Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Notes: -- phrase – equals memories
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(Yumi's POV)
"No! Yumi, wait!"
I halted in my tracks.
You weren't supposed to follow. You were supposed to stay there… stay there and accept what I've said to you. You should be totally indifferent to what I've said, or maybe even giving me a slap for wasting your time and effort for so long.
… Everything but come running after me.
"Sachiko-sama… why… why did you come after me?"
What did this mean? Did she not want the bond dissolved? Or was she simply just…?
Was there…… a second chance that she's willing to give me?
"I just wanted to say…"
-
Her smile… her warm gaze…it was nothing like what I've ever seen her wear.
"It's just that I… don't have any self-confidence. I thought that you got tired of the date and left already…"
"I'll never leave you like this, Yumi. Don't be silly."
She wiped away the tears that were threatening to fall.
-
She pulled me in, closing the distance between us.
I braced myself for a hug from her; just like what she had done so many times before…
You would patch things up, wouldn't you? Perhaps all this was uncalled for? There is a better way out than this right? Even if I was the one… you would understand right?
You should pull away. Where did all your little nobility go to? Where was the determination to let her go? Where's the selflessness that you must have to do what's best? Where did all these go?
She broke down every inch of it. No… she reduced every single part of the wall that I threw up against her into dust without even trying.
The hug never came.
Instead, I felt her face approaching mine… closer and closer…
Blue… so blue… her eyes… just for a moment I…
Something soft and moist pressed onto my lips.
We breathed the same air.
Her lips were of the sea - smooth and gentle like the waves, and tasted a little salty too. She caressed the lonely boat that was me, rocking me slowly and never letting me sink… It felt like heaven itself.
It feels good.
I closed my eyes as I slowly accepted this kiss.
It feels right. I belonged here within her arms…
…but what is this nagging feeling that I missed out something?
She enclosed me tighter in her embrace, as if assuring me that nothing was wrong, that it was nothing that I needed to worry about.
She sensed it?
-
"You are not to be blamed for it, Yumi… I'm the one at fault."
I was selfish when you needed me most.
"Onee-sama…"
"Will you forgive me?"
No… I should be the one asking for forgiveness. Not you. But…
-
She pulled away slightly.
Don't go.
I want more… more of this sense of peace that I feel now.
Shamelessly, I pressed closer and wrapped my arms around her, preventing her from leaving this all too soon.
More than this little contact of lips.
-
The trees swayed gently along with the wind and leaves rustled pleasantly together in a joyful melody. The sky was pure and beautiful - complete with white clouds that were parading their blue paradise. The afternoon sun bestowed upon the flowers a radiant glow; one which tried to distract me from her.
It wouldn't have worked.
She was poised among the brightly coloured flowers, sniffing at a particular one that she fancied. Seeing her amongst them had never failed to make me wonder.
Is she really not a princess from some fairytale?
I walked towards her, unable to resist her loveliness any longer.
"Sachiko… you like daffodils, don't you?"
"Yes, I love them… they're all so pretty."
"Just like you."
I gave her a little peck on the lips.
-
If only this was not a dream.
-
-- What do you desire most? --
Maybe I wanted a promise… a promise that far exceeds what she already gave me. A different kind of promise…
You shouldn't be doing this. She's your Onee-sama after all. Both you and her are girls, how can you do such a thing like this? This is forbidden. You are in a school for goodness sake!
Shut up. There's nothing wrong with it.
How can nothing be wrong when it is all wrong!
Whatever.
I felt her tongue licking at my lips, and her hands were tugging my head closer to her.
You haven't answered my question yet…
The next moment, she murmured something so soft that I could barely hear her.
"… I hate you. That's why."
I froze.
Her voice echoed in my ears.
She leaned more into the kiss, forcing my lips to part open for her. Her gentle touch turned rough; nails started digging into my flesh as she clawed at my back and arms; her embrace tightened even more - I couldn't breathe…
She… why?
Suddenly, it didn't feel like heaven anymore. Not anymore.
The once peaceful waves turned into turbulent surges of anger. I was surrounded by the harsh waves that plunged towards me. It no longer seemed soothing… The waters weren't safe anymore.
You see, it's all wrong! It's a sham, just a sham to get under your skin! Now would you believe me?
I pushed her away from me, releasing myself from her hard grip.
!SMACK!
"Sachiko-sama! What are you doing?"
-- People change. Always. --
It just depends how… and when…
She just stood there.
She didn't bother to move from her position; her head still tilted in the direction where I slapped her.
Her cheek was tinted red. But her eyes… they betrayed nothing of what she felt – but it wasn't exactly empty either. Her face was a perfect mask, one that I didn't learn to decipher even after so long…
Even so… I can't…
Slowly, she turned to look at me straight in the eyes.
She looked…… defeated?
"Don't you get it? I hate you. I was just showing you how much I did."
What other confirmation than this do you need more? When she starts ripping your uniform?
-- What do you desire most? What have you been searching for? --
She tore down the barriers I've put up against her.
-- People change. --
She… her… me…
Something clicked.
-
For every action… there is always a reason. Sometimes, when we don't know the reason, we tend to assume. It is because of this assumption that we make mistakes; that, and because of the selfish nature of humans. When we are hurt, we tend to think more of ourselves and how the other can make this hurt feel better. It will never be about this other person. No matter how many times this can happen, we will always miss out the fact that the other person is hurt deeply too.
In a quarrel, both sides suffer the same wounds. This is why they say there's only a fine line separating hate and love. When we love, both parties can feel the warmth… the happiness and peace that exists only between them – something which they can never feel as one person. This is an emotion that needs to be shared equally, fairly… just so that it will work. Hate works the same way too. Hate exists only between two people, and it has to be mutual in order for hate to work. Hatred too needs to be shared fairly in order for it to blossom. Love needs work to continue; love is built upon time and patience, and maintained through communications and respect. However, the best kinds of love are those that sparkle in the night like stars and require no words to understand. Hate in turn, requires effort and energy to maintain; hatred is formed mainly through ignorance or purely loathing for an extremely long time. Hatred maintains itself when there's enough sparks flying between two people; the worst kinds of hate stems from bitterness – something so dark and deep that it swallows whatever the night sky shows.
But in the end… love… hate… all of it can be conformed to another under the right conditions.
And just sometimes… to protect someone you love…
…the best way is to learn how to hate…
-
So be it. I'm not going to care if you insist on digging your own grave.
"Do you hate me this much?"
"You really don't get it, do you? Listen carefully, Fukuzawa Yumi. I detest you. I hate you to the core of my being. Now get away from me before I get sick of looking at you."
"So you hated me this much…"
I finally saw you. I found the person that I ought to identify a long time ago. I may be wrong… but as long as there's a chance…
"Did I just hear you say you aren't going to leave? Fine then, I will. From now on, we will have nothing to do with each other. You are a free person now. Gokigenyou."
Your words rolled past my ears. None of it went into my head.
Don't you understand… this won't work anymore.
She whirled around, her skirt fluttering after her as she made to leave.
"Stop."
You're just hurting yourself.
She hesitated for a moment. It was all the time I needed.
I reached over and grabbed her hand, preventing her from running away alone again.
"Don't."
"Let me go."
Never.
"No."
She tried to tug her hand out of my grasp.
"I said let me go."
"No."
Even the strongest can be reduced to nothing when they're alone…
I refused to budge.
"Let me GO!"
She tried again, this time a little more desperately.
"No."
I gave her hand a jerk, dragging her unwilling body towards me. My free hand looped on her waist in one fluid motion, keeping her trapped.
It's useless now… this façade of yours.
"Get awa- "
I pressed a finger to her lips.
"Sachiko-sama, I… I'm sorry."
"What no-"
"Shh… please let me finish what I want to say…"
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Post chapter note:
The first flashback – scene of Yumi and Sachiko's date in the anime
Second flashback – scene of Yumi and Sachiko in episode 13 of the Haru(spring) series.
A/N: Ok… I spent many hours cracking my head on how to continue this story. Somehow… it just ended up like this. T.T I'm afraid that some parts may not be that clear to some, and I'll gladly address any questions posed to me in reviews or personal emails. Hmm… Argh… nevermind… -massive headache- must be the heat. I'm probably going to rewrite this chapter or something when I'm in a clearer mental state of mind. Uh… tell me what you think of this chapter?
Oh yea… before I forget –takes out a packet of aspirin- anyone wants? Lols.. guess not. Nah, that's for me. –hands green tea to everyone-
P.S- That green tea was snatched from a certain crimson-eyed beauty. Chocolates for those who guessed correctly!
P.S.S- Ok… now I'm blabbling.