Chapter 6, in which we learn the identity of our Santa hater, Kankuro's pants become aflame, and ripoffs swarm around every corner. Think you can handle it?

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"Where next?" Kankuro asked angrily, still mad at his brother and sister for the last stop.

"Hatake Kakashi's house."

So they flew over to Kakashi's swinging flat (Kakashi's a swinger dontcha know) and landed on the roof. Kankuro grabbed the stuff and jumped down the chimney. He was about halfway down when he noticed a distinct smoky smell and looked down.

"Jesus!"

Kankuro slid to a stop inches above the fire, and quickly shuffled his way back up.

"Guys hold on there's a..."

Kankuro was silenced by both of his siblings landing on top of him, and forcing him into the flame below.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Kankuro burst out of the fireplace, his pants alight. Temari and Gaara rolled out of the fireplace, sacrificing their shoes to the fire.

"PUT THEM OUT! PUT THEM OUT!" Kankuro screeched. Temari tried to use her fan to blow the fire out, but just made it bigger.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!"

Gaara stepped in and smothered the blaze with his sand. When it retracted, Kankuro sat there looking furious.

"When I say hold on, YOU WAIT!" he roared. Kankuro ruffled through the sack to find a new pair of pants.

"Sorry." Temari apologized. Gaara didn't show it, but he was laughing at his brother's incompetence inside.

"Let's just find the stupid tree." Kankuro growled, adjusting his new Levi's. They walked into the kitchen to find someone had strewn glass ornaments over the floor. There was also a sign pointing to the staircase across the room that said "tree this way"

"You've gotta be kidding." Temari moaned, looking at her and Gaara's bare feet. Kankuro laughed in confidence.

"At least my shoes are alright!" he snickered.

"Okay then chuckles, carry us." Gaara commanded. And there's no arguing with Gaara.

Minutes later, Kankuro panted heavily at the foot of the staircase.

"Dammit Gaara, that sand has to weigh a ton!"

"Not to me. Let's keep going." Gaara spat, and began climbing the staircase, followed by Temari. Gaara heard an odd swishing noise, and was very surprised when the paint can hit him in the face.

"Gaara!" Temari cried, but was then subsequently hit by another paint can.

Kankuro raised an eyebrow at the two, who were sprawled out with big red marks on their faces.

"He will die." Gaara menaced, and charged to the top of the staircase, only to find a door there. He grabbed the handle, and was immediately greeted by a vicious burning sensation. He ran back down the stairs, jumped right over the kitchen floor, and crashed out a window.

"Holy moly!" Kankuro exclaimed. He walked over to the window to see that Gaara was burying his burnt hand in the snow.

"I reiterate. He will die." Gaara snarled. "The door at the top of the stairs is booby trapped. There has to be another way in."

The three sat outside for a minute, formulating a plan.

"Okay, I'll take the west side, Temari, you take the east side, and Gaara, go in through the garage." Kankuro instructed. They nodded, and set off after their respective sides.

Gaara's adventure

Gaara tromped through the snow, furious at this Hatake Kakashi fellow for embarrassing him so. He would pay. Gaara pulled open the garage door, and was greeted by a air rifle shot to the crotch. Gaara's eye began twitching furiously as he shuffled into the garage.

"HE. WILL. DIE." Gaara shouted angrily to no one in particular. He then went inside the house, and found another staircase, this time successfully dodging the paint can trap.

Kankuro's adventure

Kankuro had climbed a tree, and was using it to reach one of Kakashi's windows. The branch he was standing on was a little too far away to reach normally, so he had to jump. Kankuro leapt into the air, grabbed the side of the window, and slipped on the grease Kakashi had painstakingly laid there. He smashed into the side of the house, fell 10 feet, and landed in the prickers.

"...ow..."

Temari's adventure

Temari had used her ninja skills to climb up the side of the house to one of the windows. She smirked when she found it was open. Temari foolishly put her feet down without looking, and was greeted by squelching. She looked down to see her feet in two separate Mega Blok buckets filled with some kind of adhesive.

"Crap."

Eventually the three met up on the top floor, Gaara still shuffling, Kankuro full of thorns, and Temari with her feet in wheeled buckets.

"This man is going down." Gaara menaced.

"Yeah. Who does he think he is, Rube Goldberg?"

Kankuro and Gaara looked at Temari curiously.

"What? I haven't really said much this chapter."

"Whatever." Gaara sighed. They burst into Kakashi's room, and attacked the first gray haired thing they saw.

Which happened to be Kakashi's dog.

"Shit!" Kankuro cursed, "We just killed his dog!"

Gaara grabbed the note taped to the dead dog's chest.

"Better luck next year claus!" he read. Gaara looked pissed, then ripped the note to shreds. "We're leaving."

So they walked down the staircase and up the chimney. That's what would have happened, if Temari hadn't had Mega Blok buckets glued to her feet. She fell down the stairs, knocking over her brothers, and sending them all sprawling amongst the glass bits. Suffice to say, they were all pretty happy to leave the Hatake house.

"That was stupid." Temari moaned as Gaara pulled the buckets off her feet.

"Yeah, what was that guys deal?" Kankuro wondered.

"SURPRISE CLAU...wait, where's Santa?"

The three of them nearly jumped out of their skin when Kakashi emerged from the back of the sleigh with a machete.

"WHAT THE HELL MAN?" Kankuro yelled. "Don't do that!"

"Sorry, I'm just looking for Santa."

"What do you have against that jolly old fat man?" Temari asked. Kakashi sighed and began his sad story.

"It was 21 Christmases ago. I was up getting a drink of water, when I looked into the living room and there he was. Santa. Being a little kid, I couldn't help but go see him. But he didn't want to see me. Santa turned around abruptly, and slashed me across the face with the object in his hand, a unfortunately sharp bottle of tough actin Tinactin for my father. Ever since then I've been forced to wear this mask on my face, reminded every day of the pain Santa caused upon my being."

Temari and Kankuro each wiped away a tear, but Gaara felt no such sentiments.

"Your sob story doesn't change the fact you hit me with a paint can, burned my hand, and shot me in the crotch. Sayanora Kakashi."

Gaara then shoved Kakashi right off the sleigh, and leaned over and spat.

"Merry Christmas you son of a bitch."

"Well, it least it can't get any worse..." Kankuro said hopefully.

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Most of this chappie was based on the Home Alone movies. Poor sand siblings...

You guys will find out in the epilogue if Kakashi is dead or not.

Tune in for the next chapter, for when things get worse.

P.S. I've been updating a lot lately because I want to get as much done before school starts. Heck, I might even finish this before school starts.

P.P.S. Rube Goldberg was a cartoonist in the 1940's and 50's that often made drawings of complex machines that did simple things. Most of the Home Alone traps were based on Rube Goldberg style mechanisms. And now you know!

P.P.P.S. No dogs were harmed in the making of this chapter. It was a stunt dog!