muffins. And- textbooks. So I repeat. Which doesn't seem too threatening, actually, when I think about it. But still! What the actual hell?"
Spike gave Buffy a mildly panicked glance. Under it there was a myriad of pain, waiting to burst out when he heard her make up some crazy lie, an excuse. Because loyal or not, she wasn't going to put something like him, something evil and tainted above the good humans in her life. That was part of the original loyalty he had first admired, and maybe in time he'd earn a more obvious display of it.
I can make up an excuse. I can turn the tables, I can ask why she's back, why she looks like she's been sobbing or just got stung by twenty bees on each eye. "Spike saved my life. Drusilla came back to town, she caught me by surprise, hit me hard, I passed out."
Spike bit his lower lip to keep his mouth from gaping. She was telling the truth- but leaving his role in the horrible parts out. Covering for him.
Having my back.
Loyalty.
Willow blinked in disbelief. "Still with the hell."
"She had an iron poker thing. She hit me really hard right behind the ear, I didn't even have a second to react, Wills. When I came to, I was tied up in some dark room, and Spike came in. He was talking to her and - he distracted her. He slipped me a knife to get out of the ropes. I got free and um- um." Buffy met his eyes in a panic. What should she say, what did he want public? What if he didn't want any of this public?
"Drusilla took it out on me for betraying her. Siding with the Slayer, a second time," Spike concluded softly. He hesitated, and then did something stupid, probably.
Buffy's fingers lost hold of the napkin. Spike was taking his shirt off. Flood warnings posted, she thought at first. Her insides seemed to take his undressing and revealing such glorious abdominal muscles as a sexual invitation.
But then she saw why he was doing it. Yes, good blood helped heal almost every scar from recent days, even the taser wound of last night. He'd lifted his shirt, but not taken it off. Now it was off and she could see what he wanted to show- a deep circle over his heart, a five-fingered gouge and twist that must have put him near to dusting.
Willow gasped. "She did- she- because you helped Buffy?" she managed to squeak.
Spike hurriedly pulled it back on, not meeting their eyes. Hadn't wanted to talk about that. But was there any proof more convincing?
"He didn't have to help me. It would have been easier not to do anything. He wanted to. Still wants to."
"Why?" Willow quavered. Shaken by the sight of Drusilla's inflicted wound, she still didn't trust him. "Why would he turn against Drusilla. He- he almost killed Xander and I to make a spell to get her back!" Willow's hand went back to her purse, holy water emerging this time.
"I got tired of bein' with someone who would leave me when it suited 'em. I got tired of… fightin' someone I respect more than I hate." Spike shrugged, revealing the beginnings of the truth, and leaving out the end. Well, the middle. He hoped there would be more to come in this strange story of theirs.
"He's not a good vampire, but he's… not exactly bad. Neutral?"
"Neutral? Neutral gets muffins?" Willow staggered a bit and Buffy caught her elbow.
"No, the muffin is for the four chapters worth of homework I jus' did."
"Oooh! Willow, that TA? Riley Finn? He was out last night when I was patrolling with Spike- skip that for now- and he and two other guys in black SWAT gear came out of nowhere with tasers and attacked Spike and then tear gassed us!"
"I need to sit. I'm having a really- really bad day." Willow's legs gave out suddenly, and then full blown sobbing commenced. "Riley, the nice guy, attacked you? Spike saved you? Spike, Mr. Obsession Guy, broke up with Drusilla after she came back to him? And Oz… Oz left me. To go to Tibet and find- a way to- stop the wolf from coming out because he it's getting hard to control and there are other werewolves who can make these connections with him that I can't and he's… he's gone."
"Oh, my God! Oz left!?" Buffy dropped to her knees as well.
Spike stood by, shocked. The two girls were hugging and clinging, sobbing together suddenly. "I - uh- Bugger the daylight, I'll leave you to this, shall I?"
"Okay," Buffy looked up long enough to meet his eyes. The redhead was bowed down, shaking with sobs.
"The men in this town are idiots. Pure idiots," he suddenly spat. Not knowing what came over him, he knelt as well, and spoke harshly to the witch on the floor, making her look up at him. "Oi. This is his bag, all right? Not on you. I'm a man- sort of- an' I know that anyone who'd leave either of you is- is stupid. Completely crackers. An' I gotta go. Now. Bye."
Spike drained the mug and pulled his duster around him tightly, then vanished down the hallway.
Willow wiped her eyes momentarily. "Did he just try to make me feel better?"
"Yes."
"Am I dead? Is this an alternate dimension?"
"I don't know anymore," Buffy sighed. She pulled Willow's wet bangs out of her eyes. "I don't think so. I think… I think this life sucks. But sometimes, you get some good stuff thrown in."
"Spike's a good thing?"
"Spike on our side has always been a good thing," Buffy replied confidently, realizing it was true.
"Oz leaving me is not a good thing!"
"I know, Will. I know. Just keep breathing. I know it hurts to keep breathing, but just keep breathing," Buffy murmured, remembering a broken heart from barely a year ago. Pain so fresh for her, stirred up by Parker and oddly enough- made so much better by Spike. "Want me to distract you?"
"Huh?"
"Spike helped me stick it to Parker and his next unsuspecting victim."
Willow looked interested in spite of herself. "He- he did?"
"I wish you could have seen it! Wanna hear about it instead?"
Buffy, looking angry and haggard came down the steps of her dorm around eight, heading to the Alpert Crypt in Restfield.
"How's she doing?"
A smoky husk of a voice made her jump, then made her relax. "Not better," Buffy turned to see Spike in the shadows. "Have you been here for long?"
"Not too long." An hour isn't long to an immortal, right?
"Xander and Giles are on their way over. Willow wanted them. I think I have to-"
"Bring them along?" Spike finished.
"I was going to say skip patrol," Buffy disagreed.
"I can handle it for you."
"What if those weird guys with tasers are out?"
"I'm a big vamp, I can take care of myself. But it's sweet that you worry," Spike winked and found himself leaning closer.
Their whispered conversation wasn't out of place to the casual observer. Just another couple. But we're not a couple, Buffy thought as her head swam near his.
"I'm r-ready," Willow appeared behind Buffy suddenly.
"I wish you'd stop doing that," Spike hissed.
If Willow noticed anything out of place about the pair, she didn't mention it. "I want to go out with you. Patrol. I- I can't really get on with my life without Oz, but I have to get up and-"
"Oh no," Buffy whispered as fresh sobs poured out. She turned and Willow collapsed into her arms.
"What happened? Why?" Xander was charging forward angrily across the campus. "Also- Spike? Why is there Spike?" He juddered to a halt, looking angry and baffled.
"Spike? Spike's here?" Giles, coming from a different direction, converged on the growing throng of Scoobies plus one.
"He saved my life, details to follow. For now- Willow huggage. So much huggage," Buffy passed her friend into Xander's bear-like embrace, and then Giles' fatherly one.
"He didn't really leave, did he?" Xander asked in a stage whisper. Willow's howl of misery was enough to earn him a smack on the arm from Buffy. "Ow! Mere mortal over here."
"You think a woman'd put herself through this much pain on a case of miscommunication?" Spike glared. "Little thing is miserable. Cryin' her guts out," he placed a cigarette between his lips impatiently.
"Again, why is Spike here?"
"Life. Saved. News at eleven," Buffy glared pointedly at Willow, who was making short work of one of Giles' handkerchiefs.
"He's being helpful and sensitive? Surely, there's a plot? A plot?" Giles asked hopefully, his arms full of weeping witch as he looked at the vampire as if he'd clear things his up,.
"Yes, Watcher, I'll belumber myself with all of you annoyin' types and your grief and your bloody homework assignments, and your bloody stupid remarks just to get in good with you lot… and then what? I bite you? I kill you? Could do that already with less aggravation. But I don't. Not going to. Slayer and I have a deal."
"Homework?" Giles inquired.
"That's the part you want to dive into?" Xander rolled his eyes.
"C'mon," Willow suddenly hiccupped, wobbling upright. "Let's go."
"Did she eat today?" Spike asked Buffy, watching the girl lean on both men for support.
"She didn't want to. I don't think she drank more than a couple sips of water, either. She's heartbroken. I liked Oz so much. Right now, I just want to punch him in the face. A lot."
"He wants to control the wolf?"
"That's not possible, is it?"
Spike shrugged. "I've met vamps who can't control their demon. I can almost always control mine. Sometimes I don't want to, mind you, but... If anyone could do it, probably one of your little whitehat Slayerettes could. But why not take the girl with him? She loves him. She'd go, wouldn't she?"
"I don't know. I think so. Maybe he didn't offer. He must not have offered." She would have followed Angel to the ends of the earth. Willow would have done the same for Oz, surely.
Xander turned around to give the blondes a furious glance. "They look chummy. Too chummy."
"He saved her life," Willow gulped and blew her nose again.
"He says that-"
"Buffy says it."
"It could have been an act."
"No," Willow had many doubts about Spike, but not about his role in the rescue. "He helped her get away. He wasn't the decoy. He was the sacrifice," she shivered suddenly, imagining what happened to the vampire. What had been done to him by someone he loved, loved and protected for over a century. Probably hurts like this, she thought, before she started crying afresh. Suddenly feeling like your heart is clawed out by someone you trusted, even if the motive might seem "good."
"Dear, I think you really ought to sit this one out," Giles said kindly but firmly.
"No! I can't just sit and sob anymore, I did that all day," Willow wiped her eyes roughly.
"You're still sobbing, simply walking while doing it. It's not conducive to patrolling. Why don't you and Xander head back to your dorm? Or my flat? Or-"
"If I leave with Willow, who's going to watch Pale and Platinum over there?" Xander hissed, again, stage whisper carrying.
"Oh really? You think the Slayer can't handle me? She needs a teenager without any superpowers to give her a boost?" Spike called out.
"Why is this about Buffy? Why isn't this about what I want to do? No one is even listening to what I want to do! Why didn't he listen to what I wanted?" Willow pushed off from Giles hard, screaming in her outburst, tiny crackles of blue spasming from her overwrought fingertips.
"Will, you're right, you're right," Xander rushed forward to soothe his friend, only to find her windmilling away from him angrily.
"Oz told me! He didn't ask me, he told me he had to do it, it was his choice. I'm all with the respecting people making choices and decisions but it wasn't just about him, it was about us! I loved him- no- matter what he-" Willow's breathless words suddenly sounded much more labored, the air around her seemed to sparkle with some sort of mystical static.
"Catch her!" Spike suddenly shouted.
"What?" Xander turned to look at the vampire, Giles looked for threats, and Buffy and Spike sprang.
The combination of grief, low blood sugar, and the magical drain on her system finally collided in Willow's body. Spike heard it, the sound of someone falling asleep, only this wasn't gradual, it was all at once, hard and fast. Passing out, heartbeat slowing, body falling- in this case into traffic.
He shoved the redhead back into Buffy. He caught the front fender of the Chevy pickup at twenty five miles per hour, horn blaring in his ear, and recently injured body reset to square one as he was flung backward, leaving skids in the grass by the sidewalk.
"Spike!" Buffy's wail covered up Willow's waking gasp and Xander's shout, Giles muffled cursing.
Spike sat up, covered in road grit and blood. "I shouldn't hang around you," he smiled weakly as Buffy raced to his side, Willow now deposited on a sidewalk bench, her head supported by Xander. "Knives, tasers, now even the bloody traffic turns against me. I thought bein' on the 'light side' had better compensations."
"How bad?" Buffy blinked back tears of her own. Tears that shouldn't come, but sprang up, unbidden and stubborn. He almost got- well, maybe it wouldn't have killed him. It was scary to see. Your new friend, mown down, flying back with a sickening thump.
"I gotta go back to Willy's," Spike gingerly felt his shoulder. Maybe not broken, but fractured. Helluva bruise if he dared to peak. And definitely, he winced as she helped him up, cracked ribs. Multiple.
Giles was next to them suddenly. "Here," he passed him a silver flask. "Can you walk?"
"Not too far," Spike realized, and tipped the silver bottle back hurriedly. Stinging amber fluid bolstered his morale, if not his damaged body. "Don't fuss. Fuss over her. She keeled over. I heard it, the sudden drop in heartbeat, pulse, everything. She just went out, like a light was flipped off inside her."
"Magic requires energy. She didn't have it to give, but I saw the magic try to emerge. She calls on it in times of stress, danger… She must be feeling so much pain right now," Giles looked to the bench. Xander's eyes met the trio's. Willow's head rested on his shoulder. "As a Watcher, not that anyone ever listens to me, I say that this patrol is done for tonight. Willow needs food, rest, and a friendly shoulder. I'll take Spike home, and you tend to -"
"I'll take Spike. Xander can help Willow. They can crash in our dorm and I'll head back to my mom's. She's been bugging me to pay a visit anyway," Buffy said, bluffing for the last half of the sentence.
Spike knew it, too. He looked at her with a subtle shift of his pounding head, but said nothing. Giles hesitated before rising, tucking his flask away.
"I will not question this prestigious moment in my career. You agreed with me- at least for fifty percent of the suggestion."
With that, Buffy and Giles helped the vampire limp to the bench. In an odd twist of fate, the heartbroken girl and her rescuer were now propped up next to one another.
"Thank you," Willow told him hazily.
"Ta, Red. We even? Saved you once, after threatenin' you once?"
"So not true. Mathematically," Willow opened bleary eye. "But okay. For now."
Xander hung back as Giles and Buffy helped Willow back up to the dorm room they'd only exited a few moments ago. A lot can change in a short time, he realized. But Spike playing nice? That wasn't something that changed. He might help, for something he wanted, something he needed. If it wasn't obvious- then it was probably dangerous, dark, waiting for the right moment to spring.
"I don't trust you."
"I know that. That's smart. But I will be worthy of the trust in this one area. B'sides, you don't have to trust me, you have to trust her. Do you?" Spike met the brunette's eyes.
"Not when it comes to vampires. Or… guys in general, actually."
Spike gave him a knowing look. "It's not her that earned the mistrust. It was those idiots. But, I'll let you tell her about your opinion." He watched the boy flinch. "In the meantime, I'll be beyond her reproach, if not yours."
Xander recoiled from his words. The vampire he hated second most in the world (Angelus had the top spot) had saved Willow. And Buffy, apparently.
The world, and more importantly, my two best friends, are here because of this guy. He knew he should feel a kernal of gratitude. He did, somewhere in there. He also felt seething anger in him that didn't have a clear focus. Jealousy? Frustration? I need to save them.
I already have. I do the world-savage, in a supporting role, sure, but that's okay. Spike is evil. There is nothing in the world that will ever-
"You didn't trust Angel, even with a soul, did you?" Spike tried to light up, but his shoulder didn't want to work. "Little help?"
Xander took the lighter with a grunt and flicked it open, briefly considering just dropping the flaming thing into his lap and watching the vamp immolate. "No. And I was right. He still hurt her, even as a 'friend.'"
"Understood," Spike regarded the human in front of him. Read the lines of disgust and anger. Nothing making that go away. And unless it did- what would the girl choose? The loyalty to a friend of years and endless battles, or a new ally who happened to understand her pain more intimately than the rest of the world ever could? "Y'know, it'll hurt her if you don't let her try."
"What?" Xander looked startled. He didn't converse with Spike. He'd heard Spike monologue, bully, bluster, brag, threaten, and sob drunkenly. Normal speaking was out of his depth. And the words. Spike worrying - or pretending to worry- that Buffy gets hurt?
That's weird. And … it means something. I don't know what. "What do you mean?" Xander repeated roughly as Spike finished a long drag on the cigarette.
"She wants to try this out. Buffy. She knows I'm done with tryin' to hurt her. I'm already hurt enough, an' I'm sick of fightin' with her. I'd rather be an ally than an enemy. She likes that. She thinks I mean it, an' I do, whether the rest of you believe it. She wants this," Spike's eyes met Xander's calmly. "You tell her to end it before she tries it, she's gonna lose someone powerful in her corner. Someone who could do more than just help her out, someone who might actually be able to match her in a crisis, like the times you used to need Soul Boy." It was a bluff. He wouldn't change sides again. But the boy didn't need to know that, and sometimes the best hands were the ones you bluffed about.
"She shouldn't have needed him," Xander spat. "He was always a mistake."
"I agree with you," Spike chuckled darkly.
"You? Agree with me? Cue the apocalypse!" Xander looked for flaming comets to strike the ground.
"I hate him. As much as you hate him. No, worse, had longer to hone my skills."
Shocking them both, they shared a bitter laugh.
"Just because he was a mistake, doesn't mean you're less of one."
"All right. Fair point. D'you wanna be in the club?"
"What?" Xander recoiled, thinking of only the fanged-up kind of club.
"The mistakes, boy. 'Cause she could have somethin' from me, that she never got from Angel, nor Angelus. Someone who could stick it out when it counted, when she needed a friend. Not a good man, not a human, simply a friend. Ones who don't turn on you. Won't ruin your chances."
Eyes didn't meet.
"You can't be her friend," Xander ground out.
"I can be loyal. I can know when a bargain's good. Getting on her good side is a damn sight better than bein' on the receivin' end of a stake. I know not to eff this up for myself, or for her. Do you know as much?"
"Know as much as who? Or what?" Buffy paused, trepidation on her face as she looked between the two men.
"He wants to be your friend," Xander said the statement flatly, but there was a ripple waiting under it, something incredulous and waiting.
Buffy's throat squeezed down, temporarily blocking her airway. She coughed. "That's good, right?"
"Did you also get hit by a car? Is this the result of a head injury?" Xander hissed in exasperation.
"Spike wanting to be a friend is better than him being an enemy. Enemies don't save your life, or your friend's life. Until he does something stake-worthy, Spike is a - a weird sort of ally-slash-permanent truce- slash-friend. Done."
"I won't break this one." The boy thinks I mean truce. She knows I mean her. The heart.
"Buff-"
"Mistake to argue with powerful women," Spike murmured nonchalantly as he looked down at his nails.
"Willow needs me. Don't turn your back on him," Xander hugged her quickly in passing, glared at Spike, and stalked into the dorm.
Buffy stared after her best friend, guilt and anxiety gnawing at her. Then her head turned toward the silent figure on the bench. Something inside quieted with him. She sat down next to him. "I won't, you know."
"Yeah, I guess I bear watchin'," Spike gave a hollow laugh. He should have been preparing for this moment. The moment when it started to hurt, though they both had promised it wouldn't this time.
"No. I won't turn my back on you because friends don't walk away when you need them. Come on. Let's get you home." Buffy gently slid her arm under his shoulder, watching the brash smile turn to something sweet, hopeful. His arm tightened on her back and they limped together, side by side.
To be continued...