Friends (Or More)

By Sweetprincipale

Part VIII

Dedicated to: All the awesome readers who like this little story! Thank you for kind reviews and encouragement. I am slowly getting around to answering all of the unresponded reviews, so just keep 'em coming, the reply will arrive! :)

"Look at you. On legs and without visible scarring and limping!" Buffy beamed when she Spike opened the door to his crypt.

"Yeah, even Dru's little goodbye kisses are gone," Spike ran his hand over his chest and was about to lift up his black-tee and show her, then stopped suddenly. He coughed awkwardly and put his hand in his pocket.

"I'm glad. Good. Um-" I should not be thinking lusty wrong thoughts. No shirtlessness. Nope. None

Even if last night we were in his bed and the night before we were in my bed and I - Oh God. "Hungry?"

"Strangely content feeling, but I could eat. Are you 'bout to pass out?"

"Not yet. Willow is in a holding pattern. She called Oz's parents. They heard he was 'on tour.' She went to track down Devon. I asked to go with her, but she said no. I think she's pinning some hopes on that Devon will know where Oz is and she can go talk to him. Convince him to stay. But I know Oz," Buffy sighed. "Not like Willow does, but I've seen him make up his mind. He's quiet and then- boom. Life-altering. When the mayor was going to ascend, we had this sacred urn thing-y to stop a ritual, and Faith had Willow, and we were going to trade, but Wesley- you didn't meet him-"

"Slayer! Slow down and back up a bit. All I'm gettin' here is that Red gets kidnapped too often."

"Which is partially your fault."

"I said sorry! Go on with the story," Spike sighed, deciding it was less likely to get her brassed off at him.

"Short story. Urn saves world by destroying box of bad mojo. Mayor wants box of bad mojo. Mayor will trade Willow for box. Wesley is poophead. Oz destroys urn, no talking, just action. If he wants to go off, he'll go. No talking. Just action."

"Unlike me. Equal parts talk an' action," he slid suggestively past her to get his coat, making her breath catch.

"Flirty guy."

"Well… Friends with perks do that."

Buffy's face closed over. "Oh." That's what we're going to be? Friends who give each other good feelings? In the pelvic way?

Spike lost the cocky expression instantly, eyes widening when he realized how she'd interpreted his words. "No!"

She looked guilty. "I didn't say anything!" Maybe that's how this is supposed to work. I didn't think it felt like that when we were talking. When we were dancing. When he was touching me it didn't feel like a get happy and get gone… No, it can't be like that. He wasn't pushing.

"You thought I meant friends get perks of the physical variety. I meant… it's okay if I flirt a bit with you. Always did, in my nasty little way. Now you know I'm safe for you. My words just mean that I look forward to… whatever we do. I want the 'more' part, Buffy. Not the way that pillock at the coffee shop did."

"Safe for you?" Buffy's eyes were luminous.

"Yeah. You're safe to me, too."

Flirting and insecurity fled, and kissing took its place. Drusilla's little kisses goodbye might have been worth these kisses hello, Spike thought hazily as he found himself kissing her harder, hungrier. Stop. Stop before she thinks you're pushin' her. Stop before you- "Argh!"

"Oooo, owie!"

Grabbing, kneading kisses led to loss of balance and two people collapsing in a chair, him on top of her lap. "I prefer it the other way," he confessed with a wink, hurriedly getting up and offering her a hand. "Dinner and then homework?"

"Dinner and then homework."

"Biology?"

"Chemistry is taken care of," she attempted to flirt back, smoothing her hair. "Oh, and weirdness, my psych class was canceled today."

"After all that bloody work!" Spike glowered.

"Professor Walsh and the TA were gone. There's a rumor that Ohio State offered a really good deal and she's quitting a few weeks into the semester. That's okay. She isn't my favorite person. They'll get an adjunct professor to fill in, I guess."

"So, the notes won't be wasted?"

"Is that all you're worried about?" Buffy demanded playfully.

"Sort of," he huffed. "I haven't done university work in years. Over a bleedin' century!"

"So you want one hundred kisses for every time you crack a book?"

"If you give 'em, you get 'em, Pet."

"Suddenly studying seems way more fun. Willow and Giles did this all wrong." Spike raised his eyebrows slowly at Buffy's words. "Oh. Um. Th-they didn't offer kisses. We don't have that kind of - uh- dinner?" Buffy flustered herself to a halt.

"Did you eat?" Spike hesitated and then added, "You're all right after last night?"

"Oh, yeah," Buffy scoffed. "I lose more blood than that on a nightly basis if the baddies get a punch in."

I used to be that baddie. Guilt wasn't one of his strong suits. Still, his heart gave a jagged pull. "I owe you a billion kisses, Slayer. One for every swing."

Buffy felt heat in her cheeks trickle down her chest and her insides. She joked quietly, "Oh come on! Nowhere near a billion. You weren't able to land that many punches! I'd take… a hundred?"

"So I'm up to two hundred now," Spike muttered appraisingly as they walked out of his crypt. "You want that all in one go, or spread out over a couple nights?"

"Hmm. Does it compound? Like interest?"

"I'd call you quite the shark, Slayer… but I'm benefiting from that. Let's say they compound. Y'know, unless you let me work it off, put in some serious hours each night, I'm never gonna be caught up."

Buffy bit her lip, falling into stride with him in the dark graveyard. "Is… is that a bad thing?"

Never being done with her. Her never being done with me. I wanted somethin' never-ending. I thought it would be the quest to hunt 'em down. Not to be… No, don't leap there. Just enjoy it, one step at a time, hard as that is to do when you want it all. "No, that's a bloody wonderful thing," he answered hoarsely.

"Me, too. I mean, I think so too." Buffy let out some air she'd been holding and found herself staggering slightly.

"You all right in other ways after last night?" he asked, tone nonchalant.

Buffy flashed back to the first moment she had truly considered letting him drink, not last night, the night in the alley when his eyes were sunken and he could barely stand, attack piled on attack without the needed feeding to restore him.

"You wanted a willing donor."

"You didn't want to be one. Slayer. Buffy! Stop, you're startin' to shake. What's-"

"I don't know!"

"If you're not sure, then it's not on. Calm down, all right? We're never gonna hurt each other. We don't need to do this. We don't need to do anything anymore, not unless both of us like the idea."

"Because it was wrong?" Buffy said, talking out loud, but more to herself than to him.

Spike felt stung, even though he thought he had no right to be. It was wrong, in so many ways, 'specially to her, with all her complicated "history." Just didn't feel wrong to him. Taking without pain or violence or death was just part of sharing and loving and living. He knew he was an effed up demon more than ever as he merely shrugged and clamored off the rising irritation. "Yeah, s'pose."

"But it didn't seem wrong. I… you said a kiss with teeth. And it was. And I… felt really good. I feel fine today."

"Well… I can make you feel good without that. But if you ever - sod it. Slayer, I need a smoke." Spike unceremoniously released her hand and rummaged in his coat.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't ever want you to think I want you for your blood. I don't think that'd do us any good. I loved it, I'm not gonna lie. I'd do it again, any time you wanted. Just don't think you have to want it."

Buffy walked in silence, a few shoulder-lengths apart as he lit up and exhaled, his tight chest visibly expanding, neck loosening. "You really do care about the girl. You're all about the girl. You said I was all about the guy, but you're about what she wants."

"Am not! Okay, a bit!" Spike hotly denied and in the next second relented. "I loved Dru. She was my everything. You're not her. You're… better in a lot of ways. It feels wrong to say that, to think it. But I do. I have, ever since the night she dragged you in, all trussed up and showed you off, a little prezzie to make up for whoever she'd shagged on her way back to apologize for leavin' me again. A slap in the face, y'know."

Buffy shuddered. "I bet."

"How she thought killin' the most loyal girl in the world, the best of the best, would make up for months of faithlessness… It didn't make up for it. It made it worse. You didn't deserve that. I didn't deserve that. I don't … deserve you."

Buffy watched him toss away the cigarette, her feet slowing until they stopped. "Friends don't have to deserve each other. But, if we were talking about the awesomeness of certain people… when you're on my side, you're pretty awesome to have. Anyone would want the kind of guy you are. Again, I have to stress this- when you're not evil and killing people. That's a deal-breaker."

Spike turned back to face her, watching her carefully go inside herself as she concluded. She leaned on the iron gates at the end of the cemetery. "Oi. That's not gonna happen. You just said so."

"Huh? Sorry. I went to a sad place." Buffy gave him a melancholy smile. All the promises she and Angel made. So much love, so much good, all about the truly pure things- and all broken.

"You said I'm a good friend to have. You said I'm all about the girl. I don't want to pull the murderous rampage bit, Slayer. But- even if I did. I wouldn't want to anymore. My girl doesn't like it. I can't hurt my girl. I can't hurt my friend."

Wow. I guess, in a strange way, that's right. The one thing I don't want to happen can't happen 'cause I don't want it to happen. Kind of like being Prophecy Girl, in a good way for once in my life. Brain. Tangly. "Okay. Good. That's good." They slowly resumed walking, closing ranks once again. "You can't hurt your girl. Friend."

They both froze, eyes wide, startled. "I'm sorry. I was saying that you can't- "

"Why?" Spike's look of shock was replaced by one of simmering joy. "I heard a period in there, Buffy. It was nice and loud. Full stop."

Walking along again, Buffy felt the breath returning to her constricted lungs. No big deal. For Mr. Show Off-y Guy, he knows when to let stuff go. Or play it cool. I guess that's how you live a long time as a vamp. "Can I ask you a dumb question?"

"Do you ask me any other kind?" Spike jibed, and received a lightly thrown elbow for it. "Go on, then."

"What'd you call Drusilla?"

"Like pet names? Oh, a dozen things. My sweet. Dru. Poodle. Baby. Kitten. My wicked ripe plum had a nice bit of poetry to it."

"Stellar imagery," Buffy was forced to admit. Except poodle. That's weird. Why can't nice girls get a guy who calls them such delicious nicknames? Oh. Wait. I'm sort of in the running for that, I guess. "I didn't mean sweet nicknames. I meant, what do you call someone you're with for you unlife? Was she your girlfriend? That doesn't seem big enough."

"Vamps don't take marriage vows, Luv. Not with other vamps. You could do a claim. It's the same thing, no rings, just bites, nice little words. A private ceremony though, if you know what I mean."

"So you weren't married, you were claimed?"

"No, then we'd never be apart. Dru can't be claimed. I knew that and I loved her anyway. Have to be willing to renounce loyalty to all others. Including your sire. She couldn't do that. I was never… I was never truly first in the peckin' order inside her head."

"Oh." Angelus. Her "dear daddy" in the sickest way possible. One that really didn't deserve loyalty, but she'd give it to him and ignore the one who did deserve it. Wanna punch something.

Spike continued, "You know, it's funny. I always just spoke of us together, what we were. When I came to this town, I told the Anointed Brat, 'Dru and I are movin' in.' Simple like that. But she called me her knight. Her prince. I wasn't her king though. And a knight defends, but the queen commands."

Steps quickened, as if they could outrun the serious vein their conversation had taken.

"I called Angel my lover. He called me his girl. We said boyfriend and girlfriend a couple of times, but that was for me. He always looked semi-embarrassed by it. He didn't get teenager normal girl stuff. Like prom. Homecoming. The desire to shop for something not black."

Spike burst out laughing and tried to contain it. Failing miserably, he just shook his head and grinned at her. "Priceless. Oh, I love it. If I ever see him again I- will not mention that. No. Friends don't betray the confidences, Luv," he quickly amended.

"Smart vamp."

"Turn there," Spike instructed. "Shortcut to Willy's through Old Sunnydale Cemetery. Counts as patrol, yeah?"

"Ooh, efficiency with the slaying. Giles will be proud. Does Willy's serve human food?"

"No, I think even he draws the line at- oh, you mean like wings and pizza? He does. I'll eat it. Not so sure if you should. I can't die of the same things. Oh, what now?" Spike demanded as her face went from the verge of laughter to downcast again. "Slayer, if I keep makin' you sad, I'm not much of a - much of a pal."

"I'm all with the serious. It comes and goes. I can't shut it off."

"That's fine by me- but I don't wanna make you sad. If you want the pizza, we'll get the flippin' pizza. Slayer healing oughta kill a little dysentery-causing parasite, right?"

"You won't die like I will. That was a big relationship-killer for Angel."

"Yeah? I'm not him."

"I'm glad about that. Are you going to throw it in my face at some point? 'Cause if you are, let's do it now. He waited until- yeah. After it was too late. I was in love. We did the thing. The first time, first love, life, death, resurrection thing."

"Buffy, you an' I tried to off each other. Right now, that makes me sick. But it also makes me realize a couple things. Anyone can die. Young, old, even immortal. He died before you. If you hadn't plunged the sword in, I would have, if I hadn't been savin' Dru."

"Point?"

"The immortal bastard bit it before his teen sweetheart. An' you- didn't you die an' make that Faith chick?"

"Technically, that was Kendra, and then she- yeah. I did."

"An you both pop back up. I don't think death stops love. If it did- I don't think it'd stop you. Time ain't promised, so be happy with what you've got."

Be happy with what you got. A Parker-special, live for the moment, no regrets. Buffy cocked her head, looking at the man beside her. He wasn't in seduction mode. He was serious, faintly irritated, too. He means it. Her smile returned, a little bit crooked, but all for him. She slid her arm through his and they walked into Willy's together, something neither of them had intended to do. "I got you. I'm happy about that."

"Thanks for the pretzels. They were still in a sealed bag. They couldn't be contaminated. Could they?"

"Shouldn't you have asked me that before you ate 'em?" Spike tossed his last empty plastic bag in the dumpster as they left the seedy establishment. "I could take you out to a proper place that serves edible food."

"I'm good for now. But… we could go someplace sometime. If you want."

Spike licked his lips. "Sure." Do we date now? Coffee, patrollin' and severe injuries aside, that is. I don't like this. But I like her. I don't mind goin' places with her. I'd love to spoil her, make her smile, kiss her, take her home, to bed and we- get hurt and confused and it all goes to hell. This is a bloody fine wire to walk.

They returned to his crypt. Electric lights were few upstairs, but they were present, and aided by candles. She cracked open a textbook and pulled out a highlighter. "I think I vaguely remember some of this stuff from high school. Of course, the only biology teacher I ever cared about got beheaded by a giant praying mantis lady, so then I was less interested in taking notes."

"Mmhmm," Spike replied absently.

Buffy watched him move around the room. Ill at ease in his own home. Ill at ease with her. She was supposed to make him feel comfortable. "She cut off his head." Buffy tried to see if he was listening.

"That'll work."

"She seduced virgin students."

"Bad piece of work."

"Spike!"

Like he was waking up, Spike turned to her with a startled expression. "Sorry, Luv, what about your old teacher?"

"You're freaked! It's because we hinted about dates. Like, normal people dates. We don't have to!"

"I want to!" Spike burst out. He sat down in his chair and propped his head in his hands, knees on elbows as he slumped forward, picture of moody concentration. " Bein' bad is much easier than you'd think, y'know? Bloody lot less work. I don't know how to do this, Buffy. I just know I'd like to."

Textbook forgotten, she slid to her knees and looked up at him, making him straighten up. "I don't either."

His hand came to rest in her hair. Her hands found his knees. "We laugh. We joke, We have moments of sharing. It's deep stuff. It's good stuff. I know you said I can't lose it. But if I make mistakes I'm gonna, an' you can laugh if you want, but I don't wanna lose the first friend I've had in ages, and the one thing I'm good at- aside from killing-"

"Not a good thing," Buffy interjected quietly.

"- is being in a lovin' sort of relationship. My head's spun. When I saved you… I could never imagine you seeing anything good in me that'd make you come along with me into this strange version of a 'brave new world' we've got goin' on." he stroked her hair once, gently, but his face as a study in bottled up emotions, with confusion and frustration making frequent appearances.

She tentatively reached up and mirrored the gentle gesture, over his hair, then to his face, smoothing the pain out of it. An inner voice challenged her actions. Don't smooth. Don't comfort. He deserves pain and confusion and misery. He doesn't deserve someone like you. You're- "I was thinking that when you did bad things, you had good reasons. And we're different. But I - I kind of respect the reason behind the things, not the things themselves. You loved Drusilla. You did everything and anything for her. Without a soul, you're right, it's easier to be bad. If you fight off all those instincts to do bad things - I'm actually impressed. Wigged, yet impressed."

"Is that right?" his head turned, caught her fingertips with his lips.

"That's right." Her spine went to gelatin when his lips latched on, tongue trailed over the pad of her fingertips. That mouth is a lethal weapon in all kinds of ways…"

"You'll stick with me if I mess up?"

"On us? Mmhmm. On the innocent populace? Not so much."

"I don't want them. Food is food. Love-"

Her hand jerked away like he'd bitten her. It's okay. It was a slip of the tongue. What a tongue. Can't talk about that slip. Fix it somehow. Buffy rose from her knees and he did as well, him looking panicked, her looking breathless. She launched into him and sealed his lips with her own, hard and fast. She pulled back. "That's right. Food is just food. The other stuff matters. That's why I can trust you. And you wanted to earn those compounding rates of kisses, right?" her tone was light, letting him know nothing was taken the wrong way, that they were in a good, if odd, place. "Biology study now?"

"Absolutely." She trusts me. She didn't get mad. He settled back in the chair and pulled her into his lap as soon as she got the textbook and her pen.

"I'll read, you take notes?"

"Okay, nice." Buffy nodded. "Awesome actually." This is what I wanted.

What?

A normal boyfriend. You cuddle on his lap and you study, he helps you. You make out. You snack. You dance.

How the hell is Spike my definition of normal?

His words from the previous night came back to her. Normal is whatever the hell you make it. She propped the book on one side of him and pulled her knees up to her chest, writing down important stuff.

She leaned down and kissed his hair.

He leaned in and heard her heartbeat.

"This is good, Baby?" he asked, looking up at her with something of his old smug confidence?

"This is good." She kissed his lips and sighed. "Very, very good."

To be continued...

End Note: In Spuffy-related news... The "Spuffy" novel CrossRealms: Shattered by S.C. Principale is free if you have Kindle Unlimited, or pretty cheap if you don't, lol. Happy beach reading (or maybe room-with-locked-door reading, it's super smutty...)