My New Lifestyle

Disclaimer: Only Makalyn and Mariah are my characters, the rest are Disney's.

"G'night," I yawned to my cousin. No reply, just a yawn. I hung up the phone and had a mental goodnight.

My cousin, Mariah, is 24 making me 21. I'm single and have no roommate. My friends are…my cats. My life…very boring!

I fell asleep slowly and woke up…queasy. My eyes slowly opened. I heard voices from outside the rocking room.

"I know her! You won't want to touch her until she's awake!" said a familiar voice.

"Alright, fine. No need to shout, luv."

It sure did take me a while before I figured out I was naked. I stormed outside wearing the bed-covers.

"Who in the world had the nerve to undress me?" I shouted.

Mariah jumped in front of me. "Get inside. I undressed you but I didn't want to dress you 'cause you might not like what I dressed you in." she took a deep breath. "Do you want to dress like me?"

"Ye- well, n- hmmm . . .," God! I had to pick something! "Yes!" I said without giving it much thought.

She gave me a pile of dirty clothes.

"It must be attractive and all, looking like a hobo," I stated.

She just huffed.

It took me a while but I finally managed to look like a hobo.

"Is it too late to dress nice?" I asked.

"Afraid so."

"Fine. Can I talk to you?"

"What?"

"Firstly: Where are we? Secondly: whose hobo clothes am I wearing? Lastly: How did we get here and how do we get back?"

She sat there for a moment. "Hmm. Well, Firstly: I don't know anything except that we're on the Black Pearl captained by Jack Sparrow in the Caribbean." That was a lot! I thought. "Secondly: You're wearing Jack's hobo clothes. Lastly: I don't know. Isn't this great?"

"Great? No. Weird and creepy? YES."

"But now you might actually get some action in you pathetic, boring life."

I stared at her a long time. My mouth open and my eyes wide.

She quickly stated, "You're always complaining about your life! You always say-"

We were interrupted by an amazingly filthy man. He was an attractive, tall, dirty, gold toothed, dread locked, hair beaded man.

"Well, trying to be just like yer dear old Captain by wearing his clothes, are we?" he asked.

I started to talk but he cut in.

He shook my hand really hard while saying proudly, "I'm CAPTIAN Jack Sparrow. You dress like a pirate, you work like one."

I think I heard him whisper, "I wish women would dress like women," under his breath.

I finally realized it! "Wait, 'pirates'? What year is this?"

He looked at me strange. "1704. Why?...How long were you asleep?"

"I think I'm still asleep," I stated.

I was staring off into space for some time. Jack stared at me long and hard. We all stood there like that for about 15 minutes. A LONG TIME!

Mariah was the first to speak. "Well, as fun as this is I'd better get back to work."

"Can you steer a ship?" Sparrow asked.

"Well, I can steer a car and a four wheeler, but no not a ship." Then I realized those things aren't technically real…yet. "Never mind. No."

He looked at me strange again but I didn't blame him. Finally he said, "Well I'll teach you if you tell me your name." He grinned.

I heard something in his voice but I couldn't figure it out. "Makalyn Knighte." I replied.

He went up to the helm and motioned for me to follow. "Knighte? Ye English?" he asked.

"Well, I'm American. So yeah…I guess," I slowly replied. He didn't introduce himself "warmly" but when he grabbed my hand and put it on the wheel, that's what he was. "Warm."

"Ever ride a horse?" he asked.

I thought back. "Once or twice."

He grinned again. "Well, steering a ship is just like riding a horse. She has a mind of her own. Be good to her and she'll be good to ye too. So don't push her too hard. Savvy?"

"Pardon?"

He paused. "Understand?"

"Yes." I just looked at the wheel.

"Well?" Anyone could tell he was getting a little ticked.

I almost stuttered, "I wasn't steering it, and it was a boy horse."

He huffed a HUGE sigh and put my other hand on the wheel. I was steering but I wasn't alone. His hands were on mine, and he was right up close behind me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Mariah looking at us so I blushed hard.

"I think I get it, Sparrow!" I saw Mariah giggle to herself. He removed his hands but then he put his arms around my waist and got closer. Every time he got closer I blushed harder until I couldn't take it anymore. I spun around which was a bad idea. The wheel spun and the boat tipped and guess who I landed on.

"You, rascal, you!" He was so close our noses touched. I immediately got up. Mariah almost fell over laughing! I steered the ship straight and didn't even bother to glimpse at Sparrow.

Mariah approached me while looking at Sparrow get up. The she looked at me.

"Just to make sure this isn't a dream, slap me," I shakily said. "And hard!"

"Okay…" She closed her eyes and slapped me.

"OWW! GOD! That hurt like Hell! Excuse my language."

"Catfight!" I heard one of the crewmembers say.

I shouted, "I told her to!"

Mariah's eyes were still wide. She sounded sincere, "So, so, so, so, so, so sorry!"

I felt bad for her! "Don't be sorry! I told you to hit me."

"But maybe I didn't have to hit THAT hart."

We kept on like that for quite a while. We didn't' notice that Jack had popped up next to us. When he put his hand on my should, I let out a terrible shriek.

"It's just me, luv." He, again shot a strange look. "What's going on here?" he asked.

My hand was to my cheek. "She hit me -" he shot Mariah a surprised/angry look. She was frozen there; her eyes were switching from me to Sparrow. But before he could give her a punishment I finished.

"I told her to!" then he gave me the surprised look.

"Why?" his deep chocolate eyes were tainted with confusement.

I felt silly. "I thought I was dreaming."

He smiled bearing his dirty gold teeth. "Dreaming about yer dear Jack?" I blushed.

"I should've known! If I was dreaming I wouldn't know you!" I didn't feel like talking about this anymore. "Is there anything to eat on this boat?" he looked annoyed.

"Ship! Ship! It's a ship!" Mariah giggled to herself again.

"I did the same thing earlier!" she laughed.

Jack started walking down the stairs then stopped. "Mariah, can ye cook?"

She hesitated. "Not really."

He continued walking away. "Great! You'll be preparing dinner."

I tried not to laugh but that made it worse. I exploded with laughter. Mariah shot me an angry look and slapped me again.

Jack and I were just staring at our food. It was brownish green and lumpy. Every second I looked at it I felt sicker.

"What's this called again, and did you test it?" I asked looking away.

"Yes and where is the rum?" Jack asked looking around frantically.

Mariah was getting really sick of answering that for the past 15 minutes. "JACK! You're holding the rum!" he drank the rest of the rum and pulled out another bottle out from under the table. "I call the food 'Food I Found'."

Mariah left to make herself a "Food She Found" sandwich. Jack finished the huge bottle of rum and he was drunk. Part of that was because the bottle he drank before that was bigger than that bottle. He was staring at me and smiling. It was creepy.

"How about an after dinner dance?" his expression kept on changing.

It was a little tempting. He wasn't that bad looking. I thought long and hard. It came to me; if the food was good I would dance. But if it was bad, I wouldn't dance.

Every second it came closer I felt more like puking. I closed my eyes and ate it. It was good. No, it was great.

I hesitated. "Sure." We got up and he led me over to his dresser. There was a gun on it.

"For you, luv." He pulled out a dark blue dress and handed it to me. Then we both turned away. I started to get undressed, and then I stopped dead in my tracks. I spun around to make sure jack wasn't watching me. Could you blame me for not trusting him? He was busy taking off his vest so I turned around again.

Jack turned around and I felt him tighten the corset that I found in the dress. I kept on huffing. Then he pulled up the dress. I put my arms through the sleeves then turned around and got into position.

We spent about 3 minutes slowly dancing to Jack's drunken hum until the doors flew open.

"More rum, any- . . ." Mariah stared at me in my beautiful but unbreathable dress. Then she switched to Jack without his vest or triangular hat. His pants were over his boots instead of the other way around.

A giant smile swept across her face. "So, you couldn't resist 'Captain Jack Sparrow' could ya?" she started cracking up.

Sparrow put his around my waist and smiled. "Would you like to spend the night in my quarters, Mariah?"

Mariah was squished up against the wall, Jack was between us and I was on the edge. I fell off a few times and didn't really get any sleep.

Two or three times near midnight Jack would put his arm around my waist and hug me. Sometimes he would say some girl's name and hug me tighter.

We couldn't get any closer so I thought that was it but I was wrong. Once, at about 11:40 I felt him try to move his hand up toward my chest. I slapped his hand for two reasons. 1: I hadn't discussed this with myself yet. 2: Mariah was right on the other side of Jack!

This was definitely not a dream!