Next chapter! And I promised myself that it wouldn't take 5 months to update this time. Enjoy it like a delicious soup, or maybe a spoonful of Cinnamon Toast Crunch!

(crickets, start your chirping!)

Anyone? Joke from The Oddest Birthday? Oh never mind, just read. (goes to corner and mumbles something incoherent)

And on a side note, I'm gonna change the rating to T. Just because.

--

In a dark basement corner, lit only by the glowing of a radar screen, a man smiled. He smiled because there was a sleigh shaped dot traveling along the screen.

"Well well Mister Claus, it looks like you've returned."

The shadowed figure swivelled in his chair, and walked up the stairs.

"I simply must prepare. After all, I wouldn't want my guest to be, uncomfortable... MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Shut up!" One of the neighbors yelled. The shadowed figure regained his composure and began preparing.

"All right, looks like the Uchiha manor is next." Temari said, rolling up Santa's scroll.

"This ought to be fun." Kankuro muttered, rolling his eyes. Gaara just sat.

They landed on the roof without a hitch, and the chimney was large enough to be comfortable and easy to climb down. It had also been cleaned recently.

"This is going way to smoothly..." Kankuro thought as they went into the living room, "You just know something bad is going to ha...oh dear."

Lying face down on the floor, in a puddle of his own blood, was Sasuke. Temari gasped, Kankuro turned pale, and Gaara let out what might have been a chortle. The female ninja of the team went over to the milk and cookies and picked up Sasuke's letter to Santa. She began reading.

"Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas this year is to be dead. Really, what have I got to live for? It's either stay here in this village with fangirls, wasting away until Itachi kills me, or go hang out with pedophile-maru and his happy band of sex-slaves. So I say goodbye to this cruel world on this Christmas Eve. Maybe it's better in the afterlife..."

Temari looked up from the letter, horrified, "It's a suicide note! Gaara can you believe...GAARA!"

Gaara was bending over Sasuke, dipping his finger in the pool of blood and licking it.

"Minty." he said with distaste. "So do we get to keep his presents or what?"

Kankuro and Temari looked at each other, and guessed a dead guy wouldn't really miss anything, so they kept Sasuke's presents, gave the cat a little extra food, and left the scene of the crime.

"Well that didn't go so well." Kankuro sneered.

"I made out okay." Gaara spat, playing with his new toy.

"Where next Temari?" Kankuro asked, ignoring Gaara.

"Looks like the Akimichi house."

So they flew to the Akimichi's, landing on their very spacious roof. The sand siblings slid down the chimney, and were greeted by an odd sight. All the Akimichi's were sprawled out around the living room, tired from their Christmas Eve feast, and preparing for the even larger Christmas day feast which would happen tomorrow.

"It's like God made it rain fat people in here!" Kankuro wowed, and was hit on the head by Temari.

"Just because they aren't appealing doesn't mean you can make fun of them. Now come on, lets find the tree."

The tree happened to be in the next room over, the dining room (you know, so they could open presents while still enjoying a hearty breakfast). Unfortunately, there was a sizable obstacle blocking the way, Grandpa Chojo.

"What do we do now?" Kankuro wondered, looking at the huge man in their way.

"Well...I guess we could climb over him." Temari suggested. Gaara shot her a no way look, while Kankuro nearly laughed.

"Are you mad? It would take 3 days, oxygen tanks, and a team of sherpas to make it up that thing! And we'd have to eat one of the sherpas to survive! No way."

A few minutes later, they were scaling Choji's grandpa. It was a perilous and disgusting climb, and Kankuro was complaining the whole way.

"I swear I'll kill her some day, I swear it. If it's the last thing I do on this god forsaken earth..."

They soon reached the top of the mammoth man, and were looking into the dining room. Gaara (who was in the lead) stopped.

"Gaara, why did you stop? It smells like eggnog up here. Please keep moving." Temari begged.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm stuck."

Temari looked to see Gaara's hands and knees were disappearing into the rolls. She also dared to look down at herself, and she was in the same predicament.

"Oh crap! Kankuro, don't come any closer!"

"Don't worry, I can't. I'm stuck too." Kankuro moaned.

The three wobbled about for a moment, trying to get out of this gross trap.

"It's like quickfat!" Kankuro snarled. Gaara glared at him.

"Quickfat? Is that the best name you can come up with? Are you retarded?"

"Really Kankuro, he's right. That sounds like some sort of anti weight loss drink..." Temari said, shaking her head disapprovingly.

A minute or two later, they were almost under.

"I didn't want to die like this!" Temari cried.

"I don't wanna die a virgin!" Kankuro cried.

"Shut up." Gaara commanded.

Then, just like that, they disappeared into the fat. Thankfully, Chojo had thrown back a few too many carbonated drinks, and let loose a belch that shook the heavens themselves. The three were catapulted out of his stomach from the vibrations, and landed safely in the dining room.

"I hate these people." Gaara dryly commented. Kankuro walked over to the table where the milk and cookies should have been, and picked up the note.

"Dear Santa, sorry that I ate the cookies again. I-I just can't help myself sometimes...anyway, I'd like a big old honeyed ham for Christmas this year, Choda would like some salami, Chobi wants some beef patties, Chogo would appreciate a bag of skittles (super size, but you already know that) Dad wants a deep fat fryer installed into the counter, and Mom wants some new chairs for the house. She says they're breaking for some reason. Have a nice Christmas! Sincerely, Choji."

Kankuro grimaced and put the letter down, "Maybe we should get family a copy of Jazzercise tapes, they could use em. Besides, Santa doesn't have a deep fat fryer handy."

"Actually, there's one right here." Temari said, dragging the bulky thing out of the sack. Gaara raised a non-existent eyebrow in surprise.

"Well, even so, we can't install a deep fat fryer, that would take hours." Kankuro complained.

"Yes we can." Gaara spat. "I've got an idea. Temari, you start playing some 80's music, I'll start building the robot, and Kankuro, grab 8 buckets of paint, a step ladder, and a goat. It's time for a montage."

(a montage of Gaara building a robot, Temari and Kankuro wildly hacking at the kitchen counter, Kankuro spilling paint on Gaara, Temari hitting Kankuro with the step ladder, the three of them getting chased by a saw wielding robot, and just a few random shots of the goat, all while 80's music plays. They stand before the installed deep fryer seconds later. Temari and Kankuro look very confused.)

"But we never even touched it..." Temari wondered.

"Such is the power of montage." Gaara said, before walking away. The three then dropped off the other presents, used the other door to get out of the dining room (a novel idea) and left the house.

--

Wow, such shameless rip-offing. Sorry Revenge of the Nerds, Team America, Family Guy, and some others. Montages are hard to do originally...

Oh, and Sasuke's blood is minty because he is Emo. Emo's natural flavor is mint. And to me, it just seems like Choji would have an extensive family. But hey, just my view.

See you guys around!