Disclaimer: I own nothing. Simple as that. Understand?
WARNING! This story is getting darker, so readers BEWARE. You have been warned. Prepare what ever lighting equipment you need.
Notes: - - - - - - - - means that it's the same person but different sense of thought.
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(Sachiko's POV)
"Is this something to do with your hatred for boys and men alike? Or is this a bet you made with Kashiwagi-san?"
"That's enough!"
!SMACK!
Too sharp.
It shot through me like a lightning bolt would.
Flames struck out at me, licking me from top to toe, attempting to extinguish the cold I felt within every fibre of my being. Attempting to bring me out, make me feel something else. I could sense the scorching heat radiating off in waves, almost see the bright red flames surrounding me… trying to swallow me whole. But I couldn't feel the heat roaring through my nerves. The tears of the sun bled, just right there, before my eyes and all I could do was to just merely exist. Or perhaps to just disappear in that instant, disappear before I could cause any more damage.
Burned. It's drying up.
Sand. Wind. Sun.
It wasn't working. The heat wasn't working.
It wouldn't have worked.
The sudden chill like those nights came, overpowered me, and I could do nothing to fend myself against it. I stood there and watched. Watched and burned under the sheer cold. How I wished that I was burning under the sun, instead of this. It's too late.
It's one of those times. Again.
Wake up. Make it better.
- - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -
Freeze. Stop. Isn't moving. Isn't working. Maybe never was anything.
I stared at the hand right next to Yumi, hoping that what I saw was just merely an illusion in my mind. I refused to register that image in my head, refused to acknowledge the tingling sensations that I felt. I flexed my right hand. The hand hovering beside her moved. It moved. It was my hand.
I hit Yumi?
No…
I withdrew my sinned hand from beside her.
I didn't just hit her. I didn't just slap Yumi. I didn't… Why! Why was this hand mine? Foolish hand, stupid hand, You just did something that you never should have done!
This hand isn't mine!
--!Smack!--
Yumi…
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have. My accursed hand…
I just couldn't control myself. Couldn't stop my hand before it made contact with you.
I'm sorry…
She's leaving… Snap out of it now or she's gone.
Yumi!
I reached my hand out to her, wanting to pull her back before she leaves the room. Pull her into my embrace, hold her tight so as to prove my innocence. That I wasn't myself. I wanted to hug her close, drying her eyes with my own clothes. Erase the look of utter anguish from her eyes, tell her I didn't really mean it.
Your sinned hand…
She left.
I was still standing here, trying to reach her with my hand. With my right hand. Halfway.
And everything shattered in that instant.
Was everything lost?
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(Yumi's POV)
I'm freezing.
Why doesn't the rain get stronger? Why does everyone give me a look of sympathy? Why did that guy offer me his umbrella? Why isn't there a better way to feel the chill? Why wasn't the bus air-conditioned? Why can't I feel any colder that I am now!
…Why is the sun still shining its rays on me despite the rain?
Why……?
Just let me be frozen. That way… at least I know I'm still alive. At least I'll know that I can still feel something. That I am still here. Even though all I am is cold, it keeps me awake. Keeps me from sinking in. Keeps me from having false hopes. Hopes that Onee-sama and I…
… will still be suited together…
Rain… It's raining again. Why is there always rain on days like this? Is heaven weeping for me and my foolishness, or are those tears of joy that fall from the skies? Are those people up there mocking me, or thinking that I should be pitied? Maria-sama… are you watching from above me? Or have you decided to turn a blind eye and not bother about me?
I walked on in the rain, never paying attention to where I was going. Letting my feet bring me wherever it wants to; perhaps they know better than me on where to go and what to do. The droplets of rain pattered on my back endlessly, getting heavier and heavier with every step I took… or was it just my heart?
My feet… why are they still moving? I thought they would've stop by now. Ashamed of parading someone like me.
I lift my head up, allowing the rain to run down my cheeks, blending in with the tears that started flowing again.
Rain has the power to cleanse. Let it clean you, washing away all your imperfection in their dance with the wind, leaving you with the calmness of the storm.
Let it replace her… temporarily. Let the rain be Sei's embrace. The cold to her warmth, the pressure of raindrops to the safeness found in her embrace. Let the rain be Sei. Make it warm.
Sei… How I wished you were beside me again, comforting me like that time, assuring me that everything will be fine.
The rain washed away everything I was afraid of. Just for now, while it is still bright, and there's some time before night arrives.
I continued walking. This time, my head was a little clearer; but the ache didn't go away. It persisted as I made my way about, tugging at me, refusing to give me a break. Refusing to let me run away, forcing me to revive the moment time and again.
Yes…… that was what I'm doing now. Running away. Escaping without bothering to move my feet at a faster pace to meet my thoughts – thoughts that I know I shouldn't have but can't help feeling anyway. I wondered what Youko-sama would have thought of me right now. Would she be disgusted that I'm not as strong as she thought I'd be, that I was bringing Onee-sama more pain instead of supporting her? I wasn't as great as she was expecting me to be.
If I were… I would have known the perfect way to persuading her instead of charging right in as I've done… and I wouldn't have provoked her to the point that she slapped me. It's all because of me. Me and my stupid brain. I'm sorry… Sorry for not considering your feelings… for not being sensitive enough when I knew that this issue was one that you hated a lot. I should have been more patient, more understanding, leading you slowly to my point instead of bulldozing my way in.
Onee-sama… I… just don't understand why either.
And this weariness I feel right now with every step I take isn't helping either.
I glanced at my watch. Was it only 3 o'clock? It's been only an hour… My hand rummaged in the pocket of my dress, searching for the keys to the apartment. It was then that I realized that I was standing right outside my house, not the rented one I was living in with Yuuki currently, but the one my family and I shared when my parents were still in Japan. I wondered whether I should go in and dry myself up, or just go back to the rented room. Then again, half of me wanted to ask my feet why they brought me here.
The other half just wanted to continue walking in the rain, until I was satisfied with the answers to my own questions.
But before I could do either, whatever that's still functioning in me took over and opened the door. Deciding quite firmly for me to go in and dry up before heading back. Some parts of my brain kept repeating that it wouldn't do for me to arrive drenched in front of Yuuki, as I vaguely felt my sense of self slipping away the longer I stood there. Yuuki would probably throw a fit about the floor or pester me about what happened, something which I'm unable to handle in this current state. And I couldn't afford to let him know about it either.
Find a towel, some clothes and an umbrella. All these can still be found in your room.
I combed the apartment methodically, digging in the wardrobe for anything I could wear, relying on my past reflexes to find the stuff. It's lucky that I didn't decide to bring every article of clothing I owned to my current residence, or I would be hard-pressed to find a way to dry myself before going back.
Now, gather everything you've found and go take a bath.
Yea… take a bath…
I stepped into the bathroom and took off my clothes, turning on the shower and letting the water hit my languid body. Good thing that the supply's still on. It was as if mum and dad thought that me or Yuuki would come back once in a while when they're still on a three-month business trip. And take a shower nonetheless.
I giggled at that thought.
Yumi, focus on your bathing, and don't even try to think of anything else.
How hilarious.
I turned off the shower once I finished washing off the foam on my body, and paused. What am I supposed to do now?
Yumi, you're supposed to go put on some clothes.
That's right… time to put on some dry clothes. It's the purpose of me being in here, isn't it? Or was it something else?
Just prepare yourself to go home, it's getting late. You wouldn't want Yuuki getting worried about you.
Who cares about Yuuki? He's probably still in school.
Yumi, snap out of it. You're losing yourself. Go home, sleep and think about it another day. Too much happened for you today.
That's right… I'm getting tired. It's time to go catch some sleep. This serves me right for staying up late at night to finish up my homework. I knew I should have done them during break time or in the evening. Nevermind… it's Saturday tomorrow, I'm sure that I could catch up my workload during the weekend.
I plopped down the bed, not even a little concerned that this wasn't where I was supposed to sleep. Or that I'm not back home with Yuuki. Everything will just have to be left till tomorrow. I can't keep myself awake anymore…
Sachiko… I really…
Sleep well… my dear. And sweet dreams.
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A/N: Well… Some of you may be a little confused about this chapter. But basically it is featuring Sachiko's innermost thoughts on her action and Yumi's well… mental state? Along that line… yea. Different styles represent different thoughts. Email me if you still don't understand. Can't really explain it well either. And yea… this story IS Drama AND Angst. So… you can expect it to be.
As usual, constructive criticism are welcomed and of course… Reviews! I eat reviews like the cookie monster eats cookies:D
Lols… Does anyone wants celery sticks? Hehhehs... Healthy lifestyle :)
Now I'm going back to mope at Microsoft Word again. – cracks head for next chapter -
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